truthtripper Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I don't appreciate having my comments taken apart and thrown in my face out of context. . I didn't take your comments apart. All I see is contradiction in them. First you say that the older woman and the younger man will ultimately end their relationship. Then you mention that they could possibly have children together. You have made it clear in several posts here that you believe such relationships have to end as the two individuals are "not on the same page". So, it makes no sense that they should even consider children in the first place. "Children shouldn't be a part of any equation unless a couple is in a loving, committed and stable relationship", doesn't equate with the above.
truthtripper Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I believe that anyone who is content with being regarded as disposable in relationships is self-abusive and is in denial about their lack of self-worth. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I didn't take your comments apart. All I see is contradiction in them. First you say that the older woman and the younger man will ultimately end their relationship. Then you mention that they could possibly have children together. You have made it clear in several posts here that you believe such relationships have to end as the two individuals are "not on the same page". So, it makes no sense that they should even consider children in the first place. "Children shouldn't be a part of any equation unless a couple is in a loving, committed and stable relationship", doesn't equate with the above. I will repeat this ONE MORE TIME...I NEVER said they should have children together EVER! You misconstrued my post about children WHICH I TRIED to clarify further in a follow-up post that you seemed to simply IGNORE for whatever reason. Now you're hell bent on proving me wrong. If I didn't know better I'd say this is a touchy subject for you for some reason. Whatever. Think whatever the hell you want. We've spent enough time going back and forth on this.
truthtripper Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I will repeat this ONE MORE TIME...I NEVER said they should have children together EVER! You misconstrued my post about children WHICH I TRIED to clarify further in a follow-up post that you seemed to simply IGNORE for whatever reason. Now you're hell bent on proving me wrong. If I didn't know better I'd say this is a touchy subject for you for some reason. Whatever. Think whatever the hell you want. We've spent enough time going back and forth on this. Oh, my apologies. I just went back and read that post of yours. Sorry, I need to be more focused when I'm reading, there's too much noise and distraction in any room I go to in this house. Maybe I should take my iPad to the toilet. I'm really sorry if I stressed you out.
truthtripper Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 If I didn't know better I'd say this is a touchy subject for you for some reason. . You know there could be some truth in that. My aunt had a relationship with a man who was 13 years younger. Shortly after she had a child with him, he left her for a younger woman. She has often told me that sometimes she regrets having had her child, as she was left alone to raise him at the age of 46 and also developed chronic fatigue syndrome when he was still a baby. Her son keeps falling in love with girls who have major health issues, which my aunt blames herself for. As the years have gone by, she has become increasingly bitter and twisted to the point where I just can't talk with her anymore. I think I'm grieving this loss as we used to get along so well. Perhaps this makes it a touchy subject for me. I think you've helped me. Thanks Michelle.
Heatherknows Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 You know there could be some truth in that. My aunt had a relationship with a man who was 13 years younger. Shortly after she had a child with him, he left her for a younger woman. She has often told me that sometimes she regrets having had her child, as she was left alone to raise him at the age of 46 and also developed chronic fatigue syndrome when he was still a baby. This is why women of all ages need to date using both head and heart. If you date a much younger man it's almost certain that one day he'll leave you for a woman closer to his age.
truth_seeker Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 This is why women of all ages need to date using both head and heart. If you date a much younger man it's almost certain that one day he'll leave you for a woman closer to his age. This is why, I'm sure there are stats, that older man / younger woman works out better.
No_Go Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 Two of my best friends are together for over 20 years. SHE is 28 years older... It worked for them. My first BF was 46, I was 27... Failed miserably... Because i couldn't accept the age difference (among other reasons). If you want kids, she is not your person, else... Depends on yourself, you WILL be criticized by many, but... It's your choice. My fling with the older man was awesome initially, it went bitter when it was to get serious. I recently started seeing a woman in her mid forties. I'm in my early thirties. She has already gone through a couple of divorces and has kids, and I have none of those things. So far, I like her, but I am having a hard time imagining us being together for many years, purely because of the age difference. When I'm in my mid-forties, she'll be in her early sixties! I also wouldn't mind being married and having my own kids someday. I would like to continue seeing her for the time being, having fun, and developing a connection, but I'm wondering how to tell her these things and also how to manage boundaries over time. I can tell she's really starting to like me, and I like her too, but I just don't want to disappoint over time. Any advice is appreciated.
RedRobin Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 This is why women of all ages need to date using both head and heart. If you date a much younger man it's almost certain that one day he'll leave you for a woman closer to his age. Actually, large age gap relationships where the man is much older don't work very often either. There is another thread somewhere that breaks it down. For anyone who really wants a life partner, your best bet is with someone +/- 5 years at most. It's a function of the large gap, not the gender. 1
RedRobin Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 This is why, I'm sure there are stats, that older man / younger woman works out better. No, it doesn't. In fact, the largest age gaps typically exist between older men and younger women and also fail the most. Which makes sense, because it has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with the gap itself... and if there are more relationships where the man is much older... then it also makes sense it will fail most often. Anyway, not sure what happened to the OP. I think the consensus is don't string her along... as much as some guys here think that women over X age are disposable and ok to treat like an effing pastime.
Heatherknows Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 No, it doesn't. In fact, the largest age gaps typically exist between older men and younger women and also fail the most. Which makes sense, because it has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with the gap itself... and if there are more relationships where the man is much older... then it also makes sense it will fail most often. Anyway, not sure what happened to the OP. I think the consensus is don't string her along... as much as some guys here think that women over X age are disposable and ok to treat like an effing pastime. Perhaps he broke up with the older woman and she was REALLY angry.
truthtripper Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 What are you talking about?!?! Who the hell said anything about getting children mixed up in the middle?? I meant when the couple gets real about things like wanting to have children or NOT wanting to have children knowing that that kind of discrepancy can change the long term outlook on a relationship particularly where the women is older than the man. I'm at I'm done with having children but I've dated younger men without children, some of whom still want that option in the future. We agree that we're on different pages but for the time being we enjoy each other's company for the time we have it. I would NEVER condone bringing children into the world without any kind of commitment for heaven's sake. Michelle, the first paragraph could imply that the older woman and the younger man may consider children-you use the word "couple" rather than "he". Oh well, sometimes our words don't quite match what we mean.
camillalev Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 (edited) If John Stamos or Derek Jeter hit on you and your friends, all of you would be all over them. It just so happens these older men hitting on you are not very good-looking... Nope. Off the top of my head I have no idea what either of them look like. I've been hit on by attractive older men but I'm not attracted to them. I've always found the age factor weird and I heavily prefer how men my age bracket look. Sometimes a bit older or a bit younger but always in my age range. No 40 somethings or 50 somethings for me. Edited December 12, 2015 by camillalev 1
OldRover Posted December 12, 2015 Posted December 12, 2015 Also, the older one gets, the easier it is to deal with age difference. When I was a senior in HS, I dated a hot freshman... way too much of an age gap and cause a lot of problems. But when I'm 80 I would have no problem with a 60 yr old, and would be much easier. However, I could argue that once it gets to a generation gap... in the ~20 year range, there's a lot of issues that make it harder. I don't want to date my mom's friends..... or my sons friends. (unless she's really hot <g>).
Author TheBathWater Posted December 12, 2015 Author Posted December 12, 2015 Wow, I'm impressed by the strength of the fire that spread from my initial post. Everything from being pathologized and construed as a narcissist to being normalized and encouraged to communicate openly and honestly. It's one of many examples on this forum of how sensitive we react when our own personal issues or values encounter difference. Thanks to those who took it easy on me and trust in my benevolence
Recommended Posts