Not sure if he's trying to play me or not . . .

[avatarrules123]

I went to this dance/nightclub sort of place a month or so back (I'm 20 yrs. old.) I didn't know how to dance, but right away this guy comes up to me, asks me if I want to dance, and shows me all the steps of swing dancing. He was really cocky and confident, and I was absolutely smitten. He seemed like the perfect guy; constantly flattering me and never leaving my side or glancing at any other girl while simultaneously answering all my questions (even the ones that I tried to trick him with just to see if he would slip up) with perfection or simply round-aboutly answering them so he didn't make himself look bad. We chatted a bit, and I asked him if he'd gone to college and he said that he was "working now" and I said that I was just starting college and he said "So, you're just out of high school?" and I said yeah. Later, I made a passing comment about how I wanted to talk to another guy at the dance club, and I saw that he got jealous. Two hours later, we're dancing and I see that he's sticking his tongue out at me, so I stick my tongue out, too (not because I think anything's up, actually I just stick my tongue out when I'm really excited or having a really good time and don't think anything of it). Right away he kissed me on the cheek, and I was having so much fun that I kissed him on the cheek (heard him vocalize his excitement at that one), then right away he tried to kiss me on the lips. I turned away because I thought he was moving too fast, but soon after he kissed me on the cheek yet again, then on the head, and while we were dancing later on, he made a passing comment about how I was thinking too much about dancing and how he'd have to "get me to not think about it and loosen me up."

 

Later that same night, I expressed interest in rock climbing as a passing comment, and he offered to take me some time, but I was kind of nervous and backed off. He asked if he could walk me to my car when I left and I said yes. I left after he got my Facebook information, and the next day I saw that he'd friended me; then I found out that he was 28. I unfriended him the next day since I felt like I'd been played, and when I went back to the dance club 2 wks. later I found him dancing with another girl (a girlfriend that he got within the two weeks that I hadn't been at the dance club), making out with her and rubbing his hands all down her back. So I admit that I was a little bit jealous and refriended him on Facebook.

 

We see each other every week at the dance club (he always brings his girlfriend and dances with her) and whenever I see him walking down the halls with his gf and catch his eye he kind of smirks and raises his eyebrows at me but he seems completely devoted to his girlfriend and treating her with as much devotion and affection that he gave me the first night he and I danced (he and his girlfriend have been dating for about 2 months now.) Later he caught me watching him and his girlfriend dancing (since he's a really good dancer and has been dancing at this dance club for 6 years now) and when he caught my eye he kind of smirked/leered at me so I quickly walked away and left. The next week, I walked up to him and asked "Could I talk to you next week if you have a little time, if you're here?" He said, "I'm not sure what you mean; it something you can't message me about?"

I said "I can't really message you about it, sorry. If you don't want to talk, that's fine, too." and he said "We can chat, it's cool." But again later, I balked and told him in person that "Oh second thought, we shouldn't talk since you have a girlfriend."

He said, "Oh, I see; that explains why you wanted to talk in person. Thanks for being considerate." He walked away without much emotion, but later he shot me a smiley on Facebook so I'm confused.

Then (completely by accident, I tell you), I asked him for music recommendations, and he gave me songs that had lyrics like this in them "I know you want me, cause it's simple to see of my ability . . . you're undecided, I can see that, yeah I don't want to run away," and "You play the game, but you kind of cut, 'cause you're coming down hard and your joints are all stuck; I tried to say that's not the only way" . . .

 

I'm pretty sure he knows I like him, but is he trying to tell me that he's really not interested/super annoyed by me, or is he a player and he's keeping me hooked for some later day? Is it just coincidence that he sent me songs with these lyrics in them, or is he trying to mess with me?

Edited December 6, 2015 by avatarrules123

[RedRobin]

I read the title... but not much of the rest.

 

 

If you think someone is trying to play you, trust your gut. Plenty more fish in the ocean... and people whose trust you won't have to question.

[stillafool]

No he definitely doesn't sound interested. He's letting you know he respects his gf and their relationship. Yes he knows you like him very much. You are reading way too much about the lyrics to the songs. Why are you going after someone elses boyfriend? It's very unattractive.

[preraph]

I know this is hard to wrap your head around, but you're 20 years old. That means most men of any age you meet are, yes, trying to play you to get into your pants. Listen carefully: One reason men of all ages try to go after young women like yourself is because you are inexperienced and naive in ways you are probably not even aware of, and they are more experienced and know how easy it is to play you. It is so easy to make a young open minded woman believe everything you say. So Rule #1 is pay attention NOT to what they say but what they do. Make note that if you are easily confused by them, that is what they are relying on. So if you are confused, probably you should just move on to someone who is not confusing to you, who shows you clear signs of friendship and respect and takes things one step at a time to prove himself to you. Forget about this player, who you now know goes around, at minimum, flirting with other women when he already has a girlfriend. That alone should tell you he is, one, a player, and two, no catch. Because he'd do the same to you.