Michelle ma Belle Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I don't see it as living in the moment. It's living with restrictions, the exact opposite of freedom. So does that mean that every man you date is someone you're priming for marriage?? Seriously? Since when did dating = marriage? Sometimes people date...just to date. Companionship. Not everyone wants a long term or forever commitment including the old farts.
truthtripper Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 The theory of that is interesting but most people aren't wired to bond with those who they know will leave.. No one would be wired like this. We force unnatural relationships and living environments upon ourselves. No wonder there's a depression epidemic.
truthtripper Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 So does that mean that every man you date is someone you're priming for marriage?? Seriously? Since when did dating = marriage? Sometimes people date...just to date. Companionship. Not everyone wants a long term or forever commitment including the old farts. No, you're missing my point. There needs to be freedom in dating. If you really like someone, let the the relationship evolve and see where it goes. Whether it turns into a permanent relationship or fizzles out is not the issue. If at the beginning your saying "when I'm 55, she'll be 70, so I'd better leave before this happens" is entering a relationship with the intention of breaking it up. It's illogical, unnatural and unhealthy. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 No, you're missing my point. There needs to be freedom in dating. If you really like someone, let the the relationship evolve and see where it goes. Whether it turns into a permanent relationship or fizzles out is not the issue. If at the beginning your saying "when I'm 55, she'll be 70, so I'd better leave before this happens" is entering a relationship with the intention of breaking it up. It's illogical, unnatural and unhealthy. Okay agreed. That kind of clear cut expiration dating is just...cold. BUT if the couple knows where things stand (eg having children) and still want to enjoy what they while they have it, I still don't see what's so unnatural or unhealthy about it? If the guy is mentally making plans to cut and run by a certain date all the while making promises of something more or long term then yeah, that's cause for concern. Not to mention douche-bag behavior 1
truthtripper Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Okay agreed. That kind of clear cut expiration dating is just...cold. BUT if the couple knows where things stand (eg having children) and still want to enjoy what they while they have it, I still don't see what's so unnatural or unhealthy about it?p So you all live as one big happy family and then the parents break up. What do you tell the kids? "Daddy left mummy because she got too old."???
Rydo Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 I could never date an older woman but do know a couple of guys that don't care either way. For me though I don't want someone with baggage I don't have, divorces and kids etc. If you have a time limit on a relationship what's the point in having it? 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 So you all live as one big happy family and then the parents break up. What do you tell the kids? "Daddy left mummy because she got too old."??? What are you talking about?!?! Who the hell said anything about getting children mixed up in the middle?? I meant when the couple gets real about things like wanting to have children or NOT wanting to have children knowing that that kind of discrepancy can change the long term outlook on a relationship particularly where the women is older than the man. I'm done with having children but I've dated younger men without children, some of whom still want that option in the future. We agree that we're on different pages but for the time being we enjoy each other's company for the time we have it. I would NEVER condone bringing children into the world without any kind of commitment for heaven's sake. 1
truthtripper Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 What are you talking about?!?! Who the hell said anything about getting children mixed up in the middle?? I meant when the couple gets real about things like wanting to have children or NOT wanting to have children knowing that that kind of discrepancy can change the long term outlook on a relationship particularly where the women is older than the man. I'm done with having children but I've dated younger men without children, some of whom still want that option in the future. We agree that we're on different pages but for the time being we enjoy each other's company for the time we have it. I would NEVER condone bringing children into the world without any kind of commitment for heaven's sake. If the guy is 100% sure he's going to leave as in OPs case, they shouldn't be even thinking about having kids-and the woman shouldn't have kids in the hope it will make her partner stay. 1
truthtripper Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 If you have a time limit on a relationship what's the point in having it? This is "getting real about things", Michelle ma Belle.
Timshel Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 (edited) What are you talking about?!?! Who the hell said anything about getting children mixed up in the middle?? I meant when the couple gets real about things like wanting to have children or NOT wanting to have children knowing that that kind of discrepancy can change the long term outlook on a relationship particularly where the women is older than the man. I'm done with having children but I've dated younger men without children, some of whom still want that option in the future. We agree that we're on different pages but for the time being we enjoy each other's company for the time we have it. I would NEVER condone bringing children into the world without any kind of commitment for heaven's sake. There are plenty of people that do not require the effort of explanation Michelle. OP, it seems that you have ambivalence about having children in the future. For this reason alone, break it off. Having sex and behaving as a couple will complicate emotions/expectations. Of course you both can enjoy and see how things go....but there may be the thought in her mind that you will fall deeply in love enough to overlook having a child....and you may, no harm or foul. Then again you may not and you need to leave that door wide open. Either tell her that you do want a child and work that into your relationship or end things now. I know that you said you don't know if you do or don't want a child....that is the reason I am advising saying that you do. You simply can't shut that door and she needs to know this up front. Never mind, end it. You will have bouncing babies. I am in an age gap relationship and it is working out very well for us....but that is because we have very candid conversations and are reading/participating on ls. Edited December 9, 2015 by Timshel 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 If the guy is 100% sure he's going to leave as in OPs case, they shouldn't be even thinking about having kids-and the woman shouldn't have kids in the hope it will make her partner stay. Oh for the love of GOD! I think it's time to put your glasses on because you're still not understanding anything about what I said. Let me make myself clear about one thing - CHILDREN SHOULDN'T BE PART OF ANY EQUATION UNLESS A COUPLE IS IN A LOVING, COMMITTED AND STABLE RELATIONSHIP. Done.
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 There are plenty of people that do not require the effort of explanation Michelle. OP, it seems that you have ambivalence about having children in the future. For this reason alone, break it off. Having sex and behaving as a couple will complicate emotions/expectations. Of course you both can enjoy and see how things go....but there may be the thought in her mind that you will fall deeply in love enough to overlook having a child....and you may, no harm or foul. Then again you may not and you need to leave that door wide open. Either tell her that you do want a child and work that into your relationship or end things now. I know that you said you don't know if you do or don't want a child....that is the reason I am advising saying that you do. You simply can't shut that door and she needs to know this up front. Never mind, end it. You will have bouncing babies. I am in an age gap relationship and it is working out very well for us....but that is because we have very candid conversations and are reading/participating on ls. Thank you!!! Your post is exactly what I was trying to get at. It's about having those very candid conversations which make all the difference. 1
truthtripper Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Let me make myself clear about one thing - CHILDREN SHOULDN'T BE PART OF ANY EQUATION UNLESS A COUPLE IS IN A LOVING, COMMITTED AND STABLE RELATIONSHIP. Done. Yes, that's common sense. There's no need to prove to anyone that you uphold it.
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Yes, that's common sense. There's no need to prove to anyone that you uphold it. Is it now? Because your pokes at my responses seem to indicate otherwise. (Sorry OP, I'm done indulging this poster)
truthtripper Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Is it now? Because your pokes at my responses seem to indicate otherwise. (Sorry OP, I'm done indulging this poster) I didn't poke you, you dug your own hole.
OldRover Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 <<<<<Originally Posted by Michelle ma Belle View Post Is it now? Because your pokes at my responses seem to indicate otherwise. (Sorry OP, I'm done indulging this poster)>>>>> I didn't poke you, you dug your own hole.I didn't poke you, you dug your own hole. Agreed, Machelle, you make some good post but need to chill a bit.
Heatherknows Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 <<<<<Originally Posted by Michelle ma Belle View Post Is it now? Because your pokes at my responses seem to indicate otherwise. (Sorry OP, I'm done indulging this poster)>>>>> I didn't poke you, you dug your own hole. Agreed, Machelle, you make some good post but need to chill a bit. Actually, Michelle doesn't need to chill. She's verbalizing her POV which is what this forum is all about. If everyone agreed it would make for a butt boring thread. That being said I believe the OP is using the 40 year old female for sex. Most women in their 40's don't have this "yeah just wanna fu*k" attitude. They want love, romance and the potential for a life partner. As I stated before this sleazy relationship needs to end ASAP and the OP knows it or he wouldn't have made the thread.
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 <<<<<Originally Posted by Michelle ma Belle View Post Is it now? Because your pokes at my responses seem to indicate otherwise. (Sorry OP, I'm done indulging this poster)>>>>> I didn't poke you, you dug your own hole. Agreed, Machelle, you make some good post but need to chill a bit. I am seriously chill OR, don't you worry about that. I take great pride in remaining consistent and always being honest and thoughtful with my responses on here. I don't appreciate having my comments taken apart and thrown in my face out of context. OP, I think you have a number of responses that are cause for thought. Whatever you do, honesty should always be your calling card in ANY relationship you enter. Good luck.
Popsicle Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I recently started seeing a woman in her mid forties. I'm in my early thirties. She has already gone through a couple of divorces and has kids, and I have none of those things. So far, I like her, but I am having a hard time imagining us being together for many years, purely because of the age difference. When I'm in my mid-forties, she'll be in her early sixties! I also wouldn't mind being married and having my own kids someday. I would like to continue seeing her for the time being, having fun, and developing a connection, but I'm wondering how to tell her these things and also how to manage boundaries over time. I can tell she's really starting to like me, and I like her too, but I just don't want to disappoint over time. Any advice is appreciated. Tell her this NOW. Do not try to spare her feelings by putting off telling her, that will be a mistake. The longer you wait, the more attached you'll both grow and the harder it will be to tell her the truth and the more it will hurt her and you. Let her know now while her feelings are not so strong and she can rationally decide if she just wants to have fun and hang out for the time being too. 1
Popsicle Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Funny because I believe you are the one who whined that women your age or younger never want to have a serious relationship with you outside of fun? Well keep how that felt in mind as you handle this woman who you are doing the same thing to.
Popsicle Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 (edited) I don't think it's logical to continue a relationship with the deliberate intention of ending it at some stage. It's so contrived. Healthy relationships are open-ended and free to evolve. I don't think I could do it either because I'm a hopeless romantic like that, but lots of people, both male and female, can and would continue it. But remains to be seen what this woman is capable of. Edited December 9, 2015 by Popsicle
OldRover Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Actually, Michelle doesn't need to chill. She's verbalizing her POV which is what this forum is all about. If everyone agreed it would make for a butt boring thread. That being said I believe the OP is using the 40 year old female for sex. Most women in their 40's don't have this "yeah just wanna fu*k" attitude. They want love, romance and the potential for a life partner. As I stated before this sleazy relationship needs to end ASAP and the OP knows it or he wouldn't have made the thread. Heatherknows, Actually you're right, and I was a bit out of line. Everyone is entitled to their POV, and everyone is entitled to a different POV too. And that seems the case here. I could argue either side. Sorry Michelle. 3
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Heatherknows, Actually you're right, and I was a bit out of line. Everyone is entitled to their POV, and everyone is entitled to a different POV too. And that seems the case here. I could argue either side. Sorry Michelle. No love lost OR
OldRover Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 I am seriously chill OR, don't you worry about that. I take great pride in remaining consistent and always being honest and thoughtful with my responses on here. I don't appreciate having my comments taken apart and thrown in my face out of context. OP, I think you have a number of responses that are cause for thought. Whatever you do, honesty should always be your calling card in ANY relationship you enter. Good luck. Machelle, You're right. Even it things seem a bit twisted at times, we are all entitled to our POV. And, for the most part I agree with you. The way your previous post came across seems awkward to me, thus my comment. Please accept my apology, no need for my comment. And, yes, honesty is of utmost importance in a relationship of any kind. 2
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