Mochimon Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Hi, I came onto this site for dating help. I'll try to make this short. I am a very socially awkward girl. I was homeschooled my whole life. Anyway I've only ever had my current boyfriend. He's the sweetest to me and I love him so much. We're both 25 and have been together a year and a half. It seems to be going good, but recently I was shocked to see he had a tumblr. Which he uses to follow these cam models. Looking deeper I saw he goes on those sites to talk and tip these cam models. I saw one model tagging my boyfriend specifically, many times for when she came on and saying sexual stuff to him. All just a few months ago too. Seriously dont know how I should react. I was really hurt. He was always kind of secretive about his phone and laptop, I just didnt want to be nosy because I know he has porn on there, which he's embarrassed though porn doesnt bother me. His interactions wouldnt be as bad if we had a strong sex life. We dont have sex a lot, if at all. Back near out first few dates we tried having sex, he was a virgin, our first time wasnt the best and I've always thought he was super embarrassed of that night. How good it was never bothered me a bit and I never gave the impression I was disappointed or anything. After that he told me he just wasnt that into sex, so we just didnt do it much. I feel I should confront him about his tumblr cause it seems like something that will eat me up. But I want advice on what I should do, or how you would feel?
d0nnivain Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Looking is one thing. Giving them money is something else altogether. These lines are drawn in different places for different people. Some women get upset by magazines, internet porn, & strip clubs. Others don't care. There are no universally right or wrong answers other than you have to be true to yourself & your beliefs. If it bothers you speak up. If he doesn't change his behavior to accommodate your wishes think about how you feel about that. Then act accordingly. I will tell you this much, if my guy was doing things I found offensive, if they didn't stop after I asked him to stop he wouldn't be my guy much longer. Some of those models can make any woman insecure. I'm flat chested. My EX had a thing for porn where the women had boobs the size of freaking basketballs. I found that grotesque. . , big natural sized boobs maybe but those surgically enhanced monsters were ridiculous IMO. I never asked him to stop because my brain recognized that the girls on the screen were almost cartoons. Talk to your BF about your concerns & go from there.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Mochimon, That's a challenging subject, as the "cam model" thing has only hit the very mainstream in the last few years. (cam modeling has been there almost since the dawn of the internet, but it took some innovative business models to bring it to the present height of popularity) Can you venture a guess as to how many times your boyfriend has had (intercourse) (in his life, I mean) (should be relatively easy if you were his first {and only?} )? The core of your scenario could be any of a number of things: It is possible that he is watching webcam models every day, and has been doing so for years, and as a result of that, he truly (doesn't have much left-over sex drive). It is possible, too, that SOME element of him (feels too awkward in the skin-to-skin sexual expression that he somehow doesn't like it very much ) (I can't relate to that part, but I know I should leave it among the chances). Your being "socially awkward" is probably NOT any cause for related problems... although you may be less inclined to recognize the vast variety of women who are webcamming from around the world as being variety which, collectively, would flatter your individuality. (when somebody gives you an orange cat... you have more regard for it as the result of knowing that cats come in all different colors... than you would if ALL cats were orange) I really don't think that a specific cam model means a whole lot, from your angle... as, to the cam model, your boyfriend is no more than a (dependable?) source of income. Though it is hard to see, there is something positive in your boyfriend's preference for focusing on a small number of favorite cam models, vs. sampling every chocolate in the box. (that being a general instinct for finding and building on one 'relationship' - ideally YOURS) I would GUESS that the most probable scenario is that your boyfriend spends so much time satisfying himself with the webcam models that he is 'spent', and for that reason not (as eager as most men are) to have sex, in real life, with (anybody). Yet I caution against flying off the handle, and getting incredibly mad, because that would likely drive him more toward the porn/webcam models and farther away from you!! So it is probably the best course of action to talk to him in-depth, and allow him to speak candidly about how much he watches the webcams... and at least arm yourself with accurate information before you decide how you want to contemplate your future with him. It's OK for you to be honest with your feelings in front of him, and let it be OK that he at least tells you more detail about where he's at, sexually.
RedRobin Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 You are young... with lots of life ahead of you. My best advice is to avoid people who have addictions. Of any kind. If his interaction with these cam models are affecting your sex life (which it probably is), then you should talk to him about it. If he can't or won't stop, then leave him. It has nothing to do with you and your intrinsic worth or value. People who have addictions do so because of their own issues, and nothing more. Which is why you avoid them... so that their issues don't become yours. 2
TheArtist Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 Like most other things, pornography is OK in very small doses. Too much of it ruins intimacy, sexual performance and creates a dependency that spoils relationships which is what seems to be happening here. If you can't get him to understand that it's bothering you and that he's become addicted, then get out before you get too attached.
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