rainrhonda Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I am sordof in a hard place with 2 men in my life. Man X is an ex bf from a few yrs ago. Man Y is a recent flame I met a few months ago. We are all almost 40. So I if I made a choice, this is definitely in terms of who I'd want to be with forever. They are total opposites. I can relate to both of them in some ways. Common traits: Both hard workers with stable jobs. Both are very physically affectionate. Both attractive. Both have good hearts and a good head on their shoulders. Man X- The romantic type. Very open with feelings and emotions. He's the kind that will say to sit and relax while he cooks you dinner. Very cuddly. Artistic, sensitive type. We both love music and a few other same interests. Cons: he is very routine. It can be difficult to get him to step outside of his box or out of his comfort zone. Even though he's very romantic he can also be a bit clingy. Also has a deceased wife. She was his angel. There may never be anyone who can live up to the likes of her. I might always feel like 2nd best. Man Y- Super laid back. He will go where ever you wanna go, do what ever you wanna do, long as your happy he isn't too picky. He's funny. We both like sports. He can fix anything. Affectionate but a bit less affectionate than Man X. Not clingy at all. Cons : Difficult and rare for him to give compliments. Expresses himself physically and never verbally; he would rather do something for you like fix something. So his expression is more in actions than words. Not extremely talkative but a good listener. Not a big romantic type. But fun to be with. Also, erectile dysfunction. So sex is scheduled and never spontaneous... But I can live with that part. He is not nurturing type like X... Likes to be nurtured. Again I'm a little like both men. Sometimes I am expressive, sometimes not. Sometimes I need my space and want to be left alone. So...
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Why not both? Polygamy might just be your cup of tea
Gaeta Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Usually it's not a good idea to go back to an ex.
todreaminblue Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 i would pick the man i felt the most for ...bot have good traits....it must be hard for you ..i try to avoid situations like this...as a multiple personality it would be difficult to choose ...so i date one guy at a time........and as a rule...i choose the guy to date who i feel the most for normally on more than one level...one trait i cannot have a guy be without ......is kindness ....if there is kindness...there is every other trait i truly need in a man....like compassion and gentleness......i would hope for also honesty.....deb
Author rainrhonda Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 Usually it's not a good idea to go back to an ex. Good point. However, random times have got us back in touch about 3 times since breaking up. It's almost convincing that there is a reason for that. Good point though.
oberkeat Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I don't think you really care about either one of 'em. You talk about both like their just pairs of shoes you're trying to decide between instead of real people with emotions. If that's how you treat guys in general, no wonder you're still single.
Gaeta Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Good point. However, random times have got us back in touch about 3 times since breaking up. It's almost convincing that there is a reason for that. Good point though. May I ask how long ago you dated, for how long, and why you broke up?
Author rainrhonda Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 i would pick the man i felt the most for ...bot have good traits....it must be hard for you ..i try to avoid situations like this...as a multiple personality it would be difficult to choose ...so i date one guy at a time........and as a rule...i choose the guy to date who i feel the most for normally on more than one level...one trait i cannot have a guy be without ......is kindness ....if there is kindness...there is every other trait i truly need in a man....like compassion and gentleness......i would hope for also honesty.....deb I have butterflies when I look into the eyes of Man Y. But Man X is more of the compassionate, sympathetic type. I don't really get butterflies there though.
Author rainrhonda Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 May I ask how long ago you dated, for how long, and why you broke up? We dated a few months. He basically just met someone else he was more into. She became his fiance and passed away 2 yrs ago. Since then we have ran into each other several times.
Gaeta Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 We dated a few months. He basically just met someone else he was more into. She became his fiance and passed away 2 yrs ago. Since then we have ran into each other several times. If you were not his first choice then I doubt you'd be his first choice now. He is probably lonely and would appreciate the company. You are nonthreatening and familiar to him. It's easier than going out there and working at finding someone new.
todreaminblue Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I have butterflies when I look into the eyes of Man Y. But Man X is more of the compassionate, sympathetic type. I don't really get butterflies there though. if i were you i would go for the compassionate man....smilin...but i am not you.......do you actually feel closer and more able to be open and honest with which guy?
Versacehottie Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 personally i'd go for Y. however, if you are having this much trouble deciding, maybe it better to keep things in the near future rather than project way into the future---a way into future type guy would/should be a clear cut answer. Maybe, for now, you've simply just come to the point in time where you need to decide which one to be exclusive with and leave it at that. I think you are setting expectations too high and frankly if you don't have the clear cut answer on who is your lifetime soulmate--mentally why go there? You've only reached the point where it's not fair to keep dating both of them. Call it what it is. Good luck
Author rainrhonda Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 if i were you i would go for the compassionate man....smilin...but i am not you.......do you actually feel closer and more able to be open and honest with which guy? Harder for me to do with Man Y. Only because he doesn't express well himself. But he doesn't have a problem with hearing whatever I think or feel. He just doesn't do it well himself. Man X is very responsive to things and open about feelings, etc.
mrldii Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I'd do one of two things, based on quotes from other people: "[Pick the one] who annoys you the least." ~ Bryn Ashley OR "If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second." ~Johnny Depp Pretty danged good advice. 1
Redhead14 Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 I'd move on from both of them . . . no matter which one you "choose", you'll always be wondering about the other one and/or comparing. The ex is your ex for a reason(s) which likely haven't been resolved or changed and, you aren't that "attached" to the new guy or you wouldn't be considering the first guy.
Ami1uwant Posted December 4, 2015 Posted December 4, 2015 Go for man Z....... The thing you really should look at is how compAtible you are with either when it comes yo normal living together. It's hard to read with man X and this past dating with him. Did he leave you for thus other woman or were you dating him when he was dating her snd he chose her? It's true with any widow/widower is they will have a place in their heart for their prior spouse that you can't replace snd you need to respect that.
Author rainrhonda Posted December 4, 2015 Author Posted December 4, 2015 Go for man Z....... The thing you really should look at is how compAtible you are with either when it comes yo normal living together. It's hard to read with man X and this past dating with him. Did he leave you for thus other woman or were you dating him when he was dating her snd he chose her? It's true with any widow/widower is they will have a place in their heart for their prior spouse that you can't replace snd you need to respect that. Long story but our schedules didn't jive well. I had crazy work hrs back then. That's long changed. But I couldn't see him as much as he wanted to see me so he was feeling blown off alot. He just started to feel it wasn't working well and ended it. He started dating the other girl a few weeks later. My hang up with Y is that he isn't a very sympathetic type. His attitude about stuff oh, shake it off or stop complaining. Man X is very compassionate and nurturing. Those are where I'm torn the most. But Yis the one I feel in love with when I see him.
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