bullfrog Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 My girlfriend and I had dated for 4 years and she broke up with me because she didn't think I was ready to commit to the next level, marriage and kids, at the time i was unemployed and she was likely unsure of her feelings for me. I'm 24 and she 26. I had some problems in my life i needed to resolve but after the breakup I have had time to focus on myself to clean my act up, dropping my drug addiction to weed, overcoming depression, seeing a psych, reconnecting with friends and relocating to a new city to take up a new job. I feel that lack of communication on my part and being clingy was a big contributing factor to the problem. she is also recently going through depression. We talked quite a bit about our feelings after break-up but as the the past couple months have gone by since we split and I improved myself I have also limited contact to once a week, It's been a week since last contact and now i'm going NC. the extent of our conversations were asking how she was, updating her on my success. I'm the one who contacts her and she often took at least a day to respond. I'm confused as to whether we can pick up the pieces or whether I or her still need more time for possible reconciliation, or not at all. the extent of her reaching out is posting "justin beieber - sorry" cover videos on facebook, it's vague and no gaurantee it's about me. I won't do this forever, it's an unhealthy state of mind. Should I reach out and try to clear the air or go NC? My concern is she will not bother to reach out after NC, but I don't want to appear clingy Anyone with insight or similar stories?
ExpatInItaly Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Just go full No Contact. She knows that you've made strides and she still hasn't initiated anything. She knows how to reach you if she wants. But out of curiosity, why do you feel lack of communication and being clingy contributed to the break-up?
Author bullfrog Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) Just go full No Contact. She knows that you've made strides and she still hasn't initiated anything. She knows how to reach you if she wants. But out of curiosity, why do you feel lack of communication and being clingy contributed to the break-up? Thanks for your response, I do think NC is best, but I wonder if my prior attempts at contact were too formal. As for communication and clingy. I have been depressed for what I feel is the past 10 years and had some trouble opening up to her. I have been cheated on once before in a younger relationship. I was also becoming jealous of some of her guy friends and what i perceived as weird interactions on the guys part. Those aren't likely the only cause, I think our depression also contributed and my inability to commit. Edit* I should mention, during the break up she asked me to let her go, I asked her if we still had a chance and she says maybe, maybe not. Weeks into the break up apologies were exchanged, particularly on my part, I bought her gifts and flowers a handful of times. early in the break up she also mentioned our paths may cross again, which is a vague suggestion of reconciliation based on fate IMO. weeks later she says she would like to stay friends after things settle, I'm not really interested in friendship as it would hurt me to see her with someone else. Edit 2* Another reason for breakup she exclaims is she hasn't had a lot of time for herself to be single, wants to spend more time with friends and was tired of changing for other people. Edited December 4, 2015 by bullfrog
ExpatInItaly Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Hm. It sounds to me like she isn't interested in getting back together at this time. Her telling you she wants to be single supports that. I have only ever said that when I actually meant it; usually my feelings had changed to an extent and I was interested in dating around and not being tied down.
Author bullfrog Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 Hm. It sounds to me like she isn't interested in getting back together at this time. Her telling you she wants to be single supports that. I have only ever said that when I actually meant it; usually my feelings had changed to an extent and I was interested in dating around and not being tied down. perhaps she is not, I'm just concerned she isn't opening up about her feelings with me and doesn't want to risk being hurt. I think depression is not helping her thing straight. She told me she loved me recently after we broke up. I don't think she had the emotional energy to continue a relationship at the time and likely isn't looking for anything else yet. I think that her posting on facebook videos of "justin bieber - sorry" is a slack attempt at conveying regret, I was hoping she would talk to me. But I can't decide whether i should call her or maintain nc. I'm considering speaking with her friends for a second opinion.
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