Why some women stay single

[Gaeta]

Some of your points are reasonable. But the gal I've described in the first post has no way of knowing if I'm a quality guy or a good match. She didn't give me a chance to show that. Because she never made herself available and didn't meet me halfway on pinning down a time. She was unreceptive to my attempts to schedule time with her. That is the true and unique rejection that guys experience. Not being given a fair hearing by the women they pursue, no matter how much integrity they have, no matter how pure their intentions. As I said before, I think both parties miss out when that occurs.

 

I have noticed a lot of men think that if they have ABC and do XYZ the woman will automatically fall for him. You think because you present well and you're good on paper than a woman should be automatically be interested in you but somehow you have no interest in them?

 

It doesn't work that way.

 

You overlook the most important aspect.

 

Interest and motivation.

 

For some reasons she did not have it for you and you cannot create 'motivation' in a woman. It's there or it's not.

 

You could be Johnny Depp but if you don't ignite an interest and a motivation in me it's just ain't gonna happen.

 

Do you understand that some things cannot be forced?

 

Your energy would be better spent at moving on toward women who show real interest.

 

OH! but something just dawn on me, is is possible that those women that show real interest in meeting you are not igniting 'interest & motivation' in you? Should we then blame you for not having interest in women that seems just fine for you?

[oberkeat]

The point is, many gals are making finding a decent man way harder than it should be for themselves.

 

What will happen is this. In a week or so, she will be sitting on her couch watching Netflix, or crying into her Cheerios, whining to her roommate about how she can't find a man. And her roommate will say, "Oberkeat was interested and seems like a great guy. Why didn't you give him a shot?" Her roommate will know that it is ridiculous to complain about being single when she had a perfectly decent man, or several of them, who thought she was pretty cute and interesting, and she refused to make herself available.

 

She may have the right to turn them down. But she has no business to complain about the unfairness of dating that women supposedly endure. Men can do nothing and are powerless when girls reject them. Getting a date is completely out of their control. But women can absolutely control their dating life by making it easy for their suitors to get one on one time with them. for women, the dating game is a very comfortable and passive experience, if they do it right.

Edited December 6, 2015 by oberkeat

[xxoo]

Men can do nothing and are powerless when girls reject them. Getting a date is completely out of their control.

 

Neither men nor woman are powerless. Believing you are powerless leads to feelings of helplessness and defeat.

 

Both men and women have power to choose, to accept or reject. Are you accepting as many women as you possibly could?

[BluEyeL]

The point is, many gals are making finding a decent man way harder than it should be for themselves.

 

What will happen is this. In a week or so, she will be sitting on her couch watching Netflix, or crying into her Cheerios, whining to her roommate about how she can't find a man. And her roommate will say, "Oberkeat was interested and seems like a great guy. Why didn't you give him a shot?" Her roommate will know that it is ridiculous to complain about being single when she had a perfectly decent man, or several of them, who thought she was pretty cute and interesting, and she refused to make herself available.

 

She may have the right to turn them down. But she has no business to complain about the unfairness of dating that women supposedly endure. Men can do nothing and are powerless when girls reject them. Getting a date is completely out of their control. But women can absolutely control their dating life by making it easy for their suitors to get one on one time with them. for women, the dating game is a very comfortable and passive experience, if they do it right.

I'm sorry but I think you also do the same thing she does. Although you don't have the advantage of being passive and choosing among those who hit on you, you have the power to choose who to hit on. And you choose to hit on girls that are too attractive perhaps. Why don't you hit on those that are mousy, shy and not too attractive, but are "great gals"?

 

You probably say you can't help who you are attracted to. It's the same thing women say. You two are exactly the same. Except you don't get to be passive and thus expose yourself to more direct rejection. Women get rejected too, it's just in a different way: a guy she likes doesn't ask her out, a guy she likes only wants her for sex etc.

[oberkeat]

Women get rejected too, it's just in a different way: a guy she likes doesn't ask her out, a guy she likes only wants her for sex etc.

 

Not getting approached or asked out for a date is not rejection. Not in anyone's dictionary. Rejection is what I have experienced. Putting your ego on the chopping block by approaching an attractive woman and asking for her number or a date, and getting consistently shot down, flaked on, ghosted on, or strung along as a reward for your efforts. Gals simply do not have do endure that type of humiliation and disappointment to get decent men. Not in our culture. And I think it's made some of them so spoiled that they can't bring themselves to accept a good man when they see one. As some have said, until gals are required to approach men to get a date, they do not know real rejection.

[ltjg45]

The point is, many gals are making finding a decent man way harder than it should be for themselves.

 

What will happen is this. In a week or so, she will be sitting on her couch watching Netflix, or crying into her Cheerios, whining to her roommate about how she can't find a man. And her roommate will say, "Oberkeat was interested and seems like a great guy. Why didn't you give him a shot?" Her roommate will know that it is ridiculous to complain about being single when she had a perfectly decent man, or several of them, who thought she was pretty cute and interesting, and she refused to make herself available.

 

She may have the right to turn them down. But she has no business to complain about the unfairness of dating that women supposedly endure. Men can do nothing and are powerless when girls reject them. Getting a date is completely out of their control. But women can absolutely control their dating life by making it easy for their suitors to get one on one time with them. for women, the dating game is a very comfortable and passive experience, if they do it right.

 

So if I were to point you towards an ugly woman and you decline, I guess I have the right to blame you for being single and not going with her, correct? After all, she is a decent woman that has interest in you but I don't see you actually approaching her.

 

Because that is the argument you are showing us. After all, for all we know, these women you are approaching may think you are ugly to them (in which case, it is obvious they will pass).....but you would never consider that, wouldn't you?

 

If you have the right to pass up on a woman for whatever reason that may be, the women in question can do the same as well.

[Gaeta]

by approaching an attractive woman and asking for her number or a date, and getting consistently shot down,

 

Maybe you are aiming to high? if 'attractive women' constantly are shutting you down why don't you go for a more 'girl next door' type of woman?

[xxoo]

Both men and women experience rejection. It doesn't always happen the same way, of course. Women (and men) can be rejected after a first or subsequent date, or even after sex.

 

Are you accepting as many women as you possibly could? To lessen the risk of rejection, build a bit of rapport and flirt before asking a woman out. If she's interested, she's even make it easy for you to ask her out. Most likely, you are trying to ask out women who are not interested, and overlooking women who would be interested (if you were). You'd be having a very different experience if you were asking out women who want to be asked out.

[xxoo]

It's a story as old as time. Or at least as old as high school

 

The ones you are attracted to aren't attracted to you.

The ones who are attracted to you aren't attractive to you.

 

Some people have this problem. Others don't have it so much. You seem to be in the category who struggle with this issue, and the women you reference are struggling with the same.

[BluEyeL]

Not getting approached or asked out for a date is not rejection. Not in anyone's dictionary. Rejection is what I have experienced. Putting your ego on the chopping block by approaching an attractive woman and asking for her number or a date, and getting consistently shot down, flaked on, ghosted on, or strung along as a reward for your efforts. Gals simply do not have do endure that type of humiliation and disappointment to get decent men. Not in our culture. And I think it's made some of them so spoiled that they can't bring themselves to accept a good man when they see one. As some have said, until gals are required to approach men to get a date, they do not know real rejection.

Yeah because you approach attractive women, not unattractive women. You are not interested in unattractive women although they may be great women and decent women. The same way, women in question stay single, because , exactly like you, don't accept unattractive men. Simple. You are simply unattractive to these women. The only point you are making sense is that women get rejected indirectly instead of directly and yes being shot down directly is harder . But so is getting pumped and dumped after being lied to. Each gender had their own challenges.

[LydiaLong]

If you're really interested in someone, you move heaven and earth to make it happen. That's reality.

[xxoo]

If you're really interested in someone, you move heaven and earth to make it happen. That's reality.

 

Absolutely.

 

It's such a great feeling when you're really into someone. I can understand why people don't bother when they don't feel that magnetic draw. You may have a partner, but you're missing out on the feelings that make it pleasurable.

[Versacehottie]

There is nothing those men are doing that I have not done or tried. In fact, as I've said before, many dudes have put up a lot less effort than I have and had gorgeous women fall into their laps nonetheless. It comes down to luck, nothing else. Many guys have obviously had more luck than myself in finding a woman who has no interest in flaking, ghosting, stringin' along, or playing games with them. Its unfortunate that those are the only women I've encountered, but maybe my luck will change one day.

 

Yes they are doing something different or ARE something different because they DO have different results. We just haven't figured out what it is compared to you. They are having different results so it speaks for itself. Different inputs = different results. Change the way you do your effort (maybe less effort would be better for you) and your intention. If you are looking at ONLY the actions these guys are doing, you are missing a big component. The attitude with which they do it. The mindset and the belief system and intentions. Work on changing some of that. For example, if you believe you are at a disadvantage and that you NEVER have success with women, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

I already said the other part to work on for mindset which is stop think of women as having the sort of power position or as the enemy. That puts you at a disadvantage with them and colors your interactions with them. I would challenge you to take each interaction with a girl into just the smallest component of what it is and just the facts. No projecting, no generalizing etc. Just see her as an individual and try not to come to conclusions about anything. It is definitely not just luck.

 

And when you say they have gorgeous women fall into their laps, wondering if you are setting your standards too high for yourself? And focusing mostly on looks and going for the wrong girls for you. Just wondering--at least on this thread you haven't spoken about that but maybe that is something to adjust. Like I said before, introspect.

[ltjg45]

If women were actually approaching me, and I was turning down their offers, I would apply the same standard to myself. I would say I have no business coming on these boards and complaining about being single, not having a gf or not finding a woman who likes me, because plenty would be approaching me, making offers, and I'm just too picky or spoiled to accept them.

 

Have you ever considered that they didn't approach you because they wasn't interested in you? I have seen women approach guys before and, even if they didn't, their signs to him was obvious enough to show that she wants him to approach.

 

But that's not what is occurring. Women are not approaching me asking for my attention. I'm making 100 percent of the effort to bring a quality woman into my life, and have been proactive in my search and efforts. That's not what women are doing or have to do to get a date. Not the women I'm talking about. They're getting decent men approaching them, begging for their time, begging for dates, and these gals are just blowing them off. So they have no business complaining or wondering why they can't find a quality man.

 

How do you know decent men has been approaching these women anyway? Are you saying that JUST because they happen to be women and nothing else?

 

If so, that is one very jaded point of view.

 

And even if that's true, these men may not have sparked her desire to be in a relationship with them. Just because they are decent men doesn't mean she wants a relationship with him on just that merit alone. If she is not feeling the desire from him, she should let him go......just like how I would leave any woman I don't have any desire for alone as well.

 

You need to stop applying logic to this. Love and relationships doesn't work like that.

 

The first and most important question that needs to be answered is whether both people want each other emotionally? Once that is checked, a possible relationship can be made. If not, money, job status, hobbies, and everything else mean absolutely nothing, no matter how good it looks on paper.

 

It's all handed to them, if they will only give them a shot. It's like being at a car dealership, and the dealers are all offering you sports cars, 100 percent free. Just take the keys and drive it off the lot. That's what the dating world is for women. Many just don't seem to realize it.

 

There is some women that just doesn't like sports cars. Why would they be happy with a sports car, even if it is for free?

 

Heck, I don't even like sports cars. If I had one, it would just sit in the parking lot looking all pretty while I am still walking around for miles.

 

Are you telling me I should be happy just because I got one for free when I prefer just a regular vehicle?

 

If so, you should be happy that an ugly woman wants a relationship with you. Outside of the fact that a vehicle is just an object and a woman is a real living soul, they are basically the same thing.

[katiegrl]

Have you ever considered that they didn't approach you because they wasn't interested in you? I have seen women approach guys before and, even if they didn't, their signs to him was obvious enough to show that she wants him to approach.

 

 

 

How do you know decent men has been approaching these women anyway? Are you saying that JUST because they happen to be women and nothing else?

 

If so, that is one very jaded point of view.

 

And even if that's true, these men may not have sparked her desire to be in a relationship with them. Just because they are decent men doesn't mean she wants a relationship with him on just that merit alone. If she is not feeling the desire from him, she should let him go......just like how I would leave any woman I don't have any desire for alone as well.

 

You need to stop applying logic to this. Love and relationships doesn't work like that.

 

The first and most important question that needs to be answered is whether both people want each other emotionally? Once that is checked, a possible relationship can be made. If not, money, job status, hobbies, and everything else mean absolutely nothing, no matter how good it looks on paper.

 

 

 

There is some women that just doesn't like sports cars. Why would they be happy with a sports car, even if it is for free?

 

Heck, I don't even like sports cars. If I had one, it would just sit in the parking lot looking all pretty while I am still walking around for miles.

 

Are you telling me I should be happy just because I got one for free when I prefer just a regular vehicle?

 

If so, you should be happy that an ugly woman wants a relationship with you. Outside of the fact that a vehicle is just an object and a woman is a real living soul, they are basically the same thing.

 

This ^^, and I find it interesting that OP is comparing himself to a shiny new sports car. All flash, zero substance.

 

As if all women should automatically be attracted to that.

 

Newsflash OP -- most women are *not* attracted to flash. We prefer substance, depth, an open mid, an ability to introspect....among other redeeming qualities.

 

And how do you explain the dichotomy between your friends', Imajerk's, and many many other men's *success* in approaching, getting approached, having relationships with and marrying *available* women who DO meet them half way ......and YOU, who can't even manage to get one woman to agree to go out with you?

 

Do you really think it's luck as you said earlier? That all these men who are successful with women just so happen to meet *available* women .....while you *never* do?

 

Really???? Come on now, you're smarter than that.

 

Or perhaps Imajerk was right and you really *are* completely full of yourself, and are simply incapable of seeing the forest though the trees....

 

Sad.

[Rejected Rosebud]

The point is, many gals are making finding a decent man way harder than it should be for themselves.

 

Except, "A Decent Man" is not all we are looking for when we are single and looking. We are looking for a man WE LIKE A LOT.

 

What will happen is this. In a week or so, she will be sitting on her couch watching Netflix, or crying into her Cheerios, whining to her roommate about how she can't find a man. And her roommate will say, "Oberkeat was interested and seems like a great guy. Why didn't you give him a shot?" Her roommate will know that it is ridiculous to complain about being single when she had a perfectly decent man, or several of them, who thought she was pretty cute and interesting, and she refused to make herself available.

 

Really??!?! Alot of girls are participating in your thread. Not one of us has said that she "SHOULD" have gone out with you even though she didn't like you.

 

I guess her room mate in this scenario is a guy? Who happens to think just the same way you do??

 

 

 

She may have the right to turn them down. But she has no business to complain about the unfairness of dating that women supposedly endure. Men can do nothing and are powerless when girls reject them. Getting a date is completely out of their control. But women can absolutely control their dating life by making it easy for their suitors to get one on one time with them. for women, the dating game is a very comfortable and passive experience, if they do it right.

I give up. You are destined to be alone unless you come to a place in your life where you would never even THINK stuff like that ... and I'm not seeing that ever happening.

 

So, you have NO BUSINESS complaining, since you are not willing to make the changes that would be necessary for a relationship to happen. Stop whining.

[Versacehottie]

The point is, many gals are making finding a decent man way harder than it should be for themselves.

 

What will happen is this. In a week or so, she will be sitting on her couch watching Netflix, or crying into her Cheerios, whining to her roommate about how she can't find a man. And her roommate will say, "Oberkeat was interested and seems like a great guy. Why didn't you give him a shot?" Her roommate will know that it is ridiculous to complain about being single when she had a perfectly decent man, or several of them, who thought she was pretty cute and interesting, and she refused to make herself available.

 

She may have the right to turn them down. But she has no business to complain about the unfairness of dating that women supposedly endure. Men can do nothing and are powerless when girls reject them. Getting a date is completely out of their control. But women can absolutely control their dating life by making it easy for their suitors to get one on one time with them. for women, the dating game is a very comfortable and passive experience, if they do it right.

 

Ok, I understand your first paragraph. Makes sense. You sound like a smart enough (maybe even very smart guy). But here's where it goes all wrong, all that smartness in your head. What I bolded above. How in the world can the person who gets to ask out traditionally, ie a guy, have LESS control than the one who must wait and passively accept or not accept the offers she gets!!?!?? Your logic is supremely flawed. She has less control. Unless she wants to turn the tables and ask a guy out herself--then she will have more control. Just because you are having bad results doesn't mean you had less control over the situation. That's just flawed and dumb. Get real.

 

Dating is hardly a very comfortable experience for either sex. Don't the tens of thousands of posts here where people are confused at every stage of it, prove that??? I think it's fine to confine your argument to strictly the "asking out process". Yes guys traditionally take much more RISK here. Not have less control! Traditionally, they have ALL the control of whether that event (asking out) happens AT ALL. You have been talking in a traditional sense so I think we are fine discussing it like that. Maybe you are gauging interest incorrectly? Maybe you are gauge who is in your league incorrectly? Maybe you should do less cold approach and less online dating and try to create a spark first with someone you know or know slightly and then ask out?

 

Anthropologically speaking, women typically make the first move by showing interest. You have to be able to read the signs though as they are subtle. She will flirt in various ways or make eye contact to get your attention. You may need to work on reading those signs more accurately. Blindly just asking women who have shown NO signs of interest is not effective nor does it truly represent real, targeted effort.

 

Your argument of meeting halfway is SO flawed that I will apply it to this example to hopefully show you. So if a guy asks a girl out and they go on a first date which she thinks went well. Alas he's not that into her. And she is allowed to complain that they should be in a relationship or even married because she met him halfway by accepting the date????? Crazy. There are no guarantees. She could have done all the "right" things on the date. She could have met him halfway and then some. It still wouldn't matter. He's not interested in taking it further than the first date. Period. End of story.

 

Same as you asking a girl out, you made 100% of the effort, so you say. Maybe that's first mistake. If the girl is give you signs, would you count that as some effort on her part? Maybe you should factor that in and make sure you have at least 10% effort from the girl in terms of SIGNS SHE IS INTERESTED. Even in your example, I think you got that. In terms of actions, sure you did 100%. But maybe don't proceed with your action (asking out) unless you have a sign from the girl.

 

And yes, girls get rejected all the time. Including flirting with a guy who doesn't respond the same and ask her out. Flirting with a guy who does respond by flirting back and hinting at a date and never following through. Including a soft ask out which girls do all the time, to which he doesn't want to go, makes excuses or blows off. Not to mention the 100's of other types of rejection that happen from the first date on--to both sexes. You have to be able to take a risk and risk rejection in dating. It's the nature of the game. You need to both get a thicker skin AND take sh*t less seriously. I love being a girl but one of the few things that have intrigued me about being a guy is exactly what YOU are complaining about. The ability to ask people out directly and traditionally.

 

You have no idea because you are not a girl what girls, yes even gorgeous ones, do behind the scenes to plot and plan to get a guy to "hopefully" ask her out. WTF do you think we talk about at all those girls get-togethers??!??! And here's another thing that happens at those get-togethers, we will spend 2 hours, no joke, planning how to get X (the one she wants) to ask her out--all sorts of strategy, etc. And then maybe Y (the guy she's not interested in but who asked her out right after math class) comes up in conversation. You know how long Y gets, 10 seconds!!!!! Half a sentence. Pretty much it will go like this. Oh Y asked me out last Thursday. Chorus of "awkward". Yeah, he keeps texting me. Undertones of "too bad he did not and could not pick up on the signs that I've never been interested". He will maybe get a minute of the conversation if she asks for help on how to turn him down. There is no "regret" or feeling like she missed out on the potential for a bf--because she doesn't feel like he is bf material for her. The only thing she is concerned about meeting him halfway on: is getting on the same page about what their potential to date is (nothing). I can see you turning my example here around and saying see girls have all the power. This has nothing to do with power or control. Sure it is an example of how girls should be more open-minded and maybe Y really is her level and she should open her eyes. And maybe Y is over-shooting his level and he should be more open-minded and ask out Z who sits next to him in math and been flirting with him for past 3 months and her girl get togethers have consisted of figure out ways to get him to ask HER out. BTW, on the way out Z saw Y ask out the cute girl from math class and felt supremely rejected. Seriously. This sh*t happens all the time.

[Natalie8]

Not getting approached or asked out for a date is not rejection. Not in anyone's dictionary. Rejection is what I have experienced. Putting your ego on the chopping block by approaching an attractive woman and asking for her number or a date, and getting consistently shot down, flaked on, ghosted on, or strung along as a reward for your efforts. Gals simply do not have do endure that type of humiliation and disappointment to get decent men. Not in our culture. And I think it's made some of them so spoiled that they can't bring themselves to accept a good man when they see one. As some have said, until gals are required to approach men to get a date, they do not know real rejection.

 

No Sir! False, false, false!

That is like saying that until you know how much a kidneystone hurts you cant possibly know what pain is. Which is obviously not true. Lots of things can be a source of pain just like lots of scenarios can lead to one feeling rejected. When you say that women dont know what rejection is you are belittling their pain. Feeling pain, feeling rejection is a part of life. Unless you marry the first person you ever fancied.

Dont belittle our pain! Dont tell us that we dont know what rejection is. How dare you...Decent guys dont do such things. A decent guy has the maturity to understand that both women and men have challenges when it comes to dating. A decent man doesnt have this massive victim mentality claiming that his pain is the only real pain. Sir, your pain is not bigger or worse than mine. It is different and we deal with it differently but it is pain neverthless.

After all, what are you exactly saying? Is being rejected by a guy after a date not a rejection? Is only being rejected by a stranger a REAl rejection? We all know what rejection is, thank you very much.

You dont have a monopoly on this. There is not only one type of rejection that exist. Being rejected by a stranger hurts and being rejected by a non stranger hurts even more.

You say you approach women and ask for their number. I dont know if you mean a total cold approach but if you do, well that rarely works. If a guy approaches me and straight asks for my number i say no too. You dont know anything about their life so you shouldnt take a no too personally.

You also say you never get approached, you are putting in 100% effort. I find that strange as guys do get approached too. I mean decent guys. I have 4 brothers and they are not male models. I regularly approach guys online too..

[truth_seeker]

This is why so many some women stay single. They refuse to meet men halfway in the pursuit phase. Hear me out. This isn't gender bashing. I'm giving you chronically single gals some advice so the next guy doesn't end up where I am, and so some of you might be able to understand why you can't get a man.

 

I was chatting with this girl I met this week. We have a crazy amount in common, so I asked if she'd like to meet for a drink. She said she was very busy studying for an exam that happens this Saturday, but might be able to take a study break. I said it might be better to wait until after her test and that there was no rush. A date where she's stressed and depressed about a test coming up probably wouldn't be a good idea. She said that might be great, and she'd see if she can move her Sunday schedule around. End of conversation that night.

 

A couple days later I text her and ask if she had any luck clearing time. She said she hadn't got around to it yet. I said no problem, let me know if you can get free. I'd really like to get to know you, and I'm flexible if another night works better. End of conversation that night.

 

Since then, I've heard nothing from her. If a date doesn't happen, I take no responsibility. I clearly demonstrated I was interested, I showed I was flexible with her schedule, but she put minimal effort in to move things forward and make herself available.

 

I say this because there has been many threads this week where guys are demonstrating interest but the women they pursue refuse to meet 'em halfway. Refuse to make themselves available for a date. What is interesting is that often I read about this in threads written by women who complain about being single and unable to find a bf.

 

If you really want a bf, you must make yourself available. If you are making it difficult for men to get one on one time with you, you have no business complaining about being single and unable to get a man. That's simple logic.

 

Here's a big problem: people are frustrated because they're not meeting the people they want to meet. They also could be hung up on a specific type. If you do not meet their criteria then they complain they can't meet any good people.

 

Ever hear a woman complain: "I can't meet any good guys. I always meet losers!" If I hear that from a woman in a group setting, I distance myself from her. Usually, it's not her meeting losers - she's the loser. Why?

 

1) Bad judgment on her part for seeking these type of men out, if she is indeed meeting losers all the time.

 

2) She's saying she meets losers to cover up her insecurities for being single. If she were a great catch, she would meet a good guy, even a great guy. She is morel likely to be a head case that these "loser" men recognize right away and run.

 

One time people were pushing this woman onto me. Just talking to her I had no interest. She was attractive but she came off a bit low class. F bombs kept flying out of her mouth and this was our very first conversation. I was polite and excused myself. Later on, one of her friends put it out there that I was a "loser" and she could do better. So am I a loser because I didn't ask this woman out? See my point?

 

I think if women are not making themselves available to you, you're better off not knowing them.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Actually the OP's analogy of a car lot is useful here only in a different way. The impression I'm getting is that he feels like he's shopping on the lot, he has a pocketful of money to buy whatever car he picks out - but they won't take his money and let him drive off with the car!!! The salespeople aren't even approaching him! NO FAIR!!

 

That WOULD be aggravating to any of us, but connecting and building a relationship with another human being is not related to buying something.:mad:

 

The underlying idea is that you, OP, believe you are ENTITLED to pick out a woman of your choice and because you went to the "effort" of asking her out, plus you are a "decent" guy, it's just ludicrous that you are failing to walk off the dating lot with her.

 

I have read and participated in other threads of yours and this idea is prevalent.

 

THAT is your biggest problem. That attitude and its inherent objectification of women.

 

You can argue with us all you like on here but there is a lot of truth here you could take to heart and maybe change the way your life is going with regards to women and sex.

[LilaMarie]

Yes. I think when someone is so out of touch with reality that he claims that women dont know what rejection is..when he puts women on so much of a pedestal to say that women have all the power then this bitterness comes across in his interactions. And so the circle will continue.

 

^ THAT. Insanity.

[stillafool]

I have never cleared everything on my calendar - that would be impossible and unrealistic but I do make time and effort.

He has to inspire me to do that though. Dating is two way.

I inspire him, he inspires me.

 

Well this is your experience. As for me and my friends we would definitely clear our calendars for someone we were interested in.

[oberkeat]

This ^^, and I find it interesting that OP is comparing himself to a shiny new sports car. All flash, zero substance.

 

As if all women should automatically be attracted to that.

 

Newsflash OP -- most women are *not* attracted to flash. We prefer substance, depth, an open mid, an ability to introspect....among other redeeming qualities.

 

And how do you explain the dichotomy between your friends', Imajerk's, and many many other men's *success* in approaching, getting approached, having relationships with and marrying *available* women who DO meet them half way ......and YOU, who can't even manage to get one woman to agree to go out with you?

 

Do you really think it's luck as you said earlier? That all these men who are successful with women just so happen to meet *available* women .....while you *never* do?

 

Really???? Come on now, you're smarter than that.

 

Or perhaps Imajerk was right and you really *are* completely full of yourself, and are simply incapable of seeing the forest though the trees....

 

Sad.

 

Luck has everything to do with some guys being in a relationship versus others, not the quality of the man, or anything he's doing differently.

 

An example: I see threads on these boards regularly where women are wanting advice about how to save their relationships with guys who are unable or unwilling to have sex with them. I've said numerous times in these threads that these guys are not real men, and I tell these girls each and every time to hit the street and find a decent single guy like myself who is fully functional when it comes to the bedroom.

 

Let me emphasize: these guys are not real men, not quality men, yet somehow they are able to find relationships with women who want to be with them despite that. That is just luck, pure and simple, certainly not because they are quality guys.

[stillafool]

The point is, many gals are making finding a decent man way harder than it should be for themselves.

 

What will happen is this. In a week or so, she will be sitting on her couch watching Netflix, or crying into her Cheerios, whining to her roommate about how she can't find a man. And her roommate will say, "Oberkeat was interested and seems like a great guy. Why didn't you give him a shot?" Her roommate will know that it is ridiculous to complain about being single when she had a perfectly decent man, or several of them, who thought she was pretty cute and interesting, and she refused to make herself available.

 

She may have the right to turn them down. But she has no business to complain about the unfairness of dating that women supposedly endure. Men can do nothing and are powerless when girls reject them. Getting a date is completely out of their control. But women can absolutely control their dating life by making it easy for their suitors to get one on one time with them. for women, the dating game is a very comfortable and passive experience, if they do it right.

 

Have you ever thought that you wouldn't be single either if you would lower your standards? This is basically what you are asking women to do which is to settle for a man they are just lukewarm (if even that) about. There are plenty of women who will date you if you just lower your standards.

[truth_seeker]

I think that grown up women who are self aware and have a certain maturity dont sit around talking about all guys being evil. I certainly have enough male family members and male friends to know for a fact that guys are not evil.

I think it is nit helpful when people make out the opposite gender as the enemy. I really try to not to do that and i only moan about guys who do mean wrong..not menkind in general.

Regarding your other posts, where you claim that if a guy is single for a year who is called a loser. Where does that happen? I certainly dont feel that way and although i cant speak for all women but i really dont think any of my female friends ever expressed such notion.

Lots of guys choose to stay single until they are emotinally ready to start dating again. Tgere can be lots of reasons for being single. I think it shows maturity and a self awereness to know when to take time out from dating. Far from a loser.

 

Very nice, mature post.

 

I'm a guy and I'm single. If I meet someone I'm very into, and she's into me the same way, I'll be in a relationship with her. I won't get into a relationship with someone for sake of being in one.

 

I know people who are in relationships yet constantly cheat on their partners. They can't be alone or they hold onto the person until they feel they've found someone better. They treat their relationship like a job: Don't quit until you have another job lined up and you're in the door. I think these people are losers.

 

I know other people who are very aggressive in trying to be in a relationship. I have friends who were mad men on OLD. Date after date, months, years, just determined to find that woman. Me? I'm in no rush. I'm not desperate. If I meet her at the store, a concert, art gallery, where ever, great. I won't spend most of my free time on OLD with the mindset "I have to find her right now!" I wouldn't consider myself a loser, I would look at my friends behaving like losers because they were dead set on finding a woman.

 

Here's some advice to Oberkeat:

 

1) Get yourself a good core group of friends. Go out with these friends to good places, not dive bars.

 

2) Dress smart. Put money into a good wardrobe.

 

3) Join leagues. Don't join a War of Games league or anything to do with arcade games. Join a co-ed league or activity where women frequent. Think Skiing, dodgeball, painting, wine tasting, etc...

 

Lets review: Dress well, go out to trendy places with 2-3 buddies who also dress well, belong to co-ed league or some kind of activity group, and you WILL meet women! I don't care if you're a 2 on a scale of 10. Women will notice you dress sharp, they will sense you're a happening guy, they will be intrigued and will want to get to know you.

 

If you can't take my advice, then don't complain when you keep striking out with these women.