abby_tx Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 I've had three amazing dates with a guy. We have a fourth set up a couple days from now. At what point should I take down my online dating profile? Also, I login a few times a day to read the hilarious messages from other guys. If he were to visit my profile, it would tell him that I logged in. Do you think this looks bad? Now to an unrelated question... I'm in my early 30's and have experienced love and heartbreak numerous times. Thinking back on the first few dates I've had with guys I ended up getting in a relationship, none of them felt like this. Not sure how to describe it other than he feels like home. The first time I met him, he put me at ease and it felt like I'd known him forever. He makes me laugh so much. This feels like it could be something really meaningful and long-lasting. My question... ever since the last date when I realized how much I like him I've been a bit afraid. I don't want to come on too strong. I wait a while to reply to his texts and really try not to text him often unless he texts me first. I am trying to limit out dates to two a week at most. Is this a good thing or bad thing? Is there such a thing as too cautious?
californiadreaming Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 I just recently started seeing someone I met on a dating site a few weeks back. We had our first date Tuesday and have been seeing each other everyday since. I know her profile is still up, however I deleted my profile before we even met. The fact that you are a woman and posting this just shows me that she is probably thinking/considering the same thing. I personally can't answer your question, but I thank you for asking. 2
d0nnivain Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 Yes, I think it "looks bad" that you are still reading messages from other guys. If I saw repeated activity, I'd think the OP wasn't all that into me. It is still early. While I wouldn't necessarily take down the profile, I'd go inactive. 3
AspenBaldwin Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 There should be an option to 'PAUSE' a profile.
Author abby_tx Posted December 6, 2015 Author Posted December 6, 2015 Yes, I think it "looks bad" that you are still reading messages from other guys. If I saw repeated activity, I'd think the OP wasn't all that into me. It is still early. While I wouldn't necessarily take down the profile, I'd go inactive. Damn. I guess I'll have to at least not login, but I'm not going to take it down yet. I don't want to look too eager. It kinda sucks because it was some good entertainment.
Stupid Girl Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 To the second part of your post, purposely limiting your dates and waiting to reply to his texts (which I assume is not what you ACTUALLY want) comes off a little game-play-ey to me. You're in your 30s, so I assume you know what you want - figure out if this guy is it! You don't need to play games and pretend you care less than you actually do! As for deleting your profile, has he deleted his? I might take his lead on that front. 1
Versacehottie Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Yes, I think it "looks bad" that you are still reading messages from other guys. If I saw repeated activity, I'd think the OP wasn't all that into me. It is still early. While I wouldn't necessarily take down the profile, I'd go inactive. yeah, I agree. I think if the guy you like sees that you've been active, it will cause unnecessary confusion. Especially if you are just checking to read funny messages. If you are still looking for others to date, well then do what you have to do. But it didn't sound like that. Just try to imagine if you saw that you'd just come back from a great date with him and then saw that he was online, what that would feel like. If you say, he feels like home and all that good stuff and there's no one else you are pursuing on that site, I can think of much better ways I would want to muck it up. That said, I will contradict my own advice by saying maybe if he saw that you'd been online, it would get him to ask you to be exclusive. But I always prefer more upfront method of just being like it's been 20 days since abbytx has logged in. He will assume that's because you really like him and have no reason to look for others. Coupled with how you've been handling with him in person AND provided he is acting normally (normal interest, pursuit of you, no hesitating, wishy-washyness), this is what I would do. I'm happy for you abbytx. Would love to see this become what you've been dreaming of. 1
Author abby_tx Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 To the second part of your post, purposely limiting your dates and waiting to reply to his texts (which I assume is not what you ACTUALLY want) comes off a little game-play-ey to me. You're in your 30s, so I assume you know what you want - figure out if this guy is it! You don't need to play games and pretend you care less than you actually do! As for deleting your profile, has he deleted his? I might take his lead on that front. Yeah, but my phone is on me at all times. If I wanted, I could reply to his texts the second I got them but that seems sorta pathetic. I will try to be more straight forward though. I haven't checked if he deleted his. I'll do so later.
Author abby_tx Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 yeah, I agree. I think if the guy you like sees that you've been active, it will cause unnecessary confusion. Especially if you are just checking to read funny messages. If you are still looking for others to date, well then do what you have to do. But it didn't sound like that. Just try to imagine if you saw that you'd just come back from a great date with him and then saw that he was online, what that would feel like. If you say, he feels like home and all that good stuff and there's no one else you are pursuing on that site, I can think of much better ways I would want to muck it up. That said, I will contradict my own advice by saying maybe if he saw that you'd been online, it would get him to ask you to be exclusive. But I always prefer more upfront method of just being like it's been 20 days since abbytx has logged in. He will assume that's because you really like him and have no reason to look for others. Coupled with how you've been handling with him in person AND provided he is acting normally (normal interest, pursuit of you, no hesitating, wishy-washyness), this is what I would do. I'm happy for you abbytx. Would love to see this become what you've been dreaming of. Thank you! I am really hopeful for this one. It feels so good. 1
TheBathWater Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 You can take down your profile anytime you want to, if you want to. You could always talk to him about just seeing each other and closing off other parties because of how well you two are getting along, though not yet being 'official' for a little longer. If he's not on board with that, keep your profile up and consider having a couple of new first dates. If he is, then great, and you can both take your profiles down. Also, anytime I see a woman I'm dating is still logging in, I do think that it looks bad (unless she is logging in and looking at my profile, then that looks good!). 1
xcupid Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 Make your profile "inactive" or don't log in to it at all.
Author abby_tx Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 Almost a week later and two dates later and I think I'm ready to remove the profile. We didn't have 'the talk' yet but obviously we are only see each other. 1
smackie9 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 How about this.....stop stalking his profile to see if he has taken his down. If you don't want to receive messages from other men take your profile down for that reason, not assuming he will look. IMO you are being silly worrying about this. Go with the flow, enjoy his company, be flirty in your texts, talk on the phone too, to make it more personal. And if he wants to see you more than twice a week, go for it or suggest mini dates like meeting up for coffee, or grabbing a slice of pizza. 1
dobielover Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Almost a week later and two dates later and I think I'm ready to remove the profile. We didn't have 'the talk' yet but obviously we are only see each other. If you haven't had the talk, there's no way this is "obvious." This is precisely how feelings get hurt. People assume things. You can't assume anything, you can't think anything is obvious or a given. You have to actually talk about it. 3
Gaeta Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Almost a week later and two dates later and I think I'm ready to remove the profile. We didn't have 'the talk' yet but obviously we are only see each other. Yes it looks bad for you to log in. There is no 'obviously we are only seeing each other' nowadays in the dating field. There has to be an exclusivity talk otherwise it will bite you back down the road. Stop logging in and forget about your profile, leave it there till HE brings up exclusivity. Sure it's entertaining to read those men's message but you've got to decide do you want entertainment or a boyfriend. Log out of your account, and log out of the app on your phone so you don't appear online each time you connect with wi-fi. 3
Author abby_tx Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 How about this.....stop stalking his profile to see if he has taken his down. If you don't want to receive messages from other men take your profile down for that reason, not assuming he will look. IMO you are being silly worrying about this. Go with the flow, enjoy his company, be flirty in your texts, talk on the phone too, to make it more personal. And if he wants to see you more than twice a week, go for it or suggest mini dates like meeting up for coffee, or grabbing a slice of pizza. I visited his profile once since he first messaged me. Way to assume I'm stalking him. If I take it down it would be because I'm not looking for other guys (which I'm not).
Author abby_tx Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 If you haven't had the talk, there's no way this is "obvious." This is precisely how feelings get hurt. People assume things. You can't assume anything, you can't think anything is obvious or a given. You have to actually talk about it. True, but it's too early to have that talk, right? So I can only just assume things for now. I wonder what date I should have that talk?
lollipopspot Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 True, but it's too early to have that talk, right? So I can only just assume things for now. I wonder what date I should have that talk? No, not too early, if that's the way you feel. I mean, don't talk about marriage, but you can say you just want to date him and see where it goes.
Gaeta Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 True, but it's too early to have that talk, right? So I can only just assume things for now. I wonder what date I should have that talk? Every man that was genuinely interested in me brought up exclusivity on our 3rd or 4th date so no it's not to early BUT I insist you let him bring it up. By nature men are chasers and it's much better if you let them bring it up. It means he is ready to put the chase down. When the woman brings it up it often back fires. If a man doesn't bring it up by 8 dates then I would bring it up myself but by experience I can tell you if you sleep together and by the 4th-5th date he has not mentioned anything, don't hold your breath for him. 2
kendahke Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 If he was the one writing this post, what would you want us to tell him if he said he liked you, but he likes reading the messages from other women or he likes looking at their pictures? 1
Snakechammah Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Hmm.. I was in a similiar position. I am single and I was bored while waiting for my damn crush to make a move, so I signed up for OLD for the 3rd time. A cute guy messaged me. I didn't think much of him at first because his texts in OLD were incredibly boring. He was like a one-word wonder. I asked him one thing, and he'll reply in one word. Didn't ask anything about me. Boring with a capital B. Then he asked me out (this was within one week of my sign up) Then on the first date, Bam!! Total chemistry. He was funny, charming, respectful, adorable, gorgeous smile... I could go on... But at the back of my mind, I was still pining for the damn crush... and a bit apprehensive. He asked me out again for the second time. During the second date, when he cuddled me during a movie, I knew damn, I could find myself falling head first with this dude... so when I got home, I deleted my account. I didn't even ask him if he was still there. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't? Who cares? I honestly don't mind if he chats up other girls or goes out with them. *I* myself couldn't be on OLD anymore because I don't believe I am ready to date another guy. I stopped my own account. He could still be online for all I care. I'm not the snoopy type so I don't look. I'm cool if he's still looking. I do sincerely like him - and for that reason I am in this predicament I am right now (that's a long story) - BUT I am all for giving him space to delete his own account in his own time. I remembered after the first date, I told him his pictures sucked. That night, he changed his pictures and then messaged me through OLD if his new pics are 'good enough' for me. I thought that was sweet he was using my advice and changed his pics. I guess some girls might freak out that he was 'using' my advice to attract other girls, but to me, I thought it was sweet that he felt my opinions mattered. We'll be on our 5th date soon.... BUT it's a super complicated story. My crush has finally responded and now I'm supposed to choose between them. I'd rather jump off a cliff! But yes, to answer your question, try not to be so obsessed about being exclusive or being possessive. I realized now that I'm older, the more you hang onto something, the less you get to keep it. Have faith - if he wants you - and only you - no other chicks on OLD can get to him. If you want to delete your account, do it because you want to - not because you want HIM to.
brokengirl85 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Hmm.. I was in a similiar position. I am single and I was bored while waiting for my damn crush to make a move, so I signed up for OLD for the 3rd time. A cute guy messaged me. I didn't think much of him at first because his texts in OLD were incredibly boring. He was like a one-word wonder. I asked him one thing, and he'll reply in one word. Didn't ask anything about me. Boring with a capital B. Then he asked me out (this was within one week of my sign up) Then on the first date, Bam!! Total chemistry. He was funny, charming, respectful, adorable, gorgeous smile... I could go on... But at the back of my mind, I was still pining for the damn crush... and a bit apprehensive. He asked me out again for the second time. During the second date, when he cuddled me during a movie, I knew damn, I could find myself falling head first with this dude... so when I got home, I deleted my account. I didn't even ask him if he was still there. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't? Who cares? I honestly don't mind if he chats up other girls or goes out with them. *I* myself couldn't be on OLD anymore because I don't believe I am ready to date another guy. I stopped my own account. He could still be online for all I care. I'm not the snoopy type so I don't look. I'm cool if he's still looking. I do sincerely like him - and for that reason I am in this predicament I am right now (that's a long story) - BUT I am all for giving him space to delete his own account in his own time. I remembered after the first date, I told him his pictures sucked. That night, he changed his pictures and then messaged me through OLD if his new pics are 'good enough' for me. I thought that was sweet he was using my advice and changed his pics. I guess some girls might freak out that he was 'using' my advice to attract other girls, but to me, I thought it was sweet that he felt my opinions mattered. We'll be on our 5th date soon.... BUT it's a super complicated story. My crush has finally responded and now I'm supposed to choose between them. I'd rather jump off a cliff! But yes, to answer your question, try not to be so obsessed about being exclusive or being possessive. I realized now that I'm older, the more you hang onto something, the less you get to keep it. Have faith - if he wants you - and only you - no other chicks on OLD can get to him. If you want to delete your account, do it because you want to - not because you want HIM to. This story of you is super sweet! I wish you all the luck! (and I hope you choose your OLD guy over your crush!) 1
Author abby_tx Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Every man that was genuinely interested in me brought up exclusivity on our 3rd or 4th date so no it's not to early BUT I insist you let him bring it up. By nature men are chasers and it's much better if you let them bring it up. It means he is ready to put the chase down. When the woman brings it up it often back fires. If a man doesn't bring it up by 8 dates then I would bring it up myself but by experience I can tell you if you sleep together and by the 4th-5th date he has not mentioned anything, don't hold your breath for him. I agree with letting the guy bring it up. I will do so. With my last boyfriend, he introduced me as "my girlfriend" to his coworkers a few dates in and then later that night I asked, "So, are we a couple?" to which he said, "Oh yeah, I just assumed so. I'm bad at these talks." So, I really hope it goes a bit better than that. I want this guy to ask me. 2
Author abby_tx Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 ... We'll be on our 5th date soon.... BUT it's a super complicated story. My crush has finally responded and now I'm supposed to choose between them. I'd rather jump off a cliff! I want to hear about this crush. How long have you had a crush on him? How often do you see him? Because right now, I'm REALLY liking this OLD guy for you much better. Also, your thing about not caring if the OLD is online or does/doesn't use his account...I'm in this same boat. I wonder if it has to do with age and confidence? I remember freaking out 3 years ago when my boyfriend still had his profile up, but now I wouldn't care. 1
Snakechammah Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 I want to hear about this crush. How long have you had a crush on him? How often do you see him? Because right now, I'm REALLY liking this OLD guy for you much better. Also, your thing about not caring if the OLD is online or does/doesn't use his account...I'm in this same boat. I wonder if it has to do with age and confidence? I remember freaking out 3 years ago when my boyfriend still had his profile up, but now I wouldn't care. Aww.. are you sure? It's going to be a long story! I started a new job in Jan and in my first week, developed a food allergy, followed by a fungus infection on my face. It was the most horrible moment of my life! I'd walked with my head down at work for most of Feb and March. One day, I was walking along this open-spaced corridor and this guy - who I recognize as the only guy in the office who wears sneakers - at the opposite side. He was walking towards me. When we walked past, I kept my head down and about to ignore him. Of course I was self-conscious about my fungus face but... Guess what. He actually STOPPED me in my tracks, forced my head up and looked me straight in the eyes... just to say "Hi!". I was taken aback, replied a meekly hi and then scurried away. Since then, I crushed on him big time! Well, now that we're closer and had gone on dates, I asked him about the incident. He remembered it and thought I was this "gorgeous new girl and he had to make himself known" An update about my situation with him can be found in this post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/561381-men-like-parking-spots-all-good-ones-taken-6.html#post6686686 And... to make things more spicy... when I went out on my 3rd date with Mr OLD, we bumped into Mr Crush!! So both of them are aware I am dating each other. I have not slept with any of them and they both know this. Mr OLD is super cool - he doesn't ask abt Mr Crush at all. He lets me choose in my own time, very matured, very cool. Mr Crush is slightly a bit more affected about Mr OLD. He has 'hinted' that I shouldn't give other guys a chance if I "didn't really like them"... well, he thinks that he's the only guy I like So we will see... I feel really awful dating the two of them together. I am honestly just waiting for one of them to drop out so I can naturally choose the one that stays. If they both drop out, I am ok with that too. Sorry this is a long post. I hope I didn't hijack the thread! Abby, do keep us posted about your OLD guy... he sounds promising... 3 dates is awesome! Don't worry about other OLD chicks. Just have faith that things will work out! Isnt it amazing - the feeling of dating someone new? Do savour every moment - I agree being in the 30s is AWESOME!
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