Asking girls out via Facebook whom you've not had the opportunity of seeing in person

[Xiomn]

You know how it is these days, people add other people that go to the same school/college/university etc or with lots of mutual friends on Facebook despite never having met them in person or talked to them before and most likely will probably never come across the opportunity to meet either (despite living in the same area) unless by some miracle you see them on the street on the way to a lecture or something.

 

So I was thinking, there's a few girls I think are pretty attractive on my friends list that go to my university whom I've never even so much as spoken to or met before. We're not in the same classes or anything like that so meeting by "accident" is not an opportunity open to me and it's not like I'm going to go by some miracle walk down the street in hopes I bump into her so I can ask her out.

 

Seemingly the only way I'd actually be able to meet these people is to directly ask them out over Facebook. Would that be an odd thing to do? Part of me thinks it may come across as creepy while on the other hand the other part of me thinks it's a pretty low risk situation anyway, If I ask them out and they say no, no harm will be done since I've never met them anyway and I took the opportunity instead of not taking it.

 

If I were to take the opportunity I'm not sure how I'd initiate the conversation, maybe something like:

 

"Hey, do you go (university name) by any chance?" with the hope they'll reply 'Yes' to which then perhaps I could ask her what she studies before eventually coming on to say something like 'Ah right, I go to (university name) too, I don't think we've met before though, I know this might seem a bit weird and normally I'd do this in person but I think you're pretty cute and I was wondering if maybe I could get your number if you're interested?'

 

 

What do you all think? Take the opportunity? Or any suggestions/tips.

[BrocasHelm]

Woah, hold your horse, cow-boy! That started out well, asking if they are at your university and what they study as a mean to engage conversation, but you're gonna shoot yourself in the foot if you move straight on to asking her number. Especially with a line like this:

 

"I know this might seem a bit weird and normally I'd do this in person"

 

What she will read instead is: "I don't feel so confident about it and tbh, I have no idea what I'm doing." Which is a major turnoff.

 

What you need to do instead, is keep the conversation going, staying on trivial topics and more importantly, staying light and fun. If she reciprocates and seems interested in talking to you, and if you're having a good laugh, you can try moving on to some light flirting, and if she's receptive, ask her out! Imagine you've been chatting with this girl for a few and hit it off pretty well, then asking her out can be as easy as this:

 

Her: So did you make it through with your work?

 

You: Yeah, finally over! Now I'm treating myself with some Chinese takeaway to celebrate!

 

Her: I'm so jealous!

 

You: You like Chinese?

 

Her: I love all Asian food actually, but Japanese is my favorite!

 

You: Really? I love it too! So how about we try this Japanese restaurant X day?

 

The example above is taken from my own experience chatting to a girl on Facebook whom I've only met twice in real life and never talked to much. It worked, I'm taking her out to dinner by the end of the month

[Xiomn]

Woah, hold your horse, cow-boy! That started out well, asking if they are at your university and what they study as a mean to engage conversation, but you're gonna shoot yourself in the foot if you move straight on to asking her number. Especially with a line like this:

 

"I know this might seem a bit weird and normally I'd do this in person"

 

What she will read instead is: "I don't feel so confident about it and tbh, I have no idea what I'm doing." Which is a major turnoff.

 

What you need to do instead, is keep the conversation going, staying on trivial topics and more importantly, staying light and fun. If she reciprocates and seems interested in talking to you, and if you're having a good laugh, you can try moving on to some light flirting, and if she's receptive, ask her out! Imagine you've been chatting with this girl for a few and hit it off pretty well, then asking her out can be as easy as this:

 

Her: So did you make it through with your work?

 

You: Yeah, finally over! Now I'm treating myself with some Chinese takeaway to celebrate!

 

Her: I'm so jealous!

 

You: You like Chinese?

 

Her: I love all Asian food actually, but Japanese is my favorite!

 

You: Really? I love it too! So how about we try this Japanese restaurant X day?

 

The example above is taken from my own experience chatting to a girl on Facebook whom I've only met twice in real life and never talked to much. It worked, I'm taking her out to dinner by the end of the month

 

Yeah, I guess the whole "this might seem a bit weird" makes me look unconfident and puts the idea that this whole thing is weird directly at the forefront of her mind which will be bad when she makes her decision.

 

I guess I figured I'd say that in an attempt to justify my reasoning for asking her out over Facebook instead of in person by the very fact there isn't any opportunity open for me to meet her in person and ask her out the proper way, if that makes sense? I see where you're coming from though.

 

Now I've just got to up my faith in trying to keep a conversation going when she is inevitably going to think it's weird a stranger is messaging her over Facebook haha.

[BrocasHelm]

Yeah, I see your reasoning, but I think you give too much importance to the "asking out" part, like it's a big deal. I don't know if you have a lot of experience so maybe it's stressful for you to ask a girl out, which is okay, as long as she doesn't feel it. The example I showed you meant to illustrate that asking her out should not feel like something big, but rather like a natural evolution in your interaction. The example was talking about the food you like, which leads you to invite her for dinner, but it could be anything else, as long as it seems like the most normal thing in the world.

 

And no, don't worry that she'll think you're just gonna hang out as friends, first you are of opposite genders and have never met in person, so she should catch the hint, and second, if you've been flirting with her in previous conversations, that should be more obvious as well.

 

BTW, I used a restaurant as an example, but the girl here is a girl I've had previous interaction with. If you plan on asking out a girl you've never seen in person, maybe try for something more casual first, drinks for instance. An idea would be to find out if you have music tastes in common, then find a small gig in a local bar you can invite her to.

[Xiomn]

Yeah, I see your reasoning, but I think you give too much importance to the "asking out" part, like it's a big deal. I don't know if you have a lot of experience so maybe it's stressful for you to ask a girl out, which is okay, as long as she doesn't feel it. The example I showed you meant to illustrate that asking her out should not feel like something big, but rather like a natural evolution in your interaction. The example was talking about the food you like, which leads you to invite her for dinner, but it could be anything else, as long as it seems like the most normal thing in the world.

 

BTW, I used a restaurant as an example, but the girl here is a girl I've had previous interaction with. If you plan on asking out a girl you've never seen in person, maybe try for something more casual first, drinks for instance. An idea would be to find out if you have music tastes in common, then find a small gig in a local bar you can invite her to.

 

Yeah definitely agree, cut the whole this might be weird, normally I do this rubbish out and just weave it into the conversation naturally like it's a normal thing and you're not going to be bothered by the answer in the slightest like an alpha male

 

And no, don't worry that she'll think you're just gonna hang out as friends, first you are of opposite genders and have never met in person, so she should catch the hint, and second, if you've been flirting with her in previous conversations, that should be more obvious as well.

 

It's not that, that I'm worried about, It's the perception that she thinks me asking her lots of questions all of a sudden over Facebook is creepy coming from someone she has never met or spoken to before haha, she'll probably be sitting there wondering why the hell is this random stranger asking me all these questions all of a sudden haha. I wouldn't see this as a problem if it were in person for some reason but this is different lol. I'd actually feel more comfortable asking someone out in person.

[BrocasHelm]

Oh, okay, well then don't ask too many questions. Asking if she's in your university and what she's studying is the opener, then you just have to imagine her standing in front of you and speaking to you, and react to her answers like it's a face-to-face conversation. If you come out as cool and not asking a million questions in a row, there should be no weirdness, there's people who never or just barely met who chat to each others on Facebook all the time. Think of Facebook as some kind of virtual bar, where you run into someone who seems interesting and you just engage conversation.

[Xiomn]

---Update---

 

Messaged her, Got the ball rolling I guess.

 

Me: Hey, do you go to _____ by any chance? Trying to remember where I know you from, I don't think we have met have we?

 

Her: Heyyyy! Yeahh I do aha! and i'm not to sure (monkey hold hands against eyes emoji)

 

 

 

Gonna ask her what she studies

 

any further tips brahs? For instance how long should I try keep a conversation going before bringing up the question of maybe getting her number or getting together for a drink sometime etc?