BPD ex just told me she is pregnant (her 2nd child at age 20).

November 29, 2015

Ok, this is a pretty messy situation and I'm going to attempt to keep at brief and concise as possible.

To begin, my ex hasn't been formally diagnosed as having BPD. However, after spending 2 and a half years with her, I think she has displayed enough of the characteristics to be able to confidently say she most likely has the disorder, and at the very least some form of emotional regulation issue. She has never really been suicidal, aside from saying once she was going to kill herself if I went to my brothers graduation party. But aside from that, she never brought up suicide. But she was EXTREMELY fearful of abandonment. She was constantly jealous. She even went as far as wiping her period blood on my sheets on multiple occasions as a form of marking her territory, forcibly leaving hickies on my neck, trying to start issues with an ex of mine, talking bad about my friends and family on many occasions, and many more things.

Anyways, I know I've painted a pretty negative picture of her, but there was a time in the beginning and between the arguing when things were absolutely bliss. But her constant questioning of my love and jealousy pushed me away. But I was EXTREMELY attracted to her physically, and she was the deepest and most profound girl I had ever met before.

So we dated for nearly 3 years, and have been separated for about 8 months now. The problem is, we have a child together. So she does whatever she can to keep me reeled in and under her spell. Despite my efforts to keep it strictly about our baby girl. I do everything I can to keep her at a distance.

Now she has been dating this other guy for about 4 months, and told me how in love she is with him. Mind you, this was completely unprovoked because she was upset at me for something. She said how much more he satisfies her and how she now realizes our love wasn't real love after being with him. She says how he makes her cum all the time and said she never came with me. Saying how she lets him play with her clit, but with me wouldn't ever let me. And says how she lets him suck on her breasts, but with me was too insecure to after pregnancy because how small and saggy they are now. But apparently with him she 'knows" how much he loves her and isn't insecure at all.

But I just don't get how this stuff can be true. It hurts to hear her say that stuff. Because I really loved this girl with everything in my being. To begin, how can she be so convinced how in love she is with this kid after 4 months? Also, there were occasions after sex where her emotions were so high, she even began crying. And all the time she would cling on to me and BEG me not to leave her and tell me over and over how amazing she felt. There would be nights where I felt like it was extremely passionate. But she would hardly ever let me play with her clit. She said it was WAAAY too sensitive and she couldn't handle it. But I tried every variation of tempos, movements, and pressure possible! I seriously was determined to make it feel good, but NOTHING I did worked. And she was bad at communicating. And she never masturbated, so she didn't even know what she liked herself. So how can she enjoy it with someone else, when I literally tried EVERYTHING? Pursing my mouth around it and gently sucking, barely grazing it with my tongue, putting a little more pressure on it with my tongue so it wouldn't tickle, and even tried indirect stimulation around the area and grinding on her pelvic bone. And also, whenever she would be about to cum from me stimulating her G-spot, she would GO CRAZY and push me off like a mad woman and say she couldn't handle it. She would say she feels like she is going to pee, even though I assured her it's completely normal. But she would always freak out and push me off no matter how patient I was or despite the rhythm. She just couldn't handle it and said she felt bad about it. But said she still felt amazing.

So how can she cum so easily with this guy? I did everything I could. And she said sometimes up to 4 times in one round with this guy and said she even has by him just kissing on her neck and body while touching her. But I would always suck and kiss on her neck and body and thighs, but she didn't cum. I just don't get it. Especially considering how obsessed she was with me at one point and saying I'm "too perfect" on several occasions. Also, how can she be so convinced she so deeply in love with this guy after only 4 months? I just don't get any of this. It just really hurt to hear this stuff. Especially considering I haven't found another girl I care about so deeply since her, all the while she has been with at least 3 different guys since.

And I know I shouldn't care, but my confidence has never been at it's lowest since being with her. I had been with a lot of girls before her, but after being severely betrayed by her at the end of our relationship and the things she has said, it really has taken a toll. I just don't get how she could be so much more satisfied, whenever I literally tried everything. Not only have I had a lot of experience, I study the stuff and always try new things. I try new positions and even bought different toys and everything. And my main objective is always making my girl feel good. I put their needs ahead of mine because it gets me off to get them off. So idk it's just hard to take

November 29, 2015

My ex-boyfriend is diagnosed BPD, so I understand the emotional turmoil that it leaves in its wake.

My question is, under what circumstances is she reporting all of this to you? Text message, phone call, in-person conversation? You need to nip it in the bud immediately. For example, if you are trading messages about your daughter and you can see she is starting to talk about her new man, delete the message. Do not read it. If she is telling you this in a phone call, end the conversation. Do not allow the message to be transmitted, is what I'm saying.

You have to understand she is telling you these things in order to hurt you. She is lashing out in a major way, and feeding you details that she know will break you. They are very likely not even true, or she might be exaggerating for effect. The point is that you cannot allow yourself to listen to what she's saying.

If necessary, arrange a third party to help with visitation of your baby. Drop-off/pick-up may need to be done through a family member or trusted friend. You simply can't subject yourself to her emotional terrorism anymore. It took me a lot of strength to walk away from my ex, and I understand you can't do that due to your shared child. But you need to do more to protect yourself and your well-being.

Someday you will be very thankful you go away from this. I sure am.

November 29, 2015

Thank you so much for responding. It means a lot to hear from someone who has shared a similar experience and can understand how much turmoil it can really cause. It's crazy because I've always been told I'm an attractive guy and have never had problems with females before, but this has really taken a toll. I've had a serious relationship before her, but I didn't feel the same as I did with her. I really did love her beyond articulation.

And she sent me this through text. She was upset I was going to be an hour late to get my daughter, and started saying I was a bad father. It really ticked me off because I have taken care of my daughter more than her and I love my daughter more than myself. So I said anyone else she is with won't be as good a dad as me. Then she proceeded to tell me how this new guy is better in every facet. But how could this guy be so much better, whenever she would literally start crying sometimes after we had sex? I had an air mattress at one point, and some nights we would be having sex for an hour, and the air mattress would be completely on the other side of the room without us even noticing it moved because we were so absorbed by the sex. She would even be moaning for up to 10 minutes after sex sometimes and say she couldn't help it. And would always beg me to never leave her and squeeze me so tight.

I just don't see how I could have done everything to make her feel good and comfortable and tried experimenting with everything, but somehow it's so much easier with this guy. How could she all a sudden let some other guy touch her clit, when it was excruciatingly sensitive when I was with her? Is it possible she has changed that much? Because I seriously would baaaaarely even touch it with my tongue or would try indirect stimulation or try all kinds of techniques. So how can some other guy magically be better? I just hate to think about it or hear it. And yea I can delete the message, but I've already read it. But she's said many things before to hurt me. And betrayed me with an old friend of mine at the end of our relationship.

And I wish I had a 3rd party to help with the exchange with my daughter. That would be a dream come true to not have to deal with her. Unfortunately I don't really have help from anyone else and it's not feasible in my situation. I just want to be rid of this whole situation

November 29, 2015

Stop freaking out and wondering how she's changed so much and wondering how she could not be satisfied with what you and her did physically. It's all bs. She's clearly just saying things to get a reaction out of you and this is the only way she knows how to get to you. She's a nutjob. Don't believe anything of what she says because the only reason she's saying it is to get a rise out of you. It's all made up. She knows what buttons to push in order to upset you so she's blatantly pushing as many as she can as often as she can in order to get her revenge for you ending the relationship.

Odds are that her new guy is lack luster and she's unhappy now because if she was truly satisfied and with such an amazing guy, she wouldn't waste time trying to drag you down and interact with you. The best thing to do is ignore here because once she stops getting a reaction out of you she will have no power and cannot control anything.

November 29, 2015

Odds are that her new guy is lack luster and she's unhappy now because if she was truly satisfied and with such an amazing guy, she wouldn't waste time trying to drag you down and interact with you. The best thing to do is ignore here because once she stops getting a reaction out of you she will have no power and cannot control anything.

yeah i agree with this.

I wish my Ex was doing this dammit. Id see right through it, take the ego boost and run haha !!!!

November 29, 2015

Stop freaking out and wondering how she's changed so much and wondering how she could not be satisfied with what you and her did physically. It's all bs. She's clearly just saying things to get a reaction out of you and this is the only way she knows how to get to you. She's a nutjob. Don't believe anything of what she says because the only reason she's saying it is to get a rise out of you. It's all made up. She knows what buttons to push in order to upset you so she's blatantly pushing as many as she can as often as she can in order to get her revenge for you ending the relationship.

Odds are that her new guy is lack luster and she's unhappy now because if she was truly satisfied and with such an amazing guy, she wouldn't waste time trying to drag you down and interact with you. The best thing to do is ignore here because once she stops getting a reaction out of you she will have no power and cannot control anything.

This is so important, OP. Don't waste any more emotional energy trying to make sense of a non-nonsensical situation. Don't try to understand the why/how/so on. You won't be able to understand. She doesn't think in the same way you do. She will say whatever she thinks will cut you the deepest, and to hell if it's not true. (which it probably isn't)

My ex said some pretty ugly things to me when we were breaking up, too. I still wince when I think about it, but I have the clarity of mind now to realize he said it to get a reaction from me. He knew exactly how to hurt me and hurt me he did! Time and time again. But I finally stopped responding to it. When I didn't react, he turned up the proverbial heat and started to get nastier. When I saw a message from him, I deleted it immediately. When he called, I didn't respond. I understand you don't have the luxury of cutting her out completely, but you can arm yourself with all the dignity and self-respect you can muster and protect yourself.

Believe me when I say you will someday realize what a load of utter garbage it all was. The pain you are feeling now is awful, I know. But the tremendous relief and peace you will eventually feel will outweigh it. I promise you that.

Feel free to PM me if you like. I imagine we'd have a lot to discuss!

November 29, 2015

My ex said some pretty ugly things to me when we were breaking up, too. I still wince when I think about it, but I have the clarity of mind now to realize he said it to get a reaction from me.

Same here with my first girlfriend. Everything that was white became black. I noticed she compartmentalized things and got confused when I reminded her about earlier reactions by her. She brushed that off. I still had trouble for many years with some of the things that she said about me: also about me performing sexually. But deep down I knew that I had to believe in my own truth. Do not fall for her power-games.

November 29, 2015

My GF has mild BPD and even that is a challenge at times. I have learned that it is a disorder with THEM and they project their negativity at others because they are empty inside. You are basically their victim.

There are plenty of good books on BPD. I recently read one and it makes it a lot more clear and understandable. Also gives you strategies to set boundaries and better deal with this.

bottom line -shes the ex so shut that **** down and take time to get yourself back. You do not deserve this type of treatment.

November 29, 2015

She has BPD so she loves to pick fights with you. She wants to get a reaction out of you, making other people feel bad, makes her feel good.

She probably has changed because that's what someone with BPD does. In the beginning you're great, best boyfriend in the world, but when she's done with you you're "the worst person she ever met." Try not to take it personal because it's not about you at all, no matter what she says.

She knows talking about her new bf might get to you, that's why she's using that.

Usually with people like this you should cut all contact and block them on everything, but you can't do that unfortunately because of the kid.

Ignore her when she's trying to start a fight or texts something ugly about you. That's the only way you can "win" when she's trying to hurt you. It will piss her off when she sees she can't get to you anymore. Don't let her drag you into an argument because that's what she wants. Only communicate with her about your child, ignore everything else.

November 29, 2015

She sounds more like a Covert Narcissist than a BPD.

I was with a CN for 4 years. It utterly changed me. Not for the better.

November 29, 2015

Maybe his dick is in the shape of fusilli pasta. Why worry about it? What can you do about it?

When she starts telling you this stuff, all you really have to say is something like

Wow. It's really going to hurt when he finds out who you are deep down inside and he dumps your crazy ass, isn't it? You'd better enjoy it for however long you can keep him.

Then if she asks you why you say that, that's when you tell her how ****ed up she is, and tell her the name of the disorder.

That should put an end to her taunting you.

November 30, 2015

She wanted to hurt you and one sure way to hurt a guy is to attack his performance or say he never did it for you or that you faked it with him.

I'd advice you not to get into discussions about being the better father. .. don't talk about her new man...just do what you need to for your daughter. The detail she's gone into about her sex life just shows she has issues. I'm sure If things turn sour with this guy.....she will tell him he was no good as well.

From your description you sound like a very considerate passionate lover, so pay no mind to her bull s***.

November 30, 2015

Thank you for all of the replies. It really is helpful to get some feedback. And yea I suppose that she is just saying this stuff simply for a reaction. It just made me feel bad because I tried with everything in me to satisfy her as much as I could, but eventually I became distant from the constant jealousy. It was over bearing. I couldn't even hang out with friends without an argument. But of course she blames everything on me.

And sometimes it's just hard because I wonder how she could forget all of the good times we had. How could it be that easy for her? Makes me feel like maybe this other person is better if she can move on so well. Because I was her first love and father of her child. Now she claims she never loved me and realizes what love is supposed to feel like now. But I'm highly intelligent and I tried to implement empirically proven strategies for effective communication. And I went to no ends to satisfy her sexually as well. I love to experiment and try new things, but she couldn't ever handle clitoris stimulation. So it doesn't make sense how someone could possibly make it feel good for her, whenever I've had plenty experience and I read and watch many videos on how to try and make it feel good for her, but no method worked. She was just too sensitive. And she couldn't handle G-spot orgasm either, because she would go nuts and buck me off like a wild boar.

But she did endure some sexual abuse growing up. So I tried to be really patient with her emotional problems, but she would always undermine my thoughts and disrespect me. And then when I became more distant, would say things like "you hate me. I wished you loved me." And would question my love every single day. So honestly I did become more rugged and was a lot more assertive with her. Which incited her on a primal level and is possibly exactly what she was looking for. Because I would be very dominant during sex and always be the one to take control. But while there was high passion, the arguing was too much.

I guess no amount of explanation could help me truly grasp how she thinks though since it's void of logic. But she has been very convincing in making me think she doesn't care about me anymore. So that's what I said in response to what she said to me. I said you claim to not care about me or my thoughts. So why are you trying so hard to convince me of this right now? Who are you really trying to convince; me or yourself?

November 30, 2015

Hi,

She says this to hurt you. I have a feeling that she has a hard time reaching an orgasm, maybe stemming from "performance anxiety", can't let go during sex, she feels bad about this and she wants to blame you. Maybe she feels inadequate about this, thinks that this was the reason for you guys breaking up and now she tries to blame you for this inadequacy. Even if it is true what she claims....she shouldn't tell this to you knowing that it will hurt your feelings. She must be hurting if she wants to hurt you back. This is immature though. There are definitely feeling there ! I hope she is kind enough to leave your little girl out of this drama. Take care !

November 30, 2015

The fact that she's telling you..... yeah

December 4, 2015

I just posted very recently about my ex who was boasting about how great her new boyfriend is. I have a child with her, and was with her for nearly 3 yrs.

So she just informed me she is pregnant again. She said she didn't know until 3 months in because she was still having her period. But then she said it is a blessing and the new boyfriend is going to be such a great dad and they're going to be such a great family--including my daughter. Saying how much my daughter loves this guy in a transparent attempt to hurt me.

At first I didn't like hearing this, so I told her that a while back I had kind of hoped she would get pregnant again when I still wasn't over her. I thought about how much more it would ruin her body (she had deep stretch marks all over her body after her first pregnancy and breasts became very saggy). I said I also thought about how much worse it would make her life, and I knew she would be depressed throughout the duration of her pregnancy and even afterwards when the reality of the situation really sinks in, and it takes a toll on her new relationship. She has been with this guy for 4 months, and has pretty much explained their relationship to be like a fairy tale. I told her not to expect things to have the happy ending she expects.

But then I said now I just think it's really sad. She goes to a small college, and was already on the verge of dropping out and missing all of her classes because she could hardly take care of my daughter but she won't sign custody over to me. She doesn't have a car and claims to never be able to get rides anywhere, so she even has a warrant for a supposed traffic ticket because she couldn't get to court and they wouldn't continue over the phone. She always says she doesn't have money, and is very emotional often.

It really is sad to me. She lived with me for about a yr while both of her parents were in prison. I bought her everything she could have ever asked for and I made very good money during that time. I'm about to graduate from a major University in May, but at that time I even transferred to a smaller school in our home town to take courses there so I could support her during that time. I gave that girl every ounce of my being, but it was never enough. All I heard about was how I probably cheat and how I don't love her enough. I felt suffocated.

And I know from how I've described her it may reflect on my ability to reason by being with her, but she really was everything I ever wanted in someone else in the beginning. Physically, she was everything I a man could want. She fit my physical desires to an absolute T. In addition to that, she was absolutely profound when I got to know her as a person. I fell deeply in love with this girl. I began seeing her one summer, but once I returned to school, I stopped seeing her for like a month. But I just missed her so much and from there I couldn't get enough of her. The sexual chemistry was bliss, and I could talk to her and she could open up to me like I've never experienced. We clicked on so many levels. I'm not sure if some of it was a result of mirroring, because now she seems like completely different person.

And I'm huge into child development (maybe my favorite area of study). So I was very well aware of how people are molded and how she probably had some deep rooted issues from such a tumultuous upbringing, but I think it made her more alluring to me. She was like a diamond in the rough. I couldn't believe that SHE came from THAT family. I was absolutely astonished. And I was patient when her abandonment issues surfaced because I understood. That made me love her even more to. I could see the pain in her eyes and I could connect with her spiritually it felt like, and it created such a soft spot in my heart for her. I wanted to make her feel so loved and protected. But I never could fulfill her. It ate away at me so much after a while.

And I know this seems like I'm just rambling on, I just need someone to talk to and kind of sort my thoughts out some. I'm just really not sure how to react. I actually feel almost relieved, not because it will make her life significantly worse, but because I think I still cared about her to some degree. Even if I didn't want to admit that to myself. But now it just kind of solidified in my mind how finalized any chance at me being with her again one day. Something I didn't actively think about, but I think may have been underlying unconsciously. I feel almost detached more now.

But do you think she is really convinced that this is going to be a good thing? I just don't see how she isn't already freaking out and depressed by this news. She's acting like it's going to be so great. But I thought she was realize how hard it is with one, let alone 2. And I suspect this guy is unemployed and has no form of transportation. She has asked me for $10-$20 on multiple occasions because she said she had no money. And someone else she was with immediately after our break up used to always be walking around and worked at McDonald's.

Also, I'm not sure how she can claim this guy is going to be such a great dad, but fail to appreciate how great of a dad I am. I'm absolutely in love with my little girl. She is my world. I look at pictured and videos of her constantly whenever she isn't with me. When she is with me, I stare at her with absolute amazement when she is sleeping and sometimes wake her up just to rock her back to sleep. I do everything for her. I change diapers, I get her clothed, bathed, cook for her, take her places, play with her. I drive over 220 miles every weekend driving from school to her moms to pick up and drop her off. And last Spring and Summer, I wasn't in school because I was working full time to support my girl. During that time, her mom hardly ever had her and would make excuses to why she couldn't have her. My daughter is absolutely in love with me to. You can put ANYONE else in the same room with us, and she'll want me 10/10 times. She cries and clings to me sometimes when I take her to her moms. She is a little daddies girl for sure.

So I just can't wrap my head around the stuff she says and does. I really thought she was so much smarter than this. But I realize as previous people have posted that I can't believe anything she says. She is a compulsive liar. And also, she is half black and half white. Her new boyfriend is black, the same with other guys she has been with before and after me. I'm white, and she has tried to make me feel bad for being white before. But I'm very athletic and was a star football player in high school but suffered a neck injury my senior yr that resulted in nerve damage. And I'm told I'm attractive often. I only include that because I don't want to sound like I'm some passive push over. Because I have been very assertive with her and once things got bad in the relationship, I was unrelenting on allowing her to disrespect me. And I only include the race of her new boyfriend, because I think there's a lot to discern from his current financial situation and how things will probably play out for the 2 of them.

But anyways, I guess this is really more so of me venting. And I appreciate anyone who read through this. I'm just trying to get some feedback on how someone else would feel and progress in my shoes. This is just very draining stuff

December 4, 2015

I participated in your other thread, OP. Being the ex of a BPD-sufferer, I know where you're coming from on many levels.

However, you need to step back and ask yourself why you attach so much value to her opinion. You seem to still be measuring your self-worth according to her and her new boyfriend. That is where you should spend more emotional energy - understanding why your self-image is so wrapped up in this woman.

If she truly suffers from BPD, she isn't well. But unfortunately you can't do anything to change that. You will never be able to make sense of her whims and choices and opinions because your wiring is totally different. That is not to say she is stupid. She simply does not process information or make decisions the same way you do.

You need to start really detaching from her. Trust me, I know this is much easier said than done. I had a lot of "inner" work to do when I processed the final breakup with my BPD ex-boyfriend. Your task here is even more important, because you are a father. Seek professional support if you need to. I used to wish my ex would come back to. And you know why? Because my self-esteem was in such tatters that I couldn't see I deserved so much more. I worked hard to move past it, and I finally did. He has come back on a couple occasions to see if I'm still open to him, even after he'd gotten a new girlfriend; he received radio silence from me. I can honestly say that today I have zero interest in ever seeing him again. I am in a healthy relationship now and I am so thankful I separated myself from that toxic situation.

December 4, 2015

I appreciate your advice and support. It is helpful just talking to someone. Especially someone that has experienced a similar relationship.

She hasn't been formally diagnosed with BPD, I've just done pretty extensive research, and her characteristics seem to most closesly resemble BPD. She was highly jealous. She put me on a grand pedestal at the beginning. Telling me I'm the perfect man. Always saying how sexy, smart, and funny I am. She would actually whine and complain sometimes saying I was TOO perfect and she hated it because other girls would want me. As time went on, she would criticize me, but even near the end, there were times she would still tell me how much she loved me and how perfect I am. That's part of what made it hard to see her completely flip a switch and tell me how inadequate I am. She has mood swings often. She displays a serious lack of empathy.

I actually have spoken to a psychologist on campus. I was able to get 4 free sessions. She actually suggested BPD about my ex before I ever mentioned it. But it wasn't particularly helpful.

And I definitely don't want to be back with her. I just wanted there to be mutual respect for one another. Despite things not being able to work, I wanted there to just be an understanding between the 2 of us that we deeply loved each other at one point, and we have a beautiful daughter together. But it's always one thing after another with her. I feel like she does anything she can to keep me drawn in, despite my best efforts to completely be detached.

She has tried to crawl back before to. I presume it was because she was having problems with the first person she was seeing after we broke up. I ignored her messages and calls for about a month, but one night saw her at the store after leaving the gym. It was a Saturday, and I was bored. She asked to come over. We had sex, but it was terrible. She just layed there on her stomach, and acted reluctant at first. Then pulled her pants down and just layed there. And she was on her period and expected me to remove her tampon, then have sex with her. I was hardly turned on to say the least, and could hardly even stay erect. She blamed it on me though. But it felt like I was having sex with her against her will, while she just had me remove her bloody tampon. And then after that night, we saw each other for about a month after, but she always acted withdrawn and didn't ever want sex. So I left her when I caught her lying to me

And I try not to be affected by anything she thinks. I just think it's compounded by the fact that I haven't found anyone else yet. I would never want to be back with her, but I haven't found anyone else I'm attracted to as much as her. To begin, it's hard enough to find someone who I'm as physically attracted to as her, but when you incorporate the mental aspect, it's seemingly near impossible. I've been with a handful of girls since her, but nothing remotely close to being what I'm really looking for. I would prefer a girl who I find attractive physically, but seriously, finding a girl who is really down to earth and able to engage in rewarding conversation is like finding buried treasure. And a lot of girls who are attractive are kind of snobbish anyways. They act like since they get so many advances from so many guys, the circumstances have to be absolutely perfect to get with them. I see a lot of beautiful girls around campus, and that's something that gives me hope each day. But even when I approach an attractive girl, most times they're unperceptive. No matter how confident I am. It doesn't make sense to me, because I've been told often I'm attractive, and even by other guys (however in a non sexual way). Before her, though, I was with a lot of attractive girls. So I'm just going to allow things to unfold however they may.

And I don't mean to put an emphasis on physical attractiveness. I only mention it because I feel like I definitely want someone who I'm attracted to. And not to sound shallow at all, I know there are plenty of great girls. But I don't want to be with some girl who I'm not in love with every aspect. I would feel bad because I wouldn't feel as passionately about her if she didn't really incite me physically. But what's even more rare is being able to connect mentally and emotionally. It's hard enough getting the physical, and most often beauty is not synonymous with being particularly in-depth or down to Earth. My generation seriously sucks. People are so consumed by the most insignificant things and have lost touch with what is really important in life. They value the wrong things.

My first ex was really attractive to, and I wondered if I would ever find someone who I was as attracted to as her, but no coincidence, she was extremely jealous to. Both of my long term exes were EXTREMELY jealous. And what's crazy is I've never cheated. Why do these girls act so jealous whenever they're so beautiful? I don't get it. They act insecure and it completely blows my mind because I feel lucky to have them. But with my first ex, unlike with the mother of my child, it wasn't a truly deep connection. She was in love with my sense of humor and ability to tell humorous personal anecdotes, and the sex was great, but I didn't really connect with her on a very deep level. She was a lot easier to get over.

With the mother of my child, I seriously felt like we spiritually connected sometimes just through sex. I felt like our souls bonded sometimes. I couldn't get close enough to her. I would want to have sex all of the time with her because being inside her was the closest I could get to her, literally. I tried to explain that to her whenever she thought I just wanted her for sex. I tried explaining that I just wanted to feel so close to her. And afterwards she would squeeze me so tight and beg me to stay with her. Also, I could just see the pain in her eyes sometimes and see how much she just wanted to be loved. I knew how much she was hurt from her upbringing. It broke my heart because she was this beautiful girl with such a beautiful mind, and she was never given the love every little girl deserves. She was neglected and sexually abused. And I had a rough upbringing to, but never endured sexual abuse. But I could really connect with her. I wanted to be her safe haven from the rest of the world. I wanted to show her how much value she had and I just wanted to make her FEEL loved so bad. I would have given anything for that. And it just seriously tore me apart when it felt like no matter what, she didn't believe it. Idk, life just sucks sometimes.

December 4, 2015

Well, physical chemistry and attraction is an important component of a relationship. That helps differentiate our romantic partners from friends. My BPD ex-boyfriend was physically very attractive, and I still think he is. Our intimate life was always exciting. But in the end, his rages and verbal/emotional abuse completely overshadowed our physical connection. I was very turned off when we finally broke up for good, to the point where I didn't feel I could go through with any sexual activity with him. Before that point, though, I also wondered if I'd ever be able to find someone again who I had that intense spark with. So I understand what you're saying there. But what I noticed with my ex is that the sex started to lack any emotional connection, much like you described with yours just laying there. (And removing her tampon - wtf, man?!) It becomes only about that quick "high". And my ex was insanely jealous, of nearly every man I had any interaction with. This was also very odd to me, as he was a physically gorgeous man himself. But you know what I found out later? There had been several other women in his orbit while we were together, if you get my drift. He accused me of what he was doing himself. I bent over backwards trying to prove to him how much i loved him, all the while he was getting side action. Sadly, people like him are constantly after the next ego-boost and thrill, and this often translates into infidelity.

But honestly, the man I am with now blows my ex right out of the water in every way. When you find someone with whom you have a true, healthy and loving connection, all of what you experienced with your ex will pale in comparison. You still have her on a pedestal in some ways. You need to give yourself time to just heal. Don't force yourself to meet other girls just yet. Be single for a while. From the sounds of it, you're still quite young. You have plenty of time, take my word for it. I am 34 now; I met my ex at 31 and we were together for about a year. I stayed single for a little while after to rebuild myself and then met my current boyfriend. Give yourself some breathing space.

As far as co-parenting, you will have to keep any interactions with your ex related strictly to your daughter. Don't internalize her criticism. Don't worry yourself with her new pregnancy (given the track record, I'd wait to see if it's actually true anyway) Don't try to understand why she's behaving in certain ways. Erratic behaviour and unpredictable moods come with the territory of a BPD-sufferer. In time, you will be able to separate yourself from the madness. Model good values for your daughter. Be the solid and reliable parental figure she needs. If your ex does indeed suffer from BPD and does not seek treatment, your child will sooner or later be exposed to this as well. You will have to be the pillar for your little girl.

December 4, 2015

I thought about how much more it would ruin her body (she had deep stretch marks all over her body after her first pregnancy and breasts became very saggy).

She may be BPD. But you're equally an arsehole if you see a woman's post partum body as being 'ruined'.

Couldn't read your post any further.

December 4, 2015

ExpatInItaly, yea, I know. But she acted like it was my fault for not being turned on whenever I had to remove her bloody tampon. She would always behave like it was my job to do everything to make her feel good and turned on, with no effort on her end. She would hardly ever give head either.

And yea, I'm only 24. I'm just kind of ready to find someone else I just click with. I'm glad to hear that you found someone that makes you so much more happy... Also, it is pretty absurd to think about how someone can be so attractive but so insecure at the same time. It is a full time job bending over backwards all of the time to prove yourself. I'm definitely going to do everything I can to keep things neutral between us and only about our daughter. I'm just ready to fully let go and not allow her to feel any type of power over me

December 4, 2015

Basil67, I only say that in regards to her specifically because she had previously said before how she felt like her body was "ruined"... I did everything I could to make her love her body. After her pregnancy, I always told her how beautiful she was and how attracted I was to her. I was gracious of what she had to endure to create our beautiful daughter.

And I could have used a different term, but considering some of the things she has done of which is some of the most despicable things you could ever think of, I have no remorse. This is someone who could rip my heart out and get enjoyment from it. Someone who has gone out of her way to hurt me in ways unimaginable. And she has absolutely no regrets about any of it. And I'm supposed to feel bad about one word?

But thanks for your contribution basil!

December 4, 2015

ExpatInItaly, yea, I know. But she acted like it was my fault for not being turned on whenever I had to remove her bloody tampon. She would always behave like it was my job to do everything to make her feel good and turned on, with no effort on her end. She would hardly ever give head either.

And yea, I'm only 24. I'm just kind of ready to find someone else I just click with. I'm glad to hear that you found someone that makes you so much more happy... Also, it is pretty absurd to think about how someone can be so attractive but so insecure at the same time. It is a full time job bending over backwards all of the time to prove yourself. I'm definitely going to do everything I can to keep things neutral between us and only about our daughter. I'm just ready to fully let go and not allow her to feel any type of power over me

That's manipulation. She wanted to see just what she could get you to do - and you unwittingly fell for it. She tested your boundaries and saw that you really didn't have strong ones.

December 4, 2015

Am I the only one who sees an opportunity coming in the not-too-distant future to gain custody of the daughter?

BPD dropout GF and loser Baby-daddy (LBD) do not make for a successful combination. Parents in or recently out of prison do not make for a reliable safety net. It's just a matter of time before LBD bails and she's in dire financial straits, unable to take care of herself or the child.

If I were OP, I'd find a ruthless barracuda lawyer who would draw up the papers now so that we could pounce when the time is right. Every visitation, I'd take movies or pictures of the chaotic, unfit household and quietly build my case while I bide my time. I'd also say no whenever mom needs $10 or $20 to do this or that, write it down, and I certainly wouldn't rescue her when that day arrives.

But that's just me. I get the feeling that OP might come to the rescue.

December 4, 2015

The only advice I can offer is to only speak with her about your daughter. Don't get into any side conversations. You can go NC with a child involved, and you will only have contact about the child. Period. End of discussion. No asking how the family is doing, how's the weather, how is school, ect. After that, concentrate on your daughter and your life.

As sad as her situation sounds, it is no longer your place to support her through any of this. Her life sounds highly chaotic, and I don't envy her. She has my sympathy is she is truly BPD, but there is nothing you can do to help her.

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BPD ex just told me she is pregnant (her 2nd child at age 20).

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