FortySomethingGuy Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 It depends on age and maturity. When I was younger, like 20s, it made me feel jealous and insulted. For one thing, it is very disrespectful for some dude, if he knows that the lady is your wife or GF, to hit on her. Twenty years later, I am very secure in my marriage, and it does not bother me in the least. In fact, it is a great thing, because, the flattery makes her happy, boosts her ego, and this leads to great sex. 2
Qboro90 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Wanted to add this: As far as shutting the guys down, I have. I have shut them all down. I just declared it's been more of a challenge because THEY are attractive. It's much easier to shoot down guys who you're not too interested in anyway. I still did shoot them down though. Here's my two cents. I myself am an attractive guy, very self confident, secure and not the jealous type and have dated my fair share of good looking 9s and 10s over the years. Now The girl I've currently been with for the last 4 years blows every girl I've ever been with out of the water. Absolute smokeshow. Not trying to sound bragadocious but she's the best looking girl in every room we've ever walked into. So naturally she gets a lot of attention when we go out places together. Heads turn, guys eye her, smiles her way. I've never once ever had to worry or have ever been slightly concerned that she would cheat on me, or allow some guy to cross the line while out somewhere or when I'm not around. A lot of that is due to the way she and I communicate and feel about each other but it's also about a high level of respect at all times. Whether you want to admit it or not, good looking girls can either put off an approachable vibe, or unapproachable vibe. When I first started dating my girl I would watch when she went to the bar in case some guy started hitting on her or got touchy... What I noticed? She wouldn't even let them introduce themselves. "No thanks sorry Im with my boyfriend" then completely act like they didn't exist. The way she didn't even allow the slightest Opening for these guys to weasel their way in was very comforting for me to see and led to how I trust her in any situation even if she's obliterated wasted in Vegas for a bachelorette party. She's proven that she's not even going to entertain the idea of another guy regardless of whether she's mad at me or we just argued , etc. I actually enjoy seeing her get attention and head turns. Anytime we go out I ask her to walk in front of me when getting the table for dinner so I can see all the heads turn. It's an ego boost for me . "Yup.. She's with me". So my point.... While you said that you shut guys down.... There's a difference between shutting guys down before they tell you their name, and shutting them down after they say a few nice things, tell you their names and where they're from and "omg you know my friend, small world" possibilities during a short convo. That's all that's needed to implant a seed in your head that "oh, he was actually really nice and dressed well, and def cute".... You're admitting that you're finding other guys attractive and even said one particular guy you would date in a heartbeat if you were single but wouldn't go out with him because you're loyal to the guy you're with. You're minds not loyal. You've thought about dating that guy. You've decided that he'd be someone you'd go out with and would like to if you were single. It's no different than people who say "I've never cheated" yet they flirt on social media and allow guys to message them and comment using the exude "but I'm not into them at all and I'm not gonna hook up with them so why do you even care/worry". It's a lack of respect and makes your BF look like a loser even if he never knows about it. The guys that approach , or hit on you, all think that your BF is inferior because you let them in to talk or smiled back at them. Your body language and vibe is allowing guys to approach you and hit on you. You can change that if your BF is important to you. 1
Heatherknows Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Are you telling me you can't love someone within four months? You're wrong. As far as growing up.. thanks for the advice. I'm growing every day. I think people can feel like they're "in love" after four months due to brain chemicals going wild but real, unselfish love takes years. 1
Oregon_Dude Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 I think people can feel like they're "in love" after four months due to brain chemicals going wild but real, unselfish love takes years.This is a fair point and one to consider. You're right that true, long-lasting companionate love takes years. 1
GunslingerRoland Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 I wouldn't want to be with a woman who keeps a harem of guys around, waiting in the wings who want to date her. I can't stand women who do that, actually. 1
Oregon_Dude Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 I wouldn't want to be with a woman who keeps a harem of guys around, waiting in the wings who want to date her. I can't stand women who do that, actually.My most recent ex, for example. Red flag hindsight is always 20/20.
Imajerk17 Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 (edited) I think people can feel like they're "in love" after four months due to brain chemicals going wild but real, unselfish love takes years. Well Heather, yes I agree with you here, but I also feel that different parts of the relationship set at different times. After 4 months, you are right, you don't know if you are meant to MARRY someone. You will always find other members of the opposite sex attractive, even after a LIFETIME. That is different from entertaining that attraction though. If you are exclusive though, the relationship has set enough so that you still aren't considering other guys, even after only 4 months. You only see your guy that way--I think that is a fair expectation in a 4-month exclusive relationship. Which gets back to the topic of this thread. As noted by the other guys, it isn't so much whether their girlfriend is getting attention from other guys, it is *how she is handling it*. I would expect a girlfriend of mine not to be entertaining it, even after only 4 months. If my girlfriend had the attitude shown in Miranda's quote below, I'd find that to be quite disconcerting. The thing is, I find two out of the current three who have come after me, pretty attractive. I'm not indulging one because even if he is very attractive to me, I think my bf is slightly better and I cannot pinpoint exactly what it is, but the current bf does win out. The other one is someone I would consider leaving my boyfriend for, but I'm just not going to because I can't bring myself to, and the other guy is an unknown entity while I know my boyfriend and can predict to a degree his behavior and loyalty. I'd be risking unknown and unpredictable territory to go with the other guy. Edited December 7, 2015 by Imajerk17 1
Heatherknows Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Well Heather, yes I agree with you here, but I also feel that different parts of the relationship set at different times. After 4 months, you are right, you don't know if you are meant to MARRY someone. You will always find other members of the opposite sex attractive, even after a LIFETIME. That is different from entertaining that attraction though. Which gets back to the topic of this thread. As noted by the other guys, it isn't so much whether their girlfriend is getting attention from other guys, it is how she is handling it. I would expect a girlfriend of mine not to be entertaining it, even after only 4 months. If my girlfriend had the attitude shown in Miranda's quote below, I'd find that to be quite disconcerting. To me Miranda sounds like she's at a point in her life where she's having fun dating and not sure who she likes best. At 22-24 I dated a lot, at 25 I wanted to meet someone serious and at 26 I met the man who'd become my husband. Your early 20's should be about meeting people, traveling, dating, trying out different career paths and doing stupid stuff that one day you'll laugh about.
Woggle Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 If somebody is saying already that she would leave her BF for a guy then I don't see her relationship lasting too long. I don't keep a harem of women around waiting to replace a woman and I would never tolerate a woman keeping around a harem of men. Most of us guys who have been around the block know how cheating starts. One day she is mad at you for whatever reason real or imagined so she can justify her cheating and next thing you know one of these guys is kissing her then even more. We know how the story usually plays out.
loveweary11 Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 (edited) It's a lack of respect and makes your BF look like a loser even if he never knows about it. The guys that approach , or hit on you, all think that your BF is inferior because you let them in to talk or smiled back at them. This is it, in a nutshell. I complained about the Sweet Petes in my first post but that's just a date I'm with. If a girlfriend entertains some guy for half a second, there's hell to pay (for her). It's 100% a lack of respect thing and I'll be damned if my own gf is going to make me look stupid in a social setting. Definitely have laid the law down on this bs with girls I'm just seeing and even platonic friends who might leave you sitting there to talk to some dude. If you're out with me, you're out with me. If you think you found someone more interesting to talk to, he can have you because I'm going to call a back up chick or w.e. It's just plain rude. My first post was written assuming the girl didn't allow the attention and the guy wouldn't stop talking to her. That's what happened to my ex wife in the grocery store. If she did allow it to happen, she's history, imo. They get one, single slip up on that with me. Edited December 8, 2015 by loveweary11
Just a Guy Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 Why are you asking? Is it a problem for you and your brau?
2.50 a gallon Posted December 8, 2015 Posted December 8, 2015 (edited) I am a short and skinny guy, and have been lucky to date lookers, so I am used to it. My current GF of 20 years, is 8 years younger than me and totally out of my league in the looks department. She has face that looks 15 years younger, long beautiful hair, good sized breasts, and long legs. Many a times I can read the look on a guys face, as "What is she doing with him?" She works retail and has a lot of interaction with her customers. For work she tries to dress down, wears an oversize blouse, she hates guys who talk to her boobs, but sometimes there is just no hiding her assets. I know she gets hit on a lot. In fact that is how I met her. With my car taking a dump, I have to drive her to and from work. The kick is when I walk into her store and she will come up and give me a big kiss, I know that the guy standing nearby has been hitting on her, but refuses to listen that she has a BF Edited December 8, 2015 by 2.50 a gallon spelling
gaius Posted December 9, 2015 Posted December 9, 2015 Timshel is stunningly beautiful, the kind of girl who can cause a car accident standing at the side of the road, and tends to get a lot of attention when I'm not around. I'd bet money she'll get hit on at least once when she's out around town today. But at the end of the day she's not looking for any other guy so who cares. If you're a girl that really is looking for another guy then it's not surprising he might sense that and get upset. Or if you're not and he's still complaining he should go date a girl who gets less, because he's not man enough to handle it. =/ 2
frogs88 Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I agree that's it's all about the vibe she has about it. If she doesn't particularly respond to it, plays it off or takes it for what it is and moves on then it's fine. If they have an aura that's inviting this behavior then yes it would be very uncomfortable. I'm not sure to what extent she can control how much of this unwanted attention comes or not but I'm happy I've never been worried about it at all.
alsudduth Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I wouldn't want to be with a woman who keeps a harem of guys around, waiting in the wings who want to date her. I can't stand women who do that, actually. I just have to tell you that I love your username.
alsudduth Posted December 10, 2015 Posted December 10, 2015 I think a lot of time a person's genuine personality and natural aura are mistaken. I for example get hit on a lot. I wouldn't say I'm the most beautiful woman of the bunch, but fairly attractive....I don't feel like I seek out the attention (I'm married) it just seems to find me wherever I go. I could be having the most innocent of conversation (In my mind) and the next thing I know the guy is telling me he is in love with me! When I ask my friends what I'm doing to give these guys the wrong impression, I'm always told it's just my personality in general as being friendly, outgoing, nice and genuine that people flock to. Should I change my personality to keep guys from hitting on me? I don't think I should. My point is that you can't control when someone finds you attractive, you just have to be prepared to shut them down, provided you are in a committed relationship already.
sportygirl89 Posted December 11, 2015 Posted December 11, 2015 To me Miranda sounds like she's at a point in her life where she's having fun dating and not sure who she likes best. At 22-24 I dated a lot, at 25 I wanted to meet someone serious and at 26 I met the man who'd become my husband. Your early 20's should be about meeting people, traveling, dating, trying out different career paths and doing stupid stuff that one day you'll laugh about. True. I had roughly 2 boyfriends a year each year in college. Guys those age don't want anything. 25 I was tired of being with douches so I vowed my self to be single for a year. I'm in school finishing a second degree so finding my husband in the next few months is low on my priority. Just got involved with a volunteer organization where I have extensive training for the first few months. You are right about the 20-24 being about the stories we soon laugh about.
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