7654try Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 (edited) Hi folks, I've found myself in a considerable pickle... I'm 24 and I'd finally found a girl who I liked. I've never had anything close to a girlfriend before and while she was a few years older than me, I really thought the world of her. She's kind, funny and fiercely intelligent. And she's beautiful - the best kind of bonus on top of her charismatic soul! I thought I'd hit the jackpot to be quite honest... Stupidly, I thought that there was a chance that she liked me too - she allowed me to take her out 5 or 6 times over the last few months and we always had a laugh and a good chat. But it would appear that she's come to her senses and she's now ignoring any correspondence and if she does reply, its usually short and dismissive but not in an angry way... Whenever I've asked her out these last few weeks, she's been too busy (which is probably true) but I'm also a busy professional musician who would have always found the time for her somehow. Having never been this close to having someone like this in my life before due to being petrified of rejection of any nature, I've found myself feeling very unnattractive, unloveable and worst of all, pathetic as a result of her either realising what an ugly loser I am or me completely nausing it up. I've been nothing but respectful and kind (to my knowledge) and so to my mind, it must be because of the former. So, essentially, I've waited and waited to find the 'right person' and she blew me out. I should say that she's not the type who would knowingly hurt someone or use them for a nice dinner - she's really intellegent both academically and emotionally. She's way too attractive to be going out with me anyway but the whole experience has rather thrown me. I'm quite upset and the last of my self esteem is well and truly gone. Looking at myself in a mirror makes me feel pathetic and pointless. In short, I feel like an utter prat and don't want anyone to look at or talk to me. I know (solely from TV shows) that 'dating' is almost always casual and that because nothing was 'official', it's generally accepted that she can change her mind at any time - while I appreciate this, it doesn't mean that I haven't taken it personally. Any advice? Thanks, Paul Edited December 6, 2015 by 7654try
mrldii Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 Yeah...stop thinking that the first woman that you finally worked up the courage to indicate your interest in and who agreed to go out on a date/some dates with you was, instead, "[you] waited and waited to find the 'right person' and she blew you out." You were interested [enough to break out of your comfort zone], you pursued getting to know her better, she reciprocated, your increased knowledge of her made you more interested, her increased knowledge of you made her less interested. C'est la vie. The saying goes, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained!" NOT "IF ventured, success is assured!" Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and get back on the proverbial horse. Wait 'til you've gotten over all the negative self-talk, though, otherwise you're simply perfecting your self-fulfilling prophecy which you use to protect yourself from ever really having to get into an honest-to-God relationship, and allows you to instead sit around and bitch about they never appear to work out, even with all your *trying*. Best of luck, OP...
Author 7654try Posted December 6, 2015 Author Posted December 6, 2015 Yeah...stop thinking that the first woman that you finally worked up the courage to indicate your interest in and who agreed to go out on a date/some dates with you was, instead, "[you] waited and waited to find the 'right person' and she blew you out." You were interested [enough to break out of your comfort zone], you pursued getting to know her better, she reciprocated, your increased knowledge of her made you more interested, her increased knowledge of you made her less interested. C'est la vie. The saying goes, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained!" NOT "IF ventured, success is assured!" Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and get back on the proverbial horse. Wait 'til you've gotten over all the negative self-talk, though, otherwise you're simply perfecting your self-fulfilling prophecy which you use to protect yourself from ever really having to get into an honest-to-God relationship, and allows you to instead sit around and bitch about they never appear to work out, even with all your *trying*. Best of luck, OP... Thanks for the response. I fear you're probably right about all of the above. I think I'll leave the dating game for a while though - not sure I'm ready for another rejection! Thanks again, Paul
Maggie4 Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 She's not a measuring stick. All humans have their own demons to deal with. And I believe nature has some women selecting the scoundrel as the preferred mate. Who knows if that makes sense in our evolution. Or, sometimes you just have to say it's fate.
TheTraveler Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 There is 3 billion women on this planet. Go get them. You're 24 years old and have your whole life ahead of you. You need to change your attitude about yourself. If this is what you think of yourself, it will come out during dates whether you realize it or not. 1
smackie9 Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 You lack confidence in yourself to a fault. You ever make a move to get with her? No? to an experienced dater, the absence of sexual desire is taken as rejection. She is probably wondering what is wrong with her....she knows she is attractive, but questions you for not making an attempt. She got tired of waiting for something to happen. 1
Author 7654try Posted December 6, 2015 Author Posted December 6, 2015 Bless you all for taking the time to respond. I shall bear this all in mind! Paul
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