Versacehottie Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Hmmm, well with what you said about him being online right now and it flying in the face of what he told you about dating one person at a time, perhaps he is not as interested in you as his continuous contact would indicate. Or he is losing interest. Actually i forgot to say, the one thing that would maybe make me dump him is that he kinda says accusatory things about "why are you still single" (i can't remember exactly what you said without quoting the thread which I forgot to do so I apologize). But what he says with that gist is not usually a sign of a guy who has evolved thinking. He may just be an easychair guy in a nice package (good looking at his current age). I always say that about guys that can be fine, they are nice enough but a little bland, basically if you end up married to them they will be the guy in the easychair not evolving his own life much nor contributing much to yours. Conversation will not be deep even though he may do nothing wrong. And maybe he will watch a lot of TV (hence the easychair). Hmmmm, honestly you sound a little wounded up about him. Maybe even though you are still attracted to him, he's bothering you too much with his actions. It can definitely be empowering to walk away first. To know in your own mind, that he is not good enough for you, doesn't deserve you. You don't want to "settle" if there isn't any laughing and flirting and happiness there then why would you stick around? And if he can't find a way to make it pertain to you what is the point? You said he was flirty: how does he flirt? Most flirting has the component of bringing it back to one of the two parties. Like teasing you about something he knows about you, wants to find out or has already noticed. He may just be a disconnected guy. Definitely those exist. Even if he interviews for a living, he can probably compartmentalize and sees that as his job and brings a different set of skills to each. Or rather not much skill to the dating portion. You sound super frustrated though and I agree. If you hear from him, just tease him and express your concern. I would just say: whoa, surprised i'm hearing from you. He will say "why?" and you can say "oh the last time we saw each other you seemed disconnected". Pause let him explain or fill in blanks or more than likely trying to just be over and done with this, he might say, "oh no I wasn't or how so?" and then you cite an example. I think you should do at least on the phone so he can hear your tone. The key is to be feminine, not hysterical, dramatic or overly affected. Just observant. I like teasing so it takes the real serious edge off it. State the facts;wait for an explanation or a scrambling to win you back over or fix his behavior. Good luck
Author dobielover Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 ^^ I'm not wound up, VH. I'm just not interested in investing any more energy where it's clearly not reciprocated. What you're suggesting seems aimed at getting him to come out of a shell or get him to change or something. I don't see that happening nor do I really think at two dates I should have to be pointing this out to him. 1
Wewon Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Can't believe I am even reading this... So a guy has to be able to text the exact perfect things just after two dates? he has to be interested in your life, ask all kinds of questions? (but not in a boring way) Do you do the same for him? Often times people don't text or talk at all in between dates, unless to set up the next date.. I agree with this. Some people aren't a match for a whole host of reasons, I get that. But I admit, I find it odd that this is being laid 100% on his doorstep instead of being viewed as a something that both parties are contributing to. *shrugs*
Author dobielover Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 I agree with this. Some people aren't a match for a whole host of reasons, I get that. But I admit, I find it odd that this is being laid 100% on his doorstep instead of being viewed as a something that both parties are contributing to. *shrugs* Have you read the entire thread, my response to you in particular? Care to share how I haven't held up my end?
strawberryshortstack Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Can't believe I am even reading this... So a guy has to be able to text the exact perfect things just after two dates? he has to be interested in your life, ask all kinds of questions? (but not in a boring way) Do you do the same for him? Often times people don't text or talk at all in between dates, unless to set up the next date.. I believe she's talking about the dates themselves, NOT texting between dates. So yes, he DOES have to be interested in her life and show that he is. Unless, of course, he doesn't want a third date. 1
strawberryshortstack Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Yeah, and if he is "interested" after 2 dates he is then a needy pathetic stalker who doesn't have a life of his own.. Important events? She isn't sick.. She is running a marathon..Would she be asking him about his tennis match/rugby game? And really care? Isn't this what dating is for? Talking to, and getting to know, each other? Being interested in who the other person is? Because if it's not, millions of people have been doing dating all wrong. 2
oregon0011 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Have you read the entire thread, my response to you in particular? Care to share how I haven't held up my end? If, as a guy, I came here to say "yeah, I went on 2 dates with this girl but she didn't even ask about my tennis match", I seriously doubt a whole bunch of posters would be telling me to drop her.. If you want to run, then go ahead.. But really, in the big scheme of things, I don't see anything wrong he did... Do you feel he has good habits? Good work ethic? Good character? us guys don't know how to talk to every single woman how she wants to be talked to.. Sorry.. Some women would be turned off by talking at all in between dates... Some women don't want a guy all up in their business...Some women want to talk constantly... Seems a little harsh to judge so instantly..
oregon0011 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Isn't this what dating is for? Talking to, and getting to know, each other? Being interested in who the other person is? Because if it's not, millions of people have been doing dating all wrong. Yeah, it's 2 dates.... Talking is meant for actually being in person... So he has to fake interest about her marathon? What guy would really deeply care if a woman he JUST MET is running a marathon..?
Author dobielover Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 I believe she's talking about the dates themselves, NOT texting between dates. So yes, he DOES have to be interested in her life and show that he is. Unless, of course, he doesn't want a third date. During the dates or in between (we talk on the phone, not just text). He doesn't express interest in my life, it's really that simple.
Author dobielover Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 Yeah, it's 2 dates.... Talking is meant for actually being in person... So he has to fake interest about her marathon? What guy would really deeply care if a woman he JUST MET is running a marathon..? No, he shouldn't fake interest. He should actually care enough to say good luck or ask how it went. "Deeply care", no. But care, yes. If he doesn't care at all, then why are we dating?
Maggie4 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 No, he shouldn't fake interest. He should actually care enough to say good luck or ask how it went. "Deeply care", no. But care, yes. If he doesn't care at all, then why are we dating? If I was sitting next to you on the plane, and you mentioned to me about needing to carb up for the event, I'd ask questions, I'd take an interest, and I'm not even trying to date you! 3
oregon0011 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 No, he shouldn't fake interest. He should actually care enough to say good luck or ask how it went. "Deeply care", no. But care, yes. If he doesn't care at all, then why are we dating? And the next guy will drink too much..Or text too much, or not be good in bed, or not be cute enough, or be a cheater, or you won't like his laugh, or he will be racist, or he will put you down, or he will golf every weekend... I am just saying there is no perfect person, especially after just two dates... unless he is just some player that says the right things women fall for..
Author dobielover Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 And the next guy will drink too much..Or text too much, or not be good in bed, or not be cute enough, or be a cheater, or you won't like his laugh, or he will be racist, or he will put you down, or he will golf every weekend... I am just saying there is no perfect person, especially after just two dates... unless he is just some player that says the right things women fall for.. I've read your threads now. It's obvious you're projecting your own issues and hurt onto me and this situation. It's obvious to everyone that this guy just isn't interested or is self-absorbed, and yet you're determined to make this my fault. Have at it if it makes you feel better. It doesn't change reality. 1
Author dobielover Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 If I was sitting next to you on the plane, and you mentioned to me about needing to carb up for the event, I'd ask questions, I'd take an interest, and I'm not even trying to date you! LOL exactly! Do you know how many non-runner strangers say "good luck" to marathoners? Tons and tons and tons! But the guy who I'm dating who claims he's only dating me who I'm making out with cannot even acknowledge it or ask me anything about myself at all?
GemmaUK Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 (edited) Dobie, I dated a guy who was exactly the same in his communication. I stupidly didn't act on my initial gut instinct. Act on yours. Well done on your marathon! : Edited December 7, 2015 by GemmaUK 1
Maggie4 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 And the next guy will drink too much..Or text too much, or not be good in bed, or not be cute enough, or be a cheater, or you won't like his laugh, or he will be racist, or he will put you down, or he will golf every weekend... I am just saying there is no perfect person, especially after just two dates... unless he is just some player that says the right things women fall for.. Oh I should hope not! Some of those things are pretty bad, you know.. drink too much, cheating, racist, put you down. We're not talking about not being perfect here, these characteristics are awful. How can you put "playing golf" in that same list? 1
nadzz Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 huge red flags, I don't think this will end well. 1
Versacehottie Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 ^^ I'm not wound up, VH. I'm just not interested in investing any more energy where it's clearly not reciprocated. What you're suggesting seems aimed at getting him to come out of a shell or get him to change or something. I don't see that happening nor do I really think at two dates I should have to be pointing this out to him. Oh, in posts 15&19 you sounded wound up to me, my bad. Ok, don't invest any more energy in him at all. Why do we have this thread then? So basically this is just a vent thread then? Or did you come to the conclusion on page one of the thread that you are done with him? 100% I was suggesting things you can do to explore if he's the guy for you and encourage and inspire better behavior, I thought that was the purpose of this thread. I wouldn't suggest changing him at all. But my gut feeling is that he's somewhat phoning this one in. I actually don't think at all that he needs to come out of his shell. And I do think he needs to adjust something because that's what you said you need, which I agree with. I am so not for "talks" at this stage. I gave you little ways you can show him that you are not the pushover he takes you to be and that you require more effort from him regarding him reciprocating with the questions. If you don't want to deal with it in some way, there are only two choices: you can continue to sit across from hot, bland guy being bland yourself in retaliation (assuming he continues to ask you out??) and keep complaining about it OR you consider it a dealbreaker and stop dating him. Best of luck
Author dobielover Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 If you don't want to deal with it in some way, there are only two choices: you can continue to sit across from hot, bland guy being bland yourself in retaliation (assuming he continues to ask you out??) and keep complaining about it OR you consider it a dealbreaker and stop dating him. Best of luck In my late 30's, I have no desire to train a man how to be a better person. At two dates, I'll call this a deal breaker and move on.
Author dobielover Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 Oh I should hope not! Some of those things are pretty bad, you know.. drink too much, cheating, racist, put you down. We're not talking about not being perfect here, these characteristics are awful. How can you put "playing golf" in that same list? I don't get that either!
Versacehottie Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 In my late 30's, I have no desire to train a man how to be a better person. At two dates, I'll call this a deal breaker and move on. Gothcha. I guess I give my advice in the spirit of no person is perfect and we teach people how to treat us and raise their game, if they are so capable. You know your limits and your situation better than anyone else. Good luck with the next one
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