joel Posted May 29, 2005 Posted May 29, 2005 to the guys here both white and asian or....etc who have dated asian gals -when u guys went out who pays. i am chinese and my mom says in the chinese culture if the guy and gal(dating) go out in the chinese or say asian culture it is the guy who should pay for everything and anything and this is not just on the first date but every date. how did u guys go about it. was there ever any fights or conflicts. what did u guys do on ur dates. any differ between dating asian gals and white gals -personality wise. i was even told the girl doesn;t even touch a dime b/c if the girl has to pay on a date- i am taking about paying for her own share-the meaning behind that is she isn't even worth it. on wedding day the guy pays for the wedding costs as in western culture the bride family pays for it so cultural conflict arises.
Craig Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 Joel, you do what you want to do on dates regarding paying or not. Personally, I start to pay the whole bill and if my date wants to go 50/50 there's no problem with that either. You do what ever is comfortable for you and your date. Regarding Asian girls...what kind of Asian girl are we talking about here CBC, HBC, traditional, modern, drama queen, man-eater? Have enough $$ to pay your dates way and if she offers to pay half then accept her offer.
sarah12 Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 Joel, I wouldn't worry too much about who pays and what not. You do what you prefer, and if the girl doesn't like it, well I guess that means you're not all that compatible together. Pretty much every guy I have dated post-high school will pay all the time, but I always offer and they never let me pay my share. Since I'm so accustomed to this, I was actually offended one time when the guy didn't offer and we split the bill on the first date, but I thought about it again and decided I'd been treated like a princess by the men I had dated before so I sort of took things for granted. It really doesn't matter either way but it always makes a girl feel nice when the guy pays. Kind of like a bonus I guess. The most important thing is to be comfortable with whatever you choose to do, and be confident about it. Good luck.
RecordProducer Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 Well you're the Asian one and you were taught to pay for everything. It means Asian girls were taught that too. I would rather be taken to a cheap restaurant by a guy who would pay the bill than pay for my share. I wouldn't go out another time with a guy who lets me pay for my share, but that's just me. Not all girls think that way.
Author joel Posted May 30, 2005 Author Posted May 30, 2005 yes i am asian and no i was never taught to pay for everything lol. growing up i am chinese my folks were very cheap and thrifty ppl -i wore hand me downs., hardly to never ate out, save money to the bone, bought only things on sale, never ever been on vacations, dad droive second hand $2000 cars-even if he could afford a new civic. saving money was our mentality and comparing prices was it too. we also love anything that was free or cheappppp. my folks also never paid for anything they didn;t have to so there Originally posted by RecordProducer Well you're the Asian one and you were taught to pay for everything. It means Asian girls were taught that too. I would rather be taken to a cheap restaurant by a guy who would pay the bill than pay for my share. I wouldn't go out another time with a guy who lets me pay for my share, but that's just me. Not all girls think that way.
Craig Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 Another way to look at it is if you want to be like your parents, do what they do or would do.
Author joel Posted May 30, 2005 Author Posted May 30, 2005 did have a job got laid off-telemarketing, also is a student. if i was to be like my folks it be cheapppp places the cheapest restaurants......etc. probably wouldn't even pay for all of it either-my folks so u guys tellin me havin a gf or dating for a guy is $$$ b.c if the guy has to pay for everything when we go out. going out cost money and when one person has to pay for both it cost even more. movie in vancouver is 11 bucks each so 22 for 2, popcorn and drinks another 10 bucks, later on dinner 55 bucks for 2 so 77 at the end of the night woow and this is each wk wow i would be broke considering i made miminmum wage and only worked like 2-3 x's a wk and go to school with a full course load. 77 bucks to me is a lot of money actually even 25 dollars is a lot to me. i knew having a gf was expensive but other ppl in other forums said NO. other ppl in other forums have alos said the guy doesn't have to pay for everything
blackchild Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 well why don't you do something sweet like make you and her lunch and take her out to the park and have a nice picnic, or rent a movie and watch it at her house along with making her dinner. where i'm from they do have some art museums that are free of charge, if you have some then that'll be a great place to take her!try looking in your phone book for great sites that are low in costs that you can take her in the city! not only will you have extra cash in your pocket but you will show her a more sensitive side while being able to connect with her
sarah12 Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 Who says you have to go for a dinner and movie on the first date? Vancouver is gorgeous, there are lots of places you could check out that won't cost a lot of money. Just take her out for a coffee or a walk in the park, and get ice cream. Also, you're a student, it isn't expected that you'll have tons of money to take a girl out. And if a girl gets pissed about that, well she's not worth your time anyhow.
Craig Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 Sarah12's right Joel, there are things you can do that do not require money. Like walking around Stanley Park, going window shopping in the malls downtown, going for coffee, going to the discount theatres (they have them in Vancouver). Successful dating is about being honest. You're a student with a full course load and a part time job. If any girl wants a full time job kind of date tell her to get herself a sugar daddy because you're not about to pay for her to spend time with you.
tokyo Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 It's summer and warm. Go outside and take a nice walk, invite her to some icecream like someone suggested. That's a really neat idea. I'd never expect a guy to pay everything for me, especially a student, but that's me.
RecordProducer Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 I wouldn't expect from someone who doesn't make a lot of money to pay for everything. I am 30 and am attracted to older guys so naturally I expect from them to be gentlemen. Besides I don't want to date poor and cheap guys anymore. My last ex-BF made $70,000 a year, but acted as if he was unemployed. It was disgusting, the two of us like two students, because he was so cheap.
jellybean Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 Originally posted by joel yes i am asian and no i was never taught to pay for everything lol. growing up i am chinese my folks were very cheap and thrifty ppl -i wore hand me downs., hardly to never ate out, save money to the bone, bought only things on sale, never ever been on vacations, dad droive second hand $2000 cars-even if he could afford a new civic. saving money was our mentality and comparing prices was it too. we also love anything that was free or cheappppp. my folks also never paid for anything they didn;t have to so there Joel - you don't even have a girlfriend, yet you are already troubled by how much it's going to end up costing you. The Asians in Vancouver...You'd really have to be living and working here, to see it for yourself - they expect EVERYTHING FOR FREE...and I'm NOT kidding. I'm in sales, and man the stories I could tell you I've gone as far as offering an Asian client a 75% discount - but they still don't buy, because it's not FREE. During the' Asian Invasion' in the 80's, these Chinese people immigrated to Vancouver with literally truckloads of money. They are some of the wealthiest residents here. They don't make any attempt to learn the English language...stick only to their own kind...read only Chinese newspapers. They ingrain their Canadian born kids (Joel) with only their culture. Joel already has learned it's near impossible to get a date with a white chick...the Asians here have earned the reputation of being CHEAP...it's an undesirable trait both in dating and in business. I'm not a racist - this is just observational stuff.
observer999 Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 I know more than two caucasian men who have dated asian women, and ended up broke because she expected him to pay for everything for her, and her mom,and her sister ,,,,and the list grew until he was broke and she dumped him.
Author joel Posted May 30, 2005 Author Posted May 30, 2005 hey jellybean what do u sell? pretty much true what u said abouot free and cheappp things-chinese we always negotiate. asians tend to spend more money on status goods-car, designer clothes. Originally posted by jellybean Joel - you don't even have a girlfriend, yet you are already troubled by how much it's going to end up costing you. The Asians in Vancouver...You'd really have to be living and working here, to see it for yourself - they expect EVERYTHING FOR FREE...and I'm NOT kidding. I'm in sales, and man the stories I could tell you I've gone as far as offering an Asian client a 75% discount - but they still don't buy, because it's not FREE. During the' Asian Invasion' in the 80's, these Chinese people immigrated to Vancouver with literally truckloads of money. They are some of the wealthiest residents here. They don't make any attempt to learn the English language...stick only to their own kind...read only Chinese newspapers. They ingrain their Canadian born kids (Joel) with only their culture. Joel already has learned it's near impossible to get a date with a white chick...the Asians here have earned the reputation of being CHEAP...it's an undesirable trait both in dating and in business. I'm not a racist - this is just observational stuff.
Craig Posted May 30, 2005 Posted May 30, 2005 Naaaaaaaaayyyyyyy Hoooooooooooooo Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Hong-couver! I worked in Vancouver during the "Asian invasion" and had quite a few good HK Chinese clients but I know what you are talking about. I think the cheap behaviour and sticking to what is familiar transcends race and culture. It can be frustrating to those not in the know regarding how to work with individuals like that. I'm your garden variety round eyed white devil but I enjoy different cultures and especially infiltrating them to be accepted into them. I enjoyed working with about half the HK Chinese I encountered. I always had a laugh when we'd go for lunch at their favourite restaurant and of course the mandatory bowl of steaming chicken feet would arrive at the table. I'm not sure but I think they used this as a way to filter good gwai lo from bad ones. I always ate the chicken feet like I loved them--actually they taste like chicken. Go figure. From my experience once the HK Chinese trusted me I was their man. Period. The whole extended family did business with me and I felt embraced by them as one of their family. Joy Geen PS - I was never allowed to pay for lunch or dinner with my HK Chinese clients.
faux Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 I don't worry about how cultures do things. I worry about how individuals do things. I will pay for everything if I have the money to go and pay for everything, but I appreciate it if my date pays for something. I have always discussed payment before going out on a date; I don't like things to be assumed. I would rather be told that I am expected to pay for everything that the woman decides to order off of the menu beforehand. If I find out that I will pay for one date, then the woman will pay for the next, or that we can both pay our way, then that is even better for me. The most memorable dates that I have had involved little money, however. I think that you should be more concerned about what your date expects. Not all Asian women are going to be the same, and they are not going to expect the same treatment. Every person is a little bit different; you need to focus on individuality here. I know that my girlfriend just loves to go for a drive sometimes, or walk around in a park and talk. We like to spend quality time together; we don't necessarily have to spend very much to do that.
jellybean Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by joel hey jellybean what do u sell? pretty much true what u said abouot free and cheappp things-chinese we always negotiate. asians tend to spend more money on status goods-car, designer clothes. LOL, Joel...you just wanna know what I sell so I'll give you 75% off too! Anways, it's not a big ticket item - just something related to the media, for education and entertainment purposes, something you'd already have full access to if you're going to university. Originally posted by Craig Hong-couver! I worked in Vancouver during the "Asian invasion" and had quite a few good HK Chinese clients but I know what you are talking about. PS - I was never allowed to pay for lunch or dinner with my HK Chinese clients. Craig....LOL @ 'Hongcouver' and 'Asian Invasion'....funny to hear that you know those two coined phrases also! Yes, I know of the HK business people you speak of. Unfortunately, I don't get to deal with those types that often...but when I do - it's a pleasure. These are the ones who own their own companies, read the financial sections in Canada's two leading nationwide newspapers, and are aware of a good deal when it's offered to them. They are also generous.
Craig Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by jellybean Craig....LOL @ 'Hongcouver' and 'Asian Invasion'....funny to hear that you know those two coined phrases also! Yes, I know of the HK business people you speak of. Unfortunately, I don't get to deal with those types that often...but when I do - it's a pleasure. These are the ones who own their own companies, read the financial sections in Canada's two leading nationwide newspapers, and are aware of a good deal when it's offered to them. They are also generous. I'll say they're generous, I got a lot of gifts from them...scotch, Chinese mushrooms, clothing, a computer, a TV, a cell phone, assorted food, pens, etc., etc. I wish all my clients were like they are!
jellybean Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by kooky What does HK mean?? And CBC and HBC? kooky!!!...I have the answers for you (sorry, for replying back so late, but I just don't have the time to visit The Shack as often as I once did) Okay, here we go : HK = Hong Kong CBC = Canadian born chinese HBC = Hong Kong born chinese
mutton Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 I think its a individual case-by-case basis. Traditional women may want you to pay for them. Non-traditional/modern Asian women may prefer to split it 50/50. Personally, as an Asian in New York City, I just pay for myself and what I buy. It's weird for me to have my boyfriend pay for me because then it just feels too formal. He insists often, but I know that I'll feel guilty afterwards. I'm not a big fan of romantic dates and I'm pretty independent myself anyway. If you haven't already started dating then I suggest that you judge the women by her personality and not her race.
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