One_Made_of_Silver Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I feel like I'm in a catch-22, and am really miserable. I have had so many negative experiences with dating the last few months and I'm about ready to give up on dating. Dates with girls who were interested in me, but weren't my type. Girls I was interested in, but didn't give me a second date or didn't really respond to my efforts to schedule a first date. Yesterday I was chatting about it with my friend who said if I give up I'll never be successful in finding a girlfriend. My friends all say the same thing. At the same time, though, I feel like all the work I put in to find a girlfriend isn't really making much of an impact or difference anyway, so why not give up altogether? It just feels so pointless right now given the difficulties. I really don't know what to do.
Ic1 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 You just have to keep looking. A true equally good match is hard to find. Not as hard for some to find a girlfriend because of their attractive photogenic assets, but that just means they have to go through more breakups to find a relationship that's best for them! How have you been trying recently?
Author One_Made_of_Silver Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 You just have to keep looking. A true equally good match is hard to find. Not as hard for some to find a girlfriend because of their attractive photogenic assets, but that just means they have to go through more breakups to find a relationship that's best for them! How have you been trying recently? All of my dates have been through online dating, because I have not had much success approaching women in real life. In the past, some girls reacted negatively when I approached them in public, so I am not really comfortable doing that.
Redhead14 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I feel like I'm in a catch-22, and am really miserable. I have had so many negative experiences with dating the last few months and I'm about ready to give up on dating. Dates with girls who were interested in me, but weren't my type. Girls I was interested in, but didn't give me a second date or didn't really respond to my efforts to schedule a first date. Yesterday I was chatting about it with my friend who said if I give up I'll never be successful in finding a girlfriend. My friends all say the same thing. At the same time, though, I feel like all the work I put in to find a girlfriend isn't really making much of an impact or difference anyway, so why not give up altogether? It just feels so pointless right now given the difficulties. I really don't know what to do. When you are feeling this way, you need to just take a break at least. Step back from it all and focus on other aspects of your life for a while. The more down you feel about it or the harder you try, the less likely you are to be able to relax and be yourself anyway when/if you do get an opportunity for a date. 2
oberkeat Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 All of my dates have been through online dating, because I have not had much success approaching women in real life. In the past, some girls reacted negatively when I approached them in public, so I am not really comfortable doing that. I think in many ways getting a date online is even harder than cold approaching in real life. Online, women can't really get a sense of your physical presence, how you carry yourself, etc., all they have to go on is what you write in your profile. Also, the competition online is intense; women are getting messages from every dude with access to a computer, and it's easy for them to get ADD and move on to the next profile at the drop of a hat. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 In the short term, take a break. Give yourself the rest of the year off. As for OLD v meeting people IRL the search for a partner has to be a combo. OLD is a single tool. While the cold approach of walking up to a stranger IRL in a public setting isn't ideal, some people can do it but most can't. Try a warmer setting like talking to someone at a party, at a meet up event, at school, where you get your coffee every morning (assuming you see the same people repeatedly). Ask friends to set you up. Go to singles events. Being proactive is more then just skimming profiles. 1
truthtripper Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I feel like I'm in a catch-22, and am really miserable. I have had so many negative experiences with dating the last few months and I'm about ready to give up on dating. Dates with girls who were interested in me, but weren't my type. Girls I was interested in, but didn't give me a second date or didn't really respond to my efforts to schedule a first date. Yesterday I was chatting about it with my friend who said if I give up I'll never be successful in finding a girlfriend. My friends all say the same thing. At the same time, though, I feel like all the work I put in to find a girlfriend isn't really making much of an impact or difference anyway, so why not give up altogether? It just feels so pointless right now given the difficulties. I really don't know what to do. Do you think dating is the only way you can get a girlfriend? If it's making you depressed, dating won't work for you.
ScienceGal Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I am in the same boat as you. I get hurt/discouraged and take a step back and a break when necessary. Don't lose hope.
Author One_Made_of_Silver Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) When you are feeling this way, you need to just take a break at least. Step back from it all and focus on other aspects of your life for a while. The more down you feel about it or the harder you try, the less likely you are to be able to relax and be yourself anyway when/if you do get an opportunity for a date. Yeah, I think even if some cute girl offered me a date right now, I would not feel enthusiastic at all. I feel real beat up by dating and don't have the energy for going on another date. Edited December 5, 2015 by One_Made_of_Silver
smackie9 Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 One thing I noticed was I had better success when I wasn't looking..... they found me.
Author One_Made_of_Silver Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 One thing I noticed was I had better success when I wasn't looking..... they found me. I'm not sure this translates very well for men, simply because they are expected to make the first move all the time and women don't approach. That is what is so horrendous about my situation. If I don't try to get a gf nothing will happen, but I have been trying and still nothing ever happens. It's a nightmare.
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