oregon0011 Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Been seeing a girl off and on for a few months. When together everything is great. Talk daily. Great chemistry. Great sex. At this point we are getting closer. I never bothered to look up her Facebook page. She broke up with her ex a year ago. Out of 15 profile pictures , 12 are with him. Hugging, smiling etc. From 2013 and 2014. I looked at his profile, and it just says "male, single" without even one photo of her. Is she obviously still infatuated with her ex? Why would a girl keep all of these on her page after broken up?
Poutrew Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Maybe you should take some pictures with her - that way she'll have something to replace the old pics with? 1
supersot Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 If you aren't even fb friends with her (or her ex-lol) you can't see all the photos...but that is irrelevant. Those photos are years old. It's only a red flag if they're recent. I still have a few photos of me and my ex bf from 2010. I only have good memories of him, I never deleted them. This does NOT mean I am still interested in him. It's just photos of me and someone I cared about from a different point in my life that a current SO has nothing to do with. Maybe she doesn't even use fb that much? 15 profile pics does not sound like an active user... If I were you, I would focus on being a little less insecure (I don't mean that in a mean way) and if you really like this new girl, then start creating your OWN memories together. 1
Author oregon0011 Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 We are not Facebook friends. What I mean is that her PROFILE pictures , which everyone can see, are all of him and her Just seems odd. It would be like me having my MAIN photos of me and my ex wife hugging and kissing years later. And yes she uses Facebook daily. And has hundreds in other albums So in these photos she doesn't have friends, family, etc. just her and him. I am sure it is not some over sight.
losangelena Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Well, does she act like she's infatuated with her ex when you speak to her in real life? Do you get the sense that she's hung up on him? Try figuring that out first. Also, if it makes you uncomfortable, say something.
Author oregon0011 Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 Maybe everyone is different? I mean if I was telling a girl how much I am into her, I would think ahead and NOT have my front Facebook page covered with me and my ex wife. Especially if I knew she could just look it up. The only photos her non friends can see are her and him together.
Empyrea Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 You're not even Facebook friends with the girl you're seeing? Then it's definitely too soon to even care. If you continue dating her and you two finally become FB buddies and if it still bothers you, then you can bring it up. Really you should be more focused on getting to know her and building your relationship than stalking her on social media. It's probably not even a big deal. Some people don't delete their old photos, they just upload new ones. If you don't have any issue with the past, then there's no reason to try to erase it. I've seen exes who angrily delete every single mention of each other on their profiles and to me that's a much bigger red flag. If you part as friends and don't have any lingering feelings or resentment, then you don't obsess over the fact if your ex is still in some of your pictures or not. The past is the past for a reason. Unless she gives you an IRL reason to worry about it - don't. 2
supersot Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Is she even your actual gf yet? Have you had a DTR(define the relationship) talk? Do you want her to be your gf? I would start there...if she wants to be exclusive, I'd add her on fb.
Blanco Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 I understand your uneasiness, OP, but you should consider that there are some people who don't feel the need to sponge away their past on social media as time goes on. My last girlfriend had pictures going back nearly 10 years that included a couple of exes, some guys she casually dated, etc. I didn't exactly enjoy seeing them, but I didn't take it to mean that she was hung up on these people still. Rather, she acknowledged that these times and people were part of her story, so it was silly to just erase them as if they never existed.
Author oregon0011 Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 Let me put it like this. My ex wife was very attractive. How would any girl I am sleeping with feel to come over and see framed photos of her and I kissing? Obviously I put those away long ago. I would feel odd to even show the current girl photos of my ex wife. Now, don't tell me for one second current girl would be thinking "oh it's cool. Just memories. Nice he has photos of her around his house" And this is just my house. What if I was broadcasting to everyone on the Internet? It seems to me she can't move on. Not only because of the photos, but because of the pace of our relationship. It is just sort of a sign to me she is living in the past. 1
MidwestUSA Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 It seems to me she can't move on. Not only because of the photos, but because of the pace of our relationship. Okay. So it's not about the photos at all. If everything else was peachy, you wouldn't be bothered by someone's past being on Facebook. A lot of people use it as photo album, scrapbook, and diary, all rolled into one. It doesn't mean a damned thing. Now what pace are you at, and what would you like it to be?
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Let me put it like this. My ex wife was very attractive. How would any girl I am sleeping with feel to come over and see framed photos of her and I kissing? Obviously I put those away long ago. I would feel odd to even show the current girl photos of my ex wife. Now, don't tell me for one second current girl would be thinking "oh it's cool. Just memories. Nice he has photos of her around his house" And this is just my house. What if I was broadcasting to everyone on the Internet? It seems to me she can't move on. Not only because of the photos, but because of the pace of our relationship. It is just sort of a sign to me she is living in the past. I agree. I would prefer it if I had a boyfriend, that didn't have any pictures of his ex no matter how recent or long ago it was. I think because the past IS the past there is no point reminding you what the past was. Mind you, I've only had one boyfriend and that was 12.5 years ago, still you won't find me having pictures of my ex, and I expect my partner to have no contact, no memorabilia of his. Fair is fair. If you want a new beginning and a new relationship, all things of the past should be done and dusted.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 I understand why you feel the way you do but the fact is some people don't go back over their old posts deleting everything from their past. It just isn't something they think about. I have a friend who has albums on her Facebook containing photos of her and her ex. She is engaged to another man now, and it doesn't make him insecure at all. Everyone is different. You say you have been on and off for months and are not even friends on social media. If you aren't exclusive perhaps your expectations are too high? 1
Author oregon0011 Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 Okay. So it's not about the photos at all. If everything else was peachy, you wouldn't be bothered by someone's past being on Facebook. A lot of people use it as photo album, scrapbook, and diary, all rolled into one. It doesn't mean a damned thing. Now what pace are you at, and what would you like it to be? Just making sure everyone understands. There are various "albums" on Facebook that often times strangers cannot see. Or it would take some digging to go through all the photos. She probably has 800 photos in various albums. I would not really be offended if her ex was in there somewhere. When you go to her page, on her front page, it is all her and her ex. I guess I find it odd. To be "broken up" for a year, yet you are kind of showing the entire world, (as soon as they enter your page) that you are hugging and kissing your ex. As for our relationship, she is "confused" as she said her ex must remain in her life. And this caused problems in her previous relationships.
Author oregon0011 Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 I understand why you feel the way you do but the fact is some people don't go back over their old posts deleting everything from their past. It just isn't something they think about. I have a friend who has albums on her Facebook containing photos of her and her ex. She is engaged to another man now, and it doesn't make him insecure at all. Everyone is different. You say you have been on and off for months and are not even friends on social media. If you aren't exclusive perhaps your expectations are too high? Read post 13. It isn't just in random albums. It is all over her front page. After being broken up for ten months.
newt Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 If I am dating someone I dont even ask for someone's facebook
smackie9 Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Most people put away the photos when the relationship ends. Is it possible this is an old FB page that she abandoned? Maybe she has started a new one. I know people who are that lazy and have many FB pages. She may have left it on there to spite him....who knows. If this FB page is current, I call it a red flag and would wonder where her head is at.
strawberryshortstack Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Just making sure everyone understands. There are various "albums" on Facebook that often times strangers cannot see. Or it would take some digging to go through all the photos. She probably has 800 photos in various albums. I would not really be offended if her ex was in there somewhere. When you go to her page, on her front page, it is all her and her ex. I guess I find it odd. To be "broken up" for a year, yet you are kind of showing the entire world, (as soon as they enter your page) that you are hugging and kissing your ex. As for our relationship, she is "confused" as she said her ex must remain in her life. And this caused problems in her previous relationships. Is she actually ACTIVE on Facebook? Is it possible that she stopped using Facebook before, or shortly after, they broke up, and it simply hasn't been updated? If not, then you have my sympathies and I'd suggest that you move on, but look carefully at when the pictures were uploaded/updated before deciding that she's hung up on her ex.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Read post 13. It isn't just in random albums. It is all over her front page. After being broken up for ten months. Yes, but some of those photos were used as profile pictures in the past when they were together. Is that the case here or are you saying she is still using them? It makes a huge difference.
Empyrea Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Read post 13. It isn't just in random albums. It is all over her front page. After being broken up for ten months. Not everyone is Facebook savvy, okay. Your profile photos are automatically public, unlike everything else you post. Unless you realize this, you won't know to change it. Most people never bother to check what their profile looks like to the public or bother to change it. You're not even FB friends with her!! Which is why she hasn't thought about it possibly bothering you. Maybe she didn't automatically assume you'd stalk her profile. Now do everyone a favour, add her on Facebook, then bring it up if you must. It might even lead to a deeper discussion about her possible hangups with the past which is what you're really worried about, isn't it?
Author oregon0011 Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 Not everyone is Facebook savvy, okay. Your profile photos are automatically public, unlike everything else you post. Unless you realize this, you won't know to change it. Most people never bother to check what their profile looks like to the public or bother to change it. You're not even FB friends with her!! Which is why she hasn't thought about it possibly bothering you. Maybe she didn't automatically assume you'd stalk her profile. Now do everyone a favour, add her on Facebook, then bring it up if you must. It might even lead to a deeper discussion about her possible hangups with the past which is what you're really worried about, isn't it? Wtf? After 3 months I decided to check her Facebook and I am a stalker? Once again, this is HER page she uses daily. She is a Facebook expert. I mean come on. I barely use Facebook but would KNOW 100 percent sure if I had pictures of me and my ex wife hugging and kissing on the front page. That's usually the first thing people do after breaking up is changing Facebook photos. So for the sake of this thread let's assume she wants them there. I am more or less wondering why a girl would do that as well.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 I am just trying to clarify, is her current profile picture or cover photo of him?
losangelena Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Well, if you're wondering, why don't you ask her? Because A) we don't know why, and B) it doesn't seem like we're giving you the answers you want to hear. I deactivated my FB page after my ex and I broke up, and I did go ahead and delete the recent photos of us together, so if and when I do get back online, those won't be the things that people see right away. In your situation, I would probably be wondering, too, but I don't think that FB photos alone tell the whole story of someone's inner emotional life. For that, you need to go to the source and ask her what's up.
anna121 Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Are you talking about her "Profile" album, or just her photos? On the assumption that you are talking about the actual "Profile" album... What you are saying is that she should have cleared her Profile album or made her pics with him "private" to her alone. See, I wouldn't automatically think to change my Profile album. In fact I view it as more of a repository. On my FB page, my "photos" sidebar does not have any profile pics, because the profile has not been updated in months. I know that when viewed by non-friends, your wall will show your Profile pics, but I don't think how my page looks to people I'm not friends with (except to make it private or whatever). You seem determined to think the worst of her. Perhaps this a sign that you are not meant to be.
Empyrea Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Wtf? After 3 months I decided to check her Facebook and I am a stalker? Once again, this is HER page she uses daily. She is a Facebook expert. I mean come on. I barely use Facebook but would KNOW 100 percent sure if I had pictures of me and my ex wife hugging and kissing on the front page. That's usually the first thing people do after breaking up is changing Facebook photos. So for the sake of this thread let's assume she wants them there. I am more or less wondering why a girl would do that as well. Well, I would refrain from assuming anything. Just ask her. But first add her, because yes, if you've been studying her profile without adding her after you've been seeing each other for months - I'd find it strange. You either don't use Facebook at all - in which case you wouldn't care about her profile either, or you only add people in your close circles - in which case three months of dating should certainly qualify her..
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