Should I stop texting my ex?

[elisaal]

I had a relationship with this guy for more than three years. We were in love, I actually still am, everything was going well and we actually planned our life together. But he broke up with me three weeks ago, over text! He said he couldn't 'handle' seeing me hurt, like wtf what kind of reason is that. It was totally his decision and I embarrasingly begged him to give us another chance, even tho I didn't do anything to apologize for. He refused. Twice. I'm in love with this guy and I never thought he would leave like that. Everything he said and did over the past few years made me think that it was not temporary, that it was real and it actually meant something. But the way he just changed his feelings was so unexpected, that's why I have a huge problem accepting it. One day we're talking about how we're going to grow old together and the next he says we're too different to be together. He said he wants us to remain friends. I agreed and tried to be his friend. One day I told him about a grade I got and he didnt reply for a while, and I told him "I would've been a good friend but you won't reply, anyway it's your choice". He instantly texted me back. I stopped trying to talk to him a week later and I didn't text him for a few days. He heard that I wasn't feeling okay, started asking questions, but I decided not to text him back. He then texted me saying he cried himself to sleep because he misses me and that he's not used to being without me. I told him he'd get used to it. I decided not to text him again, this time forreal, at least for a while until I clear my head. He texted me again and said 'I love you, I will always love you, I miss you...'. Honestly, I feel so confused right now I don't even know what he wants. He keeps saying he wants us to stay friends, but the minute I ignore him or don't act as caring he tells me he still loves me and that he misses me. Then he doesn't reply. Should I stop texting him or what ?

[TaraMaiden2]

Stop texting.

In fact, stop everything.

Why are you disrespecting yourself so much?

He can't be your friend, you still love him.

You're just crushing your own heart time and time again.

Please read the NC Guide (in my signature) and follow it to the letter.

 

Jeesh, hun, what the hell are you thinking??

[nora111]

I think you should stop texting him.

Edited December 6, 2015 by nora111

[Blue.Cake]

Hi elisaal,

 

I understand what you're going through since I went through the exact same scenario. The ex broke up with me and we tried to be friends, I think everyone thinks like that after a break up, they don't think properly and so much is going through your head "I want to show her/him how great I am", "I'll be friends so she can't get close to any one else". We actually did talk a lot but why our friendship didn't work out purely my own fault because I was still in love with her and I became jealous, we tried a few times but never works out when you still want to be with that person.

 

Then finally we went 'No contact' and every time I started to accept it was over she would sent me a text message "I miss you" and even the same one you posted "I'm still blue, I'm crying at night missing you" It was hell, It confused me a lot. But every time I tried to talk with her about it she would not reply. So I go and start to accept we're over and move on and she would do the same text messages again, even sent me love poems. And if she does reply she would always crush my chances "we can't be together blah blah blah" then I go in that circle and she would tell me again saying my love gives her strength. Really It was hell. I'm in 'no contact' now and take advice from someone who went through that, best thing you should can do is ignore him, he probably is messaging other people but not you and he is just wasting your time. Even If they send you "I want to try again with you" realistically It would probably take too much effort on their part and they'd soon give up again. Best to stop texting and go no contact. You'll be much happier in the long run.

[d0nnivain]

Nothing you say or do will bring him back. He no longer wants to date you. Stop chasing him. Instead focus your energy on healing, moving forward & getting over him.

[elisaal]

Nothing you say or do will bring him back. He no longer wants to date you. Stop chasing him. Instead focus your energy on healing, moving forward & getting over him.

 

I'm not chasing him, I'm past my "please don't leave me" phase. I'm just having a hard time accepting this. It's not easy to have a person you love removed completely from your life. Anyway, I will follow your advice and start focusing on myself. Thank you

[elisaal]

Hi elisaal,

 

I understand what you're going through since I went through the exact same scenario. The ex broke up with me and we tried to be friends, I think everyone thinks like that after a break up, they don't think properly and so much is going through your head "I want to show her/him how great I am", "I'll be friends so she can't get close to any one else". We actually did talk a lot but why our friendship didn't work out purely my own fault because I was still in love with her and I became jealous, we tried a few times but never works out when you still want to be with that person.

 

Then finally we went 'No contact' and every time I started to accept it was over she would sent me a text message "I miss you" and even the same one you posted "I'm still blue, I'm crying at night missing you" It was hell, It confused me a lot. But every time I tried to talk with her about it she would not reply. So I go and start to accept we're over and move on and she would do the same text messages again, even sent me love poems. And if she does reply she would always crush my chances "we can't be together blah blah blah" then I go in that circle and she would tell me again saying my love gives her strength. Really It was hell. I'm in 'no contact' now and take advice from someone who went through that, best thing you should can do is ignore him, he probably is messaging other people but not you and he is just wasting your time. Even If they send you "I want to try again with you" realistically It would probably take too much effort on their part and they'd soon give up again. Best to stop texting and go no contact. You'll be much happier in the long run.

 

That's exactly what I'm going through. Just like you said, every time I try to move on he says something that brings me back to where I was, and I find myself making no progress. If he wouldn't say those things I wouldn't be so confused and it would be easier for me to think of him as a friend.

I'll just go into NC, it seems as the only right choice right now. Thank you for taking time to reply.

[elisaal]

Stop texting.

In fact, stop everything.

Why are you disrespecting yourself so much?

He can't be your friend, you still love him.

You're just crushing your own heart time and time again.

Please read the NC Guide (in my signature) and follow it to the letter.

 

Jeesh, hun, what the hell are you thinking??

 

Even tho this might not be what I wanted to hear, it's definitely what I needed so thanks