Lois_Griffin Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I'll not sleep with him. I need to figure out a way to run once the dinner is over. Sorry. I don't believe you. You already put the moves on him and complained when he left early that you wanted to kiss him more. He's not an idiot. He already knows he's got this in the bag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I don't know if he considers you a 10 too but it's pretty easy for women to date up through online dating. A lot of men have to date down. I don't know how many men that have to date down actually want to have a serious long term relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 What would you do in this case? Continue to ignore him. He will be as ugly as hell when he is old. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 I tend to dramatize, to exaggerate, and to be anxious when I don't know what to expect. I'm also very burnt from a previous experience of abuse. It's hard for me to trust, yet I'm naive and to be in love is something I desire. This guy has been very polite, even though he was sometimes judgemental. But he hasn't tried to sleep with me in the previous two dates. He didn't even wanted to kiss me! He could have any women. Yet, he's planning a third date in a romantic setting with me, an average gal with baggage. I'm dorky and silly, and I've never initiated, only once in about one month. I still think I don't know him well, or maybe it's my fear to get burn again. I'm not ready to sleep with him, and at some point during the date, I'll let him know about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 I don't know if he considers you a 10 too but it's pretty easy for women to date up through online dating. A lot of men have to date down. I don't know how many men that have to date down actually want to have a serious long term relationship. Very true. Men date down when they think it's not serious. I try to date up all the time though. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I tend to dramatize, to exaggerate, and to be anxious when I don't know what to expect. I'm also very burnt from a previous experience of abuse. It's hard for me to trust, yet I'm naive and to be in love is something I desire. This guy has been very polite, even though he was sometimes judgemental. But he hasn't tried to sleep with me in the previous two dates. He didn't even wanted to kiss me! He could have any women. Yet, he's planning a third date in a romantic setting with me, an average gal with baggage. I'm dorky and silly, and I've never initiated, only once in about one month. I still think I don't know him well, or maybe it's my fear to get burn again. I'm not ready to sleep with him, and at some point during the date, I'll let him know about this. If he is so great, then why did you post earlier that after the dinner is over, you need to find a way to run? Post no. 67. You sound extremely mixed up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 If he is so great, then why did you post earlier that after the dinner is over, you need to find a way to run? Post no. 67. You sound extremely mixed up. Because I don't want to stay to make him think I'm going to sleep with him. Sorry, I've probably didn't use the correct expression Link to post Share on other sites
truth_seeker Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 (edited) Because I don't want to stay to make him think I'm going to sleep with him. Sorry, I've probably didn't use the correct expression If you're really going to use him for a dinner... ... then do it right: order the most expensive thing on the menu. Enjoy it. When it's time for dessert, you tell him you're in the mood. Order something. After you place the order, you pull the old "I need to go freshen up" line before you have desert. This is your chance to exit the restaurant, jump into a cab and get out of there. Edited December 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Prohibited language while on moderation Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 Because I don't want to stay to make him think I'm going to sleep with him. Sorry, I've probably didn't use the correct expression You don't have to run off to convey that message. If he brings it up, you simply tell him you are not ready to have sex with him! Why are so many people afraid to speak up and communicate honestly? I just don't get it! Ugh. Your eating and running makes it appear that you only wanted a free dinner! No offense, broken but I really don't think you are ready to be dating anyone right now. Too many unresolved issues...that will destroy any dating relationship you embark on. Good luck though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 You don't have to run off to convey that message. If he brings it up, you simply tell him you are not ready to have sex with him! Why are so many people afraid to speak up and communicate honestly? I just don't get it! Ugh. Your eating and running makes it appear that you only wanted a free dinner! No offense, broken but I really don't think you are ready to be dating anyone right now. Too many unresolved issues...that will destroy any dating relationship you embark on. Good luck though. Katie, I didn't mean run! It was a metaphor. Sorry about that. I think so too, I'm not ready to date. when will I be, I don't know. Maybe never ugh Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I tend to dramatize, to exaggerate, and to be anxious when I don't know what to expect. I'm also very burnt from a previous experience of abuse. There's help for this kind of mindset, by the way. No offense, but you absolutely sound anxious, overly-dramatic, negative and defeatist in your posts. I don't say that to criticize, I just mean that it seems like an awful, limited way to live—you don't actually have to operate from a place of fear and negativity. Your emotions are all over the place and seemingly dictated the possible interest of a relative stranger. You give yourself a hard time about dropping bread or using the wrong fork—who cares! Those are not things to dock points for. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 There's help for this kind of mindset, by the way. No offense, but you absolutely sound anxious, overly-dramatic, negative and defeatist in your posts. I don't say that to criticize, I just mean that it seems like an awful, limited way to live—you don't actually have to operate from a place of fear and negativity. Your emotions are all over the place and seemingly dictated the possible interest of a relative stranger. You give yourself a hard time about dropping bread or using the wrong fork—who cares! Those are not things to dock points for. thank you for your reply. Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 I read a lot of the posts on this thread and I can see how this is gonna end. This gal is wayyy too much into this guy... as if he is no less than GOD. LOL. And this guy... well... typical... Will sleep with her and then drop her like a hot potato. Let me know if something different happens... Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 Conversation was ok but he ignored some of my topics of conversation which was awkward but this also happened in the first date. It was obvious I wanted to kiss more but I felt he was just wanting me to leave He told me women pursue him all the time (makes sense, he's extremely handsome) He told me he has where to choose for women He corrected me several times during our dates grammatical errors I made He's been active on okcupid all this time I feel insecure. What would you do in this case? Because of the above I wouldn't see him again. I wouldn't accept a second date with a man who corrected my grammar one time on a date and I also wouldn't allow him to kiss me. Correcting another's grammar is both rude and condescending. From what you've written it seems to me that he's both arrogant and lacking in self esteem. If he had healthy self esteem he wouldn't need to tell you he has women chasing him, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 Instead you're just throwing in the towel because you're scared of being rejected again. Throw in the towel because this guy is a jerk with low self esteem, not because you're afraid of being rejected. He has no class. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 (edited) ten characters Edited December 9, 2015 by LivingWaterPlease Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I agree. Only insecure people go around telling and giving hints as to how many people are interested in them. My guess is that not even a single woman is interested in him. LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I agree. Only insecure people go around telling and giving hints as to how many people are interested in them. My guess is that not even a single woman is interested in him. LOL. I missed that. You are right, he doesn't have any options. Especially with how eager beaver he is trying to go on dates with the OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 looks like a lot of women are going to use this as an example to NOT be the initiator when meeting guys Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Share Posted December 10, 2015 I missed that. You are right, he doesn't have any options. Especially with how eager beaver he is trying to go on dates with the OP. That's a possibility. Maybe he's inviting me on dates because he thinks I'm easy? I still don't know. I did notice that after the second date he initiated a couple times, I never replied instantly and sometimes a couple hours passed before I got the opportunity to text him back (im busy, it's not because I was playing hard to get) but once he received my text he replied really fast. This did not happen at the beginning, that we both replied hours later. I'm not sure what's going on. He's still active online, but who knows maybe he's just only looking and not searching? Since I'm still unsure and I feel insecure, I'll go on this third date and try to see what his intentions are. I've noted some animosity here lately and it's maybe the way I'm handling things? I haven't heard of anyone who encourages me to go on this third date and my guess is because of the red flags I've noted before. Most of the people suggested me to ignore him. He's always been a gentleman, polite and respectful, even though his judgements and comments. At this point, if I were to ignore him, I consider a lack of respect not to let him know. Just because of the investment. I sometimes appear anxious and insecure. That does not translate to my dates. I thought posting here was a way to get some support, and I appreciate all the people who took their time to give me advice. I do not appreciate some rude comments or ironies from other people though. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I've noted some animosity here lately and it's maybe the way I'm handling things? I haven't heard of anyone who encourages me to go on this third date and my guess is because of the red flags I've noted before. I for one definitely think you should go on this third date. For the most part, I haven't noticed any red flags in his behavior, but rather that you are misinterpreting his actions through a lens of anxiety and negativity. I honestly think you should relax and try to have a good time. Guess what? Even well-intentioned guys who are attracted to a woman will start to try and initiate the physical side of things by the second or third date. That doesn't mean he's automatically a creep, that could mean he's legitimately interested. You don't need to be so quick to discount yourself. And his OLD activity? I'm still betting that at least partly that the app shows him online even if he isn't actively using it. Go, have a good time, try to relax and have a good time and don't be so fatalistic. If you don't want to sleep with him yet, don't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Share Posted December 10, 2015 I for one definitely think you should go on this third date. For the most part, I haven't noticed any red flags in his behavior, but rather that you are misinterpreting his actions through a lens of anxiety and negativity. I honestly think you should relax and try to have a good time. Guess what? Even well-intentioned guys who are attracted to a woman will start to try and initiate the physical side of things by the second or third date. That doesn't mean he's automatically a creep, that could mean he's legitimately interested. You don't need to be so quick to discount yourself. And his OLD activity? I'm still betting that at least partly that the app shows him online even if he isn't actively using it. Go, have a good time, try to relax and have a good time and don't be so fatalistic. If you don't want to sleep with him yet, don't. Thank you so much Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 Background: He's a 10. Sorry for being this superficial, it's just to give you an idea. (he told me people call him don draper) He's a professional very succesful in his job in a very good economic position. He told me women pursue him all the time (makes sense, he's extremely handsome) He told me he has where to choose for women He corrected me several times during our dates grammatical errors I made He never complimented me on my looks He's been active on okcupid all this time What would you do in this case? It would help all of us so much to be more direct and to confront stuff like this when it happens. Bragging to someone you're on a date with about how much interest you get from other people is just plain rude, even if it's a first date. "Women pursue me," may be true, but it's not something you tell a woman unless she's a police officer and you are actually hiding from a mob of women who want to hurt you. Correcting grammatical errors? That can be done in a very joking manner, especially if you've been talking about pet grammar peeves, and one of you makes a grammar boo-boo right in the middle of complaining about other people's grammar. Then it's funny. To merely correct you as a child is, again, just plain rude. Rudeness should be called out immediately. You don't have to make a scene, but "why are you behaving so rudely toward me?" is a perfectly reasonable response to rudeness. And unless you get instant and sincere apologies, get up and walk out. I wouldn't worry about guys continuing to be on the dating site. Women do it too. You only know he's active because you too log in and see when was the last time he was there. But not complimenting you or expressing obvious interest is a huge red flag. You'll be better off with someone else. Don't waste your time. I know it's sexist to say it, but I think the guy should always be the one more into the girl than vice-versa, and he just doesn't sound into you. But next time a guy is rude to you, nail them on it. Don't let them get away with it! Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Robratory Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 He's always been a gentleman, polite and respectful, even though his judgements and comments. At this point, if I were to ignore him, I consider a lack of respect not to let him know. Just because of the investment. It's just hard to square "gentleman, polite and respectful" with "he criticized my grammar," "he told me how much the ladies wanted him," and "he didn't compliment me at all." Those are not that actions of a polite and respectful gentleman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted December 10, 2015 Share Posted December 10, 2015 I do not appreciate some rude comments or ironies from other people though. We have just been there and done that. And want u to avoid the mistakes. But if u already have decided what u wanna do... then go ahead. If this thing is making u anxious enough to come and post and ask others what to do then that in itself is a red flag that something is not right. Rest is up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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