Can you choose to be with someone without loving them the most

[loverage21]

Some people have one person in their life who they have connected to the most (talking about emotionally not sexually) and wish things worked out for the better. But many of these people are married to someone else and choose to remain with their current partner, either because of security, fear of hurting the person they are currently with, or because the person they loved the most either is married or was away for whatever reason.

 

So just because you choose to commit to someone doesn't necessarily mean you connected to them the most? And is there any real way to know without your SO telling you?

[HowboutthemCowboys]

I dont understand what the point would be to pry into something like that with a SO?

 

Its like when people ask their SO who they slept with 10 years ago, and then get mad when they find out.

[preraph]

There are plenty of people who didn't, for a variety of reasons, marry "the one that got away" and will always think back on that. And one thing I found was that not everyone marries for love. Of course, there have always been women who chose "a good provider" to have kids with. And I've seen a number of men I know marry someone on the milder side rather than someone they're passionate about and have more in common with and things are always hot with (the double standard) They also look back and they are probably also cheating. Which is one advantage of marrying a mild woman: She may be willing to look the other way, or so they hope.

 

One guy I know well once married a crazy woman because she had gone to cooking school. He paid dearly for that in the end. People do that kind of stuff. They'll marry someone who looks good on paper. I don't know if they have bad judgment, are too insecure to be confident in their own attraction, or if they don't have enough insight and are gullible, but the case close to home, it is the latter.

 

I know one guy who loved me best and in fact told her he wasn't going out with her until he'd given me and him a chance. But once I broke up with him, he married his 2nd choice, a real loopy unattractive character who I'll give the benefit of the doubt and assume must have a heart of gold, been with her ever since.

 

Sometimes those things work out.

 

As an aside, I'm looking down at my little dog by my desk and thinking, If I had the kind of guilty conscience for humans as I do for animals (would never leave one), I'd probably be married. We are what we are.

[loverage21]

There are plenty of people who didn't, for a variety of reasons, marry "the one that got away" and will always think back on that. And one thing I found was that not everyone marries for love. Of course, there have always been women who chose "a good provider" to have kids with. And I've seen a number of men I know marry someone on the milder side rather than someone they're passionate about and have more in common with and things are always hot with (the double standard) They also look back and they are probably also cheating. Which is one advantage of marrying a mild woman: She may be willing to look the other way, or so they hope.

 

One guy I know well once married a crazy woman because she had gone to cooking school. He paid dearly for that in the end. People do that kind of stuff. They'll marry someone who looks good on paper. I don't know if they have bad judgment, are too insecure to be confident in their own attraction, or if they don't have enough insight and are gullible, but the case close to home, it is the latter.

 

I know one guy who loved me best and in fact told her he wasn't going out with her until he'd given me and him a chance. But once I broke up with him, he married his 2nd choice, a real loopy unattractive character who I'll give the benefit of the doubt and assume must have a heart of gold, been with her ever since.

 

Sometimes those things work out.

 

As an aside, I'm looking down at my little dog by my desk and thinking, If I had the kind of guilty conscience for humans as I do for animals (would never leave one), I'd probably be married. We are what we are.

 

As I mentioned to someone else, you can be in a relationship yet not really be in love with that person. I also believe we can convince ourselves that we do and we really don't.

 

I don't want a girl to be with me because she thinks she should or because she feels like she needs to give me a chance. If she doesn't feel it, she doesn't feel it. Even we cannot consciencely control who we have feelings for.