Feeling Lost and extremely depressed after a breakup

[Lostanddelirious]

Hi I am a girl a d this was my first serious lesbian relationshio i consider myself bi tho I don't really like labels. I spent almost 5 years with my ex before she called it quits last Friday telling me she didn't love me anymore and she was really interested in someone else, she told me how much she liked the guy and how bad she wanted to me and that she didn't want me to hurt anymore. I told her i suspected that because she had been really weird, like not herself for the past month that we tried to work it out, she sometimes would stop communicating for days and then would tell me her cellphone got lost when her phone was on all the time it was obviously bs, I knew she was lying but I cared about her so much, I thought I could save us I did my best because I had made so much mistakes in the past I hurt her so much and did terrible things to her yet she kept coming back to me, this time it was different she would talk to me so I could help her with school work She would see me only when I would take her out it was as if she was only using me because she was bored or that thing with the guy she is with was not formal yet, She then told me that she didn't think talking was a good idea i insisted called a couple of times text her about my feelings about how much she was hurting she ended up telling me I was annoying and she wasn't interested on being my friend. Three days before she broke up with me she told me she loved and missed me and wanted to see me, we used to live together but she moved to a different city that is when it all started to fall down but we had been through so much things. She talks to me only about the two dogs we have (they are currently in my possession) I am traveling to see my family soon and I told her the dogs could stay with her while I am away, this morning she told me she couldn't keep one of them (the one that is not train and often makes a mess and misbehaves) it turns out she is going to vegas with this guy she doesn't even feel bad telling me all this it is as if she enjoys hurting me. I can't comprehend how can someone that you spent years sleeping next to, that was your confident, your best friend, your everything can treat you like a piece of ****. My friends tell me to get over it but it is hard, I have a history of depression and anxiety since little I am not a strong person I gave so much it hurts to know someone I dedicated myself to can't even give me a decent treatment. I have been crying so much, Barely eating I miss her, more than a girlfriend as a friend. It seems like she became someone else but I just don't understand why the need to use me for an entire month if she didn't love me anymore, she says she was afraid of how I would react but I had previously offered to be her friend because I would notice her feelings were changing, she always said: no, i love you. She knows I have been hurt before, she knows that she is hurting me yet all she says is leave me alone I want to be happy I tell her I am

not trying to bother her and I don't she is the one that texts me about the dogs and I honestly think that she does it to hurt me. My heart is in so much pain, I can't tell anyone in my family they all have their problems I feel so sad so cheated, betrayed and mostly I can't understand how can someone that once love you can call me now a mistake. I don't know what to do to get over it it is killing me inside I am failing school, I have no motivation to get out of bed we are talking to the person that told me once: you are the most wonderful thing that has happened to me, today she tells me she hates me and I get in her nerves

[Captivating]

Hi, Know that you are not alone, we are here for you, struggling with the same stuff. Heartache is awful , unbearable at times, an emotional roller coaster. It takes months to get better, BUT YOU WILL !!! It is a gradual process, we all go through this sadly. We also learn and grow. My suggestion would be not to contact her for your own sake. For me the first two months were the hardest - roller coaster - but things start to get better after that day by day and you start to understand this relationship more clearly. You need to talk with supporting friends (cry it out, talk it out) or up here on LS, try to focus on yourself, go to the gym several times a week, it increases dopamine and serotonin levels, making you feel much happier. Start a new hobby, SET GOALS ! STUDY ! She didn't forget you !!! It's about the excitement of the NEW right now. It will get old too Your priority is yourself ! It will get better !!! Keep your chin up