kendahke Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 (edited) She's told me her mother and grandmothers were codependents and most married or dated addicts most of their lives. I fear she's just like they are. I don't know if there's any fixing this aside from ending things. There isn't outside of therapist. Unless you're a therapist, ending things so she can go find some help for her issues would be your best course of action, especially for your own mental health. Out of curiosity: Let's say your best friend calls you up and wants you to come by the house to watch the game with a few more friends. You want to go without her. What is her reaction when you've got your coat on, grabbing your keys and headed out the door saying "I'm going to Jared's house for a few hours. Me and the guys are going to watch the game. See you later on. Need me to bring anything back from the store on my way home?" ? What happens when you walk out that door? Will she throw a fit in the street? Blow up your phone? Show up at Jared's house scolding everyone in sight? Edited December 7, 2015 by kendahke
katiegrl Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 OP, may I be blunt? You need to grow a pair and dump her controlling ass! And vow to never EVER allow a woman to treat you/control you this way again. That's on YOU. Frankly, she sounds demented and frankly HORRIBLE! For your own sanity, dump her NOW and move on. She will emotionally destroy you and whatever self-esteem you have left.... if you don't. Your choice. Good luck....wish you the best.
Author tart6245 Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 There isn't outside of therapist. Unless you're a therapist, ending things so she can go find some help for her issues would be your best course of action, especially for your own mental health. Out of curiosity: Let's say your best friend calls you up and wants you to come by the house to watch the game with a few more friends. You want to go without her. What is her reaction when you've got your coat on, grabbing your keys and headed out the door saying "I'm going to Jared's house for a few hours. Me and the guys are going to watch the game. See you later on. Need me to bring anything back from the store on my way home?" ? What happens when you walk out that door? Will she throw a fit in the street? Blow up your phone? Show up at Jared's house scolding everyone in sight? She'd likely get upset that I hadn't given her a massive heads up and then text me constantly while I was with my friends asking what I was doing or telling me things she was doing.
Versacehottie Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 She'd likely get upset that I hadn't given her a massive heads up and then text me constantly while I was with my friends asking what I was doing or telling me things she was doing. Why take this??!!! I'm not sure why you are still complaining about it instead of doing something about it. Here's the thing if you want to attempt to stay with her there is this thing in psychology (i forgot what it's called) but basically when you first change something up with someone, they are going to resist and throw a tantrum or whatever is their angry style. Each person has a role so if you were to do something out of character in the relationship at first you are going to get pushback. If, however, she realizes you are holding firm and that this is the new order of things, she will probably come around. It takes several times depending on how entrenched the behavior is, how intense the other person is holding onto the roles and how minor/major the behavior change. It's worth a try vs continuing to be unhappy though!! Basically just know she won't like it and will make it seem like its the end of the world probably several times. ORRRRRRRRR you can be a wuss and resign yourself to a life of this and more of the same.
Author tart6245 Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Yeah I've let this go too far. I'll be really sad if I end up leaving her but I think in the long run I'll be much happier. It's just sucking my soul away right now. I'm afraid to do anything that doesn't involve her for fear she'd freak out at me. And now she wants to spend the holidays with my family who's never met her. I think it's just a terrible idea.
preraph Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 A grown woman friend of mine is letting this happen to her right now. He's trying to control her diet (he eats mostly vegs and loads of sugary sweets) and she has an immune condition and needs her protein and now she's rundown and tired and he pushes for being around too often and if she says she's too tired and wants to stay home, he just shows up acting like he's doing her a big favor and bringing (his) food and a foot massage or whatever to make her feel guilty to protest. I can't stand this type cloying/pushy crap and I know you painted yourself into a corner, which is what she has done because she tries to be positive and finds it hard to say no. Time to break up with her. Just tell her you are not ready and may never be for this level of interaction with someone else. Break it off clean or she'll just weasel her way back in. You've given up too much. I'm sure your friends will all rally behind you and say "Oh, thank God, we didn't like her."
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