Rejected Rosebud Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Well what options would you suggest? I don't know. I wasn't arguing against brutal honesty. I just know how touchy the subject of sex can be. Some people just CANNOT be open about it. Maybe his wife is one of them.
Oregon_Dude Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Hey Michelle - let me know if your BF gets hit by a truck or something - I wouldn't mind taking a trip to Canada. You seem to know how to treat a man 1
xcupid Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I am a woman who initiates any kind of sexual playtime more often than most men I've been with. If I'm into you, I'm into you and sex is just one glorious way I show how I feel about you. Having said that, because I have a high libido and am not afraid to initiate I've found myself in a similar predicament as you. I love to shower my men with affection and am eager to please him and fulfill his every desire but sometimes that backfires to the point where they end up just sitting back and take, take, take, often forgetting to give, give, give. Thankfully I'm a resourceful woman and am still able to get what's mine no problem but it can be frustrating sometimes. And I really don't want to be that person who starts playing games in the bedroom by holding back what comes naturally. That only builds resentment in the long haul. The only way around this is honest and brutal communication. Relationships are a two way street and if you're not feeling appreciated or fulfilled in the ways YOU need, perhaps you need to rethink your relationship. Otherwise accept what is. Good luck. Only in Canada, eh? A dream come true for the lucky man. 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I don't know. I wasn't arguing against brutal honesty. I just know how touchy the subject of sex can be. Some people just CANNOT be open about it. Maybe his wife is one of them. Oh I totally agree. I'm constantly amazed how many people who struggle in their relationships do NOT talk!! Seriously, it seems outrageous to me that you choose this person to spend your life with, have all these expectations of each other yet can not find it in themselves to communicate about anything never mind about sex. Then again, that's only half the problem. Even if you're willing and able to discuss things with honesty the next step is actually DOING something about it and how many people are willing and able to do that especially after years and years of unhappiness together? If this site is any indication, it's not many. Sad but true.
Author DeterminedHusbanb Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 Taking your clothes off doesn't exactly count as effort. Kinda how I feel.
Author DeterminedHusbanb Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 Thanks for all of the female brain power, I'll report back how it works.
lakerman34 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 You and I are also in a similar situation. My girlfriend tells me after every session how I did. Then I ask her, "hey, you never ask how you do?" She replied, "it's because I never f***ed you before. You always f*** me, and that's the way I like it." It is being used. If you don't mind, fine, don't stir the pot. But if it's an issue, I'd sit her down and have a conversation with her. It seems as if she has more to lose than you, anyways. Another method: If you are initializing, you know what YOU like best. I've been telling my girlfriend, "get on all 4s," "stand up," "put your leg over here." 9 times out of 10, she's more than happy to do it. Seems like you're the dom, she's the sub.
Author DeterminedHusbanb Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 Thanks, but only one of you smart ladies interested me. Everyone was so smart! I want to be the best partner possible. The advice was great! If there is a very open lady, I do have another question
smackie9 Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Why don't you just ask her to make love to YOU.....tell her to, that she takes control, she initiates, and you just lay there......ask her to surprise you. 1
Erised Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Sex for me isn't pleasant unless I'm pleasing my partner because of how I am wired. However, have you rejected her or had any ED issues? I've been in each of those situations and my approach got very subtle as to not get rejected because he wanted sex less often, or to avoid the guy who had intermittent ED issues feeling pressured or bad about himself if it wasn't the right time. (Most the time it was fine, but if we had one instance where it didn't work because of drink or him being stressed about something or whatever, it got in his head and became an issue for the next bunch of times verse just being fine later.) I knew he knew I never rejected him so I figured if I dropped small hints and he was interested he would go. Without those issues, hints range from subtle (In recognition of my sex drive being higher than most) to explicit "Please can I suck your **** before you go?" I agree with the communication thing. I'll ask my partner how things are and if there's anything I can do, and when things are exceptional I make sure to rave and be appreciative. Oooh that reminds me - when she does what you're looking for, make sure to be appreciative. It works well. I love giving oral but I had one guy in the past who after a while just took it as his daily due and that was that. I got to where I saw it as a chore too. Less fun for both of us. When my partner is appreciative, I want to do it all the time to make him smile and be happy with me. 1
smackie9 Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Ever try role playing like she's the naughty teacher that's going to (you the student) a lesson??
Author DeterminedHusbanb Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 (edited) You are naughty! Also, no reject or Ed issues, willingness makes something extra special! Edited December 5, 2015 by DeterminedHusbanb
new2dating123 Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 I dont know my way around this to well but in general i believe she is doing what she wants and is comfortable with just that .
Author DeterminedHusbanb Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 I just have to wonder why so many Canadian girls have beautiful pics and claim to be tigers but have man problems.??
Author DeterminedHusbanb Posted December 5, 2015 Author Posted December 5, 2015 Hey U.S. Girls, think these Canadian girls are misrepresenting? I'm new at asking advice.
basil67 Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Does your wife accept that there's a problem in the bedroom? Does she want to fix it? If this problem is to be solved, she needs to be able to answer 'yes' to both. I went going through a really bad spell when I entered menopause. Lots of Dr appts and trying testosterone, HRT to try and fix it. During my journey looking for answers, I found the book by Dr Rosie King 'Where did my libido go?". I can't recommend it highly enough - lots of ideas of what to look for when seeking the cause of the problem. As for me, I'm partially fixed. I had to get more fit and active. And there's an element of making myself initiate because I know that when I do, there's half a chance I'll have a rather excellent time. (menopause has been a b1tch to me - sexual response is no longer a given).
d0nnivain Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Ok ladies.......hit me with a 2x4, men don't always pick up on subtle hints. Remember, you have finer tuned emotions, pick up more, etc. She admitted her laziness. Sounds like some of you are angry?I wasn't complaining!!! Ok, I'll be more attentive to subtle hints. Now that I got help with that, I also mentioned she takes a lot, lot more than she gives. Suggestions here? Really though, is her subtle actions really trying or just saying maybe available? Is it really vanity or unladylike to make your desire we'll known? Even though I was the one who picked up the 1st 2x4, I am not angry. I was trying for humor which apparently failed. Some women were socialized that initiating sex is a BAD thing & they should never do it, even with 17 years of marriage. This pattern didn't evolve overnight so it's not going to change quickly. You do have to talk to her. You also need to be specific in what you want but be willing to start slowly. I'd suggest you ask for small things first" * get her to text you sweet things during the day; work up to naughtier things. I envision you going from I love you or I'm thinking about you to I want you to maybe something more graphic, if she can. Honestly, if my DH asked, I'd try but I don't think I could send him an explicit text. It's just not my style. * get her to initiate hugs & kisses. Do you ever sneak up behind her when she's doing the dishes? Assuming she reacts favorably to that, remind her that you would like to "surprised" once in a while too. Again start slowly, don't expect she will initiate sex in the kitchen but if she starts with a kiss, you can always escalate * how often do you change locations? Try taking a romantic weekend. Give her a gift card to Victoria Secret & ask her to surprise you with something fun * tell her you'd be very open to her hopping in the shower with you As somebody else pointed out, avoid attacking her. Talk sweetly. Work together to achieve a compromise. Remember you aren't going to turn her into a porn vixen overnight, if ever.
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