What would you do with this guy?

[StBreton]

You went from this: being so distraught

 

So much investment and feelings for one guy you met online and went on 3 dates with... This thread is too much.

 

To this: -> one text making it all better?! Flippy floppy ... like the text was a pacifier or something. You've got to feel ok just being you and single. You're creating your own roller coaster...I personally couldn't do it. How can someone's slightest edge toward you create such elation?

 

 

Good morning,

 

Last night he sent me a quick text letting me know how your night was. I replied, and that was all.

 

there's someone else who initiates contact repeteadly. It's another doctor, an anesthesiologist I met three months ago but he still sends me a text every two or three days. I do have something with doctors! Or it's maybe this dating site, that has a majority of doctors, I don't know.

Thing is, texting to this guy is making me feel better. I could tell he's interested.

 

It's different from doctor number 1, that I don't really know what's going on.

Yesterday I was too emotional, I'm so glad I have this forum to write. My head is clear today.

[Kamille]

I'm glad you're feeling better. I don't really care how you got there. What matters is that you capitalize on this feeling and do something to hang on to it.

 

What are your plans for today? Any ways of pampering and reconnecting with yourself? Bonus points if the pamper yourself activity doesn't involve 1. men you could potentially date 2. work.

[brokengirl85]

^^ Your *clear* head has nothing to do with this forum. If you had NOT heard from him, your head would still be messed up, miserable, depressed. At least be honest about that.

 

Qboro was absolutely right! Now that you have heard from him, all the negative has miraculously disappeared and you're feeling positive again!

 

This is very dangerous not to mention unhealthy! It is like your very existence is dependant upon whether or not some guy you barely know is giving you attention!

 

Yesterday, you did not hear from him, and you deemed him a complete jerk, were pissed, ready to next him.

 

Today, after he sent you a short essentially meaningless text wherein he did not even express a desire to see you again, nor did he wish to exert any more energy other than asking how your night was (scraps IMO)....you have a *clear* head and are back to feeling good again?

 

And what makes you so sure he IS interested? I am not seeing it.

 

He did his *duty* after your date and sent you a quick, essentially meaningless text. He may be interested in something, but clearly it is not developing a relationship with you.

 

Men who DO want to develop a relationship with you would not be sending you these scraps basically check-in in.

 

They want to engage with you, they want to spend time with you, other than fancy dinners ...after which they drive to a motel on the third date for godonlyknows what. Without ever even discussing it with you prior.

 

Could he be any more presumptuous? Jesus.

 

Sorry this was harsh, but imo you really need to stop dating him....stop dating anyone, and seek professional help....

 

OK. Actually, texts exchanges with the other guy was the reason I was feeling better, but I guess I get your point, and Qboro's.

 

It's not me the one initiating. Thinking clearly, Katirgrl, he really doesn't need to string me along for sex. He has plenty to choose from, I'm very sure. hotter women than me, and with less baggage.

He also knows he's not going to get me into into bed that easy. Maybe he was just polite, sending me a text as a way to say goodbye? It could be that I'll never hear from him again. And that's ok, because you'll be right if that happens and he was only looking for sex. I'll win as well, because I'll be better off a user.

[brokengirl85]

I'm glad you're feeling better. I don't really care how you got there. What matters is that you capitalize on this feeling and do something to hang on to it.

 

What are your plans for today? Any ways of pampering and reconnecting with yourself? Bonus points if the pamper yourself activity doesn't involve 1. men you could potentially date 2. work.

 

Thank you.

 

I'm spending all Sunday doing work related things ugh. I have a big presentation tomorrow and need to get ready for my talk.

[Kamille]

Thank you.

 

I'm spending all Sunday doing work related things ugh. I have a big presentation tomorrow and need to get ready for my talk.

 

Ah well, presentations do always keep my mind focused. Good luck on the presentation! Treat yourself after!

[katiegrl]

OK. Actually, texts exchanges with the other guy was the reason I was feeling better, but I guess I get your point, and Qboro's.

 

It's not me the one initiating. Thinking clearly, Katirgrl, he really doesn't need to string me along for sex.

 

 

 

**He has plenty to choose from,***

 

 

I'm very sure. hotter women than me, and with less baggage.

He also knows he's not going to get me into into bed that easy. Maybe he was just polite, sending me a text as a way to say goodbye? It could be that I'll never hear from him again. And that's ok, because you'll be right if that happens and he was only looking for sex. I'll win as well, because I'll be better off a user.

 

He has plenty to choose from? How do you know that? Because that is what he told you? Come on, you're smarter than that.

 

And if that were the case, why is he on the dating site at every opportunity, including five minutes after your date?

 

Look, I don't know that sex is *all* he is after. But it definitely IS on his agenda, otherwise he would not have proceeded to drive to the motel. Which again is just so presumptuous ...did he even discuss becoming physical with you prior to behaving so presumptuously?

 

I do give you credit for not acquiescing though ....good for you.

 

I am glad you are feeling better, but my fear for you now is ....if you don't hear from him for awhile, or he does not ask you out again, you will go back to feeling miserable, like crap, deeming him a jerk again.

 

This is not healthy!!

 

And I also think you deserve more than the few scraps he is sending you to appease you...in case he can't find anyone else to dine with .... (obviously HE enjoys fine dining).... or to have sex with .....or whatever.

 

Expect more for yourself..... I would have nexted him after date one (or two,) after he criticized your English and dropping your knife (oh the horror!).... ignored your questions and other topics of conversation, compared himself to Don Draper (a sociopath).... and told you about all the other women chasing him!

 

Essentially making you feel like crap.

 

But it's your life .....so do what you wish.

 

Happy holidays ......wish you the best and I mean that!

 

ETA: And remember YOU are the one who initiated the very first contact on line. He may have thought you were a sure thing because of this. Many men feel this way....

 

Just sayin.

Edited December 13, 2015 by katiegrl

[brokengirl85]

He has plenty to choose from? How do you know that? Because that is whst he told you?

 

And if that were the case, why is he on the dating site at every opportunity, including five minutes after your date?

 

Look, I don't know that sex is *all* he is after. But it definitely IS on his agenda, otherwise he would not have proceeded to drive to the motel. Which again is just so presumptuous ...did he even discuss becoming physical with you prior to behaving so presumptuously?

 

I do give you credit for not acquiescing though ....good for you.

 

I am glad you are feeling better, but my fear for you now is ....if you don't hear from him for awhile, or he does not ask you out again, you will go back to feeling miserable, like crap, deeming him a jerk again.

 

This is not healthy!!

 

And I also think you deserve more than the few scraps he is sending you to appease you...in case he can't find anyone else to dine with .... (obviously HE enjoys fine dining).... or to have sex with .....or whatever.

 

Expect more for yourself..... I would have nexted him after date one (or two,) after he critized your English and dropping your knife (oh the horror!).... ignored your questions and other topics of conversation, compared himself to Don Draper (a sociopath).... and told you about all the other women chasing him!

 

Essentially making you feel like crap.

 

But it's your life .....so do what you wish.

 

Happy holidays ......wish you the best and I mean that!

 

Thank you, and I do hope this is not your way to say goodbye to my thread because I'd really miss your clear points of views.

 

We are adults, I honestly think that him driving to this upscale hotel after dinner without even discussing it wasn't a good move. My guess is he's a little awkward...Or maybe he thought it was natural to have sex after a third date?

Well, I'd never sleep with someone unless I know for sure we're exclusive. If anyone does not like my way of thought, including him, he can just move onto the next one.

[losangelena]

Qboro was absolutely right! Now that you have heard from him, all the negative has miraculously disappeared and you're feeling positive again!

 

It's not the first time this has happened.

[Kamille]

He has plenty to choose from? How do you know that? Because that is what he told you? Come on, you're smarter than that.

 

And if that were the case, why is he on the dating site at every opportunity, including five minutes after your date?

 

Look, I don't know that sex is *all* he is after. But it definitely IS on his agenda, otherwise he would not have proceeded to drive to the motel. Which again is just so presumptuous ...did he even discuss becoming physical with you prior to behaving so presumptuously?

 

I do give you credit for not acquiescing though ....good for you.

 

I am glad you are feeling better, but my fear for you now is ....if you don't hear from him for awhile, or he does not ask you out again, you will go back to feeling miserable, like crap, deeming him a jerk again.

 

This is not healthy!!

 

And I also think you deserve more than the few scraps he is sending you to appease you...in case he can't find anyone else to dine with .... (obviously HE enjoys fine dining).... or to have sex with .....or whatever.

 

Expect more for yourself..... I would have nexted him after date one (or two,) after he critized your English and dropping your knife (oh the horror!).... ignored your questions and other topics of conversation, compared himself to Don Draper (a sociopath).... and told you about all the other women chasing him!

 

Essentially making you feel like crap.

 

But it's your life .....so do what you wish.

 

Happy holidays ......wish you the best and I mean that!

 

ETA: And remember YOU are the one who initiated the very first contact on line. He may have thought you were a sure thing because of this. Many men feel this way....

 

Just sayin.

 

I worry that all of this is likely to keep Brokengirl in an anxious mindset.

 

Right now, who cares about analyzing why this guy might be doing the things he does? What matters is that Brokengirl get herself to zen.

[brokengirl85]

I worry that all of this is likely to keep Brokengirl in an anxious mindset.

 

Right now, who cares about analyzing why this guy might be doing the things he does? What matters is that Brokengirl get herself to zen.

 

Yes, something like that, Kamille. Thank you

[katiegrl]

I worry that all of this is likely to keep Brokengirl in an anxious mindset.

 

Right now, who cares about analyzing why this guy might be doing the things he does? What matters is that Brokengirl get herself to zen.

 

I don't really care about this guy....he is actually irrelevant.

 

I am trying to knock some sense into her....so she starts recognizing her unhealthy patterns and seeks help to overcome.

 

Otherwise, the same exact thing will keep happening... with the next guy, the guy after that, etc.

 

Her *clear* head and *good* feelings need to come from within herself.....not from an external source... like whether or not some guy she has had a few dates with sends her a text!

 

She is on an internal roller coaster ride of her own making.

 

This is just so very dangerous..... because again if she doesn't hear from him, she may feel even *more* miserable and depressed than she was before he texted her.

 

I am actually really scared for her, as she may ultimately fall so deep into despair, she may never get out. Read her posts from yesterday again.....she was miserable, anxious, thought he was a jerk, felt guilty, hated herself, etc. Not good!

 

I mean how long can one tolerate such an intense internal roller coaster ride of emotions without breaking?

 

She needs to seek help! I myself am in therapy and it can be tremendously helpful!

Edited December 13, 2015 by katiegrl

[StBreton]

Thank you, and I do hope this is not your way to say goodbye to my thread because I'd really miss your clear points of views.

 

We are adults, I honestly think that him driving to this upscale hotel after dinner without even discussing it wasn't a good move. My guess is he's a little awkward...Or maybe he thought it was natural to have sex after a third date?

Well, I'd never sleep with someone unless I know for sure we're exclusive. If anyone does not like my way of thought, including him, he can just move onto the next one.

 

Wait...this guy just drove to the hotel without a mention or discussion with you beforehand?! I'd have given the guy a piece of my mind...and used a few words which rarely escape my mouth. I wouldn't call this guy "awkward" for his behavior ... lothario might be a better word.

 

I think this guy likes to fill up his little black book and play as much as he can. Have you discussed with him your feelings about sex being in an exclusive relationship?

 

Hope you're doing well on your presentation:) Good to have a worthwhile distraction.

[katiegrl]

It's not the first time this has happened.

 

Yeah....I know.

 

Sometimes it takes a person awhile to *see* certain things....but I get it now.

[brokengirl85]

Wait...this guy just drove to the hotel without a mention or discussion with you beforehand?! I'd have given the guy a piece of my mind...and used a few words which rarely escape my mouth. I wouldn't call this guy "awkward" for his behavior ... lothario might be a better word.

 

I think this guy likes to fill up his little black book and play as much as he can. Have you discussed with him your feelings about sex being in an exclusive relationship?

 

Hope you're doing well on your presentation:) Good to have a worthwhile distraction.

 

He drive to the hotel to have some drinks and to watch the ocean from the terrace. I felt uneasy with the prospect of being in a hotel per se. He then chose to drive to the beach and watch the ocean from his car.

 

I'm a little exhausted of trying to des cipher this guys intentions. If he's just a jerk and a user, we'll see.

 

I also find weird we've not discussed where are we in this "relationship". My guess is he's not looking for anything serious with me. Since I'm not looking to hookup or to be a booty call to anyone, things will develop to a point where he'll probably stop contacting me. As I said before, if this is the outcome, I'll be better off. For now, I'm not completely sure, so I'm wary.

[guest569]

What would I do? The whole situation sounds a lot like my ex. Except your guy sounds even more arrogant and less kind, there are some deal breakers in your original post! Your description of him isn't very flattering and I wonder what you saw in him. Or were you talking yourself out of it to protect yourself?

 

It's wise to be a bit wary and consider the situation, but you need to pull back a bit and distract yourself in the initial stages of dating. It always sux, that wait to see where it goes, if anywhere. Being invested and waiting to see if he accepts you. Heart racing as you await his text.

 

You also need to put yourself first, what is he bringing to the table? (fancy lobster aside!) is he right for YOU? Is he worthy of you?

 

Although I see that you've written him off now, that's my advice for future dating.

 

And who cares what he does for a living? Or how amazing he is at his job? You're not his colleague. Don't ever let someone rule over you because of perceived 'status'. Look at the personality across the table cause that is what you're going to be dealing with for the rest of your life. If he is so rude to correct your grammar on the first date (and it wasn't in a joking or teasing way?) no thanks. Find someone kind and compassionate that respects you and makes you feel a million bucks.

 

English is my first language, it's a tough language. Sounds like instead of hearing what you had to say, he was correcting how you said it. What a douche. Next!

[Qboro90]

He drive to the hotel to have some drinks and to watch the ocean from the terrace. I felt uneasy with the prospect of being in a hotel per se. He then chose to drive to the beach and watch the ocean from his car.

 

I'm a little exhausted of trying to des cipher this guys intentions. If he's just a jerk and a user, we'll see.

 

I also find weird we've not discussed where are we in this "relationship". My guess is he's not looking for anything serious with me. Since I'm not looking to hookup or to be a booty call to anyone, things will develop to a point where he'll probably stop contacting me. As I said before, if this is the outcome, I'll be better off. For now, I'm not completely sure, so I'm wary.

 

 

Again, this guy cannot read your mind and he most definitely cannot foresee how bugged out you are over everything that's going on before,during, and after these dates so there is no urgency he feels required to explain/elaborate/vocalize where your "relationship" stands right now.

 

I'm hesitant to even use that word because it's not a relationship. People date and see other people all the time without it being a "relationship". Most people understand the casual nature of things early on and don't need to define it. You are definitely not one of those people so you're holding it against him when in fact he has no idea how wigged out you are over anything.

 

Add to it the fact that you have not engaged in anything serious physically nor had sex and he's really not obligated to validate or ensure any of your feelings at this stage. You haven't done anything together and you haven't revealed any of your feelings to him where he would feel respectful enough to let you know that you aren't competing with anyone and he's not multi dating.

 

If you had been seeing one another for 6+ weeks or had slept together then there is that level of "things are getting a bit more serious so she has a right to know that I'm not talking/seeing anyone else and I'm interested in her more exclusively" which he would feel. However you haven't done any of that and are acting like he's going out of his way to lead you on. Not true.

 

He's blind to literally all of your neuroticism and being punished for his actions and behavior without any basis. So he stands no chance when you look at it that way.

 

Can't say it enough how you really need to stop over analyzing. No one could ever possibly measure up to what you need to feel safe and comfortable in your mind and this doctor is just the next guy in line. The next guy you date will encounter the same things and criticism as will the guy after him and so on.

 

Look back at the post I wrote where I predicted your emotions flipping completely around if the guy sent you a text in 24-48 hours. That prediction has come true each and every time you receive communication from a guy. You're dependent on male initiation, communication, and validation. You're completely reliant on them for you're own happiness and self worth and that's a recipe for disaster and depression. Until you learn to be happy with yourself and not need a man or a relationship to validate yourself then you'll forever be living this way.

[brokengirl85]

What would I do? The whole situation sounds a lot like my ex. Except your guy sounds even more arrogant and less kind, there are some deal breakers in your original post! Your description of him isn't very flattering and I wonder what you saw in him. Or were you talking yourself out of it to protect yourself?

 

It's wise to be a bit wary and consider the situation, but you need to pull back a bit and distract yourself in the initial stages of dating. It always sux, that wait to see where it goes, if anywhere. Being invested and waiting to see if he accepts you. Heart racing as you await his text.

 

You also need to put yourself first, what is he bringing to the table? (fancy lobster aside!) is he right for YOU? Is he worthy of you?

 

Although I see that you've written him off now, that's my advice for future dating.

 

And who cares what he does for a living? Or how amazing he is at his job? You're not his colleague. Don't ever let someone rule over you because of perceived 'status'. Look at the personality across the table cause that is what you're going to be dealing with for the rest of your life. If he is so rude to correct your grammar on the first date (and it wasn't in a joking or teasing way?) no thanks. Find someone kind and compassionate that respects you and makes you feel a million bucks.

 

English is my first language, it's a tough language. Sounds like instead of hearing what you had to say, he was correcting how you said it. What a douche. Next!

 

Well, I don't think he's bringing anything to the table, to be honest. Part of me being really sad yesterday was the fact that I was expecting this third date to be somehow revealing. I was hoping to get a glimpse of what he is looking for.

Instead, I found myself driven without my consent to a hotel.

 

I'm trying to think he likes to do things right, but on the other hand, I'm really uneasy about his intentions.

[Qboro90]

Well, I don't think he's bringing anything to the table, to be honest. Part of me being really sad yesterday was the fact that I was expecting this third date to be somehow revealing. I was hoping to get a glimpse of what he is looking for.

Instead, I found myself driven without my consent to a hotel.

 

I'm trying to think he likes to do things right, but on the other hand, I'm really uneasy about his intentions.

 

You realize that most hotels these days offer restaurants, lounges, or entertainment of some sort for people who aren't staying there to go and enjoy right? Do you know if he actually had a room booked there? You said there was a beach outside the hotel that you ended up sitting in the car and enjoying the setting so he very well could've intended to do so from the beginning until he saw your anxiety show. Or maybe he was going to get you a table and drinks in the hotel where there was a band playing? Who knows. The fact that he didn't mention going to a room at all leads me to believe that it wasn't the main goal of going there because he didn't push for it whatsoever.

[brokengirl85]

Again, this guy cannot read your mind and he most definitely cannot foresee how bugged out you are over everything that's going on before,during, and after these dates so there is no urgency he feels required to explain/elaborate/vocalize where your "relationship" stands right now.

 

I'm hesitant to even use that word because it's not a relationship. People date and see other people all the time without it being a "relationship". Most people understand the casual nature of things early on and don't need to define it. You are definitely not one of those people so you're holding it against him when in fact he has no idea how wigged out you are over anything.

 

Add to it the fact that you have not engaged in anything serious physically nor had sex and he's really not obligated to validate or ensure any of your feelings at this stage. You haven't done anything together and you haven't revealed any of your feelings to him where he would feel respectful enough to let you know that you aren't competing with anyone and he's not multi dating.

 

If you had been seeing one another for 6+ weeks or had slept together then there is that level of "things are getting a bit more serious so she has a right to know that I'm not talking/seeing anyone else and I'm interested in her more exclusively" which he would feel. However you haven't done any of that and are acting like he's going out of his way to lead you on. Not true.

 

He's blind to literally all of your neuroticism and being punished for his actions and behavior without any basis. So he stands no chance when you look at it that way.

 

Can't say it enough how you really need to stop over analyzing. No one could ever possibly measure up to what you need to feel safe and comfortable in your mind and this doctor is just the next guy in line. The next guy you date will encounter the same things and criticism as will the guy after him and so on.

 

Look back at the post I wrote where I predicted your emotions flipping completely around if the guy sent you a text in 24-48 hours. That prediction has come true each and every time you receive communication from a guy. You're dependent on male initiation, communication, and validation. You're completely reliant on them for you're own happiness and self worth and that's a recipe for disaster and depression. Until you learn to be happy with yourself and not need a man or a relationship to validate yourself then you'll forever be living this way.

 

I don't need to look back at that post, I remember what you've said yesterday.

And you're right, he cannot read my mind. And I cannot get mad at him for not guessing what I want.

 

So far, I've been really dry in our text exchanges, mostly because I didn't want to invest in someone that it's still talking/dating others, so it's perfectly reasonable him not contacting me more often if I take some time to reply to his texts.

 

I'm still confused right now. The majority of the people here thinks he's a douche and that I should move on, with the exception of few people.

 

This lack of communication with him also doesn't help at all. However, what am I supposed to ask him if when I'm curious about his thoughts he replies "I'm just enjoying the moment".

[brokengirl85]

You realize that most hotels these days offer restaurants, lounges, or entertainment of some sort for people who aren't staying there to go and enjoy right? Do you know if he actually had a room booked there? You said there was a beach outside the hotel that you ended up sitting in the car and enjoying the setting so he very well could've intended to do so from the beginning until he saw your anxiety show. Or maybe he was going to get you a table and drinks in the hotel where there was a band playing? Who knows. The fact that he didn't mention going to a room at all leads me to believe that it wasn't the main goal of going there because he didn't push for it whatsoever.

 

I could easily call and check if someone booked a room. That will explain some things I guess

I felt uneasy when he headed to the hotel. He noticed it, stopped the car and went back to a beach where we could actually enjoy the view from the car.

 

Now I realize that, after dinner, I started to feel tired and somehow nauseous. During our dinner, he asked me some of the same questions from the second date, and I found myself repeating some information. He also repeated some info. It was frustrating, because I was hoping to have a more intimate dinner, talking about us. I was waiting to hear him say that he enjoys my company, or that he missed me since last time we saw each other.

[katiegrl]

I could easily call and check if someone booked a room. That will explain some things I guess

I felt uneasy when he headed to the hotel. He noticed it, stopped the car and went back to a beach where we could actually enjoy the view from the car.

 

Now I realize that, after dinner, I started to feel tired and somehow nauseous. During our dinner, he asked me some of the same questions from the second date, and I found myself repeating some information. He also repeated some info. It was frustrating, because I was hoping to have a more intimate dinner, talking about us. I was waiting to hear him say that he enjoys my company, or that he missed me since last time we saw each other.

 

If his intention was "just" to watch the view over a few drinks, then why not just explain that to you when he saw you were uncomfortable? Instead he stops the car ....and goes to a beach where you watched from the car?

 

Qboro, as much as I agree with some of what you have written in this thread, you are giving this guy far too much credit here.

 

Unless he is a complete moron, which being a doctor I highly doubt, he KNEW perfectly well what BG was going to think by driving to the hotel.

 

Sure, probably start out with drinks, then escalate to the room. Come on, please don't be naive about that.

 

There are many places to have drinks and watch the view other than a hotel! If his intention or hope was not to have sex.

 

And I am not even faulting him for wanting or hoping for sex...most guys do that is normal.

 

My issue is that he never even discussed how she felt before heading there ....which is completely presumptuous and arrogant IMO.

 

Would you behave that way with a woman you just started dating? My guess is no.

Edited December 13, 2015 by katiegrl

[brokengirl85]

If his intention was "just" to watch the view over a few drinks, then why not just explain that to you when he saw you were uncomfortable? Instead he stops the car ....and goes back to where you were?

 

Qboro, as much as I agree with some of what you have written in this thread, you are giving this guy far too much credit here.

 

Unless he is a complete moron, which being a doctor I highly doubt, he KNEW perfectly well what BG was going to think by driving to the hotel.

 

Sure, probably start out with drinks, then escalate to the room. Come on, please don't be naive about that.

 

There are many places to have drinks and watch the view other than a hotel! If his intention or hope was not to have sex.

 

And

 

He told me he was a nerd when he was young. Could it be that he's just naturally awkward?

 

There weren't many places open at that time, and the hotel he proposed was an upscale one with a terrace.

He might have wanted to sleep with me but it was not something he firmly pushed me to do.

 

I agree that some of his attitudes are a little off, but I also think you're giving zero chances to this guy who, ultimately, has invited me three times to a really nice places, planned our dates in detail, treat me every time, and was polite and nice (except some comments you know about) what is his sin, so far?

[StBreton]

If his intention was "just" to watch the view over a few drinks, then why not just explain that to you when he saw you were uncomfortable? Instead he stops the car ....and goes back to where you were? Exactly...he had a guilty conscience ... if he had a clean innocent conscience, he would not have turned the car around...he was testing the water...and found it cold.

 

Qboro, as much as I agree with some of what you have written in this thread, you are giving this guy far too much credit here.

 

Unless he is a complete moron, which being a doctor I highly doubt, he KNEW perfectly well what BG was going to think by driving to the hotel. And he would have asked if she were ok with going just to set by the beach...if he were a gentleman

 

Sure, probably start out with drinks, then escalate to the room. Come on, please don't be naive about that.

 

There are many places to have drinks and watch the view other than a hotel! If his intention or hope was not to have sex.

 

And I am not even faulting him for wanting or hoping for sex...most guys do that is normal.

 

My issue is that he never even discussed how she felt before heading there ....which is completely presumptuous and arrogant IMO.

 

Would you behave that way with a woman you just started dating? My guess is no.

 

No guy I have EVER dated has done this...I've dated lawyers, doctors, executives...this doesn't happen...I live in a resort town and if we are meeting for drinks/dinner at a resort, that is verified if it's ok with me beforehand or the guy asks where I would like to me/where it's comfortable for me

[StBreton]

He told me he was a nerd when he was young. Could it be that he's just naturally awkward?

 

There weren't many places open at that time, and the hotel he proposed was an upscale one with a terrace.

He might have wanted to sleep with me but it was not something he firmly pushed me to do.

 

I agree that some of his attitudes are a little off, but I also think you're giving zero chances to this guy who, ultimately, has invited me three times to a really nice places, planned our dates in detail, treat me every time, and was polite and nice (except some comments you know about) what is his sin, so far?

 

That he almost completely ignores you except on the dates...he invests nothing in you

 

BG...if I were you...I'd call him to the table and ask him what he's looking for

[StBreton]

I could easily call and check if someone booked a room. That will explain some things I guess

I felt uneasy when he headed to the hotel. He noticed it, stopped the car and went back to a beach where we could actually enjoy the view from the car.

 

Now I realize that, after dinner, I started to feel tired and somehow nauseous. During our dinner, he asked me some of the same questions from the second date, and I found myself repeating some information. He also repeated some info. It was frustrating, because I was hoping to have a more intimate dinner, talking about us. I was waiting to hear him say that he enjoys my company, or that he missed me since last time we saw each other.

 

 

Sounds like he needs to keep notecards on all the girls in his black book. If he's asking the same questions, he's multi dating and investing nothing in thinking about you whatsoever during the week...else he would remember things you told him...I mean, he's a doc...he's got to have a great memory right?