adiamond Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 He has a new girlfriend, moving to a different city, he's totally wrong for me, hurt me a lot, and there was a lot in the relationship I wasn't happy with. Felt like he thought he was better than me, felt like he had the wandering eye, and not generous. I'm mostly OK. Dated few guys but no one that I feel like we'd have a future together with not really that excited about those guys. Keeping busy with school. I think about him a lot still. Sometimes I get painful hits where I feel lonely and want him to there for me to cuddle and then I get mad at myself. Not sure if I'm being too hard on myself and should just let time do it's healing.
xuanqi1988 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I know exactly how you feel. They used to be there for us when we felt weak and were like our shelters. But now we hate ourselves for feeling weak because we have no one else to depend on but ourselves, and they belittle us for being weak. The truth is these guys are not good for us, and we are in love with the idea/potential of them rather than the real people. Part of us feels as though we could change them and make them generous, kind and loving. The truth is they will never change. Not only does our brain need to realize that, our heart should do the same to move forward. 2
DodgersFan15 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I'm at the 4 month mark, too. It sucks, because I sort of feel that I should be doing a lot better than I am at this stage. I know you're hurting but at least knowing now that he's with someone will help you move on faster because you know it's over. I'd rather be in your shoes, knowing that my ex is with someone else, than to be in a position where you have no idea what's going on with them because that leads to the possibility of carrying false hope.
Riptide91 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I remember I wasn't doing so well at the 4 month mark around this time last year, so know that you are doing better than some. I can tell you now that I'm completely fine and I really don't think of her often. When I do think of my ex it's more like a fond memory and less like a paralyzing sadness. What helped me the most was dating again, it allowed me to remember that there are other people out there who might be better to me than she was and vice versa. I would say to keep doing things you love and treating yourself well. Time really does heal, even though it's hard to be patient. 1
mightycpa Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Part of the healing is getting mad at yourself. Part of it is hating that you can't shake this feeling you don't want to have. You're on track. I wonder if it helps or hurts the healing process to know that.
Liono84 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Don't worry, time will heal. I think just the fact that you're putting yourself out there in dating, is a very good sign and speaks of progress. You may not notice much of a difference when you analyze yourself day to day, week to week, or month to month, but then would you take a time out and remember how you felt during the initial aftermath and compare that to how you feel right now, you'd be surprised at how much progress you made. I know for sure, I have!! It just doesn't seem that way because we don't look at it from that point of view. I, too, still think about my ex, almost everyday but I'm completely fine with that. I think it's very unrealistic for anyone to not think about someone at all who was so close to you and meant so much to you. It's not reasonable to expect that because were not robots. So long as you don't constantly think about them throughout the day or let it effect your mood... For me, there just thoughts that come and go, that's all. You just have to be very aware to not let yourself dwell on them and after awhile you won't. I know it can be somewhat difficult during this time of year with the Holidays and NYE, but you just gotta keep yourself busy and put yourself in opportunities to meet others.
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