dazed343 Posted May 29, 2005 Posted May 29, 2005 I broke up with my gf last weekend and moved out of the apartment shes staying in with two other roommates (another couple we both know). Anyways after we broke up we got together early this week which didn't help get over things. The past few days I've been down staying at her place which may have not been a good thing. She told me that if I didn't move back in she couldn't take being apart and the feelings of missing me all the time so it wouldn't work. Well I don't know why, I told her I would come back and stay. Her and the roommates now think I've been there for the weekend and although I would like to keep things going between us I want to stay back home, home. She has two kids which play a big role, because (and I might be wrong here) but as many have told me being in my very early twenties I have alot to look forward too. Im gonna be living in an apartment spending the weekends with her kids and the weekdays at work, then coming home and being unhappy because Im away from my friends and family and never really getting time to myself which I never did really. Im going to feel like a jerk though going to her place tonight and telling her I can't stay there because I've lead them to believe I am now. When we broke up, at night's we'd talk on the phone and she told me she stil had feelings for some guy and until she knew there couldn't be anything there she didn't think it was fair she have a relationship with anyone. Well, that one reason #1. Reason #2 for her breaking thinks up was because she knew I wasn't reading for the whole kids thing and honestly I don't think I am. Anyways we did alot of talking this week and well now were back I guess because she at least told me anyways that she'd not going to wait around for the other guy. (I feel like seconds...) Anyways shes going to be upset aswell tonight in the fact that when she's asked me about the kids issue this week I told her not to worry. btw, here's my original post on the breakup. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t63249/
westernxer Posted May 29, 2005 Posted May 29, 2005 Get the hell away from her. Enough of this already. You're too young to be hanging around a woman with kids. Get out now, before you really start to hate yourself.
westernxer Posted May 29, 2005 Posted May 29, 2005 By the way, the best days of your relationship are over. Right now is as good as it's gonna get. That's why I don't date mothers.
Author dazed343 Posted May 29, 2005 Author Posted May 29, 2005 I was trying to pm you. Thx for the responses. btw, I just finished watching that movie swingers again and yeh, it gave me another perspective, made me feel better about things. thx again.
westernxer Posted May 29, 2005 Posted May 29, 2005 No problem. Hang in there. Just don't hang around her, the kids, or the roommates. Sounds like a horrible place to be... you'd be better off living with your parents. Glad you enjoyed "Swingers." I sure did.
Author dazed343 Posted May 30, 2005 Author Posted May 30, 2005 I went and talked to her last night though It didn't go so well. She really tried holding on telling me she'd moved anywhere I watned to get away and I wouldn't have to deal with her kids at all. I shouldn't have but I stayed last night and well today things are back to square one. Now Im gonna have to tell her again only this time Im really going to feel like an @sshole. Do you have to be a jerk sometimes to end things? I know how much shes gonna be hurt.... Im gonna hate myself for a while. Im always concerned about others feelings before I look at my own, but maybe I just have to look away and be the jerk to get threw this... no?
westernxer Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 She's psycho. Using her kids as collateral... how dare her! Tells you a lot about someone when they have to plead with you. She sounds like a very insecure person, but that shouldn't be your problem. She also doesn't respect you. Sometimes you've gotta be a d.i.c.k., when the situation calls for it. If you don't, she'll walk all over you, like she did last night. Even if you feel bad, don't show it. Just hold your breath and don't blink. I've done it, and I'd do it again if I had to. Not that I want to, but sometimes you have to go into survival mode. It's the only way. She's gonna cry again, mark my words. Regardless, you shouldn't be with her out of sympathy. It's gonna bite you in the ass. By the way, don't have sex with her anymore. I swear, she's gonna "forget" to take the pill. Wait and see. You're living with a time bomb.
sarah12 Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Um, I'm a woman and I don't think you're being a dick if you break things off with her. She is clearly a psycho like westernxer mentioned, I mean who bargains a relationship using the kids as bait? "we'll move away and you won't have to deal with the kids?" Some mother she is. Do you have to be a jerk sometimes to end things? You're NOT being a dick by breaking up with her. People break up, it's a fact of life, she's obviously been through it once when the father of her children left, so it's not like she can't go on living. Guys always think that the girl's gonna go shoot herself in the head if he isn't around. And don't let the crying get to you. Yes, she is hurt, but a lot of women cry ingenuinely to get a man to stay with them. It's pathetic. but maybe I just have to look away and be the jerk to get threw this... no? Again, you aren't being a jerk. You just have to explain to her clearly why you cannot be together: She has two kids which play a big role, because (and I might be wrong here) but as many have told me being in my very early twenties I have alot to look forward too. at night's we'd talk on the phone and she told me she stil had feelings for some guy and until she knew there couldn't be anything there she didn't think it was fair she have a relationship with anyone. Well, that one reason #1. Reason #2 for her breaking thinks up was because she knew I wasn't reading for the whole kids thing and honestly I don't think I am. she at least told me anyways that she'd not going to wait around for the other guy. (I feel like seconds...) I don't feel sorry for this woman one bit and neither should you.
westernxer Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by sarah12 ... a lot of women cry ingenuinely to get a man to stay with them. It's pathetic. Few things piss me off more than when a woman cries just to get sympathy. Makes me respect them even less when they do this...
sarah12 Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Few things piss me off more than when a woman cries just to get sympathy. Makes me respect them even less when they do this... And some women make an art form out of it. Fools the guy every time. And even for the women who do cry genuinely, men always think that they're never going to recover, and they DO. A break up is not the end of the world, as much as a woman makes it out to be.
Author dazed343 Posted June 1, 2005 Author Posted June 1, 2005 Just wanted to post back. I don’t know where to begin. Nothing has changed since my last post mainly in part because now that she thinks everything is back to ok, I can’t find it in me to hurt her again probably making it worse this time. Sometimes I think maybe the best solution would be just to cut off everything one day. NC. That’s probably not the fairest way of doing it, or no? The past two days we’ve been together all day, we stayed down at my home, though I felt so much better just being at my place. (I know what you must be thinking Westernxer, “Do I like to torture myself and make things harder and worse?”. I know I have to cut things off, but I think 1) I too concerned about her feelings then mine and 2) I’m just looking at the future and worried maybe I won’t find someone else. I’m probably only making things a lot worse by keeping it going, I’ve been down this path with my last gf of 1yr who I broke up with in Jan. I’d go to break it up (must have tried 2-3 times) it always ended up at square one again where a week later I’d try again only making it worse and worse.
Author dazed343 Posted June 7, 2005 Author Posted June 7, 2005 I can't tell you how many people have told me that there are times you have to be cruel or hard especially when breaking up with someone (friends, family, ppl online), but don't you every sit back and picture what that person is going through and feel bad? I find it so hard to be cruel and end things with someone without picturing what they are going through. I know people will walk over you once they see that fault in you but still. Besides the thought of her hurt, I think my other big problem is my fear of being alone. That's probably why I let things work out when I go to break up.
miss-gonewest Posted June 8, 2005 Posted June 8, 2005 By leading her on thinking things are going to be OK, then going back and talking, then sleeping together, then leaving, you are being really cruel anyway. You are simply dragging things out and I am sure she kind of knows whats going on, but is using her power over you to get her own way. The best thing to do is to make a clean break - tell her its over, don't contact her or talk about your situation and let your heads clear. You WILL find someone else - and so will she. The sooner you let this girl out of your life, you can make room for someone new, but until then she is draining you of your energy and heart.
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