newbie87000 Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 (edited) Hi there, please forgive me for the long background but i need advice!! Soo...a few months back I met a guy...we were both very different..he had many gfs in the past-the last being a stripper. I on the other hand had one guy but due to religious differences, it was never going to last and it ended HORRIBLY!. This new guy was very open about his past, answered all the questions I had and he knew I had never been in a proper rship (or slept with anyone)..I am 28 he is 29. At first I wasn't keen on meeting him again because our pasts were so different but I decided to give it a go...we met again and we ended up making out (I even gave him a handjob which knowing the type of person I am knew I would overanalzye this alot..funnily enough I actually didnt after untill now I guess). He messaged me the next day saying good morning how was and i did i feel like a bad girl?..I answered he answered..and that was that..same thing next morn he said good morning have a good day..etc. so i think around day 4 i went sarcastic and bascially said we have so much to talk about a monkey could have better convo..i didnt know him well enough ob but he ignored this msg and later that night we talked on the phone and he said he tght i seemed hesitant to get into a rship..i said of course because i dont want to be screwed over like last time..he said noone does!...he said lets take it slowly see if we are better as friends or gf/bf i was like ok...time went on and we made plans to meet but either he cancelled or i cancelled (the first time he cancelled he didnt even bother to tell me until i messaged saying he was tired and had been at the gym..this made me real angry big time!!) so from that day onwards basically i said day in day out if he didn't wanna see me say it..dont be a wuss and act like u want to see me and then cancel..he was like lets meet...so we made a plan and then i cancelled because i was caught up at work..i cancelled a few times in hindsight because i felt that he was happier if i just cancelled...one sunday we planned to meet and when i asked if it was still on he messaged me saying he was on his way out of town bc he just heard a friend was sick (and even sent me a pic of the road) i was like ok...hope ur mates ok..that week he said lets meet and talk..i was like nah im busy at work till 10 each day..and bear in mind i would always be like why cant u just admit u dont want to see me, im clearly not like ur other exs who are strippers and golddiggers thats what ur use to...one day i sent a message saying i guess in the two months i was waiting to see u...u were looking for better deals..u just cant admit it..that was the final straw i guess because when i talked to him the next morning he seemed pissed and rightfully so..i see now my actions for two months constantly being negative was bad...he said we cannt work as bf/gf but we can be friends i was like like fair enuf..bc even i no we were too diff..he always ignored my calls but got around to it eventually sayn he wasnt that guy who had his phn on him 24/7 and that i was too sensitive..i even agree i am..i was negative, mean, judgemental towards him for two months..i know this...when he said the friends comment i was like why did u put up with it for 2 months! ob it was a joke to u..he was like i had..i thought you would get better...so anyway we no longer talk...my question is: do u think it was my constant negativity that made him not wanna see me, or was it just not meant to be considering we both cancelled at some point do u think he thought i was slutty because i gave him a handjob on the second time and last time i actually saw him (i asked him this and he said he had slept with his exs on the first date and they werent sluts and that i wasnt but im not really sure now what he thinks of me and now this question bothered me big time..because im not..i know im not but do you think i made myself easy??) and was put off me..even though he told me he didn't care about sex because he had had heaps of it in the past..and even before he met me he talked about caring about a "mind and soul" but i thought it was bs because he dated a stripper and i felt super insecure..thats where all my negativity stemmed from thanks for reading this reallly long story...advice much appreciated. edit: i should point out he was a cop in the middle east years ago, his parents died when he was young, he says two of his gfs cheated on him...i dont think he was ever an emotional person..i think from his past maybe this "i dont give a **** about bull****/anything" attitude of his stems from..he told me when i would send really long msgs he would not read them bc he knew they were bull**** (which is tru moooost of the time)...or that if i said something mean he knew id apologize after...but i guess that day i said he was looking for better deals he got annoyed..but anyway..we are diff..but the main question is..do u think he used me and when he realized i wasnt exp/gng to sleep with him anytime soon he just figured id get the hint and move on..i wanted him to admit it thats why i hounded him for so long i guess. Edited December 6, 2015 by newbie87000 more info.
MidwestUSA Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 Did you actually WANT to have something going with this guy? Because every action you took shows the opposite, from the sarcastic reply on day 4 out. If you're not the type to give handjobs on a second date, don't! You sent him all sorts of mixed signals, it's a wonder he hung in there as long as he did. Deal with your own insecurities before attempting a relationship, that was painful reading.
Author newbie87000 Posted December 6, 2015 Author Posted December 6, 2015 yes i did..and clearly i was not aware i had so many insecurities up until after it all happened...and yes even i realize that he hung in there for a long time..and again..in my mind i thought of it in a negative light like he got some sorta kick knowing i wanted to see him again but was being a complete tool..(i decided to seek professional advice after this and i am realizing that i was not over the betrayal of my first "love" leaving the country, not telling me, finding out he was married on facebook and him never ever contacting me again"..that hurt heaps and i thought i was over it and clearly i associate everybody in the same negative light..which now i see i was wrong. as for making out with him on the second date, i felt ok with it at the time..its now im wondering if i was hoey..2 months later..yes i overanalzye..yes i overthink..yes i have many insecurities which i slowly am seeing i shldnt because i have many amazing opportunities in this life and to compare myself against someone i didnt know because of her profession was ridiculous.
Recommended Posts