binrob Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 So I met this girl on Tinder. We talked a few days and we decided to meet up. We hanged out all day and had sex. She texted me the same night and we talked and stuff. Anyway, I told her I couldn't meet the next week since I had an exam coming up and then working the entire weekend. She kept insisting that we meet again and I decided to fit in some time before work on saturday. We kept texting all week and when saturday came and we hung out at my place she was kind of in a bad mood. She also didn't want to have sex and said "we don't have to have sex everytime we meet do we?". I was cool with that. We hung out the rest of the night and when I dropped her off at home she texted me saying she was sorry she was in a bad mood. I told her she didn't have to have come over if she wasn't feeling like it and she just said that she wanted to meet and she wouldn't have come if she wasn't interested. She also said it felt like she was only there to have sex. It sort of upset me since I had been nothing but cool about us not having sex and I told her that. Anyway the day after she was super distant. Wouldn't answer texts and stuff. The rest of the week she has been responding but she's not all that interested I can tell. What happened? I felt like we hit it off and things were good. I would've understood if she only wanted to have a hook up, but then why insist on meeting me again only to not have sex that time?
PegNosePete Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Seems like she simply lost interest, or decided you weren't a good match. NEXT
xcupid Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Sounds like she felt like she had been used. Next time you meet a girl get to know her instead of having sex right away. 2
Author binrob Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 Sounds like she felt like she had been used. Next time you meet a girl get to know her instead of having sex right away. Ok, so she lost interest because she felt like she had been used or what? I was nothing but kind and sweet to her when we met the second time and didn't have sex. I also was kind and sweet over texts the entire week after we had met for the first time. I even asked her to the movies last weekend and she said she couldn't. So how exactly did I portray that she had been used?
Redhead14 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Sounds like she felt like she had been used. Next time you meet a girl get to know her instead of having sex right away. I agree with this, however, she was a willing participant. So if she's "accusing" him of using her, she's deflecting blame and responsibility for her own actions. "She said she felt like she was only there for sex" -- Did he keep putting the moves on her the whole time? She is immature and inexperienced apparently. 3
PegNosePete Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 I agree with this, however, she was a willing participant. So if she's "accusing" him of using her, she's deflecting blame and responsibility for her own actions. Yep, she will most likely explain this by saying she was "testing" him. She wanted him to refuse the sex. By accepting it, he failed the test. She is immature and inexperienced apparently. Definitely.
katiegrl Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 So I met this girl on Tinder. We talked a few days and we decided to meet up. We hanged out all day and had sex. She texted me the same night and we talked and stuff. Anyway, I told her I couldn't meet the next week since I had an exam coming up and then working the entire weekend. She kept insisting that we meet again and I decided to fit in some time before work on saturday. We kept texting all week and when saturday came and we hung out at my place she was kind of in a bad mood. She also didn't want to have sex and said "we don't have to have sex everytime we meet do we?". I was cool with that. We hung out the rest of the night and when I dropped her off at home she texted me saying she was sorry she was in a bad mood. I told her she didn't have to have come over if she wasn't feeling like it and she just said that she wanted to meet and she wouldn't have come if she wasn't interested. **She also said it felt like she was only there to have sex.*** It sort of upset me since I had been nothing but cool about us not having sex and I told her that. Anyway the day after she was super distant. Wouldn't answer texts and stuff. The rest of the week she has been responding but she's not all that interested I can tell. What happened? I felt like we hit it off and things were good. I would've understood if she only wanted to have a hook up, but then why insist on meeting me again only to not have sex that time? >>>She also said it felt like she was only there to have sex.... ^^This comment is very telling. She felt like she was a booty call... IMO the problem was ....you had sex and then you became unavailable. You may have been legit busy ...but all she knew was that you had sex with her and then were too *busy* to get together... Then when you *are* free, you invite her over ....for sex? Instead of planning a nice date and taking her out. IMO THAT is why she was in a bad mood, she was hurt, felt used. I also blame HER for agreeing to have sex too soon....and if she were here seeking advice I would tell her that. I have nothing against having sex on the first date ....my fiance and I did! Difference was afterwards, he was not "busy" for two weeks, called me the next day, asked me out, planned a nice date, took me out and expressed his interest in spending time with me, and not just for sex. I think she was hurt....is hurt. Felt like she was a booty call. Not a good feeling... so she is pulling back.
smackie9 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 I think whatever was causing her bad mood had something to do with it, and nothing to do with you. Whatever the reason, it was her own issue. Don't take it personally and move on.
smackie9 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 It can be salvaged possibly, by offering a planned date like dinner and a movie.
Author binrob Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 >>>She also said it felt like she was only there to have sex.... ^^This comment is very telling. She felt like she was a booty call... IMO the problem was ....you had sex and then you became unavailable. You may have been legit busy ...but all she knew was that you had sex with her and then were too *busy* to get together... Then when you *are* free, you invite her over ....for sex? Instead of planning a nice date and taking her out. IMO THAT is why she was in a bad mood, she was hurt, felt used. I also blame HER for agreeing to have sex too soon....and if she were here seeking advice I would tell her that. I have nothing against having sex on the first date ....my fiance and I did! Difference was afterwards, he was not "busy" for two weeks, called me the next day, asked me out, planned a nice date, took me out and expressed his interest in spending time with me, and not just for sex. I think she was hurt....is hurt. Felt like she was a booty call. Not a good feeling... so she is pulling back. I get that she might have felt hurt that she thought she was only a booty call. I was as I said legit busy. I had an exam on friday which I was seriously underprepared for so I had to study like crazy the entire week. I then had to work both friday and saturday. But I kept contact with her and I agreed only after like 1 day or two that we could meet on saturday. I didn't invite her over for sex. As I said I told her I could meet her before work which gave us like 3 hours to hang out. So it wasn't like I could take her out on an amazing date. But why keep pulling back when I was the one who asked to meet up again after we had met the second time and even when she told me she couldn't this week I still asked a few days later if I could take her to the movies if she didn't have other plans. She still didn't want to, or "couldn't" go. She's been off/uninterested through all of this. It can be salvaged possibly, by offering a planned date like dinner and a movie. I did offer to take her to the movies last friday but she said she "couldn't"..
Zippy2000 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 She also said it felt like she was only there to have sex. You`re supposed to date and romance and woo a girl into bed not the other way round. You did things the other way round so she doesnt feel a connection to you and feels used. Women like to feel a bond, a connection to have sex. Everything you do leading up to having sex will be in-grained in her mind. You met off Tinder and had sex and lived happily every after. It doesnt work like that. 1
Versacehottie Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 I did offer to take her to the movies last friday but she said she "couldn't".. I think she is unsure what your real intentions were. Then the second time you saw her you squeezed her in before work but at your place instead of a date-like thing. You pushed for sex even though you were fine when you didn't have it. Which reinforced what she was already worried about (even though you you didn't have it-the location and content of the second meeting confirmed it in her mind). Now she is pouting (my guess since she is still somewhat communicating with you), until you show consistent effort. OR she could just be off you. Ask her out again; explain you want to make it up to her since you have been so busy and there's not been a chance for a real date yet, which of course you would love to take her on because you think she is an awesome girl. goodluck 1
katiegrl Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 (edited) I get that she might have felt hurt that she thought she was only a booty call. I was as I said legit busy. I had an exam on friday which I was seriously underprepared for so I had to study like crazy the entire week. I then had to work both friday and saturday. But I kept contact with her and I agreed only after like 1 day or two that we could meet on saturday. I didn't invite her over for sex. As I said I told her I could meet her before work which gave us like 3 hours to hang out. So it wasn't like I could take her out on an amazing date. But why keep pulling back when I was the one who asked to meet up again after we had met the second time and even when she told me she couldn't this week I still asked a few days later if I could take her to the movies if she didn't have other plans. She still didn't want to, or "couldn't" go. She's been off/uninterested through all of this. I did offer to take her to the movies last friday but she said she "couldn't".. I am NOT doubting that you were legitimately busy and had good intentions... So no need to become defensive about that. I am simply trying to get you to see things from *her* perspective. She doesn't know you... and it takes time for trust to build. Being on Tinder, she also may be accustomed to guys only wanting her for sex. I wasn't there ....so I don't know what vibe you were giving off...but there was a reason she said "we don't have to have sex every time, do we?" And that she felt like she was only there to have sex. "Something" happened that caused her to feel that way. Again, I believe you when you say you were legit busy, but she doesn't know you, has probably been used in the past, and has her guard up. Not sure if this can be salvaged, damage done. It's worth a shot though, if you really like her. The Friday night movie date was a start.... Good luck! Edited December 7, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Author binrob Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 I think she is unsure what your real intentions were. Then the second time you saw her you squeezed her in before work but at your place instead of a date-like thing. You pushed for sex even though you were fine when you didn't have it. Which reinforced what she was already worried about (even though you you didn't have it-the location and content of the second meeting confirmed it in her mind). Now she is pouting (my guess since she is still somewhat communicating with you), until you show consistent effort. OR she could just be off you. Ask her out again; explain you want to make it up to her since you have been so busy and there's not been a chance for a real date yet, which of course you would love to take her on because you think she is an awesome girl. goodluck I already asked to take her to the movies and she turned me down. I have also been the one initating contact the last week and I don't know if I really should ask her out again. I don't want to seem like I'm not taking the hint that she doesn't want to meet anymore, if that's what she wants, and be annoying. I am NOT doubting that you were legitimately busy and had good intentions... So no need to become defensive about that. I am simply trying to get you to see things from *her* perspective. She doesn't know you... and it takes time for trust to build. Being on Tinder, she also may be accustomed to guys only wanting her for sex. I wasn't there ....so I don't know what vibe you were giving off...but there was a reason she said "we don't have to have sex every time, do we?" And that she felt like she was only there to have sex. "Something" happened that caused her to feel that way. Again, I believe you when you say you were legit busy, but she doesn't know you, has probably been used in the past, and has her guard up. Not sure if this can be salvaged, damage done. It's worth a shot though, if you really like her. The Friday night movie date was a start.... Good luck! Sorry, didn't mean to come off as defensive or anything. Just wanted to make it clear that I really was busy. I mean I don't know what vibe I was giving. I find her very attractive and when I am home with a girl that I am dating I like to keep close and cuddle and stuff...I didn't become the least bit upset or angry when she said she didn't want to have sex. But maybe she felt like me being so close and stuff was a way of trying to get her to have sex? Anyway, as I said above, I don't know if I should ask her out again. I mean, what if she is trying to say she doesn't want to meet again but doesn't want to straight up turn me down? Don't want to come off as annoying/desperate.-
katiegrl Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 I already asked to take her to the movies and she turned me down. I have also been the one initating contact the last week and I don't know if I really should ask her out again. I don't want to seem like I'm not taking the hint that she doesn't want to meet anymore, if that's what she wants, and be annoying. Sorry, didn't mean to come off as defensive or anything. Just wanted to make it clear that I really was busy. I mean I don't know what vibe I was giving. I find her very attractive and when I am home with a girl that I am dating I like to keep close and cuddle and stuff...I didn't become the least bit upset or angry when she said she didn't want to have sex. But maybe she felt like me being so close and stuff was a way of trying to get her to have sex? Anyway, as I said above, I don't know if I should ask her out again. I mean, what if she is trying to say she doesn't want to meet again but doesn't want to straight up turn me down? Don't want to come off as annoying/desperate.- Well IMO your intuition is correct, she probably doesn't want to get together again...because she thinks you only want sex. Might I suggest you give it one more shot and say "I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot by having sex so soon....you wanna try this again? How about dinner and a movie on Saturday? If you're not into it, that''s fine, but I like you and thought it deserved one more try." Or something like that? If she doesn't respond or makes excuses, then let it go and move on. Also just wanted to say SHE is not innocent either...SHE chose to have sex with you too...not knowing the outcome, and when we choose to have sex before we are emotionally prepared for whatever the outcome ....we can get hurt and feel used. So THAT is on her and she needs to take responsibility for that too... Again, good luck and keep us posted! 1
Redhead14 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 I wouldn't bother. She had sex with you on the first date. She went to your house again and put herself in that position and started whining that she felt like you only wanted sex. She could have said "hey, I'd rather go out" and tactfully take sex off the table going forward for a while. You could/should have done the same thing. Like I said, unless you were coming on to her heavily during the time she was there, I could see her feeling like all you wanted was sex, but if you were just being "close", that shouldn't have been a big deal. Let this one go, she's a moody, whiny baby. I wouldn't go to a man's house that I just started dating if I was in a bad mood or not feeling well. I don't get that part either.
Author binrob Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 Thanks for all the help guys and girls. I should note that she was the one that suggested going to my place on the first date. I asked if she wanted to get something to eat or a cup of coffe or something when we first met up but she said she'd rather just chill at my place. Anyway, I texted her asking her out this weekend about 2 hours ago and I haven't gotten a reply. I guess that settles it. Atleast I tried and I feel like she could've just turned me down and be honest with me instead of just ignoring but that's fine. I'll just let her be. Again, thanks for your help! 1
winny Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 So I met this girl on Tinder. We talked a few days and we decided to meet up. We hanged out all day and had sex. She texted me the same night and we talked and stuff. Anyway, I told her I couldn't meet the next week since I had an exam coming up and then working the entire weekend. She kept insisting that we meet again and I decided to fit in some time before work on saturday. We kept texting all week and when saturday came and we hung out at my place she was kind of in a bad mood. She also didn't want to have sex and said "we don't have to have sex everytime we meet do we?". I was cool with that. We hung out the rest of the night and when I dropped her off at home she texted me saying she was sorry she was in a bad mood. I told her she didn't have to have come over if she wasn't feeling like it and she just said that she wanted to meet and she wouldn't have come if she wasn't interested. She also said it felt like she was only there to have sex. It sort of upset me since I had been nothing but cool about us not having sex and I told her that. Anyway the day after she was super distant. Wouldn't answer texts and stuff. The rest of the week she has been responding but she's not all that interested I can tell. What happened? I felt like we hit it off and things were good. I would've understood if she only wanted to have a hook up, but then why insist on meeting me again only to not have sex that time? She wanted more than just sex and she felt thats not possible anymore with you and maybe has met someone else who she likes more.
insert_name Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 She sounds like she is trying to put on a show to relieve her own conscience that she "isn't THAT girl". I bet she tells the next guy that she 'doesn't normally do this' the following morning after the first date. If I had a quid for every time I heard that...
Versacehottie Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Thanks for all the help guys and girls. I should note that she was the one that suggested going to my place on the first date. I asked if she wanted to get something to eat or a cup of coffe or something when we first met up but she said she'd rather just chill at my place. Anyway, I texted her asking her out this weekend about 2 hours ago and I haven't gotten a reply. I guess that settles it. Atleast I tried and I feel like she could've just turned me down and be honest with me instead of just ignoring but that's fine. I'll just let her be. Again, thanks for your help! Well you did the right thing so that you have no regrets. I would say that the whole "i was feeling moody" bit was off-putting so maybe you dodged a bullet. Her communication skills need improvement. Onto the next. Good luck
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