Nickr3023 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I'm starting to feel better honestly. I'm so glad I didn't message her at 4 in the morning like I almost did. Both of us seem to be having similar problems. We want the validation from our ex because we've put all of our self worth into the relationship, and if they don't need us, we see ourselves as less of a person. At least that's how it seems to be for me. It's like that for I'd say almost 90% of the people on here. It always makes you feel better to feel wanted, even after the relationship. But in the end, why not go feel wanted by someone that actually wants to be with you.
Blanco Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 You and I are exactly alike! I think it's in this thread, same with my ex from a few years ago. she's engaged now, and we talk here and there, but it took years of no contact to get there. It wouldn't have taken as long as it did (almost three years) if I had just done the right thing and gone radio silent after the breakup and deleted any avenues of communication online. We worked together for several months after the breakup, so it wouldn't have been an option for a bit, anyway, but I really stalled the healing process by periodically trying to do the friends thing even though it was still clear to me that I wanted more. It also helped that we had a great amount of mutual respect for each other. We were younger during the relationship and she was at a point where she was getting ready to lay the foundation for her adult life; a process that would've required some serious commitment toward our relationship. (i.e. relocating together) In the end, she decided it was best to end it. It took a long time for me to accept it, but I eventually did, and can see now it was for the best. I mention the respect thing because I don't feel there was that same dynamic in my last relationship. I admired a lot of the things she did, but disagreed with a fair amount of her ways, too. And I'd say that feeling was even more so on her side. She's also recently contacted me and made it sound like I've been this awful person for not wanting friendship at this time. That was a major turnoff, and a reminder that she has a black-and-white way of looking at things, which usually break down to: She's right and you are wrong. No thanks, ma'am. 1
Blanco Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Also for you people who haven't or won't delete your ex from social media because you're afraid how it might look to them: WHO CARES?! In most cases, you all are the dumpees, so why exactly do you care how it looks to them? If they have a problem with it, then I think it says a lot about them. They dumped you. You don't owe them anything. It's not petty or immature to delete someone unless you make a big point of it. But to delete and block with no announcement? Perfectly fine, and I dare say, vital to your recovery process.
Liono84 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Also for you people who haven't or won't delete your ex from social media because you're afraid how it might look to them: WHO CARES?! In most cases, you all are the dumpees, so why exactly do you care how it looks to them? If they have a problem with it, then I think it says a lot about them. They dumped you. You don't owe them anything. It's not petty or immature to delete someone unless you make a big point of it. But to delete and block with no announcement? Perfectly fine, and I dare say, vital to your recovery process. I would take it one step further and say a dumper doesn't think of you as being pety or sour but quite the opposite. In a way they respect you for that because it shows you have self-worth. I've been a dumper a few times, and even tho I did feel genuinely guilty and bad for breaking it up, with the passing of time, I looked back at the girls who went NC with me and blocked me with a lot more respect than the ones who were still my friend and "liked" things on social media.
slider1985 Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 It's not necessarily that they're even rejecting you as a person, they could just be rejecting the relationship that's all. My ex told me I still love you, were still physically attracted to each other, she told me i'm a fantastic man who can get any girl I wanted........it just so happens that I met her at the absolute worst time and she wasn't ready for the type of love that I was giving her. She was still grieving over her divorce and me being there made it worse because she felt like she was jumping immediately into something serious again. I was in a similar situation but I was a rebound guy. Although it was a 2 month fling i really thought we connected but she wasn't ready for a relationship because she was dumped from a LDR. She quickly jumped into something with me without grieving. She wants to date and I don't blame her. We had an amazing time together. Somehow I keep blaming myself that I wasn't good enough for her otherwise she would be with me. Logically I understand but my heart hasn't moved on.
Blanco Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 I would take it one step further and say a dumper doesn't think of you as being pety or sour but quite the opposite. In a way they respect you for that because it shows you have self-worth. I've been a dumper a few times, and even tho I did feel genuinely guilty and bad for breaking it up, with the passing of time, I looked back at the girls who went NC with me and blocked me with a lot more respect than the ones who were still my friend and "liked" things on social media. Well, most dumpers. As I mentioned in my other post, my ex genuinely doesn't seem to understand why I wouldn't want to be friends with her right now. She cites the duration of our relationship, the fact that her kids were involved, and that we lived together as reasons why it's weird to act as strangers. Funny, because I thought all of those things listed were reasons why I thought it was strange to get into another exclusive relationship a few weeks after we split up. And they're still together. Can't imagine the doofus she's with now would feel comfortable with us being "friends." She doesn't get it. I doubt she ever will.
Recommended Posts