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Boyfriend's untrustworthy, he makes promises he will never do it again but does ....

belle_babe76

By belle_babe76
in General Relationship Discussion

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belle_babe76 New Member

belle_babe76

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I've been with my boyfriend just over a year. We are getting married next year.

 

I know for a fact he is constantly on dating sites when I am at work and makes out he is single, collects girls numbers and texts them making promises of being together. When I first confronted him with this he said he would stop.

 

I then found out again he had done it ... he cried promising he would stop.

 

AND again ... this time he said he had joined the sites to see if girls in our area really were up for casual sex and he said it was a curiosity thing ...

 

AND again ... said he wanted to make friends in the area ...

 

AND on friday again .. I know I shouldn't be looking but I checked out his mobile ... he had a message from "Stephen" which said ... "I am really scared" ... when I looked in his sent items there was a message to "Stephen" saying "Can you handle being in a relationship where I could be away for up to 6 months a year ... would you be faithful". ..... my shock to this made me send "Stephen" a text from my boyfriend's phone saying "who is this?" ... "Stephen" replied saying ... you said you really liked me and wanted to be with me now you say this?" .....

 

I confronted him ... yes he had a go at me for looking at his phone and denied it saying that all girls were after a sailor and it was nothing.

 

I just cant get it out of my head that one day this could lead to him cheating on me. :(

 

What do I do? Has anyone been through something similar?

ReluctantRomeo Established Member

ReluctantRomeo

Posted
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Originally posted by belle_babe76

I just cant get it out of my head that one day this could lead to him cheating on me. :(

 

I'd incline to the view that he is already cheated on you. Emotionally, at least. And who knows what you haven't discovered.

 

 

What do I do? Has anyone been through something similar?

 

He has a problem. Any behaviour which is obsessive, needs to be lied about and creates crying when caught is unhealthy. Whether it's drugs, drink or internet dating.

 

He should see a therapist. You should re-evaluate whether you want to be with him.

 

Sorry to be harsh - I think you need to hear this for your own good.

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belle_babe76 New Member

belle_babe76

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I did forget to mention that his dad died in March, he is having counselling for that but I am feeling so neglected ... he hasn't even attempted to get intimate with me for 3 months .. even when I drop hints. I am 29 years old, I need some sort of affection, I'm feeling so down.

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

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Marriage under these circumstances will only make your problems about 100x worse. One of the problems is all those 'and agains' - he continues doing this, because you've given him no real incentive to stop. He knows he can continue to get away with it and you will continue to forgive him. Since he knows that you will continue to forgive him, why stop? What's he got to lose by continuing to have these outside relationships? Nothing? What's he got to gain? Plenty of women who are willing to hook up, and a wife who is willing to allow it to keep happening.

 

Seriously, I would not suggest staying engaged to this guy until he has his issues worked out. At the very least, its apparent that for whatever reason he is not ready to make commitment or monogamy choices with his life, and until he is ready to consciously choose commitment and monogamy with you there is no point in continuing with him.

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belle_babe76 New Member

belle_babe76

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Its all so confusing, I know he hasn't actually cheated, but he continues to lead girls on online and in texts, whether he is just getting a laugh out of it I don't know. I know he really does love me, there are certain things I won't get into that make me believe he truly does, but he does have a problem, I know he does. He can't see it, and he won't listen to me when I try and sit down and talk about things. He doesn't think there is anything to talk about.

ReluctantRomeo Established Member

ReluctantRomeo

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Originally posted by belle_babe76

he continues to lead girls on online and in texts, whether he is just getting a laugh out of it I don't know.

 

Whether he's laughing or not, this is a cruel thing to do. Do you want to be with someone who can treat girls the way he does?

 

he does have a problem, I know he does. He can't see it, and he won't listen to me when I try and sit down and talk about things. He doesn't think there is anything to talk about.

 

The unwillingness to treat your concerns seriously is not exactly a good indication either...

 

I agree with Lucrezia about his incentives and choices. In the words of the song "you don't ever listen when I talk, maybe you'll listen when I walk".

Sal Paradise Established Member

Sal Paradise

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How do you know he hasn't actually cheated? You didn't even know he was dating sites, you had to catch him. I'd say there is a 99% chance he has cheated.

 

You should leave him, sounds like a serial cheater. They never learn.

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belle_babe76 New Member

belle_babe76

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It really has been hard for me. I had a good think after the comments made yesterday and I have come to the decision to move in with a friend for a while so I can get my head around things. Deep down I know he loves me ... he told me on the phone last night he doesn't know why he does it.

 

If you read my first post I mention a text conversation he had, he admitted to me last night that he actually met her at a music event in our home town the day I was in London watching a show with my mum and he took her number.

 

I really am going crazy, I love him so much but I know at the moment I can't be with or marry someone who is going to treat me like this. He has broken my heart

ReluctantRomeo Established Member

ReluctantRomeo

Posted
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Originally posted by belle_babe76

I really am going crazy, I love him so much but I know at the moment I can't be with or marry someone who is going to treat me like this. He has broken my heart

 

I'm sorry. It's gonna be hard, but you're making the right decision.

SoleMate Established Member

SoleMate

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...I know he hasn't actually cheated...

Ummmm....(cough cough)....that's nice.

 

Deep down I know he loves me...

I would like you to learn a new definition of love. You will only say that a man loves you when he TREATS you lovingly. That includes being trustworthy, respectful, faithful, caring about your feelings. Words are a dime a dozen, but this man is very cruel to you. You put your faith in him and he broke it - repeatedly.

 

THAT'S NOT LOVE.

SexKitten Established Member

SexKitten

Posted
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wait, what?

 

stephen and girls chasing sailors?

 

i don't get any of it.

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