Alunaei Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I've been in a relationship for 3 years now. It has been my only relationship I have ever been in. I didn't think he was someone that I would ever fall in love with but I did. I lost my virginity to him when I was 18 and we were obsessed with each other. Well, 2 1-2 years ago I went on vacation with my friend. One night we were outside in a hot tub at the resort we were staying at and I remember turning to look at the pool because we heard some guys being loud and just being guys. Right when I looked over at the pool me and this guy both locked eyes and he was the most perfect human being I had ever seen. I didn't have that first thought with my boyfriend. After a little while he and his friends came into the hot tub with us and it was awkward at first but then they started talking to us. I didn't say much because I was nervous around him so my friend did most of the talking. He and my friend exchanged numbers to plan for us to all hangout. She was single at the time and she wanted to hang around the guys so I couldn't tell her that I couldn't because I found one of them attractive. He later texted her and told her that I was really pretty. The next night we went to their room and we were all drinking. I never really drank before so I got drunk really quick. At one point I was laying my head on my friend's shoulder just being a stupid drunk and he sat real close next to me and started to touch my hip tattoo that was poking out of my shorts This guy was my dream guy. If anyone asked me what my dream guy looked like it would be him. I ended up kissing him during that vacation. I felt horrible about it afterwards because I had a boyfriend but I didn't regret it and I know that sounds awful. I was just instantly infatuated with him from the moment I looked at him and I would have regretted not kissing him. It was my own little fantasy that came true. My boyfriend and I live together now and our relationship isn't the same. He started to have a drinking problem and experiments with drugs. He also has anger issues. I do love him but I do not think we can ever go back to being obsessed with each other and having that love I want us to have. I think of our future now and I do not know if I could see myself marrying him. I do not know if I would be truly happy. I think about my vacation guy almost everyday to this day. Maybe because of guilt. Or maybe because I wish we didn't live so far apart from eachother so we could of had a chance at a relationship. I do not know if he actually saw me as a beautiful girl or if he saw me just as a vacation girl to try to get with for the week. I know his full name so I can see him on social media and sometimes wish I could talk to him but I'm not stupid and know he would probably think I'm crazy for contacting him. A couple months after vacation he texted me but I blocked his number because I didn't want my boyfriend to see me getting texts from him. i do love my boyfriend. He is my bestfriend. But we barely have sex and he isn't very affectionate towards me. When I think of affection I think of my vacation guy. I feel like I'm the worst person ever for thinking about that guy over my boyfriend but my boyfriend can be really mean to me sometimes and just isn't the same person I had initially fallen in love with. What do I do about these thoughts? Am I a bad person?
Redfisher Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 You're trying to talk yourself into a affair, But its just a dream..You are going on looks only, Sure he is good looking but he may be more of an ass then your current boyfriend... 1
Samhain Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 No, you aren't in love with a stranger, but your boyfriend possibly is. You have had another guy on your mind for a good portion of your relationship, of course you will be viewing your boyfriend in a different light. And if you can't control your desires for other people during a vacation just because they were aesthetically appealing to you, then you probably weren't as "in love" as you thought. Being obsessed with eachother initially is normal, it's called the honeymoon phase. The knowing you are in love part comes after that. And you already failed. I'm not being harsh here but if you can put another guy above your boyfriend just because he's better looking, you guys have no future. Through thick and thin should be the "people in love" handbook. If you loved him you'd want to be there for him and help in any way you could. Maybe he can sense there's a change in you (you'd be surprised how astute and in tune partners can be when one is interested in somebody else) and it's affecting him more. This guy probably saw you as "a holiday kind of romance" and rarely even thinks of you. Either way for all his faults, your boyfriend deserves to know you aren't emotionally invested. 1
xcupid Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 You don't know your vacation guy well enough to know if you are compatible with him. Work on your existing relationship rather than living in a fantasy.
smackie9 Posted December 6, 2015 Posted December 6, 2015 Everyone is so focused on this vacation guy, but I get what is happening here. Your relationship is falling apart, and you are feeling helpless and don't know what to do so you escape by thinking about your dream guy. This is what you need to do at this time is address your relationship first. Either you get your BF some help for his addictions and work on rebuilding your relationship or you walk. I was in your shoes, I was in a 5 year relationship and he stopped working, got addicted to coke, and decided to be a dealer. I walked and never looked back. I was so done.
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