Is this a dumb reason for breaking up with someone?

[stillafool]

This guy is having so much fun surfing that he doesn't even realize 3 or 4 hours have gone by. I lived in a surfing community for a while and most of the surfers had gfs who surfed. OP can't swim so it would be really dangerous for her to try to surf. When you spend alot of time in the ocean the smell of the city can make you sick. You two are just not compatible.

[Gaeta]

Some hobbies aren't 'hobbies' they're life styles and I think surfing can be a life style if it has become a passion and a family passion. If you don't fit in that life style it won't work and you will always resent him and his family.

 

Also, for those who know about surfing, isn't there an up and down season in that sport? If now is a high season than it's normal he is trying to enjoy it for all it's worth.

 

I met a man once that enjoyed skying. He spent all of his weekends on different mountains skying. I declined dating him. I don't enjoy skying and I am not interested in getting into it. I also know I want a man that has his weekends free for me so he was not it. Different life style. You pass.

[strawberryshortstack]

I love my boyfriend, he is 21 and I am 19. Everything is almost too good except for one thing: His hobby.

 

He surfs since he was 15 and loves the ocean more than me (I learned to accept it) but I feel like this is destroying our relationship because now we have holidays and he prefers to stay with their parents (they live on the beach and all of them knows how to surf) and doesn't want to visit me in the city, not even 1 day. He hates the city but I love it.

 

But expects me to visit him at the beach. He pays for my ticket and everything but I do not want to go because.

 

1-Trip is almost 2 hours and the beach is not my favorite place.

2-He goes to surf for 2 or 3 hours and let me waiting for him under the sun and alone.

 

It sounds like a crazy reason but I am actually jealous of his hobby! is the only thing that stands between us and I am consider breaking up because of this. Maybe he will be better with someone that at least likes the beach.

 

Do you have a hobby you can do while at the beach? Reading, knitting, etc? If so, I don't see the problem here. If not, I'd suggest taking one up.

 

This is actually very similar to a situation I was in when I was 19 - except that the guy I was seeing actually expected me to sit and watch him the entire time. I wasn't allowed to read a book or do anything that took my eyes off of him without him getting really pissy about it.

 

Expecting me to be supportive of his hobby - perfectly fine, even if it's one I have no interest in myself. Expecting me to forego my own hobbies to watch him participate in something I'm not interested in - totally selfish.

[Versacehottie]

This guy is having so much fun surfing that he doesn't even realize 3 or 4 hours have gone by. I lived in a surfing community for a while and most of the surfers had gfs who surfed. OP can't swim so it would be really dangerous for her to try to surf. When you spend alot of time in the ocean the smell of the city can make you sick. You two are just not compatible.

 

yes, it is a 3-4 hour per day hobby. It's more of a total lifestyle. The seasons are not really relevant (at least on west coast), they just wear a wetsuit.....or more than likely, chase the best surf with weekend trips away with their surfer friends. Well not only weekend--week plus trips to Indo are very common too! My friends' guys usually leave once a month.

 

I actually think, as someone pointed out above, if you have a bf who is into outdoor/sports lifestyle this is just the reality (golf, tennis, snowboarding, skiing, hiking, cycling). I think it's important that OP realize that and make sure that she is picking the right sort of guys to make her happy. It's less about a guy's hobby I think (realistically we've also seen tons of posts on here from girls whose bf's are gamers--they are home but not present to the relationship). I think it's important to choose guys who approach relationships in same way as will make OP happy. She likes a lot of closeness, shared activities and a city lifestyle. I think if she seeks that out she will be more happy. I think if each of them now keep compromising they will be unhappy and never satisfied. I think if she looks for a city guy who socializes a lot who IS looking for a gf not a player; maybe a little older, she will get someone who will want the same lifestyle as she does and give her the same level of closeness she desires.

 

My experience though is that guys tend to like their time with their friends, doing guy stuff and some alone time, which brings them back to the time they spend with their gf very happy. It's not a bad thing and I would totally let them have it unless they were being disloyal during that time then it's would be time to walk away. The best advice I can give OP at 19 is that it is vital to develop your own interests and friends--a relationship can provide a lot but not everything and you don't want to lose yourself in the process of being in one.

[Lucia16]

yes, it is a 3-4 hour per day hobby. It's more of a total lifestyle. The seasons are not really relevant (at least on west coast), they just wear a wetsuit.....or more than likely, chase the best surf with weekend trips away with their surfer friends. Well not only weekend--week plus trips to Indo are very common too! My friends' guys usually leave once a month.

 

I actually think, as someone pointed out above, if you have a bf who is into outdoor/sports lifestyle this is just the reality (golf, tennis, snowboarding, skiing, hiking, cycling). I think it's important that OP realize that and make sure that she is picking the right sort of guys to make her happy. It's less about a guy's hobby I think (realistically we've also seen tons of posts on here from girls whose bf's are gamers--they are home but not present to the relationship). I think it's important to choose guys who approach relationships in same way as will make OP happy. She likes a lot of closeness, shared activities and a city lifestyle. I think if she seeks that out she will be more happy. I think if each of them now keep compromising they will be unhappy and never satisfied. I think if she looks for a city guy who socializes a lot who IS looking for a gf not a player; maybe a little older, she will get someone who will want the same lifestyle as she does and give her the same level of closeness she desires.

 

My experience though is that guys tend to like their time with their friends, doing guy stuff and some alone time, which brings them back to the time they spend with their gf very happy. It's not a bad thing and I would totally let them have it unless they were being disloyal during that time then it's would be time to walk away. The best advice I can give OP at 19 is that it is vital to develop your own interests and friends--a relationship can provide a lot but not everything and you don't want to lose yourself in the process of being in one.

 

Actually you are right. I grow up in a city and I can not imagine my life living in other place. If I am more than 3 days at the beach I get bored and my skin and hair gets awful. I am czech, we don't even have ocean and I not met the ocean until I was like 12 years old. I met my boyfriend when he was studying at the city and of course we spend most of the time in the city.Now he is in holidays and is totally understandable that he wants to spend that time at the beach with his family. Is just that we have been together for 1 year and is a little hard for me to let him go but I think I will enjoy this last month with him (even if is at the beach) and then I guess we need to break up.

Edited December 5, 2015 by Lucia16

[xcupid]

You and your boyfriend aren't compatible if his surfing is (becoming) a problem in the relationship. It's his passion and don't expect him to give it up for you or the relationship.

[Ami1uwant]

This isn't dumb....if someone is really into something...this could be a hobby, a second career, or something else that take up a good part of their free time you either need to accept it, be part of it, or end it.

 

For him it's with surfing

 

With others it's with running where they do it 4-5 days a week and compete in half/full marathons

 

 

They could be a big volunteer spending slo of their time working at a homeless shelter.

 

There could be other activities that are important to you that you shouldn't give up if your partner doesn't want to do or is not supportive.

[Versacehottie]

Actually you are right. I grow up in a city and I can not imagine my life living in other place. If I am more than 3 days at the beach I get bored and my skin and hair gets awful. I am czech, we don't even have ocean and I not met the ocean until I was like 12 years old. I met my boyfriend when he was studying at the city and of course we spend most of the time in the city.Now he is in holidays and is totally understandable that he wants to spend that time at the beach with his family. Is just that we have been together for 1 year and is a little hard for me to let him go but I think I will enjoy this last month with him (even if is at the beach) and then I guess we need to break up.

 

Well I'm glad you are starting to accept that having huge lifestyle differences would be bad for both of you. It's no fun to be nagging all the time or wanting someone to be something they are not. I know at 19 it feels like he is entirely your world but you may have several more of those before you are with the one that will be the ONE. You should enjoy it. The different people who come into your life allow you to grow and figure out who you are and what you want. It doesn't mean either of you are wrong or the time you had together was bad.

 

I'm really familiar with Prague and that is pretty different from a surfing lifestyle. Not that it really matters. Here I am very familiar with a city lifestyle and a beach lifestyle and liking both lifestyles. I think that in the future or maybe before you make the final decision to break up with him, definitely examine whether the quantity of time you want to spend with any boyfriend or what you expect them to de-prioritize to fit you into their life is realistic? Whether your expectations are too much? And if you had a busy life with your own hobbies and friends would this bother you as much? I think you will find that you have some wiggle room there where you can make some adjustments in your thinking that will help you with any boyfriend.

 

A very possible solution for you going forward with ANY boyfriend or to find happiness internally so you are less dependent on others for happiness and entertainment is to create the lifestyle you desire on your own. That way you will get what will fulfill you for that part of what you want from other sources than just your bf. It's a lot of pressure to make the other person part of your "everything". And guess what? You are more compelling if you are very passionate about what you do and people are drawn to you for that--including bfs who admire you for being "about" something, not just about them.

 

Like if you like a city lifestyle in Prague, I'm imagining that's a lot of cafes, cool restaurants, clubbing, walking around, meeting up with friends. If you can create that on your own with gf's or a mixed group and really get into it, where you don't feel like it's second choice to what you would rather be doing (ie dragging your bf to these same places), you will be heading in right direction. And if it's not this guy, by doing these sorts of things passionately, you will probably run into another guy who feels similarly. Good luck.