brokehrt Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 I was dumped by the love of my life 7 weeks ago. It was my fault. I didn't cheat but I have some mental health issues and I let them get out of control. I was in denial about many things.. I feel incredible guilt. I ruined the love of someone I admire and respect. I want her back very badly, though I suspect that is not possible. I am not doing NC. I haven't harrassed her but sent her a text, some emails, a long letter and flowers. I've asked if I could see her and apologize. I honestly wish I could let her know that I know I messed up. That I am truly sorry and I am not the person that she dumped. Yes, I wish we could work it out and be together again. Don't know if I ever won't, the way I feel now. But mostly I want to be forgiven. I loved her so much and I am tortured by the idea that she has left me cold and despises me. I gave her plenty reason to, but I wasn't truly evil. Just in denial and extremely depressed. How do I cope? I can't stop wanting to contact her. I am trying to not harrass. For all I know I've been blocked on every call, email and letter. She's angry with me and I don't blame her but I swear I wish she would just hear my apology. We were together so long. She knows me so well. There's no way she wouldn't believe I am truly remorseful and committed to changing myself for good. I wish she understood that. I won't lie and say I don't want her back because I do so much. But right now I just want my best friend to forgive me.
livingon Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 At least now you are in remorse state, you know you have hurt her badly. You want her back but can she trust you anymore? What if you go back to the old time again? Are you going to give her more harm? Time will tell, be sincere. One day, she will be touched by your sincerity if it is meant to be.
Author brokehrt Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 At least now you are in remorse state, you know you have hurt her badly. You want her back but can she trust you anymore? What if you go back to the old time again? Are you going to give her more harm? Time will tell, be sincere. One day, she will be touched by your sincerity if it is meant to be. I doubt she feels she can trust me. I swear if I had the chance I'd never be reckless with her love again. I've learned such a huge lesson. The problem is that the price of the lesson was more than my heart can take. I can't lose her. I guess I have, but my heart can't accept it. I keep wishing I could show her. I'm sincere. Remorseful. And I love her more than anything. As I've said, she is my best friend. I can't stand that she is so disgusted by me she won't talk to me. I respect and admire her. I don't want her to look down on me. I don't want her memory of me to be of the jerk that I've acted like at times. It wasn't me. I swear. With or without therapy, I am changed forever. No idea how to move forward or what to do, but I have transformed. That person is gone. He will always be in check. I guess it would sound empty or unrealistic, but I swear it's true.
Chronotrgr Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 What exactly did you do?, in my experience it's rarely ever just one persons fault that the relationship broke down, it's easy to get in to the habit of thinking that way especially when your in a state of remorse, if you've apologised to her already in a sincere heartfelt way and she hasn't responded, chances are you've done all you can possibly do, sometimes all we can do is apologise and mean it and sadly that doesn't mean we can always get the chance to make amends, I know its hard but don't beat yourself up too much. Accept your state of mind and embrace the way you feel, you've learned valuable lessons by the sound of it, you might not be able to put all this in practise with her but thankfully the next person you give your heart to will gain somebody who's genuinely bettered himself when he was down on his luck.
Author brokehrt Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 What exactly did you do?, in my experience it's rarely ever just one persons fault that the relationship broke down, it's easy to get in to the habit of thinking that way especially when your in a state of remorse, if you've apologised to her already in a sincere heartfelt way and she hasn't responded, chances are you've done all you can possibly do, sometimes all we can do is apologise and mean it and sadly that doesn't mean we can always get the chance to make amends, I know its hard but don't beat yourself up too much. Accept your state of mind and embrace the way you feel, you've learned valuable lessons by the sound of it, you might not be able to put all this in practise with her but thankfully the next person you give your heart to will gain somebody who's genuinely bettered himself when he was down on his luck. It was mostly my fault. She didn't handle everything great but really things got bad because of me. I have some problems. Health issues and mental issues as a result. She cared very much for me and would have done anything for me. I was always in a state of panic and I wore her out. I am so sorry for this. It is killing me to live with the guilt. I love her so much. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.
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