Can feelings come back?

[towardthefuture]

I was recently dating my ex. We had dated for 3 months before earlier this year. We really liked each other, it was incredibly mutual. Then her uncle died and she said she needed space. I freaked out and thought that meant she was dumping me and sent her a very needy judgmental drunk text one night. That comes up later.

 

So she kind of phased out and ghosted on me after that and we stopped talking. Cut to 5 months later, I ran into her and we started going out again. It was good for a while -- she said she thought we could get it back if we take it slow. Then the other night I sensed something was off and I asked her if she still thought we had the potential to be together again and she said no. We broke up, talked for an hour and a half. You know as far as break ups go actually, that was a pretty good one. Provided a lot of closure. Anyway she basically said she lost feelings for me after that text as it both hurt her and proved to her that I wasn't hearing her. This second chance could never have worked because she was still holding onto that, it wasn't in the past. I told her after I sent it I woke up in a panic the next morning knowing I'd made a huge mistake, if I could take it back I would and that I'm incredibly sorry and regret it a lot. She said she still wanted to be friends with me and I said I couldn't, it would be dishonest because I want to be in a relationship with her. So I gave her a goodbye hug told her I'll miss her and told her it's ok and left.

 

Later on that night I sent her just one text that said "xxxx, I'm going to learn from tonight and I'm going to change. If you ever find feelings for me again in your heart... you know where to find me. If I ever got a second chance with you it would be different. I can't express how sorry I am and how much I regret what I did. How little I heard and how selfish I was. I know I made a huge mistake... It was a mistake. I can't take it back... All I can do is grow. For now I can't talk to you, I need to take time to heal and move on. I would love to try again, take it slow and build back trust and affection and friendship if you really felt we could start again. But I can't be friends with you... It wouldn't be honest with myself. I was to be your boyfriend not your friend. If you want that please get in touch with me. I really hope you do."

 

Since then I've been in NC, suffering here and there in silence, trying to move on, try new things, improve myself, trying not to cling to false hope.

 

Do you think she might forgive me? Do you think feelings can come back?

[Nickr3023]

I was recently dating my ex. We had dated for 3 months before earlier this year. We really liked each other, it was incredibly mutual. Then her uncle died and she said she needed space. I freaked out and thought that meant she was dumping me and sent her a very needy judgmental drunk text one night. That comes up later.

 

So she kind of phased out and ghosted on me after that and we stopped talking. Cut to 5 months later, I ran into her and we started going out again. It was good for a while -- she said she thought we could get it back if we take it slow. Then the other night I sensed something was off and I asked her if she still thought we had the potential to be together again and she said no. We broke up, talked for an hour and a half. You know as far as break ups go actually, that was a pretty good one. Provided a lot of closure. Anyway she basically said she lost feelings for me after that text as it both hurt her and proved to her that I wasn't hearing her. This second chance could never have worked because she was still holding onto that, it wasn't in the past. I told her after I sent it I woke up in a panic the next morning knowing I'd made a huge mistake, if I could take it back I would and that I'm incredibly sorry and regret it a lot. She said she still wanted to be friends with me and I said I couldn't, it would be dishonest because I want to be in a relationship with her. So I gave her a goodbye hug told her I'll miss her and told her it's ok and left.

 

Later on that night I sent her just one text that said "xxxx, I'm going to learn from tonight and I'm going to change. If you ever find feelings for me again in your heart... you know where to find me. If I ever got a second chance with you it would be different. I can't express how sorry I am and how much I regret what I did. How little I heard and how selfish I was. I know I made a huge mistake... It was a mistake. I can't take it back... All I can do is grow. For now I can't talk to you, I need to take time to heal and move on. I would love to try again, take it slow and build back trust and affection and friendship if you really felt we could start again. But I can't be friends with you... It wouldn't be honest with myself. I was to be your boyfriend not your friend. If you want that please get in touch with me. I really hope you do."

 

Since then I've been in NC, suffering here and there in silence, trying to move on, try new things, improve myself, trying not to cling to false hope.

 

Do you think she might forgive me? Do you think feelings can come back?

 

A question we've all asked at times. It's possible they can come back, but it'll be fleeting. It seems that you've broken her trust, which being on your end, I know it's not something that comes back easily. You may reconnect somewhere in the future, but right now, it just seems like she wants to move freely in and out of your life, and she'll continue to do that if you let her. Your best bet is to take control of the situation and move on. I was in your spot. My ex was just out of a marriage. She left me to try with her husband again, I accepted her back, then she tried again, and I accepted her back. The third time she cheated on me with a different guy.......unfortunately lesson learned the hard way. Do you want to be with someone who's so back and forth on their feelings about you, or do you want to be with someone who can't get enough of you and doesn't want to leave you no matter what the circumstances?

Edited December 5, 2015 by Nickr3023

[mightycpa]

"I need space"

 

That's the standard coward's line for easing into a breakup. She's not much of a communicator, and I'm going to bet you're not a mind reader, so how were you supposed to understand that she needed time alone? Or maybe it's all bull**** and she wants to blame the breakup on you. Some girls do that ****. Who knows?

 

You'd be in much better shape with her right now if you'd have told her that instead of all the "I'm going to change" drivel.

 

As to your question, forget it. You're going to need some serious separation from her. In fact, I'd suggest if you run into her by accident, avoid her by deliberately walking away, so that she recognizes what you're doing. If she pushes it, follows and asks why you're avoiding her, that's when you tell her that you thought about things, and that you realize that the real problem was either she doesn't know how to break up honestly, or she doesn't know how to communicate, etc. etc. (stuff up above), and that as a result, you feel like she did you a huge favor, and that's why you're avoiding her.

 

Then you may start to see some results. But on the path you're going? No.

[Meli22]

I'd say for a 3 month relationship you seem a bit too invested, seeing as though she isn't. Also, I'd put money on her excuses being BS and she either just lost interest or didn't see you guys as a good fit.

 

Dissapear from her life. Make your OWN happiness and live like she is never coming back. Only then will you be in a decent position to decide the path to take IF she does come back.

 

As for your question: feelings are fickle. They ebb and flow. I've never necessarily lost feelings for someone completely whilst in a relationship, so I don't know. What I do know is that either of two things will probably happen: she will see that you're worth it, or you'll see that she's not. In the meantime, do you.