Greekboy Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Hi guys, It has been 4 months of no contact for me except for this unfortunate encounter with my ex. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/555965-3-months-later-i-ran-into-her-messed-up-royally. I still haven't moved on and I'm getting worried since it was only a 6 month relationship. I'm writing here because my friends and family are sick of hearing about my ex and at this point I feel guilty talking about it with them. They are all saying how I should have been over it by now and there are plenty more fish out there, blah blah. I have been able to focus on my music and have a few projects going on. Composing for documentaries and films at the moment so I cant really complain. I have also tried dating but I keep comparing my dates to her and ultimately I just cant find anyone I feel a connection with. It might sound egotistical but I hate how she has moved on and she has no problem with us never talking to each other again. The main issue is that whenever I return home I immediately start thinking about her and I just cant focus on anything else. I'm doing my best to fight it but its just so hard when I am alone. There is also a side of my hoping she would give me a call, acknowledge my existence. Basically, I just needed to vent but Im just scared that i still feel devastated by the loss of a relatively short relationship. It had such a huge impact on me and I honestly cant see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. Looking forward to your advice/suggestions guys. Thank you:) Link to post Share on other sites
Empyrea Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 So what if it was a short relationship? If it was important to you, it will take time to get over her. 4 months is not a long time at all! You will get there. And it's a good thing your friends and family don't want to hear about it any more - you should stop talking about her, every time you bring her up in conversation, you're keeping the memory of her alive. It's time to let go. Write down your feelings if that would help, then close that chapter, don't bring up her name again, move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 It sounds like whenever you return home it becomes a trigger to think about her. There are a couple of options to try and change that pattern. Firstly, every time the thought of her pops into your head, you need to think about something else, immediately. Something you need to go that week, a new goal you want to achieve, or planning a holiday (anything to distract your train of thought). The second option is to try and train yourself to think about her differently. When you daydream about her, picture it in the most negative light you can. All her flaws, the fact she didn't care enough. In time this negative focus will start to replace the idealized fantasy of her that you have in your head, it takes discipline though. If you keep at it your mind will start drifting to more pleasant daydreams of other things that don't involve her. The last option I can suggest is a more aggressive method to get her out of your head. Keep a rubber band around your wrist. Every time you think of her, flick the band. The association between her and discomfort will grow, and in time you will avoid thinking about her so you don't have to use it. These are just a few suggestions. I wish you luck however you decide to deal with it. It isn't always easy to let go, but if you are serious about it I'm sure you will find a way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greekboy Posted December 6, 2015 Author Share Posted December 6, 2015 Thanks for the replies guys, I'll definitely give your suggestions a try. Empyrea what you are saying is bang on, its more about the intensity of someones feelings rather than the duration of a relationship. And that is the main reason I'm struggling. Link to post Share on other sites
foreverig Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 I might not have a suggestion or advice for you but i just wanna tell you that I'm in the same situation with you man i can feel your pain , my ex got with another man like 1.5 months after the break up. Im at a lost too but just to let you know that you are not alone and one day we will be better , just try to stay strong and stay positive , good things fall apart so better things can fall together Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greekboy Posted December 6, 2015 Author Share Posted December 6, 2015 I might not have a suggestion or advice for you but i just wanna tell you that I'm in the same situation with you man i can feel your pain , my ex got with another man like 1.5 months after the break up. Im at a lost too but just to let you know that you are not alone and one day we will be better , just try to stay strong and stay positive , good things fall apart so better things can fall together We'll get through this man! At least I have no idea whether she is dating now or not. I've asked my mates to never mention her again and last time I asked her if she was dating she replied with silence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
foreverig Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 We'll get through this man! At least I have no idea whether she is dating now or not. I've asked my mates to never mention her again and last time I asked her if she was dating she replied with silence. Yes we will ! i did exactly the same i don't talk about her that much anymore at least thats what I'm trying to do , but i haven't had the courage to ask her if she's dating the man in her profile picture or not I'm just too scared to find out i guess Stay strong man we will survive this!! And keep me update on how you are doing , it feels better when you know you are not alone ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
madde Posted December 7, 2015 Share Posted December 7, 2015 Hello Greekboy - I just wanted to say that you already done a very good thing - kept NC for this long. Don't beat yourself for not feeling fine after short relationship. It doesn't matter how long it was, but how much you invested in relationships. And i hurts because it mattered. Take your time and go step by step. I am also 5 months after break up - it is not horrible as it was at the start, but there is very bad days, too. Almost 5 months after. But the only thing that keeps me going - better days are more and more. We never be the same again but we will be better versions of ourselves. Give yourself time that you need - it is your timeline 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greekboy Posted December 7, 2015 Author Share Posted December 7, 2015 Hello Greekboy - I just wanted to say that you already done a very good thing - kept NC for this long. Don't beat yourself for not feeling fine after short relationship. It doesn't matter how long it was, but how much you invested in relationships. And i hurts because it mattered. Take your time and go step by step. I am also 5 months after break up - it is not horrible as it was at the start, but there is very bad days, too. Almost 5 months after. But the only thing that keeps me going - better days are more and more. We never be the same again but we will be better versions of ourselves. Give yourself time that you need - it is your timeline Thanks for your replies guys. Madde I just had a look at the thread you started. What you did was definitely the right thing. I still feel ashamed that I did the typical begging/pleading and all that for a person that was probably not invested at all in our relationship. Quick question: I have no illusions that she will contact me or there is any chance of reconciliation. However, I still have a tiny bit of hope left in me. It just helps to move on forward with my life. Is it the same with you or have you completely detached from your ex? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
madde Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Greekboy, don't feel ashamed - it was reaction, emotions to situation, not true yourself. Do you want to do this now? Guess, your answer is no - so nothing to feel ashamed, you shown her that this relationship was important to you. Yes, I also have this hope - I can't kill it through this hell I was going through. But my hope is only to receive apology and that is all. I can't imagine that I can be with him again - I would be scared to death waiting when he will again disappear. I am considering not to go on our company's annual event because I am not sure what will be my reaction if I will meet him, only I don't know reason to tell my colleagues You must answer yourself - what you are hoping for? You already have no illusions, that shows your maturity about this situation. Not everyone can reach this level, so be proud of yourself, you are doing good Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greekboy Posted December 8, 2015 Author Share Posted December 8, 2015 Greekboy, don't feel ashamed - it was reaction, emotions to situation, not true yourself. Do you want to do this now? Guess, your answer is no - so nothing to feel ashamed, you shown her that this relationship was important to you. Yes, I also have this hope - I can't kill it through this hell I was going through. But my hope is only to receive apology and that is all. I can't imagine that I can be with him again - I would be scared to death waiting when he will again disappear. I am considering not to go on our company's annual event because I am not sure what will be my reaction if I will meet him, only I don't know reason to tell my colleagues You must answer yourself - what you are hoping for? You already have no illusions, that shows your maturity about this situation. Not everyone can reach this level, so be proud of yourself, you are doing good From my experience I advise you against it. Nothing good will come out of it, who cares what your colleagues think its all about you now! Yeah obviously I have no temptation contacting her at the moment. I've said some mean stuff to her and I've been wondering whether I am a good person or not. But it was only a reaction to things she said and hurt me while she had clarity. It was stuff she really meant like she never felt a connection, never was in love, I'm an elitist and have issues. Like yourself I retain a little hope not for reconciliation purposes but just for a simple apology and an acknowledgement that I wasn't just a random person and what we had meant something to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
madde Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 Like yourself I retain a little hope not for reconciliation purposes but just for a simple apology and an acknowledgement that I wasn't just a random person and what we had meant something to her. Yeah, there was a time when I also kept wondering if we was in two different relationships When he sent text message with break up text, there was nothing about that I have meant something to him - like I was nothing existing. Sometimes I wondered if it was all lie and a big joke to him and authentic emotions from my side - who knows now . It is very cruel expierence but somehow we need to manage this in our life Keep posting about your updates! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greekboy Posted December 21, 2015 Author Share Posted December 21, 2015 Hey guys, a quick update! I just learned today that she is dating her best male friend for the past 5 months. She had told me in the past that he was the only one that could understand her on an emotional level but didn't feel sexually attracted to him. It was a shock to hear this but I don't think it will affect me that much in the long run. I'm guessing she was cheating on me emotionally and perhaps sexually. I'm still in shock, didn't see that coming. Link to post Share on other sites
madde Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 So sorry to hear this from you! Keep strong ;)How you found out this? Seems that there is correlation between ghosting from relationship out of blue and without explanation and starting new ones right after. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greekboy Posted December 21, 2015 Author Share Posted December 21, 2015 So sorry to hear this from you! Keep strong ;)How you found out this? Seems that there is correlation between ghosting from relationship out of blue and without explanation and starting new ones right after. Hi Madde, nice to see you! How are you? A mutual friend of mine send me a screenshot of that dude calling her his babe and wishing her a happy birthday etc. I guess he was laying the foundation while we were together, talking about sneaky people huh. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
madde Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Today I am feeling fine after 2 days when was feeling very low and anxious. But I got used to this by these months Hope your Christmas holidays will be calm! Not very happy moment to find out this. But this only speaks volume about then, not you. They will get their lessons someday, don't worry. Just keep going your way. It is one of the urge why I have fought urge to look at his FB profile - maybe this ghosting and cruel walk away has to do with same reasons as in your case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
freetolove Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 My ex bf moved on and found someone new. I'm devastated. Reading your stories, my story isn't that much unique and the pain isn't unique, it still hurts a lot. How do I rebuild my life, little pieces at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greekboy Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 My ex bf moved on and found someone new. I'm devastated. Reading your stories, my story isn't that much unique and the pain isn't unique, it still hurts a lot. How do I rebuild my life, little pieces at a time. Hi ftl, it seems like there are quite a few people with stories similar to ours. The best way to look at it is that we did all we could have done. I'm not saying that I'm proud of all the begging and pleading that followed my breakup but we didn't just give up. I'm sure one day we will look back and be proud that we gave it our all. It is better than replaying all the what if scenarios in our heads. Our ex's decided they want nothing to do with us both with their words and actions and that is a testament to their opinion of us. Time for new adventures, let the good times roll:) Link to post Share on other sites
SparrowH Posted December 26, 2015 Share Posted December 26, 2015 Hey Greekboy, sorry to hear you are struggling. I don't really have much advice to offer but am in a similar situation... Dumped five months ago, NC for six weeks, got confirmation last week she is now with someone who she was friends with whilst we we were together, and I'm sure there were foundations being set whilst we were still together. I really feel I should be further on than I am now and still can't stop thinking about her. I read an article earlier that I found to be of some comfort: This Is The Moment When Your Heartbreak Will End | Thought Catalog Link to post Share on other sites
Author Greekboy Posted December 27, 2015 Author Share Posted December 27, 2015 Hey Greekboy, sorry to hear you are struggling. I don't really have much advice to offer but am in a similar situation... Dumped five months ago, NC for six weeks, got confirmation last week she is now with someone who she was friends with whilst we we were together, and I'm sure there were foundations being set whilst we were still together. I really feel I should be further on than I am now and still can't stop thinking about her. I read an article earlier that I found to be of some comfort: This Is The Moment When Your Heartbreak Will End | Thought Catalog Thanks for sharing that article man, it is really helpful. Chin up, we'll make it in the end 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts