Men: if your woman gets a lot of attention...?

[miranda_wilson]

Men,

 

How do you feel about dating or being in a relationship with a woman who gets a fair amount of attention -- i.e. men asking her out on dates, wanting to be with her, sort of hitting on her.

 

Do you find it more flattering or more bothersome?

 

I've read that men like it when it's just men liking the woman they are with, but if it's men liking her AND her seeming to like some/many of them too (although not acting on it), then that's bothersome...

 

How do you feel?

 

Also, let's say in a given month, three different men have pursued your woman to some degree...is that too much for you even if she is faithful to you? Like...would you get the sense that having to be wary of other guys too much is too much stress all the time?

[Woggle]

As long as she doesn't respond to it them fine. If I can trust her then no problem.

[Wewon]

I would expect her to establish a boundary and shut these men down.

[loveweary11]

3 times a month?

 

I see it 3x a day usually.

 

I'll never forget some dbag who cornered my ex wife while we were grocery shopping and I went down an isle for something to save time. Had to get very in his face and it really p'd me off that he was watching us for the moment i walked away to make his move.

 

Was out with a girl last night. 5x, various dbags tried to talk to her while I was getting drinks for us or went to the bathroom.

 

Had to forcefully shoulder them out, get between them/etc.

 

I definitely expect the girl to shut them down, but these Sweet Petes seem to be getting very good at playing a fine line between innocent conversation and hitting on them, fooling the girls a bit at first. I usually break it up while it's still in the friendly banter stage.

 

It's truly annoying though.

 

I know one poor guy thats smaller, shorter and thin. His girlfriend is super hot.

 

Guys just ignore him and hit on his chick right in front of him!

 

It's unreal. She's very faithful and shuts everyone down but because of his size, dbags just ignore him.

 

What I don't understand is what's wrong with the *guys* in these situations.

 

I would never hit on another guy's chick. I have morals in that department.

 

Honestly, i sometimes wish we were in more barbaric times where you could take more appropriate action against dbags like these.

 

Bothers me to no end to be fending them off or having her have to fend them off.,

Edited December 7, 2015 by loveweary11

[bluefeather]

There's a line, but where it is drawn depends on you and her and what you are both ok with. You should be vocal about it.

 

My boundaries change depending on the type of relationship.

[Woggle]

My wife told of one time when some guy hit on her and she showed him her ring and said she was married. He then asked her if she was happily married and if not he can do something to alleviate her boredom. She then told him to get out of her face before he gets kicked in the nuts.

[carhill]

As an adult, I've met very few, if any, women who can't handle men. The one I married certainly could. I'd respect that she could manage her own life in that regard but certainly would be available to assist should she ask. I wouldn't find it flattering or bothersome, rather neutral. Part of life, especially for any woman around these parts. They're constantly hit on, married or single, so are used to it, and from a young age. Yeah, some have affairs or ONS but risk is always part of relationships. No guarantees in life in that department.

[TheBathWater]

Men,

 

How do you feel about dating or being in a relationship with a woman who gets a fair amount of attention -- i.e. men asking her out on dates, wanting to be with her, sort of hitting on her.

 

Do you find it more flattering or more bothersome?

 

I've read that men like it when it's just men liking the woman they are with, but if it's men liking her AND her seeming to like some/many of them too (although not acting on it), then that's bothersome...

 

How do you feel?

 

Also, let's say in a given month, three different men have pursued your woman to some degree...is that too much for you even if she is faithful to you? Like...would you get the sense that having to be wary of other guys too much is too much stress all the time?

 

It really all depends. I've been in this situation so many times, and sometimes it's fine by me, and other times it's a headache. What makes the difference is how the woman responds to it. The kind of women I get involved with these days, I never feel the need to be wary of other guys. If she gives me a reason to be wary of other guys, then I take that as a red flag and she probably also has other qualities that turn me off enough to not stick around much longer.

[Hughes101]

Men,

 

How do you feel about dating or being in a relationship with a woman who gets a fair amount of attention -- i.e. men asking her out on dates, wanting to be with her, sort of hitting on her.

 

Do you find it more flattering or more bothersome?

 

I've read that men like it when it's just men liking the woman they are with, but if it's men liking her AND her seeming to like some/many of them too (although not acting on it), then that's bothersome...

 

How do you feel?

 

Also, let's say in a given month, three different men have pursued your woman to some degree...is that too much for you even if she is faithful to you? Like...would you get the sense that having to be wary of other guys too much is too much stress all the time?

 

Yeah it depends on how she responds this was a big issue in my last relationship.

 

For me it's all apparant in the body language. Does she have boundaries. Does she politely steer the convo in another direction or mention her boyfriend?

 

Or does she radiate approachability and laugh at the jokes, and wallow in the attention?

 

I've been with equally attractive girls as my ex who somehow had a way of not attracting that kind of attention so frequently. Hmm how funny!

[Cherryz]

Sure there have to be trust in a relationship.

And you cant do much about it sometimes that people like you.

 

But if you know that you have a bf and guys like you alot, you should take another position.

So they can know and notice that you are not open for any of that.

 

You have also people that will act up, or walk seductive cause they enjoy many men looking at them. And thats disrespectful.

[wb1988]

3 times a month?

 

I see it 3x a day usually.

 

I'll never forget some dbag who cornered my ex wife while we were grocery shopping and I went down an isle for something to save time. Had to get very in his face and it really p'd me off that he was watching us for the moment i walked away to make his move.

 

Was out with a girl last night. 5x, various dbags tried to talk to her while I was getting drinks for us or went to the bathroom.

 

Had to forcefully shoulder them out, get between them/etc.

 

I definitely expect the girl to shut them down, but these Sweet Petes seem to be getting very good at playing a fine line between innocent conversation and hitting on them, fooling the girls a bit at first. I usually break it up while it's still in the friendly banter stage.

 

It's truly annoying though.

 

I know one poor guy thats smaller, shorter and thin. His girlfriend is super hot.

 

Guys just ignore him and hit on his chick right in front of him!

 

It's unreal. She's very faithful and shuts everyone down but because of his size, dbags just ignore him.

 

What I don't understand is what's wrong with the *guys* in these situations.

 

I would never hit on another guy's chick. I have morals in that department.

 

Honestly, i sometimes wish we were in more barbaric times where you could take more appropriate action against dbags like these.

 

Bothers me to no end to be fending them off or having her have to fend them off.,

 

You must be living in an interesting part of town for it to be so common, or you guys are dating girls that subconsciously are giving off a certain vibe.

 

Yeah it depends on how she responds this was a big issue in my last relationship.

 

For me it's all apparant in the body language. Does she have boundaries. Does she politely steer the convo in another direction or mention her boyfriend?

 

Or does she radiate approachability and laugh at the jokes, and wallow in the attention?

 

I've been with equally attractive girls as my ex who somehow had a way of not attracting that kind of attention so frequently. Hmm how funny!

100% agree, even a 10 year old boy can tell the difference between a guy wanting to be friends and trying to hit onto a girl. Unless your gf/wife just came out of under a rock there is no way that she'd not realise what a guy's true intentions are, since when do random guys just approach someone just to be friendly.

 

Over the years I've learned that if a girl says something like "oh he was just being friendly" or "I thought he was just being nice" then that just means she either hasn't learned how us guys operate even on a basic level or trying to get one over.

 

With my current gf she always subtly hints that she has a boyfriend. Like even my friends have told me several times about how they noticed it with me not around how she drops the boyfriend card within the first minute whenever a new guy approaches her — she knows that guys at bars aren't there to make friends.

[d0nnivain]

I'm a woman who got a fair amount of attention when I was younger. Some met overreacted & couldn't handle it. Others were content to let me shut down the unwanted attention.

 

 

It depends on the people involved.

[kendahke]

OP: are you this woman and is this causing a problem in your relationship?

[LoveRefreshed]

I don't know myself, I just started dating a girl who gets massive amounts of attention online. Her facebook is ridiculous. Guys constantly messaging her- One was hilarious, just like 10 times in a row, all unanswered: "What up Hottie?, Hey, Hi, Hello!, Hi, What up?" It's almost pathetic.

 

Many guys who 'like' all of her pics and leave facepalm comments.

 

She basically told me that she knows most of her guy friends just want to bang her. She admitted it was an ego boost.

 

I don't know how I feel about it, I mean, I'm a confident guy and I'm know she chose me over all these other dudes. Which is funny, as I've 'liked' exactly 0 posts and pics. Anyway, I know she wants me and these other guys don't have the time of day. I just don't like that she enjoys that they like her.

 

At the end of the day, I trust her with my heart so it doesn't matter how many guys try. They aren't going to steal her from me. However, I will continue to discuss this with her, as I find the need for attention to be slightly unattractive.

[oldshirt]

Dudes are gonna hit on chicks, that's a given.

 

 

There are se, veral factors at play here on if it will be a problem, if it will just be annoying or if it will be something to chuckle at.

 

 

it depends on if the woman just gives it a brush off and goes on about her business or if she invites it or relishes in it.

 

 

It depends on if her partner is in her league or not. As was mentioned above, if other guys perceive that her BF/H is not in her league, they will shamelessly approach her right in front of him. If the BF/H is significantly higher league than the other guys, they won't even consider it.

 

 

If the BF/H is innately insecure and jealous and suspicious, it will cause problems regardless of the degree of the attention of other men.

 

 

if the BF/H is innately secure and has solid boundaries and is ready, willing and able to intervene if things get inappropriate, then the attention by other men will have lesser impact.

[loveweary11]

I don't know myself, I just started dating a girl who gets massive amounts of attention online. Her facebook is ridiculous. Guys constantly messaging her- One was hilarious, just like 10 times in a row, all unanswered: "What up Hottie?, Hey, Hi, Hello!, Hi, What up?" It's almost pathetic.

 

Many guys who 'like' all of her pics and leave facepalm comments.

 

She basically told me that she knows most of her guy friends just want to bang her. She admitted it was an ego boost.

 

I don't know how I feel about it, I mean, I'm a confident guy and I'm know she chose me over all these other dudes. Which is funny, as I've 'liked' exactly 0 posts and pics. Anyway, I know she wants me and these other guys don't have the time of day. I just don't like that she enjoys that they like her.

 

At the end of the day, I trust her with my heart so it doesn't matter how many guys try. They aren't going to steal her from me. However, I will continue to discuss this with her, as I find the need for attention to be slightly unattractive.

 

It's an insecurity she has.

 

The more you can make her feel genuinely beautiful, desired and wanted, the less she'll look foir that validation online.

 

She just needs a !little extra attention.

[miranda_wilson]

OP: are you this woman and is this causing a problem in your relationship?

 

I'll preface my answer to say that I'm not a person who normally gets tons of men hitting on me. I think I am pretty and other people do too, but for whatever reason, I still haven't historically been THAT WOMAN who gets hit on a bunch. I think it's because I'm sort of pretty but really girl-next-door, clean-cut looking too, and I don't typically dress in some DTF way (not that I think dress should dictate if one is DTF). I've been in two long-term relationships (one five years, the other 1.5 years) in which it really was not an issue. The respective guys I was with really did not have to deal with other men going after me...I mean, not so much.

 

I'm in a relationship now, though (4.5 months so far but going strong) in which I seem to have attracted some guys, many of which are good-looking and truly competition for my current boyfriend. I mean, I find the guys attractive--not necessarily more attractive than my current guy when you combine looks, personality, stability and quality of conversation, but still very attractive. I know he (my current guy) had said that with his last gf, she seemed to attract what he called "sad sacks" that he didn't feel even remotely threatened by, but that I seemed to be attracting competition for him.

 

To answer your question, it hasn't caused any problems. I'm with a guy who is incredibly easygoing about stuff. I'm pretty impressed with that because if the roles were reversed, I don't know if I would be so easygoing.

 

Oh, and about those three guys who have pursued me/shown attraction lately, well, they're all for sure on par with what my bf offers. They are educated and good-looking. One, in particular, though, is REALLY, REALLY competition. I mean, I would get together with him in a heartbeat but I am in a relationship and want to honor the relationship.

[miranda_wilson]

It depends on if her partner is in her league or not. As was mentioned above, if other guys perceive that her BF/H is not in her league, they will shamelessly approach her right in front of him. If the BF/H is significantly higher league than the other guys, they won't even consider it.

 

 

If the BF/H is innately insecure and jealous and suspicious, it will cause problems regardless of the degree of the attention of other men.

 

 

if the BF/H is innately secure and has solid boundaries and is ready, willing and able to intervene if things get inappropriate, then the attention by other men will have lesser impact.

 

Interesting.

 

A long time ago I was in a relationship with a guy who, according to one of my friends, was slightly out of my league. He was maybe a little more handsome than I am pretty (some would argue no, though; just one friend said that to me in a moment of brutal honesty). But um, we were sitting in traffic one day and I was driving with the bf in the passenger seat. Some guy in the car next to me starting flirting with me and making eyes at me. I looked over at my bf, who looked pretty annoyed. As I said, at least one person (my friend) thought my bf was slightly out of my league at least by looks, but maybe this other guy didn't have a good look at him.

 

Anyway, my current boyfriend has not acted suspicious or jealous at all. He's very calm about guys hitting on me or liking me. He just says (to me): "I don't own you. And you're gonna do what you're gonna do."

 

The thing is, I find two out of the current three who have come after me, pretty attractive. I'm not indulging one because even if he is very attractive to me, I think my bf is slightly better and I cannot pinpoint exactly what it is, but the current bf does win out. The other one is someone I would consider leaving my boyfriend for, but I'm just not going to because I can't bring myself to, and the other guy is an unknown entity while I know my boyfriend and can predict to a degree his behavior and loyalty. I'd be risking unknown and unpredictable territory to go with the other guy.

Edited December 7, 2015 by miranda_wilson

[Imajerk17]

This doesn't strike me as a ringing endorsement of your relationship, miranda. When you are in a good relationship and falling in love with that person, you don't even consider leaving them for someone else.

 

This whole thread strikes me as extremely bizarre, like you are humblebragging about how hot you are or something.

[miranda_wilson]

This doesn't strike me as a ringing endorsement of your relationship, miranda. When you are in a good relationship and falling in love with that person, you don't even consider leaving them for someone else.

 

This whole thread strikes me as extremely bizarre, like you are humblebragging about how hot you are or something.

 

Oh please. I said in another post that I am historically not THAT WOMAN who gets a lot of attention. I said I've experienced a recent rash of it in the past month/two months but it's not typical for me.

 

As far as shutting the guys down, I have. I have shut them all down.

 

As far as the one guy I do like, I actually knew him long before I knew my current boyfriend. That's why I know him well and have enough experience with him that pre-dates my current boyfriend to know he is attractive. I haven't been dating or having outings with him on the sly.

[miranda_wilson]

Wanted to add this:

 

As far as shutting the guys down, I have. I have shut them all down. I just declared it's been more of a challenge because THEY are attractive. It's much easier to shoot down guys who you're not too interested in anyway. I still did shoot them down though.

[miranda_wilson]

Oh, and I've been on this board posting things unflattering to myself too. I've been on this board for years posting about whatever's going on with me. Sometimes it's humiliating to me (too often it has been), sometimes it's good times where I have a boyfriend and some guys hitting on me. I was on this board for a long time a year and a half ago ... sad as sad can be...wishing I could get my ex back. People post what's going on with them. Not everything is to brag. Jeez!

[Imajerk17]

OK, cool, so you knew the answer to your question already.

 

What was the point of this thread again?

[d0nnivain]

I'm in a relationship now, though (4.5 months so far but going strong) in which I seem to have attracted some guys, many of which are good-looking and truly competition for my current boyfriend. I mean, I find the guys attractive--not necessarily more attractive than my current guy when you combine looks, personality, stability and quality of conversation, but still very attractive.

 

Oh, and about those three guys who have pursued me/shown attraction lately, well, they're all for sure on par with what my bf offers. They are educated and good-looking. One, in particular, though, is REALLY, REALLY competition. I mean, I would get together with him in a heartbeat but I am in a relationship and want to honor the relationship.

 

Here is your real problem: you are being seduced by the novelty of what feels like new attention to you. Your new lighter more positive attitude which in part is due to your 4.5 month relatively new relationship is making your more attractive & now you think . . .maybe, just maybe, I can do better.

 

That type of attitude will be the death of your relationship. If you get hit on, smile, say thank you but no thank you, take a few seconds to bask in the flattering attention but shut it down unequivocally & move on never to look back, it's all fine. When you start to think about that random guy who flirted with you or hit on you, you gnaw away at the foundations of your relationship & fuel insecurity in the other person. Nobody wants that.

 

Be respectful about your BF's feelings & nurture the relationship you do want. GIGs isn't true. The grass only looks greener; it's not actually.

[Samhain]

Oh, and about those three guys who have pursued me/shown attraction lately, well, they're all for sure on par with what my bf offers. They are educated and good-looking. One, in particular, though, is REALLY, REALLY competition. I mean, I would get together with him in a heartbeat but I am in a relationship and want to honor the relationship.

 

It doesn't bother me in the slightest because I know she'd never cheat and that nobody could offer her anything that would ever come close to what we have together. And most guys probably feel the same. However if a guy is with a woman who says this (your quotations) then he obviously has reason to feel insecure about the situation because you're basically saying he should be concerned.

 

Doesn't mean he's insecure, just means he has reasons to not feel 100% secure with you and should probably find somebody who he has such a connection with that "competition" could not exist at all.