Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 I'm not quite sure if people can shed light on this subject but this has been happening a lot in my experience. For a seriously long time, I usually painstakingly loved men who did not love me back. It almost became this idea that men perhaps loved woman conditionally. If I continued to do my best, do and say the right thing, be a bit more "trophy-ish" than I would be loved. Of course this was a thought pattern that followed me from my younger years until my mid twenties and not only that but completely not true of course as blanketing men and putting them in one category is detrimental and I was really becoming a misandrist without knowing it. Somehow, I felt that my efforts to get love and then getting rejected for the " prettier woman" made me feel like a Duff and then of course I thought men were the epitome of all indecency and grossness. A lot of time has passed since then, I feel like I've had my fair share of dating experiences and I have even experienced men liking me! But what I have never thought to experience is when men, really like me, really, really like me, telling me that they're addicted to spending time with me, ringing me four or five times a day, texting me non stop and wanting to date me twice a week. I thought If i would give myself some time getting to know these guys ( and one in particular) that I would " catch up" I would start to fall in love with them as quickly as they have professed to fall in love with me. But I just don't. I feel stifled, weirded out and trapped. I have even felt controlled, like I have to come up with this definitive answer as to how I feel after (again one guy in particular) has professed me after the third week that he is addicted to me. I experienced being obsessed and in love with someone else, i just haven't experienced when the roles reverse and someone feels for me what I have felt for other men. And I have never admitted to feeling "addicted" I don't even know if that's healthy, let alone to admit to it. Is there ever mutual love between two people? where you feel exactly the same amount of love for each other? Or is one person always going to "feel" more love for someone than the other? I'm confused about this and I was wondering if someone can give advice through anecdotes or opinions. Thanks
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 also wanted to say, I don't feel about men how I use to. I use to feel really rejected by them. I now don't feel like they're so threatening " like they're always going to hurt and reject me" . Men are fantastic! Not all men are jerks and not all woman are jerks. I got to experience a lot of positive experiences with men that counteracted the negative ones. I guess that's called Healing.
Buddhist Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Is there ever mutual love between two people? where you feel exactly the same amount of love for each other? Or is one person always going to "feel" more love for someone than the other? I'm confused about this and I was wondering if someone can give advice through anecdotes or opinions. Thanks Yes there is mutual attraction and love. But its a rare connection, and the majority of people dating are broken units unable to create this kind of relationship. Stop searching for it, and then it will find you.
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 Yes there is mutual attraction and love. But its a rare connection, and the majority of people dating are broken units unable to create this kind of relationship. Stop searching for it, and then it will find you. is there a reason why I could be feeling weirded out, stifled, trapped or controlled by this guy who said he's " addicted" to me? or am just not use to men liking me and having feelings for me? am I just use to me getting my heart broken by unrequited love?
hippychick3 Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 is there a reason why I could be feeling weirded out, stifled, trapped or controlled by this guy who said he's " addicted" to me? or am just not use to men liking me and having feelings for me? am I just use to me getting my heart broken by unrequited love? Because he isn't the one for you. Any of us will feel that way with someone who doesn't tick all the right boxes. It's normal to feel that way with someone who is "controlling, stifling, and overbearing." What you want is possible to find. I was married a long time to someone who loved me more than I loved him and was very controlling and suffocating. I dated quite a bit after my divorce and wondered if I'd ever find the "balanced" love you described. I'll never forget that moment of lying in my boyfriend's arms and thinking "wow, we are BOTH so into each other." I would say we are equally in love and crazy about each other. There is no suffocation or controlling behavior, yet I still feel very protected and loved. Don't give up. You do need to take things slowly to get to that point though. It won't happen immediately. Attraction might, but the deep love comes later if it's to be lasting.
Author Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 Because he isn't the one for you. Any of us will feel that way with someone who doesn't tick all the right boxes. It's normal to feel that way with someone who is "controlling, stifling, and overbearing." Yeah I guess he was. But I kept blaming myself for it. Like it was me and my problem. I felt that this person was almost manipulating me to date him. Some people in life will convince you that they're okay and that they're the best candidate for you to date. This guy has said " you just wanting me to earn it" not even sure what the hell that means. But I feel that he's not aware that I actually may have a mind of my own and can make my mind up. Sometimes gut instincts are warning us. Trying to pass it off as something else will always land us in a pile of mud. I was married a long time to someone who loved me more than I loved him and was very controlling and suffocating Was he controlling and suffocating because he KNEW he loved you more and was trying to make you stay and not leave him? sometimes, I wonder, If I ticked all the boxes for this guy but he did not tick any for me and so therefore he tried to manipulate me into "being" with him by chucking words in there like " addicted to you" because I fit some ideal that he had in his head about the sort of woman he wanted to be with. I know one thing he said. He likes woman who haven't had many boyfriends before because his ex wife was with so many men before they met and after they broke up. And he said " I never want to be with a slut again" a weird thing to call the mother of your daughter. I dated quite a bit after my divorce and wondered if I'd ever find the "balanced" love you described. I'll never forget that moment of lying in my boyfriend's arms and thinking "wow, we are BOTH so into each other." I would say we are equally in love and crazy about each other. There is no suffocation or controlling behavior, yet I still feel very protected and loved. I think that's what i have wanted to experience but never have. It almost seems like a dream in which you're describing. And yet it is your life. That's amazing.
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