LydiaLong Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I'll try to make this short. My husband of four years was involved with a woman 15 years ago. Though he loved her, she broke up with him. Unfortunately, she is best friends with my husband's brother's wife, and we are also good friends with the brother and his wife. Occasionally I will have to be in the ex girlfriend's company. Well, the last time I was in her company she casually mentioned that she still wore the ring that my husband had given her and hoped I didn't mind. I was speechless. I KNOW that he has no feelings for her. But I can't help but think that when he sees her, there is some kind of....I don't know...thrill or remembrance of things past. I can't get over it. It's like an illness. Any help would be appreciated. Please don't tell me 'He chose YOU' or 'what's past is past.' I know intellectually all of those things.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I'm not surprised you were speechless. It seems completely unnecessary and inappropriate for her to ask you that question. Why would you need to know that? It is great that you trust your husband, but this woman on the other hand sounds like trouble. In fact, I think you both should avoid her at all costs. I suspect she would like nothing better to get under your skin and cause friction in your marriage. Don't give her the opportunity to it. I'm sure you can find a way to spend time with the other couple without her ever being there. There is nothing wrong with saying it makes you feel uncomfortable, your husband should have your back on this one. 1
Author LydiaLong Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 It's not often that we have to be in her presence, or it would be unbearable. I'm not sure if she said it to get under my skin. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt and just say that she didn't know any better. It's infuriating. I don't know if it's vanity or what, but the thought of being in the room with someone who has been intimate with my husband drives me crazy.
preraph Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I don't know if it was because she cares too much or not enough that she told you about that, but I can see why it would bother you. Was she rubbing your nose in it, or does she just consider it so far-fetched that she still has any feelings that she can't imagine it being troublesome to you. I would definitely try to not be around her unless it's a big party where you and your husband can avoid her. Just in case. But on the surface, I wouldn't expect her to stop wearing a ring that was a gift unless it was an engagement ring that should have been returned (and by the way, this is certainly a good case to make for why a woman should always return the engagement ring, to prevent any such future shenanigans)
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 It's not often that we have to be in her presence, or it would be unbearable. I'm not sure if she said it to get under my skin. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt and just say that she didn't know any better. It's infuriating. I don't know if it's vanity or what, but the thought of being in the room with someone who has been intimate with my husband drives me crazy. I think she did say it to get under your skin. There was no rational reason to bring it up otherwise. Even if she was a naive fool, I still would not give her the benefit of the doubt. It is understandable to feel the way you do. Try and avoid those situations if you can.
Author LydiaLong Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 It was not an engagement ring. It was a cocktail type ring. Believe me, we do try to avoid being around her, but sometimes it's not possible.
Cherryz Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Im sorry you had to go true that. Its very disrespectful of her to even bring the matter up. Knowing that she is wrong in any kind of way as your husband. If those are real freinds yours they should kind of take your side and not keep have this person around. Cause who knows whos husband she after again. And if she still have the ring and also mention it in-front of you is nothing positive. And it also mean some how she not sorry or enjoyed being a slut. Or trying to remember your husband that she still available. People like that you have to go hard on them. And your marriage survived this affair so your husband should have your back and do everything that is needed to make you feel better and cut off places where you can find this woman. And if your friends are real they would not invite you were she is. So she can see and feel in every move her actions were wrong and its really over and she dont need to be around to bring more drama. Messing with mm is one of the worse things. And people that do that often become like very low in morals and not care about boundaries. So its better for mm and others to not even waste a eye on married people! Take your time, You dont have to be around this people if you dont want to. And your husband should stand by you and not go either.Also because he created this situation and for his own good. Since this woman wont stop clearly!
loveflower Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 maybe it is just being dramatic...since it is not an engagement, maybe she just like to wear, simply because she likes the ring and has nothing to do with the man, that's why she hope you don't mind. It's more likely she absolutely has no feeling about your hubby, that's why she can wear it. If she had any feeling, maybe it will kill her just looking at it. IMO. any reason to assume she is so pathetic and idiotic to drool over someone whom she left behind and married? so many men in this world, why fixate on one? is it because the man has improved himself over the years and she keep getting worse and now regretting it? I don't understand people...
Author LydiaLong Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 Loveflower, You are right when you say that she probably wears the ring simply because she likes it. I don't think it was meant to get under my skin, but I still can't help but be sad over it. I wish she hadn't mentioned it. Actually, I think it's kind of pathetic for someone to wear a ring an old boyfriend gave her. And on her left hand, to boot. Preraph, something you said had me thinking all day, and I thank you for articulating it-- About how she may have thought it so farfetched an idea that she had any feelings for my husband that it was insignificant to her. That's probably right, but I still hate that she told me. Actually, I hate that she still wears it, and I hate that he gave her a ring. And MOST of all, I hate having to be in the company of someone my husband once loved. She's the one who dumped him. That's probably the biggest thing, and unfortunately, because of our circumstances, I have to be in that company sometimes. Most of the 'retro' jealousy threads I read about concern MEN who feel that way. I think it's rarer for women.
HowboutthemCowboys Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 she casually mentioned that she still wore the ring that my husband had given her and hoped I didn't mind. That right there is the perfect definition of "catty behavior". Women like that have mastered the skills of making the most subtle little comment, knowing it will just eat away at the other woman. I think she had every intention of getting under your skin. 2
Gloria25 Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 I'm sorry, but I believe your husband should get involved here... I know this chick is "friends" with some of his relatives, but if she's a destructive, disrespectful, and mean spirited person - neither your husband and his relatives should have her around. Your husband needs to approach his relatives about this recent, mean spirited incident and they need to agree to exclude his ex from their circle of "friends". If his relatives disagree with him, then he/you need not be around them - especially if she's around. I had an friend I dumped like a yr ago. She over and over would pull little stunts to get under my skin. One time she even told me something like 'it's so easy to get under your skin/get your goat, etc.' and despite that statement from her, I still kept the "friendship" until one day she pulled the stunt that was the final straw for me... I don't consider a "friend" someone who does things to upset you - whether intentional or not.
loveflower Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 I hate that he gave her a ring. And MOST of all, I hate having to be in the company of someone my husband once loved. She's the one who dumped him. . now that's understandable and make senses. I would have the same feelings.
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