Popsicle Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 (edited) Men who place having an emotional connection in high regard are the ones who will want what you want. If they show no signs of wanting an emotional connection, avoid them. Edited December 8, 2015 by Popsicle 3
Mrin Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Nah.... We also actually like a nice sandwich, a back rub after a hard days work and not being bothered on a Sunday during football season... We're not all that difficult....:laugh: TFY Mmmmm sandwich. And cold beer. Don't forget the cold beer!
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I second this. You are the creator of your chaos I'm afraid. If you want more, demand more. It's not rocket science. I second this. If you want more than don't settle for less. If they're hinting for something physical too soon, say exactly what you want, if they try and manipulate with sweet talk, than cross the street before crazy has enough time to work out where you are. 2
smackie9 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Of course guys want sex...that's the very reason they pursue us duh. Guys need sex to feel connection. I get women need a connection first emotionally, but if things don't progress, that's when you dump them and find someone else, wash rinse repeat. Sorry but you shouldn't look at sex as a commodity....that it's currency for a committed relationship. IMO you shouldn't invest emotionally until you get to know them anyways.....not shoot first and ask questions later. 3
smackie9 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Mmmmm sandwich. And cold beer. Don't forget the cold beer! Steak and bj lol 3
Art_Critic Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 not shoot first and ask questions later. yeah.. that is the guys job 1
Art_Critic Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 All guys do want sex... so do the women.. the thing that separates the two is just communication of wants/needs and desires. Time to communicate yours 1
RecentChange Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Repeatedly my problem is not being able to find a guy that just wants some sex and nothing more... 2
Zippy2000 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Sorry to hear about your situation not not all of is men are like that. Perhaps your not vetting them well enough to find out what their motives are. You need to stand back from men and give them time to figure out what they want. Some will be your friend, some will be have sex and some will want to be your boyfriend. It takes time to filter these men out. A lot of girls i know just jump onto the deep emd and get themselves hurt. Just take hour time with a man you like. Let him chase after you and work for you. You all tend to find men who you reject early on will leave you alone ifnthey can get what they want and the majority do want sex. The ones who pursue you for weeks or months still have to treat you right consistently. Hope this helps and good luck 1
winny Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Not all guys are like that but if they get it easy then they won't put any efforts.
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Not all guys want sex. But guys who are attracted to you will. If they want it immediately say " No thank you" . It's not that hard really. 2
phineas Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I prefer sex asap so I can figure out if she is any good. I meet so many women in their late 30's & early 40's that are just damn awful in bed. I cannot & will not get serious with a woman that isn't amazing in bed. That said I do want someone I can date seriously. Sadly i'm not meeting the right type of girl. 1
mrldii Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I've never known a man who only wants sex, though I have known quite a few who will only want sex, if that's the only thing the woman brings to the equation. 3
Riptide91 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 At first when I read this I felt a little angry for the simple fact that dudes always get a bad rap when it comes to scorned women. I think the general consensus that maybe it's the guys you're picking or the vibe you're putting out is probably the actual reason, not that EVERY guy on the planet is a sex crazed maniac who doesn't value women. I can tell you that I'm sure there are some guys who ONLY want sex, but it would be my opinion that most of us like sex AND more. I didn't get a chance to see how old you are or the age bracket you date in, but I can say that as a mid 20's male, sex is a big component to a relationship and dating but I've never only looked for that. I enjoy the company of a pretty lady whether it's sexual or not. Maybe take a step back and evaluate the guys you choose, I bet they all have a common denominator.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 This is where you can find high value with a friends with benefits part, because the friendship is valued first, and the benefits are known from the start, However, it takes two to tango, as the famous saying goes, Be prepared to also suggest outings, don't just go with what he knows!
Brady_to_Moss Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I am a guy...and yes sex is important..but i am looking long term here...i want the run to the stores..going to sports games..ect So no not all
shet Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Men are generally results oriented. I'm not sure if it's nature or nurture. Women are about the process, the journey. They're easier going. Men focus on results. Contrary to opinion, most men aren't just about sex. There are a segment who are, generally younger, generally more assholish. But most men want similar things to women - they want someone to love. Not many men, even younger ones, will deny that. It's a basic human need. When men are in a sexual relationship, or indeed just in bed with someone, it feels pretty great. Fulfilling. They feel loved and in love. It feels like success at their goal. They don't take the philosophical, longer views like "what are we" and "where is this going". They kiss, and ****, and spoon and sleep with someone, they feel that warmth inside, and that's a result. When they remember past relationships, they remember those moments. Getting sex works to win relationships, as far as they're concerned. Conversely, when they attempt a new relationship, if she doesn't sleep with them, it feels like failure. It isn't going according to the outline they've developed before - have sex, fall in love. Sorry to apparently break it to you but there are a lot of women out there, particularly while they are themselves younger, who reinforce this in mens' minds. For what it's worth my extended social and my personal experience supports relatively early sex leading to relationships, even when older. Being hot for each other is a good thing. I have yet to meet anyone who created a solid relationship by arbitrarily waiting to have sex. Most men fear failure more than anything else. They'll avoid feeling like it. They won't spend very long having their mates ask "have you shagged her yet", saying no, and having them roll their eyes. And I'm not naive enough not to know that women say and do the same things to each other. They're just as ready to give up a nascent relationship because he doesn't behave sexual soon enough, if you actually fancy him. So frankly, my advice is to cut the bull**** and accept that any problems you have are down not to men, but to your ability to pick them. You've already mentioned football player exes. Sorry again but we can already smell your problem just from that single tidbit, every single poster here. Get a clue, or get used to pumping and dumping. 2
Saracena Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Not all guys want sex. But guys who are attracted to you will. If they want it immediately say " No thank you" . It's not that hard really. Exactly. Women are the 'quality controllers' where relationships are concerned. Basically you choose the type you want.
Wewon Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I've never known a man who only wants sex, though I have known quite a few who will only want sex, if that's the only thing the woman brings to the equation. I was going to say something similar but wasn't sure how to craft it. OP, if something in our life, particularly our relationships appear to be on a repeated loop (i.e. Groundhog Day), it usually means that we're getting some kind of "bonus" out of it. That bonus might not be apparent, but some benefit none the less, maybe its validation, they prove some point, we avoid a connection, we don't have to look at ourselves too closely, it can depend. My guess is that you've met guys that wanted more than to have their judgment clouded in a sex induced haze and something about them was unappealing. One thing about guys in sex-only relationship is they are usually not going to scrutinize or question much about you so long as the sex keeps coming. Hence, you get to be in a relationship with someone that never really sees the warts or questionable parts of your personality/values/ lifestyle. 1
Calypso Girl Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 Most men fear failure more than anything else. They'll avoid feeling like it. They won't spend very long having their mates ask "have you shagged her yet", saying no, and having them roll their eyes. And I'm not naive enough not to know that women say and do the same things to each other. They're just as ready to give up a nascent relationship because he doesn't behave sexual soon enough, if you actually fancy him. Interesting shet and some of my male friends would agree with you. Out of interest, how do the men in question feel about the women who are holding back then? I have to say though, as someone who prefers to wait, I wouldn't give up a relationship just because he wasn't behaving sexual enough in the beginning. I'd just put this down to respect. At least that's been my experience. 1
Robratory Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 So seriously no guy wants more than sex? I mean I get the initial attraction and the desire but seriously, are there not guys out there that are looking for something deeper, greater, something almost spiritual with a woman. Don't get me wrong, I think amazing sex is a cornerstone of any romantic relationship, but do guys not feel the same? Don't they long for more too? I can relate to just wanting to go to her place or my place, order in, and just hang out and have sex. I'm just a homebody, and sure, I go places with dates, but I'm probably 65/35 for staying home, not 50/50. I think lots of men and women are like that. But that's different from wanting just physical sex. And I think most guys really do want something deeper, but either they're afraid or they just don't know how. Never having dated men, I don't know this, but I've read that American men in particular tend to be very emotionally closed. And I guess our culture is very "macho," even if it's not quite like Latin American "machismo." Consider not having sex right away. I don't mean to wait months, but work up to it. Maybe by the fourth or fifth real date. Smooch and pet and get to second base, but send him home like that and finish the inning next time And meanwhile, push the conversation toward deeper, greater, more spiritual. In other words, get the emotional investment going before sex. If you do that, the guys who do just want sex will bow out. You might find yourself having to go through more first and second dates, but you'll increase your chances of finding a guy who shares your ideas about the place of sex in a relationship.
ravfour4 Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 I and most my male friends are past the "it's all about sex" stage. Are you younger? Are you only dating dirtball players because you think they're more attractive? Are you super easy and therefore all the guy thinks you want is sex and can't see you as a gf/wife? You do realize you can control how much sex you're having right? Make him work harder for it.
RedRobin Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 (edited) I really don't like this trend where it is always up to the woman to set the pace for sex. If the guy has his head on straight, and is looking for a relationship, then he's not wanting to jump in bed with a stranger either... is my observation. It shouldn't be up to the woman all the time to do that tap dance. It's the man's responsibility too. How I bin them... is guy pushes for sex without getting to know me, he's instantly out. He's not getting to know me or interested in developing real intimacy... probably has some boundary issues and is impulsive. I wouldn't date him for the same reason I don't date people who drink too much, drive too fast, or generally can't manage their own affairs in a responsible setting. But... if all you want is something casual... then yea, have a ONS, or two or three with THAT guy... just don't waste your time investing in anything more with that guy. Age has nothing to do with it. Lots of guys have no problems lying about what they are looking for and going through the motions for a little while. I have my own methods for weeding them out (in addition to the above) that work splendidly... Those methods don't involve being the party of "NO" all the time. It means watching THEM for inconsistencies... which are abundant with guys who aren't relationship oriented (in general). FTR, every single guy I have gone on a date with since my fiancée died claimed to want and be looking for a relationship. My sense is that at least half of them were lying. Either to me, or themselves, or both. So no, not all guys are looking for just sex. About half will say whatever they think you want to hear to try and lock you into a half-*ssed relationship though. Don't let it get to you and don't take it personally. Just do your best to weed them out as early as possible. Also, find other responsible men in your family and social networks who treat women with respect... if you are feeling down. There are lots of good men out there. Edited December 11, 2015 by RedRobin
No Limit Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 That's why I don't date guys my age. But my generation turned out rather badly in general I guess. But yes, there are intellectual men out there - and MY GOD these men get me drooling in conversation alone. Wouldn't mind having lots of sex with him either.
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