Bobbi7 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 This is got to be bs! Who in their right mind signs up on a dating site to make new friends? I got a message from a guy saying, "I'm looking for friends, not looking to date or anything." I then asked him if he was looking for a **** buddy-he replied, "no, I have my beliefs." Ok... I blocked him.
SwordofFlame Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 This is got to be bs! Who in their right mind signs up on a dating site to make new friends? I got a message from a guy saying, "I'm looking for friends, not looking to date or anything." I then asked him if he was looking for a **** buddy-he replied, "no, I have my beliefs." Ok... I blocked him. Plenty of women do this too.
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 It's probably a good idea for you to learn how to just skim by these OLD guys who you disagree with, without even thinking about them at all! I mean if a guy says he's just looking for friends and you aren't why are you even messaging him?? 5
Ic1 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Plenty of women do this too. Exactly what I was going to post! I've actually made some friends without benefits through OLD. But OP, you give me an impression the benefits are more important than the friend part. "Love is friendship on fire."
hippychick3 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Who really cares? Just focus on the guys whose profiles fit your prospects. Ignore the others. 2
losangelena Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 It's probably a good idea for you to learn how to just skim by these OLD guys who you disagree with, without even thinking about them at all! I mean if a guy says he's just looking for friends and you aren't why are you even messaging him?? I agree. OP, I think you may have a better time with OLD if you focus on the guys with the qualities/profiles you like and to ignore/block the ones who you find questionable or lacking in some way. 2
mattelipstick Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Who in their right mind responds to/argues with someone who obviously isn't looking for the same thing they are? If you're looking for more than friends, don't respond. Simple. 2
Gaeta Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Bobbi: why did you block him? He messaged you he was looking for friends and you said you're not interested, end of story. Why the need to feel offended or something? There are all kinds of people looking for all kinds of things online. Just focus on what you are looking for and don't waste your time with men looking for friends OR men with empty profiles.
dads new boyfriend Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 The guys who put that in their profile usually have a very gullible girlfriend.
xcupid Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Blocking a guy because he's looking for a friend?!? Total over-reaction IMO. People don't use dating sites just to get dates or get into a relationship.
Blanco Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 It's probably a good idea for you to learn how to just skim by these OLD guys who you disagree with, without even thinking about them at all! I mean if a guy says he's just looking for friends and you aren't why are you even messaging him?? Pretty sure OP mentioned in another OLD thread that it's wrong not to message someone back if they message you. Or something. Maybe some people just find entertainment in overreacting about anything they can sink their teeth into. 2
smackie9 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Looking to make "friends" = FWB, hookups. What guy makes an effort to just make friends with women? hardly any...why? because they have enough friends, they are just looking for sex. My guess that it looks not so evasive, and appeals to women. 1
basil67 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Bobbi7, have you noticed that you make a lot of posts complaining about the things which other people do? Perhaps it's time for you to chill 3
Blanco Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 She does seem to have more run-ins with people than Larry David.
Versacehottie Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Bobbi7, have you noticed that you make a lot of posts complaining about the things which other people do? Perhaps it's time for you to chill I would add (not trying to gang up on you bobbi just real talk) that you have said before, and I think it's evident, that you are not experienced in spite of what your age would suggest. My advice would be just to experience some stuff, not get too attached and try to keep an open mind. If you actually experience dating before ruling every person out or annoying or out to trick you, then you will find that sometimes what you end up liking is not what you would have put on paper. Plus you absolutely need dating experience. I think you also need to to expand from just online dating. That doesn't always allow for a real connection or non-trickery. It's just one segment of the pie and can be a little false with people cycling through and having some of the same mentalities that are blocking you from finding the right guy. I think if you are only on there it may only reinforce the negative beliefs you have about guys, give you no real solid experience unless you can manage to get into a relationship with one. Additionally I think some of the naivety I pick up on in your posts is from a lack of friends and a social circle, you need to build that for a variety of reasons: best places/scenario in which to meet guys, we all need friends, you need to be an interesting person with interests when you are on your dates, less pressure in the relationships you do find yourself in AND you will be supported by friends through breakups, rough patches, less likely to be clingy etc. Try it. Anyway, this is my perspective when I see your various posts. To answer your question on this thread, guys that claim they are looking for friends typically want FWB relationship and have no plans to get serious. They are not in place to do so emotionally, financially, career-wise/time-wise whatever or just plain players. Blocking a guy like that is an overreaction. Why even start talking to a guy if his profile says something like that? Unless you are looking for friends (and have the backbone to manage a guys who says friends but means FWBs!!), it's easy, just ignore. A guy who says what he is looking for and it doesn't match what you are looking for: pass. Easy.
AspenBaldwin Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 There are dating sites that have the option of looking for dating, friendship or pen pals. If the option is there maybe you should give the guy a break.
newt Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 It's probably a good idea for you to learn how to just skim by these OLD guys who you disagree with, without even thinking about them at all! I mean if a guy says he's just looking for friends and you aren't why are you even messaging him?? Probably because it was some she was attracted to and was everything she was looking for in a guy only to find out he was seeking friends.
antonio1149 Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Looking to make "friends" = FWB, hookups. What guy makes an effort to just make friends with women? hardly any...why? because they have enough friends, they are just looking for sex. My guess that it looks not so evasive, and appeals to women. Not necessarily true. I love having female friends, and have made a few via OLD. Sometimes you meet someone and the romantic or physical spark isn't quite there but you have things in common, good conversation, etc. and a nice friendship could ensue. The bad news for me (and guys like me) is that most women aren't very good at friendship with men. The friendships tend to be "provisional"--i.e., the women keep you around for entertainment but as soon as they start dating someone they forget you exist. So I've pretty much given up on that idea.
losangelena Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 The bad news for me (and guys like me) is that most women aren't very good at friendship with men. The friendships tend to be "provisional"--i.e., the women keep you around for entertainment but as soon as they start dating someone they forget you exist. So I've pretty much given up on that idea. Is this kind of like when men befriend women in the hopes that one day they'll change their minds and want to sleep with them? 'Cause I've heard that's a problem sometimes. I for one have several good, strictly-platonic male friendships. I don't keep people around me for "entertainment value." That sounds awful and shallow and if those are the women you're trying to befriend I think you need to meet a better class of person. They're out there, believe it or not. 1
antonio1149 Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Is this kind of like when men befriend women in the hopes that one day they'll change their minds and want to sleep with them? 'Cause I've heard that's a problem sometimes. Yes, of course this happens, and it goes the other way, too. If I really think about it, most of the women I've become "friends" with were initially interested in me romantically, and perhaps continued a friendship hoping I would come around, or maybe adopted an "I'll take what I can get" attitude because they liked being around me. And that may be why these friendships were not sustainable over the long term. I for one have several good, strictly-platonic male friendships. I don't keep people around me for "entertainment value." That sounds awful and shallow Reality sucks sometimes. I'm not saying anyone *intentionally* says "I'll just keep him around for entertainment value." It just ends up happening. This shouldn't be any great news--*women* often complain that their female friends become less available when they start a new relationship. As a guy, I have the added complication that the new boyfriend might be threatened by me (especially if he finds out his new love has had romantic feelings for me). It takes an especially strong, loyal and motivated woman to maintain a friendship in those situations. ... and if those are the women you're trying to befriend I think you need to meet a better class of person. They're out there, believe it or not. Unfortunately, I can't always predict how someone will behave down the road. I've had female friends who I've discussed this very issue with who swore they would never, ever abandon me just because they got a new boyfriend, and then they did exactly that. Yeah, if I would've been able to see into the future, I might have made different choices.
Versacehottie Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Not necessarily true. I love having female friends, and have made a few via OLD. Sometimes you meet someone and the romantic or physical spark isn't quite there but you have things in common, good conversation, etc. and a nice friendship could ensue. The bad news for me (and guys like me) is that most women aren't very good at friendship with men. The friendships tend to be "provisional"--i.e., the women keep you around for entertainment but as soon as they start dating someone they forget you exist. So I've pretty much given up on that idea. I love my guy friends. Wondering though if finding women friends through a dating site is as misleading as guys on dating site who really only want FWB? Why not just leaving dating sites for finding date? Keep intentions and your side of it pure. Unless you meant you intended to date but the romantic feelings weren't there and both parties agreed to friendship with only friendship in mind...
antonio1149 Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 I love my guy friends. Wondering though if finding women friends through a dating site is as misleading as guys on dating site who really only want FWB? Why not just leaving dating sites for finding date? Keep intentions and your side of it pure. Unless you meant you intended to date but the romantic feelings weren't there and both parties agreed to friendship with only friendship in mind... Yes, of course it's misleading if you present yourself as looking for romance/relationship when you just want a friend. If friendship results, it's as you stated--one or both parties just don't feel it but there's an interest in friendship. Admittedly, it can be tricky because the one who does have romantic feelings has to put them aside to make the friendship work.
shoplocal Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 FI -- the OP wrote that a man got in touch *with her* and said he was looking for mere friendship. Not that she was browsing around and found him. Anyway, I have the same peeve. When I was on a dating website, I'd get messages from men who said they were looking for friendship first, and that they'd see if things blossomed into a dating situation. It sounded good, but I found that men spitting that line were passive, fake bravado people trying to hide the fact that they didn't have the strength to ask a woman out clearly and directly.* (*Yes, asking out people is scary -- but I did that all through my 20s and didn't die. Unfortunately I was unattractive and had a damaged picker to boot, hah!)
truth_seeker Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 Looking to make "friends" = FWB, hookups. Correct. What guy makes an effort to just make friends with women? hardly any...why? because they have enough friends, they are just looking for sex. My guess that it looks not so evasive, and appeals to women. No guy wants to be just friends with a woman, at least heterosexual men. I was talking to this guy about not going after girl and he said to me: "Make friends with her. You never know. Should could end up being an option down the road."
antonio1149 Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 FI -- the OP wrote that a man got in touch *with her* and said he was looking for mere friendship. Not that she was browsing around and found him. Anyway, I have the same peeve. When I was on a dating website, I'd get messages from men who said they were looking for friendship first, and that they'd see if things blossomed into a dating situation. It sounded good, but I found that men spitting that line were passive, fake bravado people trying to hide the fact that they didn't have the strength to ask a woman out clearly and directly.* (*Yes, asking out people is scary -- but I did that all through my 20s and didn't die. Unfortunately I was unattractive and had a damaged picker to boot, hah!) Women do this, too--a lot. I constantly see ads in the "Strictly Platonic" section of Craigslist from women who say the same thing: "Let's be friends, and see if something develops down the road." I agree that this is frustrating--if you're hoping something develops "down the road," you're not really looking for platonic friendship.
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