BTS123 Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 So some background on the little predicament I've found myself in and just needing some advice if anyone has been in a similar situation. Sorry about the essay below, but tried to fill with some detail: So I met this girl on a night out around a month ago, we got talking and hit it off straight away. As the night came to an end I asked if she wanted to join me at an after party I was going to, she said yes. We stayed there until the early hours and headed back to mine, she stayed the night, nothing happened and we just went to sleep. Before she left I got her number and left it a couple of days. I messaged her a couple of days later just to keep things flowing, exchanged messages for the next hour and got straight to the point, asked her out for dinner. She replied with the following "That would be lovely however I'm not ready to start dating yet or anything. We should definitely go for a drink next weekend though". At this point I'm as confused as the message she had sent, so I just left it at saying, sounds good. 10 days passed and I messaged her to make sure we were still up for that drink, she said of course she was. Now I unfortunately I'd completely forgotten I had a close mates birthday that day so agreed to meet her when out, which I did. Once again we hit it off and she came back to mine. Carried on the night at mine, just the two of us and carried on drinking until the early hours. Crashed and she stayed at mine until mid afternoon the next day. Once again I didn't make any move as I'm wary of scaring her off if i come across as too forward. One good thing that did come of it is I invited her to my birthday which was being hosted at my parents property, she accepted and we didn't speak for the next week or so. She then messages me the day before my birthday party asking how I am and if I'm looking forward to it. I don't respond until the day of my birthday and she then wishes me a happy birthday. So the day of my birthday (Friday just gone) and she turns up as planned with one of her friends I'd agreed she can bring along. I don't spend much time with her due to making an effort with everyone else who has attended. 11pm comes and we all head out for a night out. Once out she is glued to me, we spend most of the night together and by the end of the night it is just myself and her. And by what I have put above you can see where this is going.... she ends up back at mine. So we carry on drinking back at mine and I pluck of the courage to actually make a move, I go in for the kiss and she reciprocates and actually initiates the next time we kiss. We have a really good chat as well but then she says something which puts me on the back foot. She says to me, one thing that puts me off you is the fact I feel you are too good for me. She specifically directed it to my family heritage and the fact we have a comfortable living. I was taken aback massively and explained we came from nothing and I'm proud of what my family has achieved. We head to bed and I'm not the sort of guy to sleep with someone after only knowing them for a short period of time so we have a cuddle and go to sleep. She stays until the next afternoon and we chat for hours and she says "we should go for a drink in a couple of weeks time" (she is away next weekend). I later on test her and say "so what day would you prefer to go on the date", she quickly brushes it off by saying it is "not" a date. She hasn't been single for very long and I know she had a very difficult break up with her recent ex. She openly talks about it with me so I'm aware it might have nothing to do with me and I may just need to take it really slow. Sorry again for the essay, had to try and include all the details I could to try and get a better opinion on where I am with her. Thanks for reading and any advice would be great!
smackie9 Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 It is what it is.....she's not looking for a relationship and has made that clear, so why are you trying to make it a relationship? Being a gentleman holding off sex isn't going to turn the tide....it's will be a FWB if that. There is nothing to be confused about. 1
Author BTS123 Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 I appreciate she has made it clear she isn't ready to start dating yet. The only thing I find confusing which I didn't actually put in my explanation above is the most recent time we spent time together she kept saying "if we were together" etc. So as much as she might be saying she isn't ready to start anything serious she is also propositioning me about the potential of us being together. Unfortunately I've been strung along a lot in the past so I am very cautious when it comes to getting mixed messages from someone or/and their actions don't match what they are saying.
PegNosePete Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 I've been strung along a lot in the past Then, I'm surprised you can't recognize that it's happening again! 2
Author BTS123 Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 The main difference between when I've been strung along in the past is they openly told me they wanted to see where we go and would like it to progress into a relationship. This time I've been told she isn't ready but then propositioning me if we got together. I think the best thing would be to take a step back before I get too emotionally invested and just go with the flow, rather than running before I can walk.
PegNosePete Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 I agree. If you're wanting a relationship, find someone who is ready for one. Putting your life on hold for someone who is not ready - and may never be - is foolish. 2
d0nnivain Posted December 7, 2015 Posted December 7, 2015 If she is recently out of a bad break up, she may not know what she wants either She seems happy enough to carry on at present but will probably bolt if you try to label what you are doing or formally call it a relationship. There's no guarantee she won't bolt or that you are not a rebound. If you really want to formalize this, she's not your girl. If you can hang out under these circumstances AND not give your heart away, keep doing what you are doing. 2
Author BTS123 Posted December 7, 2015 Author Posted December 7, 2015 Thanks for your advice. I can see at the moment the furthest it would go would be the FWB route which inevitably ends up with someone being left behind. I will keep hanging out with her under these circumstances but definitely not going to put my life on hold for someone who doesn't feel they are ready just yet. 1
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