Can you love someone even if....

[Gloria25]

Can you love someone even if you have to let them go to have/find their happiness with someone else?

 

I ask this because I care a lot for someone, but I want this person to be happy - even if his happiness is not with me.

 

But, I already know the answer - which is I have decided to let him go cuz I'm done with the pain of the push-pull. If one day this person and I are single and available, we'll see...until then, I can't bear the pain of the hot/cold...push/pull....run/hide.

 

But still, just looking for opinions, experiences on this sort of topic.

[JustGettingBy]

You may have to go NC, even on a temporary basis, just to spare yourself the pain.

[Gloria25]

You may have to go NC, even on a temporary basis, just to spare yourself the pain.

 

I've been in NC and am doing pretty well with it...

 

The first few days were hard...but with time I'm getting stronger. I'm not going back to that pain again. The pain enough is for me not to go back.

 

Oh, and I'm getting back to my Candy Crush addiction....

[understand50]

The idea that you have to be married to and be with someone to love them is bunk. One could say friendship is a form of "love". I have several "girl" friends, that I am close to. Never slept with them, but I have affection and friendship with them. We like each other, care what happens in each others life and support each other during bad times and good. Our spouses know about us, but that is part of keeping it as a friendship. Spouse are friends with them as well, but with all thing, I know my wife friends, and like them, but they are not really my friends they are hers.

 

I value my friends, as to be my friend, and to have you as a friend, is something I do not take on lightly. When you need my support and friendship, I will be there.

 

So in answer, I would not give up the friendship, if you cannot have the lover. Sometimes, knowing someone, and liking them is all there is.

 

My 2 cents

[Samhain]

I was seeing a married woman for 2 years, which is why I'm pretty critical of any "OM/OW" situation, there comes a point where you have to be as selfish as the other person is and look out for yourself.

 

It's probably different here because I never let myself get crazy attached but I certainly cared about her a great deal, and I miss her still today even though I'm very happy with my life now.

 

I take 100% responsibility for my actions and I know my behaviour was pretty messed up, but when you're in the throes you don't care all that much. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. It all started with the "our sex drives are different" (her and her husband) and after flirting and the rest we got to a place I never imagined we'd be.

I never fooled myself into thinking it could ever be anything more and to be honest, I probably wouldn't have wanted it long term anyway, I knew it was never a reality and wasn't prepared to get deeper in to that. Even though she talked about "I could leave etc etc"

 

I guess the point I'm trying to make is, even when you think you're in control and you call the shots, there's still a "dirty" aspect to it that you have no right to feel anything for even though you do.

 

You make your own destiny through your own choices, and bad choices make you feel even worse even though you can't help how you feel.

 

You'll be ok. You just have to hang onto that "I'm as selfish as she/he is" and get on with your life.

[avintagegirl]

Yes. I loved my first love tremendously. We only dated a short while, we just weren't compatible. It hurt like hell to let him go because I loved him for so long. Today he is happily with another woman and a father to her girls. He is a great dad.

 

I am very happy for him. I run into him sometimes and while I am not in love with him, I do love that he is so happy.

[loveflower]

Does that person loves me the same as i love him? If not, then hell no.