He got engaged shortly after break up, Will his marriage last

[SunlightJune]

I just wanted to get some other people's opinions on something that has been weighing on my mind for awhile...

 

 

My ex bf and I were dating for 5 months and he was about to leave on deployment 6 months later. I ended up breaking up with him, something I deeply regret even now. He was heartbroken, he wanted to marry me and talked about wanting to spend his life with me.

 

 

He tried to get me back for 2 months off and on, sending me texts, etc. I was confused about what I wanted (I had doubts about our compatibility, sexually as well as personality wise, we had great sex but he was always pressuring me to do anal and even brought up the idea of threesomes - personality wise, he was very outgoing and active, I'm an introvert and prefer to live my life a lot more calm and slow than he does - I describe him as always going 100 MPH in his life, he's a navy seal after all)

 

 

3 months after we broke up, he was engaged to his ex gf before me, he's 29 and she's 21. I'm 23. I was devastated because by this time, I had been asking to see him again, and he just told me he was busy but never told me why. Finally, he asked me to meet him at a hotel at night - I found out this was about 2 weeks before his wedding. He said he missed me a lot and "wanted to f me in the a" I knew he just wanted sex, so I declined.

 

 

When he came back from deployment, I still didn't know he was married. I found out two months ago on social media. I left him a voicemail to call me when he got home to make sure he was alright. He sent me a text saying, "I'm with someone but she likes girls too if your into that. We like to have fun." His new wife is bisexual and into women so they like to have threesomes. I have no idea if she knows he's asking his ex for one though.

 

 

I was shocked and disgusted. Will his marriage last? Please offer me some words of advice or encouragement to get over this guy.

[TaraMaiden2]

Yes, his marriage will last, because they're more compatible.

 

They may both swing and bring others in and be unfaithful in a mutually agreeable way, but it has more chance of surviving than your relationship with him ever did because you were simply incompatible and never on the same page.

 

You need to stop contacting him for good, and delete every possible avenue open to either one of you, to connect by.

Go No Contact (see link in my signature) and stop inflicting hurt on yourself.

The only one suffering, is you, so don't self-inflict more pain with this.

Move on, let him live his life, and go on with yours.

 

Honestly, it will be by far the best thing you could do.

[PegNosePete]

Will his marriage last?

Sorry to say, nobody can answer that without a functioning crystal ball. If you've got one please tell me next week's lottery numbers. The future is not written in stone - or even if it is, we are unable to read it. Sometimes a marriage will work out, sometimes it will fail. The fact that he's trying to involve you in his sexploits suggests it will most likely fail, but who knows, some people have successful threesomes and open marriages. Nobody can see the future to tell you what will happen to his marriage.

 

But what you can control, is your own future. And the best thing for your own future, is to cut this douchebag out of it. Block him on social media and all ways possible, delete his number, do not contact him ever again. Ignore and delete all texts without reading them, redirect his emails to your spam folder, if he calls hang up on him. Soon he will get bored and go away.

[SunlightJune]

Its weird because logically, I agree with you that he's a douchebag, I mean only a nutcase would ask his heartbroken ex-girlfriend for a threesome with his current wife. I just don't understand why its taking so long for my heart to catch up with my brain. I feel a strong sense of regret for not marrying him, even though logically I know that if I had married him instead, he more than likely would have cheated on me if he's so nonchalant about openly cheating on his wife.

 

 

I just thought he was a different person, it wasn't until after I broke up with him that I found out he was a sexual deviant in this way. I truly thought he was a moral standing guy. I think what hurts the most, is knowing he would have never treated me so badly if I were still with him. Now I'm just like gum under his shoe to him. Thanks for reminding me that his actions do in fact make him a colossal douchebag, that makes me feel better and helps to take away my guilt about breaking up with him

[Captivating]

It was very wise of you breaking up with him. Your values are very different, it would

have undermined your future together. He seems immature. He jumps from one relationship to another, knows no boundaries, doesn't show much respect for you etc. No, I do not think that their relationship will last. He doesn't seem to know what he wants from life, from a relationship and seem to use women. You deserve way better than that, right? Keep your eyes open, there is someone out there for you. A man who respects you, kind to you and makes you happy.

[PegNosePete]

I just don't understand why its taking so long for my heart to catch up with my brain.

It's pretty normal, don't worry.

 

There are methods to speed it up. Full NC will help. Keeping busy will help. Doing nice things and self-improvement will help. But it will take time.

 

I feel a strong sense of regret for not marrying him

You have got to be kidding! You'd be divorced in a year. Not marrying him was the best decision you could possibly have made.

 

he would have never treated me so badly if I were still with him

What?!?! I don't understand this logic at all. He would certainly have treated you badly, he would have cheated, had threesomes behind your back, etc. You just wouldn't have found out about it, maybe until you got crabs...

 

Blissful ignorance is not a great place to be.

[SunlightJune]

Do you guys think that he was cheating on me when we were dating with his ex? Not that it matters anymore I guess. I never suspected him of cheating because he seemed so in love with me, however his roommate once made a comment about 2 girls coming over the night previous, and my bf's eyes bugged out of his head like oh sh*t.

 

 

the timeline just doesn't seem right. he got engaged 3 months after we broke up, moved in together with her 4-5 months after we broke up, and married the month after that. His relationship with her before me lasted 1 year. So does it pretty much sound like he actually was already cheating on me? He begged for me back like crazy 2 months after we broke up, then immediately got engaged to her, so that's confusing to me. He obviously wanted me but ultimately chose her?

[Amelie1980]

Try it....join in with them and also let him f you in the a$$.

 

Maybe he will prefer you and divorce her?

 

You never know.....

[PegNosePete]

Not that it matters anymore I guess.

This, exactly.

[SunlightJune]

Try it....join in with them and also let him f you in the a$$.

 

Maybe he will prefer you and divorce her?

 

You never know.....

 

Omg LOL I would never do that but that made me laugh so much because of how ridiculous it is and to think he actually thought I would be okay with that? Thank you for putting it in a way that makes me realize how absurd it is. Like wow really, he was going to invite me into his new house with his new wife and have a threesome with his ex gf who's still in love with him? Can't believe he's such a weirdo.

[Amelie1980]

Omg LOL I would never do that but that made me laugh so much because of how ridiculous it is and to think he actually thought I would be okay with that? Thank you for putting it in a way that makes me realize how absurd it is. Like wow really, he was going to invite me into his new house with his new wife and have a threesome with his ex gf who's still in love with him? Can't believe he's such a weirdo.

 

I was hoping it would make you laugh and see how ridiculous it was....that was my intention.

 

Think about it...that is what he values in a relationship. You are well rid

[drallafi]

Omg LOL I would never do that but that made me laugh so much because of how ridiculous it is and to think he actually thought I would be okay with that? Thank you for putting it in a way that makes me realize how absurd it is. Like wow really, he was going to invite me into his new house with his new wife and have a threesome with his ex gf who's still in love with him? Can't believe he's such a weirdo.

 

Also it's my experience that dudes who are obsessed with anal sex tend to have a porn addiction.

 

Sounds like dude probably has one or two issues that you weren't aware of.

 

IMO, you dodged a bullet. Yea, it hurts now but 5 years from now, you'll realize you're better off.

[Amelie1980]

Also it's my experience that dudes who are obsessed with anal sex tend to have a porn addiction.

 

Sounds like dude probably has one or two issues that you weren't aware of.

 

IMO, you dodged a bullet. Yea, it hurts now but 5 years from now, you'll realize you're better off.

 

How does porn addiction affect relationships? I have a feeling my ex had it. He was obsessed with several things you only see in porn.

[SunlightJune]

My ex once said "You're my little girl" during sex and I almost stopped to ask him what did you just say? it was weird, I remember feeling like wtf? who says that during sex? so maybe you're right, maybe he was just a pervert. I find it weird that his ex gf/wife is almost 9 years younger than him, they started dating when she was like 19-20 and he was 28, seems like a big gap in those younger years to me.