Why some women stay single

[smackie9]

So OP you are suggesting to women that settling is their answer to get a BF?

[GemmaUK]

LA, I'm glad you agree women do play an active role in their own singleness. But I disagree with you about the right to complain. I think it's totally fair. I want a ban on complaining about not finding a relationship from women who are routinely turning down dates with men. If you're rejecting guys routinely, I don't wanna hear you complaining. Any time I encounter a girl complaining about being single, I'm gonna ask her how many guys she's turned down, flaked on, ghosted on, or played games with recently. And if its more than zero, I'll will not feel sorry for her.

 

This lady that you met and posted about must have complained one heck of a lot about not finding a guy to date. Yes?

Is that what happened Oberkeat?

[Rejected Rosebud]

Your anecdote illustrated a woman who was not very interested in a guy demonstrating that she was not very interested.

 

I guess not meeting anybody you're interested in is as good a reason as any for being single.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I want a ban on complaining about not finding a relationship from women who are routinely turning down dates with men. If you're rejecting guys routinely, I don't wanna hear you complaining.

 

We're supposed to go out with guys we don't like or shut up? :( I'm sorry. If we are single and looking for a relationship - that means WITH SOMEBODY WE LIKE.

 

Is that a problem??

[newt]

What about if a woman never initiates contact whether it's text or phone but agrees to keep going out on dates?

[Rejected Rosebud]

What about if a woman never initiates contact whether it's text or phone but agrees to keep going out on dates?

What about it? If the guy still wants to date her, then I guess they will continue to date. If he's sick of her lack of initiative, he should move on to a more compatible girl!! :bunny:

[oberkeat]

What do you complain about?

 

It seems to me that you complain about women not giving you the responses you want. I guess I could tell you not to complain about that unless you're doing everything humanly possible to make yourself more attractive to women, and only then can you complain.

 

That is exactly what I'm saying Ruby. I have a right to come on these boards and complain because I have done everything humanly possible proactively to bring the right woman into my life, without success. Getting a girlfriend for me is a matter of things that are outside of my control changing i.e. luck. For women, it is different. All they have to do is stand there and wait for a decent man to approach, and be receptive to his attempts to schedule a date. But many refuse to do that. They sit back, reject men like myself who are making an effort, then complain that they cannot find a man, as in the examples I cited. That makes no sense to me, and is inherently contradictory. That does not sit right with me.

[jay1983]

I think the culture here is what makes it so bad. If you compare it to other countries, it's crazy. Why? Well they don't have overly assertive men trying to get with everything that catches their eye. Also I dont mean to bash overweight women, but with so many it seems like the few who aren't are getting double the attention which makes them more picky. I didn't notice til I visited other countries, its like night and day.

[Empyrea]

That is exactly what I'm saying Ruby. I have a right to come on these boards and complain because I have done everything humanly possible proactively to bring the right woman into my life, without success. Getting a girlfriend for me is a matter of things that are outside of my control changing i.e. luck. For women, it is different. All they have to do is stand there and wait for a decent man to approach, and be receptive to his attempts to schedule a date. But many refuse to do that. They sit back, reject men like myself who are making an effort, then complain that they cannot find a man, as in the examples I cited. That makes no sense to me, and is inherently contradictory. That does not sit right with me.

 

The "right" woman? Pray tell, what makes a woman right for you? Unless your only criterion is that they don't reject your date offer, then you're being hypocritical. And I laugh at your notion that all we have to do is stand there and wait. Phah. Firstly, all the DECENT men I've dated, I've approached myself. It's no easy task trying to weed out all the jerks, just-want-to-sleep-with-yous and miscellaneous UNdecent men who approach you. I mean, believe what you want by all means, but 1) you're wrong, and 2) you won't get any women with that kind of an attitude.

[smackie9]

It's not being picky, they have more options, no different than a attractive man can have the pick of the crop.

[losangelena]

That is exactly what I'm saying Ruby. I have a right to come on these boards and complain because I have done everything humanly possible proactively to bring the right woman into my life, without success. Getting a girlfriend for me is a matter of things that are outside of my control changing i.e. luck. For women, it is different. All they have to do is stand there and wait for a decent man to approach, and be receptive to his attempts to schedule a date. But many refuse to do that. They sit back, reject men like myself who are making an effort, then complain that they cannot find a man, as in the examples I cited. That makes no sense to me, and is inherently contradictory. That does not sit right with me.

 

Well, what are you doing, exactly?

 

I'm not asking in order to gather ammunition with which to berate you, I'm really curious. Even if you are doing "everything humanly possible," I don't think women's pickiness is what's impinging your success. I think you're frustrated and drawing false conclusions, which is I think a typical response.

 

Furthermore, since you're not a woman, I don't think you realize or can accept the fact that dating is more complicated than standing there and waiting for a decent man to approach.

[SoleMate]

I want a ban on complaining about not finding a relationship from women who are routinely turning down dates with men.

Oh, this made me laugh.

 

OP, wouldn't it be easier for you to just admit you feel hurt by the rejection, and then move on? Instead, you are spending time attacking, not just the one who hurt you, but an entire huge group of people who have NOT "self-sabotaged". And you're more or less announcing your new rule....acceptance of dates is somehow mandatory for women. No matter how unappealing the man may be.....even if she finds herself literally repelled, she has no right to refuse unless she chooses to be forever silent about her singleness. Thank the goddess you're not making laws in this country.

 

Point for you to ponder: Declining a date with a person who is not of interest is NOT self-sabotage, it is in fact common sense and common courtesy. Because we all know, once the date is accepted, then will come the relentless verbal (and other?) pressure to continue to accepting or permitting further intimacies. Refusal is again at the risk of another anti-woman attack diatribe.

 

OP, you are just one man, and I would never tar all men with your behavior, because you are you and what you're doing is a big mistake. You want to see self-sabotage in action? Step into your bathroom and turn to face the mirror....

[oberkeat]

Oh, this made me laugh.

 

OP, wouldn't it be easier for you to just admit you feel hurt by the rejection, and then move on? Instead, you are spending time attacking, not just the one who hurt you, but an entire huge group of people who have NOT "self-sabotaged". And you're more or less announcing your new rule....acceptance of dates is somehow mandatory for women. No matter how unappealing the man may be.....even if she finds herself literally repelled, she has no right to refuse unless she chooses to be forever silent about her singleness. Thank the goddess you're not making laws in this country.

 

Point for you to ponder: Declining a date with a person who is not of interest is NOT self-sabotage, it is in fact common sense and common courtesy. Because we all know, once the date is accepted, then will come the relentless verbal (and other?) pressure to continue to accepting or permitting further intimacies. Refusal is again at the risk of another anti-woman attack diatribe.

 

OP, you are just one man, and I would never tar all men with your behavior, because you are you and what you're doing is a big mistake. You want to see self-sabotage in action? Step into your bathroom and turn to face the mirror....

 

This thread is not anti-woman, as I said in the beginning. Everything I've said is being put in qualified terms ("This is why some women can't find a man", etc.), and even female members have agreed with some of my statements, particularly that some women contribute to their own inability to find a relationship. Compared to men, women have the dating world on a silver platter, have it infinitely easier than the struggling men, and it is just hypocritical to deny that. Totally.

Edited December 5, 2015 by oberkeat

[Rydo]

Good looking, young, thin women have an easier time dating than most men. That isn't really news.

 

The rest of the thread just reads like you don't like rejection and think it must be the women doing the rejecting that are the problem.

[BlueIris]

If you really want a bf, you must make yourself available. If you are making it difficult for men to get one on one time with you, you have no business complaining about being single and unable to get a man. That's simple logic.

 

Agreed.

 

Did she complain to you? If not, I wouldn't assume she's complaining about not having a BF- especially during finals.

[Ami1uwant]

There is no such a thing about being too busy.

 

She is not that into you. She is not that interested in meeting you.

 

It's all there is into it.

 

Why make it 'some women's fault for being single'

 

When she comes across a man that interest her she will make time.

 

I disagree.....both men and women can truly be too busy to date where their focus in on their career and their kids.

 

People can enter stretches of time they are too busy to date.

 

Based on the OPs description I think it more "immaturity" when it comes to dating as an adult. Thus immaturity could come of as being flake or not interested or sending mixed signals.

 

 

I thought the OPs thread was going to be different......

 

In dome cases it is the woman's fault they are single. They are too picky or have too idealistic and unrealistic expectations on what is available.

[Ami1uwant]

Good looking, young, thin women have an easier time dating than most men. That isn't really news.

 

The rest of the thread just reads like you don't like rejection and think it must be the women doing the rejecting that are the problem.

 

I would love to have it flipped around where woman are the ones who have to initiate meeting men...then they would have a better understanding of the problems they cause.

[Empyrea]

In some cases it is the woman's fault they are single. They are too picky or have too idealistic and unrealistic expectations on what is available.

 

Sure. In some cases XYZ (insert every imaginable reason). The problem begins when you try to paint everyone with the same brush and apply that prejudice in your future interactions with that group of people (50% of the population, incidentally). It's a vicious circle, because when you come across all bitter and judgmental like that, it's a turn-off, women will continue to reject OP, and his preconceived notion will only gain more momentum. And that's "why some men stay single".

[BlueIris]

In dome cases it is the woman's fault they are single. They are too picky or have too idealistic and unrealistic expectations on what is available.

 

That is true for all single people, except perhaps people with very severe disabilities.

 

OP could get a GF. It's just that he wants a GF with the characteristics he wants. I'm not faulting him for that. Though I don't understand why he complains because he's a smart guy, he knows he has criteria, he knows he rejects many many women because they don't meet his criteria, and he knows that all people have free will and freedom of choice. Maybe he's not complaining.

 

The happiest single people are people who know that the reason they're single is that they are choosing and that other people have choice too.

[oberkeat]

Well, what are you doing, exactly?

 

I'm not asking in order to gather ammunition with which to berate you, I'm really curious. Even if you are doing "everything humanly possible," I don't think women's pickiness is what's impinging your success. I think you're frustrated and drawing false conclusions, which is I think a typical response.

 

You name it, I've done, LA. Cold approaches at parties, conferences, bookstores, etc., letting coworkers and friends know I'm looking, online dating, joining groups, volunteering. Not one thing has led to success, while some of my married friends have done none of this BS, and still found themselves in long term relationships, even married. I would take the blame if I wasn't doing something about being single, but that is not the case with me. I have busted my ass to find the right woman for a number of years, so I have the right to complain about nothing resulting from my efforts.

 

Furthermore, since you're not a woman, I don't think you realize or can accept the fact that dating is more complicated than standing there and waiting for a decent man to approach.

 

It is no more complicated than that. All women have to do to get dates is stand there and wait. I have had women themselves admit this to me. They hold all the cards in the dating game.

[losangelena]

It is no more complicated than that. All women have to do to get dates is stand there and wait. I have had women themselves admit this to me. They hold all the cards in the dating game.

 

Right, well this is something with which few women will agree with.

[BlueIris]

I have busted my ass to find the right woman for a number of years, so I have the right to complain about nothing resulting from my efforts.

 

Then drop one or two of the traits/criteria that you used to think were essential. I did. And I found out that they weren't essential and I ended up with a great guy who is very different from anyone else I ever dated.

[ltjg45]

It is no more complicated than that. All women have to do to get dates is stand there and wait. I have had women themselves admit this to me. They hold all the cards in the dating game.

 

Sounds like they was prepared and when a favorable opportunity has appeared before them, they took advantage.

 

Isn't that what luck really is at the end of the day?

 

I am willing to bet they was having fun, smiling, and is generally happy and interesting women when that happens, not sitting in a chair on the side of the club burying themselves in whatever drink they have, minding their own business.

 

Those are the kind of women I would approach....and I am sure many other guys would agree on that as well.

[Rydo]

I guess it depends on where you live but getting dates and relationships has never been difficult for any of the guys I know. Maybe you are self sabotaging by having standards that are too high?

Edited December 5, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude ~T

[BlueIris]

When a woman feels immediate sexual chemistry towards a man she will clear everything on her calendar to make time for him. If they just feel lukewarm at best towards him they will barely make any effort at all. I think this is the case with the woman you are trying to date. Why get angry with her or keep pursuing her? Just move on to another woman. Why chase someone who clearly doesn't want you?

 

Otherwise I agree with you, but... the bolded part?

 

That is a fantasy. A fairy tale fantasy of fireworks and unicorns that get so many men in trouble.

 

Not work? Not get good grades (the woman OP's talking about)? Not get her laundry done, not take care of her kids, pay her bills, get the shopping done, talk with her friends, go to the meeting she said she'd go to, etc, etc?

 

Maybe there are women who operate like that, but not women who are my friends and family. None of us would even want a man who wanted that- too high maintenance.