How do I progress with this girl ?

[Riseman]

Almost exactly a month ago I met this girl at a bar. It was my birthday and a friend of mine brought some friends along. I have not met any of her friends before. They were all pretty hot and I started to get curious if any one of them were single. about 30 mins later, my friend tells me that she has a surprise in store for me. That surprise as it turns out was hooking me up with one of her friends who came along. As we were both single, they thought we should start talking and see how things turn out. I sat next to her and that's how things started. I think we hit it off almost instantly. We exchanged numbers and called it a night.

 

The same night I was having supper and I decided to see if she got home safely. It was late so the Whatsapp chat was brief. The next day i initiated a chat with her and chatted for a while. As the days went by I felt that the time was right for me to ask her out. She agreed instantly to go out for dinner and drinks with me. None of the "let me think about it" or "I'll let u know" replies.

 

Date #1 - Went well and we both had a good time. Nothing intimate happened but progress was made in getting to know her more IRL instead of doing through whatsapp.

 

I started noticing her pattern when it comes to chatting on Whatsapp. She is online almost all the time but she never initiates a chat with me. I tried not starting a chat with her for 3 days and it made no difference. she's still online but no chats with me. This made feel feel that the 1st date did not go as well as I thought. The fear of rejection was there but I thought screw it and I asked her out again.

 

Once again the answer was an instant yes. So we went out again for dinner and drinks.

 

Date#2 - After a few pints she started to get really touchy and was constantly leaning in close to talk to me. All the other signs of flirting were there. I did not push her away of course and I appreciated her touchiness. But I did not take it further. For one I thought her flirtiness might a be a result of the alcohol. So I took it with a grain of salt and not make it that much of a big deal. In hindsight I might have screwed up here as the moment was perfect.

 

Made plans during Date#2 to watch a movie during the weekend. Again she said yes instantly. By this time I was really happy how things were progressing and decided that I shall take things further up a notch during Date #3.

 

In the build up to Date#3 I started to imagine many scenarios in my mind and this built up rather unnecessary expectations of Date#3.

 

Date#3 -

 

It was doomed from the start. An hour before the time i was scheduled to pick her up a thunderstorm raged and that made traffic really bad. A 15 minute journey to her place took me an hour. On the way there she calls me n says she just woken up from a nap so I might have to wait. She made me wait 30 mins for her to get ready after i got to her place. When she in the car, there was no sorry. annoyed me a little.

 

During the date she just seemed distracted with her phone...on whatsapp no doubt. This annoyed me but I sucked it in. I paid for the movie and dinner but there was no thank you from her. This annoyed me a lot.

 

The day before she did tell me that she might have plans with her friends after the movie. I was hoping that she would cancel her plans with her friends and spend the rest of the night with me instead. Never happened. I did mention that it would be nice if i we could go for drinks...just the 2 of us. But she was adamant on meeting up with her friends.

 

I tried my best to be cool about it but I just could not hide my disappointment. All the excitement and expectations I had for Date#3 made it even worse. Nothing went right that night. I was a bit cold on the way home but she didn't seem to care and was probably looking forward to meeting her friends. Dropped her home and all I got was a "bye bye, drive safe".

 

The drive home was a mix of anger n disappointment. No chat with her.

 

Suddenly I had this urge to ask her why she seemed so distant during the date. so I messaged her.

 

She denied being distant. I pressed on n said "her actions speak louder than words".

 

She then said her stomach was a little upset that night. Probably just an excuse. I did not continue that chat further as I knew I would probably have said things I would have regretted.

 

By this point I was certain things were over and she would probably not want to see me ever again.

 

The next day I decided to be cool about it and I chatted with her like normal. She too responded normally. No mention about the night before.

 

Earlier today I asked her out again and again her reply was an instant yes. We haven't decided on the time and day yet but the venue will be d same as Date#2. As i can imagine, I'm trying to recreate the conditions in order for the same feel during Date#2 to happen again. Realistically it's almost impossible but that bar had good vibes for us so it might be good.

 

The question is, How do I progress with her ?

 

is she still interested in me after the way she behaved in Date#3 ?

 

I really have to suppress the urge to tell her that I am very fond of her and would like to be more than friends.

 

I'm really at a lost at what to do...

Edited December 7, 2015 by Riseman

[BrocasHelm]

Well, there's your mistake right here:

 

"Date#2 - After a few pints she started to get really touchy and was constantly leaning in close to talk to me. All the other signs of flirting were there. I did not push her away of course and I appreciated her touchiness. But I did not take it further. For one I thought her flirtiness might a be a result of the alcohol. So I took it with a grain of salt and not make it that much of a big deal. In hindsight I might have screwed up here as the moment was perfect."

 

Yup, you should totally have kissed her. Since you didn't, she got confused, thought you were not that into her, hence her distant behavior on date 3. If she said yes to a fourth date then it's salvageable, but you're gonna have to forget everything about date 3, let go of all anger, disappointment and expectations, and just be relaxed and fun, flirt, and most importantly, find an opportunity to KISS!

 

PS: The fact that she didn't even thank you is somewhat odd... let it go this time, but if it becomes frequent, that might be a red flag

[d0nnivain]

It's still relatively early in the dating process. She may be hung up on the girls don't chase boys or initiate.

 

 

I'd ask that the phone go away during dates. If she's out with you, she should be out with you. Pulling it out once if you are both trying to find friends to hang out with is fine but the constant texting etc. is rude. Actually a lot about her is rude, making you wait, not saying sorry & not saying thank you. The lack of manners would turn me off.

[Qboro90]

Dude.... Kiss this girl already for goodness sake! What are you waiting for?! I'm surprised she said yes to a fourth date at this rate to be honest. She's probably wondering what the heck is taking you so long to kiss her....The 2nd date where you say she was getting touchy feely and close during the date but didn't want to kiss her because it might be because of the alcohol.... This seems odd to me that you'd think like this. Seems like you have the nice guy routine down almost to a fault. A girl can have a couple drinks and loosen up a little, which is exactly what it sounds like she was doing. That doesn't mean you're taking advantage of her if you kiss her. She's a big girl, she's capable of controlling what she allows you to do and not do. The only way I could see you turning her down here is if she was visibly wasted? Was she? If not then you probably made her feel a lip awkward for expressing her desire to be affectionate with you then you not responding whatsoever.

 

Next issue. Date #3. Thunderstorm and when you get to her house she tells you she's still getting ready. If you were using your head here you should've called her on your way there or even when she said she was just waking up from a nap and said "I didn't realize it would be so bad out with this rain... Do you still want to go out to eat/movie? Or do you wanna just hang out at your place and watch a movie and order take in? ". This could've salvaged the date and gotten you to sit in the couch or in her room together laying close and watching a movie which always leads to make out sessions. You forced this date to happen despite the weather, her running late and not being ready when you could've improvised and made it awesome.

 

You gotta kiss this girl on the next date. Otherwise you might as well start writing your speech for becoming Mayor of FriendZone City.

 

One other thing. Are you still using whatsapp? Why don't you have her number and start texting her and callin her. The app communication is a bit childish. Then again I don't think you told us how old you are.

 

The most important thing to remember is that you should already know that this girl likes you and is willing to kiss you. You sound like you're nervous and insecure/unsure about if she's into you yet she's been very clear that she is. As soon as a girl says "yes" to going on a date with you, that means that they can see themselves kissing you. Otherwise why would they go out with you in the first place? Girls don't go out with guys they're not attracted to. Then as soon as she says yes to a 2nd date , you should be positive that she's ok with you kissing her. Otherwise she would've given you an excuse and not gone out again. Now it's the 4th date. I don't know if your waiting for her to come out with a sign on her head saying "kiss me already!" But it's way past due.

[Qboro90]

I don't know what kind of personality you have or how you carry yourself in person but If I were you and I went to pick her up for this next date you're gonna go on with her. When she got in the car, I'd say our "hey what's up, how are you , you look gorgeous" then before pulling the car away, lean in and say "I'm sorry but I've been wanting to do this since the first time we went out and I don't think I'll be able to focus the rest of the night until I get a kiss from you".

 

Obviously you have to say it with a little charm and coolness but I'd bet you that she'd be very inviting and most likely will reply with "omg what took you so long?" Anyways. Plus , kissing her at the beginning of the date relieves all that tension and gets it out of the way. Guarantee that the rest of the date is a blast because the kiss isn't hanging over your head .

 

GO FOR IT

[Versacehottie]

I would add. Stop being timid. She likes a guy who initiates, same as lots of girls, so stop taking the not texting you first even though she's on whatsapp as a diss.

 

Absolutely I would not try to recreate the 2nd date. the vibe yes. But exact same place, etc sounds like you have that date night on a pedestal and like she and it are momentually above your league. You want to show her YOU can provide the best nights of her life not that you are romanticizing the ones you previously had with her. Save that for the engagement! Show that you are creative and have something to offer. I can even go with the same place but to try to recreate the night is a little creepy. Not that I think you are. maybe a better word is insecure. Good luck and yes kiss her. Show confidence.

[LilaMarie]

I hate to say it. Maybe you have already been friend-zoned. You were never clear about your intentions. Heck, you don't even have her phone number. Sometimes male friends pay for movies, etc. So even though in your head you think it's obvious it really isn't. Did you say 'hang out' and have drinks? Friends do that. You didn't mention holding her hand...you kept your distance...like a friend. Good luck to you.