Cy8475 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 I recently got out of a 2.5 year relationship with someone that in my mind wasn't good for me. I am 40 and she is 30. I cared for her a great deal. I wasn't used to being in relationship so I was trying to learn what a real relationship was. I moved her and her son into my home. She was going to school to become a LPN. So naturally I paid all the bills in the household and when she needed things I provided them. I work a lot and she was home most of the time. She would clean the house maybe once a month if that. It frustrated me to no end. I came to her to discuss this on several occasions. I told her that she needed to contribute more to this relationship. It didn't have have to be monetary because I understood that she was just getting into her career. I just wanted her to pick up the housework duties since she was the one that was always home. She wouldn't even change the sheets on the bed in over two months. Since we were together she drank every night. She was irresponsible every mistake she made I was the one paying for it out of my pocket. She would let her son have company over in a house that wasn't clean. She told me she loved me constantly and that I wasn't patient enough and I was the one that had ask the problems. She tried to pressure me into marrying her. I didn't think that was a good idea because all of the problems we had. I felt under appreciated. I live in the northeast so when it snows I still have to go to work in it. She wouldn't even call to make sure I made it to work safely. I finally got fed up with it and kicked her out. She moved into a new place and we decided to work on our differences while being in separate households. She felt as though I wasn't paying enough attention to her. And one day her car got towed and I was fed up with always coming to her rescue and told her I didn't have the money. So she was upset with me because of it. She got the money from a guy friend of hers and broke things off with me to be with him. I feel as though she used me.
mrldii Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 ...I feel as though she used me. Reads like she did. And, you allowed it. For 2.5 years. Thank God you put an end to it at 2.5 years and a day. Next time, don't let a woman use you for 2.5 minutes, let alone a day. Best of luck to you, OP... 1
Author Cy8475 Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 Thank you. I was just trying to be there for her.
mrldii Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Thank you. I was just trying to be there for her. There's a really wide gap (NOT a fine line) between "being there for someone" and "being used by someone". Which side of the gap do you think "2.5 years" falls?
Author Cy8475 Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 Your 100% correct. She walked out of my life like I was a stranger. I don't even know why I was so in love with her.
AT15 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Your 100% correct. She walked out of my life like I was a stranger. I don't even know why I was so in love with her. You invested time and money because you cared. And you were waiting for her to have a "ah-ha" moment. But she is immature. My ex boyfriend supported me financially for years while I was an "actress". The first time I booked a big job, I showered him with gifts and put a chunk of my cash in a shared savings acct. but, I loved him and wanted him to know that what I had was partially because of his investment in me. We eventually got married and now are separated, but I still respect him. 1
makemineamac Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Hey we all learn from our mistakes. It's not wrong to expect the best of someone. But, after a period of time when they don't reciprocate (by helping out and maintaining the house in this case) we have to let them go. It took a little too long this time but you'll still benefit from the experience in your next relationship. Trying to examine why we allow people to treat us like this for an extended period of time is a really important exercise to go through when a relationship like this ends. Take some time to figure out why this was ok - and I know you said it was your first relationship - but maybe get a few books and read up on boundaries and how to build a great relationship. Wish you all the best.
Author Cy8475 Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 I thank you guys for your support. You have me some great insight and words of wisdom. I have been blaming myself and trying to figure out how I could have fixed my relationship. I am the ultimate optimist.I was trying to save a person that wasn't right for me. It's hard for me to find a woman that I like so I guess I was holding on to her for that reason instead of letting her go and see if she would come back or attempt to change some of her ways. I was the one doing all the changing to accommodate her.
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