losangelena Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 False. There may be more men online but they are not of any better quality. Out of 100s of messages I get maybe ONE is deserving of my attention and when I met him it's a complete let down for various reasons. Lets not start this debate again. Quantity does not mean quality. I concur. We get it—dating is different for men and women. Different, that is, not necessarily easier for one or the other. Just a different set of challenges. But I agree—every other thread seems like devolves into this debate. Let's not go there again, please.
William Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Indeed, let's get this back to gals nexting a guy who wants to meet up immediately. Thanks!
kismetkismet Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I tend to think that when guys ask to meet up right away that they are trolling around on tinder just looking for whoever will hang out/hook up. Just looking for company. That's not necessarily BAD, but it's not how I do things. I don't really like first dates and would rather hang out with my friends or alone than go on one. So for me I would always talk to them for a while first to see if we had enough in common to make it worth going out with them. I think you still definitely need to meet up to see if there's chemistry, but there are certain objective qualities i'd like to have in common with someone before I meet them. I didn't go on a lot of dates really.. because as I said, i'm not a huge fan unless i'm really into them. so it depends what you're looking for! However, if they ask to meet up right away when it's like 10 or 11pm I assume they're on tinder just for hookups and definitely next them.
oberkeat Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I always stated in my profile that I wanted to meet, not just trade messages back and forth. Asking for a meeting sooner rather than later was a pretty effective way to identify who was legitimately interested, and weed out the women who were just looking for attention and an ego boost. You'd be amazed how many women online are content to chat forever with no intention of ever meeting in person.
xcupid Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Get to know him a bit better before doing the first meeting. You might discover something in the meantime that is offputting and then you won't be wasting your time.
Gaeta Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Get to know him a bit better before doing the first meeting. You might discover something in the meantime that is offputting and then you won't be wasting your time. Instead of chatting up a full week in the hope to catch something off putting she could simply go meet him and get the truth directly from the horse's mouth.
mrldii Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Personally, when I was doing OLD, my formula was a couple of texts, a couple of phone calls, and then the meet-and-greet; rarely did it go longer than a week from initial contact to initial meet. If a guy sent a "Hi, you're pretty! Meet me at ______ in 10 minutes", yeah...I'm gonna 'next' him, simply because he obviously has no social skills, as that's just not how things are done in polite society. But, if a guy I have been chatting with online asks me online, "Hey...watcha doin'? Let's meet tonight!", I'm probably gonna say no (but NOT 'next' him); if I'm online chatting, I've already removed my street clothes and make-up and my hair's up in a bun... ...and I'm in my PJs and Minion slippers and am done with real-world interactions for the day. But, I will suggest the next night that I am available, and see if that works for him. Good luck, OP... 2
kismetkismet Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Instead of chatting up a full week in the hope to catch something off putting she could simply go meet him and get the truth directly from the horse's mouth. This is true for some people, but everyone is different. Personally i find first dates hugely draining and stressful. Plus I'm really busy so it's much easier to chat for a bit first here and there rather than move my schedule around. Going on a bunch of dates with random people all the time isn't really how I want to spend my life, even when I do really want to meet someone (I'm in a relationship now but i'm referring to when I did use tinder etc). It's just what you're comfortable with and what your priorities are etc.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I always found it confusing why it's so hard to understand, Just be honest with your intentions, romance and honesty go hand in hand. If you want to meet up right away, and the sparks are flying, Why in the world would you wait other than maybe a family member is dying? Guys like to offer relationships in hopes of securing the lay, that dishonesty in it's finest, and rarely will they stay. But a guy who offers to meet up now and are true about their intentions, is usually a sign of conditioning from success revolving around this not so recent invention. (or a creepy dude who simply has no game)
hippychick3 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I always stated in my profile that I wanted to meet, not just trade messages back and forth. Asking for a meeting sooner rather than later was a pretty effective way to identify who was legitimately interested, and weed out the women who were just looking for attention and an ego boost. You'd be amazed how many women online are content to chat forever with no intention of ever meeting in person. And Men too. 1
Blanco Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 OP, I've seen you complain many times about guys on OLD "wasting" your time. Sounds like this guy is perhaps doing the opposite. What exactly do you want?
smackie9 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 meh.... If I am not mistaken you are in a relationship therefore not on the dating scene and have not been for a while. That's the kind of things we heard 10 years ago when online dating started being serious. Yes you just meet up with a stranger. You take your own car show up in a public place and have a coffee. Nothing unsafe about this. Sorry this is just how I feel about it and yes if I was single I would be cautious of any random guy asking to meet I know nothing about...that is just the way I am. I have been asked out by random guys when I was dating...I rejected them. Didn't matter how good looking they were. Plus I wouldn't want to waste my time finding out we have absolutely nothing in common. I would definitely have no interest in a guy that asks me out just because he likes my photo Pfft. Call me picky, that is just how my expectations work. And wow it landed me a husband. 2
Timshel Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 This is what I've encountered on OLD, I start messaging a guy that I have interest in, he askes me, "what are you doing tonight?" This is like a trap question, if I answer, no plans-he wants to meet up that same night. Instead of "planning" the first meeting, like "when are you free next week? How does next Thursday work?" Do you find this appropriate? I always tell them, I'm busy when the what are you doing right now comes up...because I like things planned out. Bobbi, if you like things planned out, then say 'busy tonight but when would be good for you?' You set the pace and what feels comfortable for you out of the gate. If a guy won't make a date at another time, imo, he may be feeling you out for a quick hook up. I have never done OLD, so I am not savvy about it. I think that a spontaneous meet at night requires confidence and firm boundaries. Also, you have indicated you don't care for the spontaneous at first....so just say 'not tonight, do you have another time free?' No explanation required.
TunaCat Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I absolutely would. Not only do I worry about my safety, but I will not just jump to a meeting with someone without at LEAST a few days chatting. Plus someone wanting to meet up with me immediately puts me off because it feels like they expect me to drop everything and dash out to meet them. Which signifies a lack of respect. Uh, no.
Xiomn Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Interesting this because just a few days ago I messaged a girl over online dating website in my area and as you do expressed my interest in her and expressed that I'm used to meeting and getting to know people in person and if she fancied meeting up if she's interested. She said that she prefers to get to know someone over online first before meeting with them in person. It's weird really because in one sense I can understand that because it can come off as a bit creepy when a stranger online asks if you want to meet out of the blue, you've got to be careful, but at the same time I dunno I just think because I'm used to just simply walking up to someone in person, asking for their number, setting up a date without any communication before the first meet up the same should kind of apply to online as well. :/
Timshel Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Absolutely, everyone has a comfort zone. Rather than giving a 'what I do' response, I thought of Bobbi7, her threads and what she may need at this point in her life.
Rejected Rosebud Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Personally I would NOT meet a guy the first day I had contact with him but it doesn't mean he has to be nexted. If he gets pissy or refuses when you ask for a different day - THEN next him!! 1
Truth34 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I've gotten so burnt out of trying to not be "boring" and such that I really try to offer a meetup in the first chat session. Problem is that these girls just fall off the map and then whatever conversation we had was just a complete waste. I do keep the convo going, no short responses, no sexual innuendos, none of that off putting stuff. And the longest convo ive had on OKC was a few days on and off with a planned date that she flaked on an hour and 20 minutes beforehand. So yeah. I just cut to the chase pretty much now, because I have yet to meet anyone online who wasnt a flake.
Xiomn Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 I'm more worried about talking too much online and then when and if me and someone else do decide to meet I won't be prepared as much to talk enough during the date than I would have had we never talked prior, in essence I guess what I'm trying to say when you talk online before meeting in person there is an increased chance of awkward silences on the first meet up, and first meets are supposed to leave a good impression.
d0nnivain Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Instead of chatting up a full week in the hope to catch something off putting she could simply go meet him and get the truth directly from the horse's mouth. Wow. When did a whole week become too long? That seems pretty fast to me. If the very first message is Wanna meet me now? Yes, I'd be put off. That's a Tinder type hook up & nothing more. No thanks. If the 3rd or 4th message asked for a meet, even a spontaneous meet, depending on the time of day, that wouldn't be terrible. At least standing along that request would not make me stop talking to the guy even if he was taking a shot at a Booty Call. The ask alone wouldn't upset me, however the failure to take no for an answer & continued pressure for sex too early or NSA would cause me to stop talking to him. There is a difference.
Xiomn Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 If the very first message is Wanna meet me now? Yes, I'd be put off. That's a Tinder type hook up & nothing more. No thanks. Massive assumption. 50% chance you're wrong. Admit it.
d0nnivain Posted December 5, 2015 Posted December 5, 2015 Massive assumption. 50% chance you're wrong. Admit it. Nope. My perception is my reality. If a guy asked me to meet up in the very 1st message that would tell me he only wanted to hook up & had no interest in me as a person. Communication is a two way street. The speaker (or messenger) may have one idea in mind but if the recipient gets a different message, that is the message so the communication failed. 1
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