jazzyhands89 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 My bf of 5 months (2.5 months official) hasnt initiated anything beyond kissing for a few minutes with me. 1) Why havent I initiated it? I have initiated alot of things with him. Spending the night, the boyfriend convo, the being Facebook official convo (Im aware older people think this is stupid but still) I dont like having to be the one to initiate everything, so I hold back and wait for the other person to come to me alot 2) I did mention very early on it dating, around month 1, that I found it annoying when guys pressured me for sex early on. But I also made it clear I like sex in a committed relationship. I dont think this convo scared him off. 3) It bothers me. I feel I am not as into him as he is into me, partially because its hard for me to be really into someone Ive barely done anything physical with. He has smacked my ass randomly a few times. So I guess he finds me attractive. Im worried he has sexual issues and thats why he hasnt initiated anything.
Redhead14 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 llUOTE=jazzyhands89;6671937]My bf of 5 months (2.5 months official) hasnt initiated anything beyond kissing for a few minutes with me. 1) Why havent I initiated it? I have initiated alot of things with him. Spending the night, the boyfriend convo, the being Facebook official convo (Im aware older people think this is stupid but still) I dont like having to be the one to initiate everything, so I hold back and wait for the other person to come to me alot 2) I did mention very early on it dating, around month 1, that I found it annoying when guys pressured me for sex early on. But I also made it clear I like sex in a committed relationship. I dont think this convo scared him off. 3) It bothers me. I feel I am not as into him as he is into me, partially because its hard for me to be really into someone Ive barely done anything physical He has smacked my ass randomly a few times. So I guess he finds me attractive. Im worried he has sexual issues and thats why he hasnt initiated anything. You are doing all the work here. You haven't given him much opportunity to be a "participant". And, two months isn't that long to "hold" off for that really. Take the focus off sexual intimacy and focus on building trust and emotional bonding. so I hold back and wait for the other person to come to me alot -- you are contradicting yourself and likely sending mixed messages to him. that I found it annoying when guys pressured me for sex early on -- your entire post is filled with mixed messages. Sit back and let him take the lead some. And, by sit back, I mean, let him initiate contact and dates. Be receptive and responsive and flirt like hell with him. Give him the right signals. Stop initiating so much and let him come to you more . . . you are moving too fast.
Author jazzyhands89 Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 llUOTE=jazzyhands89;6671937]My bf of 5 months (2.5 months official) hasnt initiated anything beyond kissing for a few minutes with me. 1) Why havent I initiated it? I have initiated alot of things with him. Spending the night, the boyfriend convo, the being Facebook official convo (Im aware older people think this is stupid but still) I dont like having to be the one to initiate everything, so I hold back and wait for the other person to come to me alot 2) I did mention very early on it dating, around month 1, that I found it annoying when guys pressured me for sex early on. But I also made it clear I like sex in a committed relationship. I dont think this convo scared him off. 3) It bothers me. I feel I am not as into him as he is into me, partially because its hard for me to be really into someone Ive barely done anything physical He has smacked my ass randomly a few times. So I guess he finds me attractive. Im worried he has sexual issues and thats why he hasnt initiated anything. You are doing all the work here. You haven't given him much opportunity to be a "participant". And, two months isn't that long to "hold" off for that really. Take the focus off sexual intimacy and focus on building trust and emotional bonding. so I hold back and wait for the other person to come to me alot -- you are contradicting yourself and likely sending mixed messages to him. that I found it annoying when guys pressured me for sex early on -- your entire post is filled with mixed messages. Sit back and let him take the lead some. And, by sit back, I mean, let him initiate contact and dates. Be receptive and responsive and flirt like hell with him. Give him the right signals. Stop initiating so much and let him come to you more . . . you are moving too fast. Not contradicting myself. I said EARLY on pressuring and made it clear in a relationship I like sex. Understand? Can you read? And what you described about sitting back...I have been doing...for 2 months...weve been dating for 5 months not 2 months...
No_Go Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 How old is he? Does he have prior minimal/none experience?Or recent break up? Can his culture/religion explain his lack of initiative? Also, were you non-exclusive before becoming "official"? Are you long-distance? How frequent do you see each other? Answering the above questions to yourself, you'd probably find the reason. If not - he's not that into you, or... is feeling pressured maybe? (e.g. I'd be mad if my bf pushed me for FB announcements ) My bf of 5 months (2.5 months official) hasnt initiated anything beyond kissing for a few minutes with me. 1) Why havent I initiated it? I have initiated alot of things with him. Spending the night, the boyfriend convo, the being Facebook official convo (Im aware older people think this is stupid but still) I dont like having to be the one to initiate everything, so I hold back and wait for the other person to come to me alot 2) I did mention very early on it dating, around month 1, that I found it annoying when guys pressured me for sex early on. But I also made it clear I like sex in a committed relationship. I dont think this convo scared him off. 3) It bothers me. I feel I am not as into him as he is into me, partially because its hard for me to be really into someone Ive barely done anything physical with. He has smacked my ass randomly a few times. So I guess he finds me attractive. Im worried he has sexual issues and thats why he hasnt initiated anything.
Redhead14 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 re liYou are doing all the work here. You haven't given him much opportunity to be a "participant". And, two months isn't that long to "hold" off for that really. Take the focus off sexual intimacy and focus on building trust and emotional bonding. so I hold back and wait for the other person to come to me alot -- you are contradicting yourself and likely sending mixed messages to him. that I found it annoying when guys pressured me for sex early on -- your entire post is filled with mixed messages. Sit back and let him take the lead some. And, by sit back, I mean, let him initiate contact and dates. Be receptive and responsive and flirt like hell with him. Give him the right signals. Stop initiating so much and let him come to you more . . . you are moving too fast. Not contradicting myself. I said EARLY on pressuring and made it clear in a relationship I like sex. Understand? Can you read? And what you described about sitting back...I have been doing...for 2 months...weve been dating for 5 months not 2 months... I can read between the lines . . . and either, you've been sending mixed messages and he's confused and/or you've been moving too fast for him or he really does have other issues or you've decided it's a committed relationship and he hasn't. OR, you are in the "friendzone" and can't accept it. OK, it's been 5 months, you've been clear and he's not stepping up to your plate. What's your limit? Have one more talk with him.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Im worried he has sexual issues and thats why he hasnt initiated anything. It is possible he has an issue that he is afraid to tell you. It is also possible that he might also be inexperienced or a virgin. These reasons could potentially make him nervous about making a move. If that is the case he needs to be sure he can trust you. There are two ways that you could approach the subject of taking things to the next level. First, you could talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel and ask him what he wants. Communication is really important basis for a good relationship. The second option is the physical approach. If he kisses you when you are alone, start touching him and run your hand down his body, see how he responds. Good or bad, he won't be able to ignore it. It will also let him know what you want. Personally, I prefer the first approach of talking to him openly. Find out how he feels about sex and what he wants and then take it from there. Good luck.
Samhain Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Not contradicting myself. I said EARLY on pressuring and made it clear in a relationship I like sex. Understand? Can you read? You're being rude and that won't help you either. 2
oberkeat Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) It is possible he has an issue that he is afraid to tell you. It is also possible that he might also be inexperienced or a virgin. These reasons could potentially make him nervous about making a move. If that is the case he needs to be sure he can trust you. There are two ways that you could approach the subject of taking things to the next level. First, you could talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel and ask him what he wants. Communication is really important basis for a good relationship. The second option is the physical approach. If he kisses you when you are alone, start touching him and run your hand down his body, see how he responds. Good or bad, he won't be able to ignore it. It will also let him know what you want. Personally, I prefer the first approach of talking to him openly. Find out how he feels about sex and what he wants and then take it from there. Good luck. The above is all very good advice and worth a try. But I think the core problem is that he is not a real man. Five months and he hasn't attempted to initiate sex with you?? I can imagine your frustration.A man who has to be trained persuaded or convinced to have sex with his woman is simply not a real man in my opinion. You can try Scarlett's advice, but I think if there is still hesitation on his part after that, you should dump him. Edited December 4, 2015 by oberkeat
Redhead14 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 My gut reaction to his behavior is that he is not a real man. Five months and he hasn't attempted to initiate sex with you?? Nonetheless, the above is all very good advice and worth a try. My gut reaction to his behavior is that he is not a real man -- My gut reaction is that she hasn't allowed him to be a real man . . . her attitude, demeanor and description tells me that it's her, not him . . . I'm a woman by the way . . . There is more to this than we see here.
Author jazzyhands89 Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 The above is all very good advice and worth a try. But I think the core problem is that he is not a real man. Five months and he hasn't attempted to initiate sex with you?? I can imagine your frustration.A man who has to be trained persuaded or convinced to have sex with his woman is simply not a real man in my opinion. You can try Scarlett's advice, but I think if there is still hesitation on his part after that, you should dump him. I wouldnt say he isnt a real man. Just maybe not compatible. I do find some shyness to be cute, esp. in the beginning, but for this long it is frustrating as it doesnt feel good to initiate everything. Like I said before, he has smacked my ass but its random.
Author jazzyhands89 Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 My gut reaction to his behavior is that he is not a real man -- My gut reaction is that she hasn't allowed him to be a real man . . . her attitude, demeanor and description tells me that it's her, not him . . . I'm a woman by the way . . . There is more to this than we see here. How so? I have flat out said "By the way, Id like to take things further physically if youre cool with it. Im giving you the green light." This was 2 months ago. Im not sure how that is giving mixed signals...I also intiate kissing frequently...
Samhain Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 How so? I have flat out said "By the way, Id like to take things further physically if youre cool with it. Im giving you the green light." This was 2 months ago. Im not sure how that is giving mixed signals...I also intiate kissing frequently... Well if you're that cut up about it take the "bull" by the horns and jump on him, then you'll get all your answers.
MidwestUSA Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I wouldnt say he isnt a real man. Just maybe not compatible. I do find some shyness to be cute, esp. in the beginning, but for this long it is frustrating as it doesnt feel good to initiate everything. Like I said before, he has smacked my ass but its random. Personally, I don't consider ass smacking to be intimate. In fact, if he hasn't done any type of stroking, caressing, more gentle touching, then smacking is just rude. Are you guys in high school? I'm wondering if he views you as 'one of the guys'. Just a thought. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 How so? I have flat out said "By the way, Id like to take things further physically if youre cool with it. Im giving you the green light." This was 2 months ago. Im not sure how that is giving mixed signals...I also intiate kissing frequently... And what did he say in response to that? How old is he (and you) and does he have much experience? If you've been waiting two months and still nothing has happened, it's clear you need to have a very honest conversation with him. Find out what is happening. You have to have boundaries somewhere too. EDIT: I will echo another poster and say ass-smacking isn't terribly intimate. To me, that is not exactly him taking initiative. 2
candie13 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 How old are you, OP? How about your Bf, how old is he? If you are both Teenagers, you need to give yourselves time to create intimacy & trust, before jumping to sex. If you're in your early / mid 20s - so not virgins anymore, Living by yourselves outside your parents' house - I'd think he has erectile dysfunctions or serious self confidence issues & advise you to leave him. It's meant to flow naturally, between 2 adults. Cheers
Author jazzyhands89 Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) And what did he say in response to that? How old is he (and you) and does he have much experience? If you've been waiting two months and still nothing has happened, it's clear you need to have a very honest conversation with him. Find out what is happening. You have to have boundaries somewhere too. EDIT: I will echo another poster and say ass-smacking isn't terribly intimate. To me, that is not exactly him taking initiative. YEAH, it came off as immature. If we had been having sex and were being playful I wouldnt mind but it came out of nowhere. I was talking about TV shows when he did it both times. We are 25. He had an ex gf he lived with. I cannot imagine he is inexperienced. My fear is he isnt into me sexually. Im not insecure nor do I think Im ugly. Just it is weird he hasnt made a move. I dated a virgin in the past, which didnt bother me btw, and even he made a move after being shy in the beginning. This is a first for me. I dont want to make a move on someone he isnt that into me. I know men will accept what they can get. Just bc he accepts my advances doesnt mean he is attracted to me. But, did I mention he told me he loves me a month ago? Again, mind boggled. Its odd. I asked 2 guy friends about this. They told me he either has sexual hangups such as ED or performance anxiety (never dated anyone with those issues, so I dunno) or hes not sexual. Edited December 4, 2015 by jazzyhands89
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 If neither of you are going to initiate anything or talk about the issue then you would probably be better off ending things now and finding a more assertive guy who makes you feel desired.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 YEAH, it came off as immature. If we had been having sex and were being playful I wouldnt mind but it came out of nowhere. I was talking about TV shows when he did it both times. We are 25. He had an ex gf he lived with. I cannot imagine he is inexperienced. My fear is he isnt into me sexually. Im not insecure nor do I think Im ugly. Just it is weird he hasnt made a move. I dated a virgin in the past, which didnt bother me btw, and even he made a move after being shy in the beginning. This is a first for me. I dont want to make a move on someone he isnt that into me. I know men will accept what they can get. Just bc he accepts my advances doesnt mean he is attracted to me. But, did I mention he told me he loves me a month ago? Again, mind boggled. Its odd. I asked 2 guy friends about this. They told me he either has sexual hangups such as ED or performance anxiety (never dated anyone with those issues, so I dunno) or hes not sexual. There's something he's not telling you. Be it ED, serious performance anxiety, very small appendage, an STI, little sexual attraction - you need to talk to him as soon as possible. Otherwise, you're basically just keeping it in the friendzone with a little making out. I would not be able to continue with someone who was clearly holding back but not letting me know why. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Does he ever get hard when you are making out? Something seems wrong here. I doubt it is no sexual attraction, most would still do it regardless. 1
Redfisher Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Just grab his junk, if that does not do it he has problems....
hippychick3 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Not contradicting myself. I said EARLY on pressuring and made it clear in a relationship I like sex. Understand? Can you read? You're being rude and that won't help you either. It always shocks me to read such rude responses to someone who voluntarily takes the time in their attempts to help the poster. 1
No_Go Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 No joke, one of my friends did that to a guy that she's trying to date from 2 YEARS. She cooked him meals, while wearing high heels, rubbed his back and feet... No response. So she 'measured their leg length' by brushing over his crotch - no response. She still thinks he's just shy... Just grab his junk, if that does not do it he has problems....
Recommended Posts