Wait Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 (edited) I'm 26 and she's 24. We met on an online dating site and exchanged numbers quickly after a few messages back and forth on the site. It has been two weeks and we have been texting eachother nonstop. Soon we are planning on meeting in person for the first time. The list of things we have in common is unbelievably long and even our most obscure likes/dislikes match up in an uncanny way. On paper, she is everything I look for in a girl both inside and out. She seems genuinely interested in even the most mundane details about my life and she's thoroughly intrigued by my hobbies and interests. (and vice versa) Intellectually it's all there and I know this sentiment goes both ways as she has said so; however, I am concerned about the physical attraction that may or may not parallel our intellectual connection. For me there is no doubt, after becoming friends on Facebook, that this girl is what I look for physically. She has tons of photos and even the ones that some may say aren't that flattering I find wildly beautiful. I'm nearly certain that I would feel the same way when we meet in person. My concern is whether or not she will still be attracted to me after meeting IRL. I'm a tall, moderately attractive guy who, in my opinion, looks better in photos than I do in person. I am afraid she has this image in her head of some tall, dark and handsome guy from the photos I've posted, when in reality I may not actually match up to those. Am I being silly, realistic, or a little of both? Edited December 7, 2015 by Wait
TheTraveler Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 I'm 26 and she's 24. We met on an online dating site and exchanged numbers quickly after a few messages back and forth on the site. It has been two weeks and we have been texting eachother nonstop. Soon we are planning on meeting in person for the first time. The list of things we have in common is unbelievably long and even our most obscure likes/dislikes match up in an uncanny way. On paper, she is everything I look for in a girl both inside and out. She seems genuinely interested in even the most mundane details about my life and she's thoroughly intrigued by my hobbies and interests. (and vice versa) Intellectually it's all there and I know this sentiment goes both ways as she has said so; however, I am concerned about the physical attraction that may or may not parallel our intellectual connection. For me there is no doubt, after becoming friends on Facebook, that this girl is what I look for physically. She has tons of photos and even the ones that some may say aren't that flattering I find wildly beautiful. I'm nearly certain that I would feel the same way when we meet in person. My concern is whether or not she will still be attracted to me after meeting IRL. I'm a tall, moderately attractive guy who, in my opinion, looks better in photos than I do in person. I am afraid she has this image in her head of some tall, dark and handsome guy from the photos I've posted, when in reality I may not actually match up to those. Am I being silly, realistic, or a little of both? GL on the date!
TunaCat Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Probably a little bit of both. It totally makes sense that you're worried about this, but if things match up on paper, then the BEST thing to do is go on the date and see what happens. Try not to overthink this.
wb1988 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 You're overthinking this, it's the overthinking that will blow it. You should have also been trying to contact other girls, if you did you wouldn't be overthinking it and have so much riding on the date. If she's attractive then you can be sure that she has (you aren't the only guy that she's got atm). Also, you never 'met' online. I hate when people say stuff like that as if being on the internet is a physical place. You merely got her contact details off an OLD site, the place you first meetup is where you first met. Tall and moderately attractive is equivalent to average height and handsome, there's even a good chance she'd find you more attractive in person because of that .
PegNosePete Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 On paper, she is everything I look for On paper, yeah. If only life were an accounting exercise, you'd live happily ever after. My concern is whether or not she will still be attracted to me after meeting IRL. Well there's no point being "concerned" about it. She's seen your pics so obviously she's interested otherwise she wouldn't be talking to you in the first place. She either will or she won't be attracted IRL, being concerned about it will not help you in the slightest. There is only one way to find out for sure and that is to go for it. Am I being silly, realistic, or a little of both? You are over-thinking it. Just meet up and find out. For what it's worth, I met up with 20-30 people with whom I was a good match "on paper". So don't put all your eggs in one basket, and don't have too high expectations. Chances are the first one you meet will not be the last one. In future I'd advise a meeting much sooner. When I was looking, I would normally send out messages on a weekend, send a couple of replies over the next few days then ask for phone number, call up and arrange a meeting the following weekend. All done, initial message to meeting, in one week. Investing a lot of time into someone you've never met is not a good idea.
Author Wait Posted December 8, 2015 Author Posted December 8, 2015 I've been talking to other girls and have even been hanging out with one consistently. The sex is good but the spark isn't there and I haven't once felt how I feel about the girl in the OP. I'm definitely overthinking this. I'm idealizing this chick for sure but this is the first time I've felt like this for someone I've never met and I can't help to think that's she idealizing me as well; ergo, making it impossible for me to live up to her expectations. You're overthinking this, it's the overthinking that will blow it. You should have also been trying to contact other girls, if you did you wouldn't be overthinking it and have so much riding on the date. If she's attractive then you can be sure that she has (you aren't the only guy that she's got atm). Also, you never 'met' online. I hate when people say stuff like that as if being on the internet is a physical place. You merely got her contact details off an OLD site, the place you first meetup is where you first met. Tall and moderately attractive is equivalent to average height and handsome, there's even a good chance she'd find you more attractive in person because of that .
d0nnivain Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I'm sorry to be the wet blanket buzz kill but you need a reality check. OL is not real. Nothing is real & there is no connection until you meet in person & form one. I'm not saying this won't be great but you can't know until you meet. Until you meet this is all just a fantasy. Lower your expectations. Go in with an open mind. But stop expecting perfection & magic or you will be sorely disappointed. 6
dobielover Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I'm sorry to be the wet blanket buzz kill but you need a reality check. OL is not real. Nothing is real & there is no connection until you meet in person & form one. I'm not saying this won't be great but you can't know until you meet. Until you meet this is all just a fantasy. Lower your expectations. Go in with an open mind. But stop expecting perfection & magic or you will be sorely disappointed. This, totally. So are you right to worry? Yes. But it goes both ways. She might not like you, you might not like her. Until you meet in person, there's just no way to know if you actually have a romantic spark. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I'm sorry to be the wet blanket buzz kill but you need a reality check. OL is not real. Nothing is real & there is no connection until you meet in person & form one. I'm not saying this won't be great but you can't know until you meet. Until you meet this is all just a fantasy. Lower your expectations. Go in with an open mind. But stop expecting perfection & magic or you will be sorely disappointed. I second this. Honestly, if I had a nickle for every man I met online that looked good "on paper" yet didn't translate in RL I'd have enough to buy myself a cast iron pan and hit myself over the head with it...repeatedly. You're over romanticizing things and her for that matter which will only leave you disappointed if you're not careful. Relax and take it all with a grain of salt until you're standing in front of her. Good luck. 3
d0nnivain Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Honestly, if I had a nickle for every man I met online that looked good "on paper" yet didn't translate in RL I'd have enough to buy myself a cast iron pan and hit myself over the head with it...repeatedly. I sincerely thank Providence that I read this as I was raising my mug to my lips or I would have spit hot tea all over my lap top. It feels so good when you stop hitting yourself in the head though, doesn't it? 3
Author Wait Posted December 9, 2015 Author Posted December 9, 2015 Her and I had a conversation and we both laughed about how we are each feeling the same way. Hasn't calmed my nerves any but I'm more open to being... open. We're meeting this weekend. 1
SwordofFlame Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 This is precisely the reason to not overchat online before the first meeting. You might create extremely high and maybe even anxiety inducing expectations for the first meeting. 3
mrldii Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 ...Honestly, if I had a nickle for every man I met online that looked good "on paper" yet didn't translate in RL I'd have enough to buy myself a cast iron pan and hit myself over the head with it...repeatedly... :laugh: I saved enough nickels to buy two...PM me your address, and I'll send you my cast-off. 3
Maggie4 Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 It's natural to be nervous, especially after it's been built up so much. Much of attraction isn't how your features are arranged. It's how you carry yourself, your energy, even the way you smell. I hope it goes well for you and that you'll come back to tell us about it.
newt Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Try to meet ASAP because I was always guilty of thinking I was the only guy she was talking to and wasn't meeting fast enough. Then I would find out she lost interest because another came along so set up a date soon.
Author Wait Posted December 19, 2015 Author Posted December 19, 2015 so we finally met IRL... ...and it was great! I was definitely super nervous but everything clicked like we knew each other for years. She was even prettier in person. Already have plans to see each other again soon. 2
shoplocal Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 so we finally met IRL... ...and it was great! I was definitely super nervous but everything clicked like we knew each other for years. She was even prettier in person. Already have plans to see each other again soon. Yay, congratulations!
xcupid Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 I second this. Honestly, if I had a nickle for every man I met online that looked good "on paper" yet didn't translate in RL I'd have enough to buy myself a cast iron pan and hit myself over the head with it...repeatedly. You're over romanticizing things and her for that matter which will only leave you disappointed if you're not careful. Relax and take it all with a grain of salt until you're standing in front of her. Good luck. Those cast iron pans sure hurt the head a lot. 1
soph-walker Posted December 20, 2015 Posted December 20, 2015 so we finally met IRL... ...and it was great! I was definitely super nervous but everything clicked like we knew each other for years. She was even prettier in person. Already have plans to see each other again soon. Great news!! I whole heartedly agree with the posts mentioning meeting irl ASAP as opposed to indfefinitely chatting online. It does not count for anything and no matter what anyone says to you online, the proof is in the pudding.
Author Wait Posted March 29, 2016 Author Posted March 29, 2016 UPDATE: we're in love with each other! never believed in soulmates until this girl came into my life 2
Toodaloo Posted March 29, 2016 Posted March 29, 2016 UPDATE: we're in love with each other! never believed in soulmates until this girl came into my life While I am really pleased... Steady on... Breathe and try not to rush so much... Just relax and enjoy each other.
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