Conflicting messages being sent... What type of relationship is this?

December 7, 2015

Ok, been seeing as girl about 2.5 months.. Saw each other about 20 times...

The positives:

Communicate daily, most of the time initiated by her. (texting)

Great chemistry Continuously all over each other.. Non stop sex, staring, complementing..Hugging/cuddling for hours.

Always laughing while together... Always fun, great dates.. Almost like we are on drugs..

She intitiates some future talk, also tells me she never met anyone like me etc.

Tells me she misses me, afraid I will meet someone else.

I had to take a 3 day trip, and she wanted to see me the day before I left, and the day i returned.. Very eagerly..

The negatives:

Not "close" in other ways...Seems like games are played in a way.. Neither of us ever talk about what we do when apart.

No talk of exclusivity, and it would just feel odd to even bring it up.

She has told me She isn't ready for a relationship, but then she is confused, doesn't wasn't to lose me, etc.

Also seems to be classic push pull..If I ask her out far ahead, it leads to her flaking, which she has already a few times.. It is like I need to let her initiate... But if I don't initiate I also feel like perhaps she may not think I am interested..

So this isn't like a FWB, as it is romantic and she expresses feelings.. Yet, she also says she "cant be in a relationship", even without me asking..

How to proceed with this? I guess the issue is that it confuses me, yet also prevents me from meeting anyone else as I am interested in her.. Her actions with me say one thing, her texts when apart say a combination of things...

December 7, 2015

I told my oldest daughter this weekend to clarify a relationship she was in she has been in this relationship for months...my heart sunk when i told her to do this...because i already knew what the answer would be.......and i was right......my heart knew i would have to pick up the pieces.....she isnt talking to me right now.....she cant..too upset..i dont know if she will continue seeing him.....i am praying she is graceful in ending it and doesnt let her heart break over and over again......its not my call...not my heart...........and i just want her to be strong in knowing her own self worth.......so of course she was told that friendship was the most he could offer...that and sex....so fwb.......and she has fallen hard as is usual ...someone always does.....she wanted long term commitment....he doesnt..

clarify what you want from the relationship regardless of the outcome after the conversation, is what i advise you to do...be open and honest about what you need what you want and what you see in the future......dont hold back or change to suit the other person...because otherwise all you are doing is wasting time..yours and theirs.........either you are both on the same page or you arent...if you feel there are games being played....stop them.....dont play along or start to play......its the only way to be truly happy ...and that is what every person deserves out of life and love...happiness....not confusion..not gamer plays...just honesty and respect....ahhh just as i was writing this i have a call to go to my oldest daughters room to talk.....wish me luck with all the right words to say..... and to you .......good luck......deb

December 7, 2015

My two cents...

Either she:

1 - Is scared of being hurt, and wants you - but at a distance (I can relate to this circumstance).

2 - Has someone else (or other "elses" she's seeing).

3 - Is using you.

4 - She wants to play and isn't ready to settle.

Regardless of her reason(s), IMO, you two need to have a frank talk about what you both want and where this is going....

I'll expand some more:

1 - If this is the case, she may be like me...were she's not cheating on you and is being loyal to you. She has no intention of leaving you and doesn't even have one foot outside of the door. No other guy has/will have her attention....

But, she's scared. At some point in her life (probably an ex, childhood) people taught her to not allow herself to be loved because that love will be not be there for her. Love makes you vulnerable, dependent, and open to someone letting you down. So, she wants to be close, but not tooooo close.

The not talking about what you all do on your own time when apart? Again, if she's like me, she's trying to keep it simple cuz the more she opens up to you and involves you in her life (and vice versa) bonding happens. Years ago, I remember when one guy broke up with me. It was so hard for me to transition into not hearing from him (even though I was like "Why is this guy calling me, I'm watching Law and Order?") and it hurt so much cuz I missed hearing from him and it hurts that I let him in and he let me go.

Recently, I thought I was bonding with my dude...I thought I was talking to him till like 3AM. I (maybe he too) started looking forward from early morning hello's. Again, I opened myself up to him and shared how things were going with my work, family, day, etc. From mundane stuff like me doing my pedi/mani - to serious stuff like my family stressing me out. And poof, he backed off and ran off (again) and here I am, heartbroken. I opened up to him and he pooped all over it. I spent more time talking to him in the past month or so than I did with my FWB.

So thanks to this dude, again, I'm back to not sharing a damn thing with a guy. What my day is/was. My family, etc. is going to be none of some guy's business. We meet, have a great time - make small talk and go about our ways till I see him again. I will not allow him to enter my heart and mind to walk (well "run" in this case) away.

How to address this with her?

If she is like me, you're gonna have to let her know she can trust you. I don't know how you're gonna do that cuz trust is gained by time, actions, etc. Talk to her, hold her hand, look her in the eye, make her feel warm/trusted. Let her know how you feel, be sincere...ask her to allow you to get to know her. Hopefully, she'll let down her guard and allow herself to let you in and share herself and life with you.

One thing I ask of you, don't waste her time. Women who fear trusting - last thing we need is some guy who isn't sure what he wants and wants us to open up to him only for him to toss us. It's hard enough for us to open up, so when we do and we get crushed, it hurts even more. I'm not saying we don't understand that all RLs don't work out and if you dare dump us we're gonna go Bunny Boiling, but we do hurt when a guy messes with us and wastes our time after we open up to them.

2 - If she's seeing others (or wants to keep the door open to that). Well, again, when you decide to have this frank convo you gotta just lay it on the table. Ask her, "Are you seeing someone else?" and, lay out for her what you did for us...that she doesn't share certain things with you and you wonder if someone else is in the picture.

3 - If she's using you. Are you buying her stuff? Is she laying on the hot/heavy cuz she wants something from you (i.e. money, stuff)? Does she have a job? Her own stuff? Not sure if having a convo and asking her that directly will get you anywhere cuz a golddigger, manipulator, usually has story after story to explain away stuff. Like if she drives a Lexus but works at Target. You know that doesn't make any freakin' sense.

How will you figure out if she's using you? Not necessarily by asking her, but making the observations I suggested. Cuz, that's how some of these women work. They lay on the hot/heavy - but are secretive, cuz the more time you spend with them, you're gonna see things not adding up.

4 - Some people aren't ready to settle down. Worst, some people have no issue with sleeping around until they do. Maybe she wants to date, have sex, have fun and simply not settle down. If this is the case, when you have your "talk" with her, just ask her if she's looking for "companionship" for "now" or something serious (i.e. marriage). If she doesn't want to sleep around and isn't ready for marriage - then let her know that the "in between" for you is sharing/doing more than what you two have and "exclusivity". Again, you both need to communicate your expectation in dating/a mate. IMO, everyone should be having this "talk" by the 3rd date and/or before sex happens.

So good luck in trying to figure her out

Edited December 7, 2015 by Gloria25

December 7, 2015

My two cents...

Either she:

1 - Is scared of being hurt, and wants you - but at a distance (I can relate to this circumstance).

2 - Has someone else (or other "elses" she's seeing).

3 - Is using you.

4 - She wants to play and isn't ready to settle.

Regardless of her reason(s), IMO, you two need to have a frank talk about what you both want and where this is going....

I'll expand some more:

1 - If this is the case, she may be like me...were she's not cheating on you and is being loyal to you. She has no intention of leaving you and doesn't even have one foot outside of the door. No other guy has/will have her attention....

But, she's scared. At some point in her life (probably an ex, childhood) people taught her to not allow herself to be loved because that love will be not be there for her. Love makes you vulnerable, dependent, and open to someone letting you down. So, she wants to be close, but not tooooo close.

The not talking about what you all do on your own time when apart? Again, if she's like me, she's trying to keep it simple cuz the more she opens up to you and involves you in her life (and vice versa) bonding happens. Years ago, I remember when one guy broke up with me. It was so hard for me to transition into not hearing from him (even though I was like "Why is this guy calling me, I'm watching Law and Order?") and it hurt so much cuz I missed hearing from him and it hurts that I let him in and he let me go.

Recently, I thought I was bonding with my dude...I thought I was talking to him till like 3AM. I (maybe he too) started looking forward from early morning hello's. Again, I opened myself up to him and shared how things were going with my work, family, day, etc. From mundane stuff like me doing my pedi/mani - to serious stuff like my family stressing me out. And poof, he backed off and ran off (again) and here I am, heartbroken. I opened up to him and he pooped all over it. I spent more time talking to him in the past month or so than I did with my FWB.

So thanks to this dude, again, I'm back to not sharing a damn thing with a guy. What my day is/was. My family, etc. is going to be none of some guy's business. We meet, have a great time - make small talk and go about our ways till I see him again. I will not allow him to enter my heart and mind to walk (well "run" in this case) away.

How to address this with her?

If she is like me, you're gonna have to let her know she can trust you. I don't know how you're gonna do that cuz trust is gained by time, actions, etc. Talk to her, hold her hand, look her in the eye, make her feel warm/trusted. Let her know how you feel, be sincere...ask her to allow you to get to know her. Hopefully, she'll let down her guard and allow herself to let you in and share herself and life with you.

One thing I ask of you, don't waste her time. Women who fear trusting - last thing we need is some guy who isn't sure what he wants and wants us to open up to him only for him to toss us. It's hard enough for us to open up, so when we do and we get crushed, it hurts even more. I'm not saying we don't understand that all RLs don't work out and if you dare dump us we're gonna go Bunny Boiling, but we do hurt when a guy messes with us and wastes our time after we open up to them.

Here is the issue...

At the beginning she came on strong, then when it was reciprocated, she backed off, flaked on a couple dates etc...

So what seems to work with her, unfortunately, is me being scarce.. Then she wants to see me, wants to change, wants to open up etc.. So it is all kind of confusing..Trying to make her feel secure has the opposite effect.

If I have down to earth talks, express my interest, ask her questions, it seems to go back to her "Running and being scared"...

I am not in a hurry, and don't want to force anything, but also dont want to waste my time/feelings..

Edited December 7, 2015 by oregon0011

December 7, 2015

Here is the issue...

At the beginning she came on strong, then when it was reciprocated, she backed off, flaked on a couple dates etc...

So what seems to work with her, unfortunately, is me being scarce.. Then she wants to see me, wants to change, wants to open up etc.. So it is all kind of confusing..

If I have down to earth talks, express my interest, ask her questions, it seems to go back to her "Running and being scared"...

I am not in a hurry, and don't want to force anything, but also dont want to waste my time/feelings..

Well, I think it's not confusing - you said it yourself (I highlighted it in bold)...You pointed out the fact that she comes to you when you pull away/not available.

She wants you at a distance. Again, I can relate. If a guy approaches me, I'm suspicious....I prefer to approach a guy instead. I know, confusing right?

If a guy says something to me that may be a sign of interest/attraction - I'll not act on it and sit around...sometimes until its too late/awkward, then I'll approach him cuz I feel more comfortable in me initiating....I know, even more confusing, right?

Since its 2.5 months, give it some time. When it comes to dating, we need at least 1 1/2 to 2 years of "dating" (not being friends, co-workers, shack-ups, LDRs) to really, really, get to know someone. We all risk putting that investment in time in that person, but unfortunately, we need that time to allow us to see who they are.

So, since it's 2.5 months and you don't want to rock the boat, then it's up to you how much more time you want to invest?

December 7, 2015

Well, I think it's not confusing - you said it yourself (I highlighted it in bold)...You pointed out the fact that she comes to you when you pull away/not available.

She wants you at a distance. Again, I can relate. If a guy approaches me, I'm suspicious....I prefer to approach a guy instead. I know, confusing right?

If a guy says something to me that may be a sign of interest/attraction - I'll not act on it and sit around...sometimes until its too late/awkward, then I'll approach him cuz I feel more comfortable in me initiating....I know, even more confusing, right?

Since its 2.5 months, give it some time. When it comes to dating, we need at least 1 1/2 to 2 years of "dating" (not being friends, co-workers, shack-ups, LDRs) to really, really, get to know someone. We all risk putting that investment in time in that person, but unfortunately, we need that time to allow us to see who they are.

So, since it's 2.5 months and you don't want to rock the boat, then it's up to you how much more time you want to invest?

I know she is a bit insecure, so I am afraid of being too aloof and she then feels i am NOT interested... Here is an example..

We are texting, and I ask her if she is free on the weekend... She then take 8 hours to respond, texts me how she wants to cook dinner for me, but ignores my question.. I don't reply.. She then texts me that she has to go to the gym, has to babysit, etc etc.. So apparently too busy...I feel she wants to be in control..

This made me think "Wow, this girl likes me SOOOO much, yet cant make time?"

So I don't reply to her for 3 days..... I text an inside joke and she replies within seconds... Proceeds to tell me she missed me, cant wait to see me, if I am free tomorrow...

So, how long does this "charade" have to go on? It's not easy to ignore someone and doesn't seem right, but thats the only thing that seems to work..

Another time she was "busy", and asked if i was seeing someone... I gave a vague answer, and then she replied "Can I spend the night with you tomorrow", apparently because she thought I might be seeing someone else..

Do I just keep my options open and see others? How would you feel in that situation?

Edited December 7, 2015 by oregon0011

December 7, 2015

I know she is a bit insecure, so I am afraid of being too aloof and she then feels i am NOT interested... Here is an example..

From what you described, I wouldn't perceive you as being not interested...But still, so she knows where you stand, I still think you should have the "talk" with her and don't "assume" you know what she's thinking - even if that risk is going to scare her and make her run and hide for a bit. At least it's better than the push/pull you two have going on. So even "if" she runs and hides after the "talk" at least you know you have clarity that she didn't run/hide cuz she thought you weren't interested in her...in other words, you "said your peace"

We are texting, and I ask her if she is free on the weekend... She then take 8 hours to respond, texts me how she wants to cook dinner for me, but ignores my question.. I don't reply.. She then texts me that she has to go to the gym, has to babysit, etc etc.. So apparently too busy...I feel she wants to be in control..

Ok, in this instance ^^ , even though she didn't answer your question about being free on the weekend, did she set up a meet? Has she ever cooked for you like she said she wanted to?

This made me think "Wow, this girl likes me SOOOO much, yet cant make time?"

So I don't reply to her for 3 days..... I text an inside joke and she replies within seconds... Proceeds to tell me she missed me, cant wait to see me, if I am free tomorrow...

Ok, in this instance ^^ did she see you when you replied if you were "free tomorrow"? Did you two eventually meet up?

So, how long does this "charade" have to go on? It's not easy to ignore someone and doesn't seem right, but thats the only thing that seems to work..

Another time she was "busy", and asked if i was seeing someone... I gave a vague answer, and then she replied "Can I spend the night with you tomorrow", apparently because she thought I might be seeing someone else..

Ok, in this instance, did you two "spend the night tomorrow"? She might be testing you to see if you're seeing someone else by trying to spontaneously set a meet up with you.

Do I just keep my options open and see others? How would you feel in that situation?

Ok, I asked you some questions in bold above ^^. I'm asking you and will wait for your answers cuz I'm trying to see if she follows through by setting another date and meeting with you even though she's not available at the moment?

I am not sure about answering your question about keeping your options open until you answer my questions, but for now, if she "is" like me and just scared to trust...I say give it time, and if you're gonna keep your options open - don't let her know, cuz she's gonna shut down (like I did with my FWB when he told me he was seeing others - I didn't even want to have sex with him anymore again).

If she's not like me, I say keep your options open and just give it time to find out what/why she's about if you're really into her...and LET her know you're keeping your options open.

Hope that helps

Edited December 7, 2015 by Gloria25

December 7, 2015

Ok, I asked you some questions in bold above ^^. I'm asking you and will wait for your answers cuz I'm trying to see if she follows through by setting another date and meeting with you even though she's not available at the moment?

I am not sure about answering your question about keeping your options open until you answer my questions, but for now, if she "is" like me and just scared to trust...I say give it time, and if you're gonna keep your options open - don't let her know, cuz she's gonna shut down (like I did with my FWB when he told me he was seeing others - I didn't even want to have sex with him anymore again).

If she's not like me, I say keep your options open and just give it time to find out what/why she's about if you're really into her...and LET her know you're keeping your options open.

Hope that helps

First question..

She knows I am free only every other weekend... So, I asked her if she was free on the weekend, since we text daily... After I asked, she then took 8 hours to respond, and ignored my question... I never responded... Then two hours later she responded how busy she is, etc etc...And left it as "But maybe"

I never responded for 3 days.... then as soon as I did respond , she told me she missed me, will be better, and wants to see me the next day.. We saw each other the next day and it was great... My point was that she seemingly wanted to see me because I backed off completely for 3 days..

Question 2:

Yes, that was the first night we fully spent together, and it was also great. But once again, it wasn't until she thought I might be seeing someone else that she offered to spend the night and actually followed through..

Basically if I ask her out days ahead, it feels like I am being "pushy", and maybe she thinks, changes her mind, etc, which upsets me...Then when I back off she apologizes and "cant wait to see me", and then follows through..

On nights we weren't together, (although we could have been), she then sends me random texts at 9 or 10pm, sort of,I am guessing, to see what I am doing.. I stopped responding to these and reply in the morning..

Edited December 7, 2015 by oregon0011

December 7, 2015

First question..

She knows I am free only every other weekend... So, I asked her if she was free on the weekend, since we text daily... After I asked, she then took 8 hours to respond, and ignored my question... I never responded... Then two hours later she responded how busy she is, etc etc...And left it as "But maybe"

I never responded for 3 days.... then as soon as I did respond , she told me she missed me, will be better, and wants to see me the next day.. We saw each other the next day and it was great... My point was that she seemingly wanted to see me because I backed off completely for 3 days..

Question 2:

Yes, that was the first night we fully spent together, and it was also great. But once again, it wasn't until she thought I might be seeing someone else that she offered to spend the night and actually followed through..

Ummmm.....

Again, I'm giving you my opinion based on her possibly being like me. I think what counts is the follow through. When I first meet someone, I sometimes drag my heels too and have to push myself. I get cold feet a lot. I almost didn't go out with my FWB on our first date...

With my recent dude, I turned him down when he wanted to hook up, but it wasn't cuz I was trying to blow him off. My house smelled like chicken (mum and I had to cook so she could take food to work), I had to draft some court docs for a particular deadline...And, when I do have sex, I like to sorta "set the scene" if you will...and, with mum living with me, I wanted a date where I could have a few uninterrupted hours with him. I also kinda wanted to "seduce" him. I didn't just want to "hook-up".

When I gave him my tel and invited him to come over for a beer, I really meant that. I wanted to have a drink, talk to him, maybe fool around and if sex happened "Ok", if not "oh well" cuz I was attracted him enough to know I could have sex with him, but not like "now" and I wanted a guy to come back for 2nds. But he threw me through a loop when he asked if I wanted to hook up "right now". So, while I turned him down, I spent all day with wet panties...wet to the point I was afraid when walking my pets it people would see something (sorry for being so graphic, but I'm trying to stress to you how you may not think she's interested/attracted when she indeed was). But I followed up with a date I'd be ready...I even took that day off of work.

Also, the other guy I told you I was dating years ago? We both came back from a military training exercise, but he came back first. I, couldn't communicate with him cuz my cel didn't get reception out there and battery died. Also, I had to make sure my people and equipment came back before I call him, so I didn't wanna burn my battery to call him until I got a time I'd be home. Lastly, I wanted to do my hair and nails - cuz I'm a girly girl, I like looking good for my guy....and no, I don't like super doll up every time before sex, but we just came back from a military training. Of course I want our first time back to be fun, sexy, and special. I like to "set the scene" for sex. He took it as a blow off...and it was faaaar from that.

Sorry for the long rant, but sometimes while you "think" you're getting blown off, there may be more going on than you think. Sometimes I'll chat up a guy on OLD, and something happens with my job, family, etc. and I'll just not put much into it and by the time I want to follow up with the guy and got over my cold feet, it's just awkward and I'm smacking my forehead.

Sooooo, it's only been 2.5 months...give it some time, if you decide to keep your options open - just don't tell her unless you met someone you're serious about.

Edited December 7, 2015 by Gloria25

December 7, 2015

Here is the issue...

So what seems to work with her, unfortunately, is me being scarce.. Then she wants to see me, wants to change, wants to open up etc.. So it is all kind of confusing..Trying to make her feel secure has the opposite effect.

Yup, pretty common defense mechanism. She's damaged emotionally/developmentally. My bet is she has a mother who is harsh, critical, not very nurturing. What she has learned is that genuinely caring equals pain, so the best option is to maintain loose attachments. If she starts caring too much or if you are too autonomous, then the defenses kick in. And the only time it feels like a normal, affectionate relationship is when she's doing the pull in response to you seeming to be too distant. All of her relationship energies are devoted to keeping you in that middle ground, not too close and not too distant.

The bottom line is you can't fix it, and you can't have a close intimate relationship

with someone who has this issue. The only way it works is if you are codependent and willing to settle for a relationship that is devoted to helping her maintain her emotional equilibrium.

The way you stay on the good side of the dynamic is by always being more aloof than she is, so she always has to be pulling. But who needs that crap- it's just mind games. You can't have a fulfilling relationship with someone who needs this- it's dysfunctional. If you are normal (not codependent) you will realize this and move on. If you need to be needed, her tactics will keep you attached and make you miserable.

December 7, 2015

Yup, pretty common defense mechanism. She's damaged emotionally/developmentally. My bet is she has a mother who is harsh, critical, not very nurturing. What she has learned is that genuinely caring equals pain, so the best option is to maintain loose attachments. If she starts caring too much or if you are too autonomous, then the defenses kick in. And the only time it feels like a normal, affectionate relationship is when she's doing the pull in response to you seeming to be too distant. All of her relationship energies are devoted to keeping you in that middle ground, not too close and not too distant.

The bottom line is you can't fix it, and you can't have a close intimate relationship
with someone who has this issue. The only way it works is if you are codependent and willing to settle for a relationship that is devoted to helping her maintain her emotional equilibrium.

The way you stay on the good side of the dynamic is by always being more aloof than she is, so she always has to be pulling. But who needs that crap- it's just mind games. You can't have a fulfilling relationship with someone who needs this- it's dysfunctional. If you are normal (not codependent) you will realize this and move on. If you need to be needed, her tactics will keep you attached and make you miserable.

This makes sense... Her push/pull tactics are very obvious.. She wants me, but won't let me be close..

She was the person who comes on extremely strong... Everything about me is "perfect". All over me... Until I reciprocate then she flakes/becomes distant/runs away..

I sensed this before and told her it wasn't working.. She then started sending me photos of herself.. Told me she misses me, she will change, she will be anything I want her to be...Until I see her again, have an amazing time, and then she is distant all over again..

December 7, 2015

Yup, pretty common defense mechanism. She's damaged emotionally/developmentally. My bet is she has a mother who is harsh, critical, not very nurturing. What she has learned is that genuinely caring equals pain, so the best option is to maintain loose attachments. If she starts caring too much or if you are too autonomous, then the defenses kick in. And the only time it feels like a normal, affectionate relationship is when she's doing the pull in response to you seeming to be too distant. All of her relationship energies are devoted to keeping you in that middle ground, not too close and not too distant.

The bottom line is you can't fix it, and you can't have a close intimate relationship
with someone who has this issue. The only way it works is if you are codependent and willing to settle for a relationship that is devoted to helping her maintain her emotional equilibrium.

The way you stay on the good side of the dynamic is by always being more aloof than she is, so she always has to be pulling. But who needs that crap- it's just mind games. You can't have a fulfilling relationship with someone who needs this- it's dysfunctional. If you are normal (not codependent) you will realize this and move on. If you need to be needed, her tactics will keep you attached and make you miserable.

I don't agree...

I don't know if the woman he's seeing is like me 100%, but in my case I'm not playing games. I don't put a guy through "tests" so he can prove how much he loves me and/or gain my trust. Actually I detest people who make you jump through hoops, stress you and/or play games.

Also, once I get to feel good with a guy, trust me, I fall hard and the push/pull stops cuz I feel good about him and that's why I'm also very guarded until I feel ok in the RL.

And I'm quite the contrary...I overdo it in trying to reassure a guy that I'm into him (cuz of the moments like the OP where he might worry if I'm into him or not).

So sorry, guys I'm with don't spend their time with me trying to march at the beat of my drum...Yes, how I operate often leaves them scratching their heads, but like most people say about me, 'I'm quiet and reserved, but once I relax and get to know you, I'm pretty darn cool".

And trust me, I've met my match - who is even worse than me. A whole year and I still don't know if he's scared, playing me or simply not interested.

December 7, 2015

Gonna be totally honest... I didn't even read your OP, OP.

Why? Because you've made a bunch of them about this same f*cked-up girl. At this point I can only assume you enjoy being messed with. Because any self-respecting and sensible man would have ceased communication with this damaged beast long ago.

I have no advice for you except GO NO CONTACT, stupid. And I say that with love. Anything else is insanity.

Mods: don't edit that, he needs the tough love.

December 7, 2015

So, like Pink's song, I don't consider myself "broken", I'm just "bent" and I am capable of careing and even loving - just in my own way

December 7, 2015

This seems pretty simple to me.

She wants to date you but on HER terms. If you like her and enjoy her company as is then be there if/when she comes calling on you.

You owe each other nothing. You're not exclusive or in any kind of relationship. If you enjoy a bit of crazy and game playing (which it seems you do given your posts), play along but keep your options open.

I'm not sure what's stopping you from having your cake and eating it too. Most men only dream of being in your shoes

December 7, 2015

Are you sure she isn't seeing anyone else? This really sounds like a situation in which she is dating someone else who may not be around enough and is using you as the backup.

December 7, 2015

Gonna be totally honest... I didn't even read your OP, OP.

Why? Because you've made a bunch of them about this same f*cked-up girl. At this point I can only assume you enjoy being messed with. Because any self-respecting and sensible man would have ceased communication with this damaged beast long ago.

I have no advice for you except GO NO CONTACT, stupid. And I say that with love. Anything else is insanity.

Mods: don't edit that, he needs the tough love.

I know... But here's the problem as well...

When I tell her to get lost, I am at the point of then trying to find another girl I am attracted to, and she is attracted to me, sex will be great, we will have fun, and she will NOT be messed up in some way..If I ever found that I wouldn't be single right now.

December 7, 2015

I know... But here's the problem as well...

When I tell her to get lost, I am at the point of then trying to find another girl I am attracted to, and she is attracted to me, sex will be great, we will have fun, and she will NOT be messed up in some way..If I ever found that I wouldn't be single right now.

I don't care, dude. You're the source of your problems. And you're wasting everyone's time by posting and then arguing with them.

Being single and sexless is better than going through emotional turmoil. I don't have any sympathy for you, because you're prolonging these issues instead of being a man and telling her to f*ck off.

December 10, 2015

Well I gave an ultimatum of sorts. Said it isn't for me unless at this point someone was exclusive to me as it is all kind of stressful.

She said she won't have sex with anyone, doesn't want to date anyone else, want to keep seeing me , but I can date others if I want to.

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Conflicting messages being sent... What type of relationship is this?

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