sark-4 Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 I need some insight...I have been seeing this guy for a month and a half. Things were going great until about a week ago after a two day trip. Nothing that I know of happened to change things but his behavior has shifted a bit. He is not as attentive and his communication has been zero. I have initiated...We had dinner the other day and everything seemed fine. He brought up are dating status and made a comment about how its already been a month and a half. He said he thinks everything is fine but his sister brought something up. She had asked him if he had entended on hanging out with me last weekend and he said he didn't know because I had to work. I work long hours, usually 24 shifts so he usually will not bother me when I work. She told him not to sound so enthused about seeing me as a joke and it bothered him and wondered if he should be more enthused. He wanted to see if I was still okay with things. I told him I was but I felt he became distant and even more non communitive when we got back from our trip. He said that he is a not a texter and its something that he can't change. So going two or three days or more not taking doesnt bother him. I told him that here needs to be more effort. He then said will then it seems that if there is more effort needed then labels on relationship status come into play. He and I agreeded that we are not looking for anything causual and both agreeded that we liked eachother. However he said that it scares him to move things forward because it either ends badley or it lasts forever. He said most of the time it's bad. He also said he was unsure how he should be feeling right now and that Hollywood and ruined peoples perception about how relationships should be. He now feels he has an ultimatum and doesn't know. So things were left at that and we continued talking about other stuff. No resolution. He is not as affectionate and it seems forced. He said we would talk the next day but I never heard from him. So now I don't know if I should reach out to him again or just let him be. He has said that when a woman have not contacted him for a week he assumes its over. It kinda is contradictive to what he said earlier when he stated he didn't need to talk much. So I dont know what to do. It seems he wants me to do all the work. Any suggestions???
Gaeta Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 However he said that it scares him to move things forward because it either ends badley or it lasts forever. He said most of the time it's bad. He also said he was unsure how he should be feeling right now and that Hollywood and ruined peoples perception about how relationships should be. He now feels he has an ultimatum and doesn't know. If a man fed me that load of poo I would tell him to forget about it all and move on. At first he was excited about you because you were a nice distraction and attention but after a weekend together he realized he's not ready for a relationship. This is very typical of a man that broke up with someone not long ago. Forget about him and move on. Sorry it sucks but it happens often. 2
Author sark-4 Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 I kinda thought the same thing but he gives so many mixes signals. I guess if you want it there would be no hesitation.
Gaeta Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 There are no mixed signals. He is just not that into you and you are failing at reading the red flags. When a man is into you he's in your face with it. You never have to ask yourself what he's thinking about or what he wants. Consistency is what you want to see, if you don't get consistency with a man drop him. He's a big waste of your time. 2
Author sark-4 Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 Your right I just needed to hear it from others. I don't want to over analyze stuff so I just wanted to be sure this was not the case.
smackie9 Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 He's being a damn coward, and just can't just tell you that it's not working out.....geeeeez. He has no regard for your feelings, and leaves you hanging.....what a jerk. 1
losangelena Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Ha, and he blames HOLLYWOOD for messing up his notion of relationships?? God, what a cad. Girl, ask yourself if this is really someone you want to get involved with. Is it? Can you see yourself being happy with someone like him? 1
kendahke Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 He said he thinks everything is fine but his sister brought something up. She had asked him if he had entended on hanging out with me last weekend and he said he didn't know because I had to work. I work long hours, usually 24 shifts so he usually will not bother me when I work. She told him not to sound so enthused about seeing me as a joke and it bothered him and wondered if he should be more enthused. I'd be miffed that he's running your relationship past his sister's committee for approval. He doesn't trust his own judgment? How old is he? It really doesn't matter what she thinks because she's not involved in this. However he said that it scares him to move things forward because it either ends badley or it lasts forever. Um, yeah--that's what all relationships do. They either work or they end. What is his third alternative? He said most of the time it's bad. He also said he was unsure how he should be feeling right now and that Hollywood and ruined peoples perception about how relationships should be. He now feels he has an ultimatum and doesn't know. Again, how old is he? I'm curious as to what he thinks a relationship is supposed to be and does he even know himself? I ask because it seems he's got everything but his own judgment forming his opinion. His sister, Hollywood... does his boss weigh in, too? So things were left at that and we continued talking about other stuff. No resolution. He is not as affectionate and it seems forced. He said we would talk the next day but I never heard from him. So now I don't know if I should reach out to him again or just let him be. He has said that when a woman have not contacted him for a week he assumes its over. It kinda is contradictive to what he said earlier when he stated he didn't need to talk much. So I dont know what to do. It seems he wants me to do all the work. Any suggestions??? I don't think he wants a relationship. He also has no judgment of his own that he follows--it's all what everyone else thinks; therefore he takes no responsibility for his decisions. We're not guaranteed a life with no pain or problems and that extends to our relationships. He has set up the construct for him to be right. He basically insults your esteem and intelligence and then to top it off, he expects you to prove him right by ignoring you then saying if you don't do the chasing, then he gets to be right. He can be right and be alone. Sorry this is happening to you. I say leave him be. Let him be right. 1
Author sark-4 Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 I don't think I want to be stuck with someone who is indecisive about what he wants. I was expecting and hopeing he would be upfront with me when we met up because I already knew what was up. He still didn't ! He gave me that other crap for excuses. I hate being strung along. I am probably not going to initiate contact and see what happens. 1
Author sark-4 Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 His sister is older and I really think she told him more than what he is saying. I also told him that relationships end all the time you have to take the risk. If you don't even a casual relationship will end at some point. He is 38 and it frustrates me that he came up with these lame excuses. I was married to my husband for 8 years. I became a widow unexpectedly. I never thought dating was this hard. I know how to be treated because my husband treated me well. I have no idea why I take this crap Lol. Maybe I am to nice.
losangelena Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Oh, no. If you'd said he's I dunno, 25 and with little experience, that'd be one thing, but 38?! Still talking to his sister about this kind of thing? Nooooope. No. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. This sounds like an absolute non-starter. I'm sorry—dating can be hard, but you can definitely do better. 2
Author sark-4 Posted December 6, 2015 Author Posted December 6, 2015 I still have yet to hear from him since Thursday. I know I could contact buy I have been initiating. I am done!
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